Enjoy our team's carefully selected What Is Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Whatβs a hairdresserβs favorite Christmas song?
βOh, comb all ye faithful...β
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What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
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What is a wolfβs favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
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What is a wolfβs favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
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What are a prisonerβs favorite building materials?
Steal and cement.
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Whatβs Godβs favorite beer?
Busch Light.
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Whatβs Irish and stays out all summer?
Paddy Oβfurniture.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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Whatβs the secret to Jesusβ summer beach body?
Cross fit.
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What is a snakeβs favorite dance?
The Mamba.
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What is the musical part of a snake?
The scales.
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What is a volleyball playerβs favorite drink?
Sets on the Beach.
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Whatβs a Christianβs favorite flower?
Jesus Rose.
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What is a European dragonβs favorite food?
Swiss charred.
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Whatβs a dragonβs favorite snack?
Fire-crackers.
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What is more exciting than baseball?
Acidball.
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Whatβs a sheepβs favorite holy text?
The Baa-ble.
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What is fruity and burns?
The Grape Fire of London.
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Whatβs the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of job.
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What is an Italianβs favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
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What is the rough part of Italy called?
The spaghetto.
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Whatβs one thing that youβll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
Youβll both be filled with stuffing.
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Whatβs something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
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What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
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Whatβs the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
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What is a teddy bearβs favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing.
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Whatβs Thanksgiving?
Cooking for 4 hours, so you can eat for 15 minutes, then wash dishes for 4 more hours.
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What is a bad bowlerβs favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving because they finally get a turkey.
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Whatβs a mathematicianβs favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Pumpkin pi.
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Whatβs the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
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Whatβs the difference between retail workers and turkeys?
We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
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Whatβs the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?
Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.
Horror night is...
When your teddy bear hugs you BACK.
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What is a pranksterβs favorite toy?
Silly String.
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What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?
Geometrick.
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What is a monkeyβs favorite day of the year?
The first of Ape-ril.
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Whatβs the similarity between a fresh pair of shorts and a Bugatti bought by a shady businessman?
Both were laundered.
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What is a pianistβs favorite cheese?
Mozzartrella.
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Whatβs an owlβs favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
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What is a prize old people can win for aging?
Atrophy.
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Whatβs it like to be kissed by a vampire?
Itβs a pain in the neck.
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Whatβs the worst part about going to the doctor and being diagnosed with diabetes?
You donβt get a lollipop afterward.
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What is the most common illness in China?
Kung Flu.
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Whatβs the first sign that you have caught bird flu?
Fowl symptoms.
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Whatβs the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires a tweetment and one requires an oinkment.
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What is an Indianβs favorite place to be?
Indiana.
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Whatβs the hardest part of the roofing business?
The overhead.
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What is Bob Marley called on a motorbike?
Bob Harley.
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What is black and white, black and white, black and white?
A nun rolling down a hill.
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What is a bearβs favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
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Whatβs the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale.
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What is red, white, and blue?
A sad candy cane.
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Whatβs a blueberryβs favorite song?
Anything from the Blue Album by Weezer.
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Whatβs a blue shoe?
A shoe with the blues.
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Whatβs a sad shade of blue?
Bereaved.
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Whatβs blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
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Whatβs a hipsterβs favorite type of surgery?
A hip replacement.
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Whatβs the favorite genre of music on Uranus?
Space Opera.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite hobby?
Planet-ting.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite ice cream flavor?
Gas-tronomic swirl.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite type of bread?
Gas-tly sourdough.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite type of weather?
Gas-tly winds.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite type of vehicle?
Gas-guzzler.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite subject?
Gas-tronomy.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite accessory?
A gas mask.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite type of humor?
Dark matter jokes.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite comedy movie?
Guardians of the Gas-laxy.
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Whatβs Uranusβ favorite party trick?
Its gas giant dance moves.
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What is the definition of breakfast?
What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.
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What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
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What is the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart.
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Whatβs the definition of Specimen?
An Italian astronaut.
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What is the definition ofΒ laziness?
The art of taking rest before getting tired. Because prevention is better than cure.
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Whatβs the definition of a surprise?
A fart with a lump in it.
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Whatβs the difference in definition of complete vs. finished?
When you marry the right woman, you are complete.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are finished.
When the right woman finds you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished.
