Enjoy our team's carefully selected Zoo Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What did the mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
“Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!”
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Why did the lion cross the road?
He was bored of lion around.
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A man makes a phone call to an export office in a port in France and asks whether they can ship a 20’ container with live geese properly stored in their appropriate places.
“Oui, monsieur. What is the destination port for this load?”
“I’m sending them to the zoo in Brazil.”
“Wouldn’t you be better off calling the export office in Portugal?”
“Why is that, sir?”
“If you’re sending them to Brazil to avoid bureaucracy, then you should contact the Portuguese, of course!”
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Why do poets go to the zoo to use the restroom?
So they can poo in the loo at the zoo.
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A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?”
The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the zoo.”
“Oh my, which way is it heading?”
“Well, you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”
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Yo daddy so fat he wore a gray shirt to the zoo, they thought the elephants escaped.
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Yo daddy so ugly yo momma first saw him at the zoo.
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What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
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How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
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I told my husband that the National Zoo’s sloth bear gave birth but ate two of the three babies.
He said, “Now she’s guilty of 2 deadly sins: sloth and gluttony.”
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What kind of exercise do sloths do?
Waitlifting.
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What is a sloth’s favorite form of exercise?
Running late.
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How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
Don’t feed it.
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Why don’t you see many reindeer in zoos?
Because they can’t afford the admission.
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What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
The dentist.
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What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A polar bear.
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Why can’t polar bears eat penguins?
They can’t get the wrappers off them.
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Why is a panda the most dangerous animal in the animal kingdom?
Because the panda eats shoots and leaves.
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How are pandas made?
You punch a polar bear in the eyes.
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What’s a panda’s biggest life regret?
Never had a selfie in color.
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What do you call a parrot when he can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
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What do you call a male panda?
Amanda.
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What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
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What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
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Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
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Did you know that you only need two letters to spell panda?
You just need P and A.
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What do you call an otter with acne?
A spotty otter.
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Why do otters sleep on their backs?
Because it’s otterly blissful.
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Otters have a seafood diet: clams, crabs, mussels, you name it.
Basically, they see food, they eat it.
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What do you call an otter with a brand-new pair of glasses?
A see otter.
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What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?
It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Kanga.”
“Kanga, who?”
“Actually, it’s kangaroo!”
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A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, “These sleepovers are killing me.”
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Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?
Hopspital.
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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo at night.
Knowing that he could hop really high, the zoo officials decided to put up a ten-foot fence.
However, they were amazed to find the kangaroo was out again the next morning, just roaming around the zoo.
So they put up a twenty-foot fence instead.
Again the next morning, they were amazed to find the kangaroo had still go out.
So they started to put up a forty foot high fence.
As the animals in the zoo watch this, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo replied, “About a thousand feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night.”
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What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an elephant?
Great big holes all over Australia.
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What do you call a tired kangaroo?
Out of bounds.
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What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
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What’s the difference between a cow and a moose?
One moos, the other moose.
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What did a llama mum say about the twin siblings?
They looked like the spitting image of each other.
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Why do llamas have such long necks?
To make sure their heads stay on.
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What do you call a llama with his head underwater?
Anything you want, he can’t hear you.
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How do llamas wake up in the morning?
They use allama clocks.
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Why did the llama win the rap battle?
Because he was good at spitting.
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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.
Never spit in his face.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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What do a lion and a computer have in common?
They both have mega bites.
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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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How does a koala get from one place to another?
On a gondkoala.
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What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?
A High Koala Tea Beverage.
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How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Technically just one, as long as he’s koalafied.
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What’s a koala’s favorite end-of-the-world food?
Apocalyptus.
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What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
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Koala: “What do you mean, I’m not a bear? I have all the koalafications.”
Elephant: “Your koalafications are completely irrelephant.”
Lion: “Don’t listen to him! He’s lion!”
Bear: “This arguing is becoming unbearable!”
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What does it take to work at a zoo in Australia?
Koalafications.
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“It’s a long tale,” said the fox.
“I’m all ears,” said the elephant.
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I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox.
And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
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What looks like half a flamingo?
The other half.
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It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
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What part of a flamingo has the most feathers?
The outside.
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Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?
Because the parents never put their foot down.
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Why are flamingo’s legs so long?
Because if they weren’t then they couldn’t reach the ground.
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I found out why flamingos stand with one leg pulled up...
If they pulled up both legs, they would fall over.
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What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flamin-ghost.
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Did you know that dolphins sometimes eat cephalopods like an octopus?
Seriously, I’m not squidding.
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Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because there afraid of the net.
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What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?
Dolphout.
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A new study shows that dolphins are second in intelligence to man.
I guess that puts women in third.
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I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day.
We just... I don’t know. We just clicked.
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What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Plenty of room.
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How do you serve a camel a cup of tea?
Ask them if they want one hump or two.
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What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
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What do you call a bison that is good at telling lies?
Bluffalo.
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What do you call a 200-year-old Buffalo?
A bison-tennial.
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There is a beaver in our local zoo who is quite the celebrity. His name is Clint.
Clint EatsWood.
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If you get kissed by an alpaca, it’s not the end of the world.
It’s the alpaca-lips.
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What do you get when you cross a turtle and an alpaca?
A turtleneck sweater.
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I found out today that some alligators grow up to 15 feet!
Most of them only have 4 though.
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How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
You will see one later and one in a while.
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Why can’t penguins fly?
They’re not tall enough to be pilots.
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Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have pockets.
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Why are fat penguins so popular at parties?
They know how to break the ice.
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Why shouldn’t you write a book on penguins?
Because writing on paper is much easier.
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A man is caught with the car full of penguins.
The policeman says, “You have to take these animals to the zoo, or else I’ll fine you!”
The man agrees and leaves.
The next day, the same policeman again picks up the man with a car full of penguins.
The cop says, “Didn’t I tell you to take the penguins to the zoo?!”
The man replies, “I took them, now I’m going to take them to a football game.”
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What do you call a talking turtle?
A cartoon.
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What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?
The Deli Llama.
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“Do you know the difference between a fly and an elephant?”
“No.”
“Wow! You’d better see somebody then.”
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Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
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Guess what you call an alligator wearing a vest?
An investigator!
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Yo mama so hairy she found herself in a cage at the zoo.
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A beaver is eating an ice cream. He has a sour look on his face.
“I wish I’d reached the stick already,” he mumbles to himself.
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Why are elephant’s noses so big?
So they can scratch their bums!
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A small boy tells his mum that his dad’s taken him on an outing to the zoo. His mum doesn’t believe him.
“Your dad has never taken anyone to the zoo in his whole life,” she says.
“Well he did,” the boy replies, “and one of the animals paid us £50.”
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What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
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What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedgehog?
A six-foot toothbrush.
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Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?
A “B”.
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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