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What isΒ Harry Potterβs favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Whatβs the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
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What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A viola burns longer.
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What is the most popular console with the Vikings?
The axe-box.
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Whatβs the hardest part about being a vegan?
It is getting up at 4.30am to milk the almonds.
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What is great in the US but awful in the UK?
Losing pounds.
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What is special about unicorns?
Their unique horns.
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βWhatβs the difference between curtains and toilet paper?β
βI donβt know.β
βSo it was you!β
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What is Thriday?
That moment when Thursday starts to feel a lot like a Friday.
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What is the busiest day for a chiropractor?
Throwback Thursday.
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Whatβs the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
Lefty.
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Whatβs the difference between Netflix and a Bass guitar?
Netflix has Stranger Things 4 and a Bass guitar has 4 Strange Strings.
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Whatβs the best way to talk to The Mind Flayer?
From a distance.
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Whatβs the perfect St. Paddyβs Day breakfast?
Green eggs and ham.
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Whatβs long and green and only shows up once a year?
The St. Patrickβs Day parade.
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Whatβs SpongeBobβs worst personality trait?
Heβs way too self-absorbent.
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What is a slothβs favorite form of exercise?
Running late.
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What is the name of a skinny Pakistani cow?
A moo-slim.
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Whatβs the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
Theyβre both pointless.
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Whatβs a real estate agentβs favorite song?
βFor Lease Navidadβ
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Whatβs the human psychology behind all this toilet paper hoarding?
Thatβs just how we roll.
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What is a boxerβs favorite drink?
Punch.
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Whatβs the hardest thing about skydiving?
The ground.
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Whatβs the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The pavement.
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Whatβs the difference between popcorn and pea soup?
Anyone can pop corn, but you canβt pee soup.
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Whatβs a Pinterest userβs favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
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Whatβs a Pinterest addictβs favorite exercise?
Re-pinning.
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What is a bank cardβs favorite fruit?
A PIN-apple.
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Whatβs the stupidest element on the periodic table?
Silicon.
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What is the easiest way to fit an entire peanut butter sandwich into your mouth?
You jam it.
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Whatβs a pandaβs biggest life regret?
Never had a selfie in color.
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Whatβs black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
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Whatβs black and white and goes up and down?
A panda whoβs stuck in a lift.
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What is an otterβs favourite fast car?
A Furrari Testerotter. It really is a dream otter-mobile.
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What is a clinical trial done in October called?
A trick or treatment.
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What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?
βWhat were you doing the night between November and May?β
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What is the official tree of National Pi Day?
A Pi-ne tree.
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What is the official animal of National Pi Day?
The pi-thon.
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Whatβs my blood doctorβs favorite motivational quote?
Be Positive.
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What is a mothβs favorite type of glasses?
Lampshades.
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What is a myth?
A female moth.
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What is the worldβs largest moth?
A Mam-moth.
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What is going through a mothβs mind when it flies into a car windshield?
Its abdomen.
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What is the definition of a farmer?
Someone is good in their field.
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Whatβs a kangarooβs favorite type of clothing?
A jump-suit.
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Whatβs the most intelligent mountain?
The Cleverest.
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What is a camelβs favorite day of the week?
Hump day!
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Whatβs an actuary?
An accountant without the sense of humor.
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Whatβs black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist whoβs told too many drummer jokes.
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What is a feministβs favorite type of candy?
Her-Shes.
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Whatβs a feministβs least favorite food?
Gender rolls.
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Whatβs a feministβs favorite music festival?
Burning Man.
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What is the favorite fruit of feminists?
Mangoes.
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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What is the Easter Bunnyβs favourite color?
Egg white.
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Whatβs a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
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Whatβs the difference between a doctor and a civil engineer?
A doctor kills people one at a time.
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Whatβs the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons, civil engineers build targets.
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What is the common thing between an entrepreneur and a suicide bomber?
Do the job well on the first try and they are set for life.
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Whatβs suicide bombersβ biggest fear?
Dying alone.
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Whatβs the difference between a bassist and god?
God doesnβt think heβs a bassist.
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Whatβs the definition of an optimist?
A bassist player with a mortgage.
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Whatβs the difference between a bass guitar and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
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Whatβs the best thing to play a bass guitar with?
A razor blade.
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Whatβs the difference between an architect and an engineer?
If architects built all the buildings, they would fall down on their own.
If engineers built all the buildings, theyβd be so ugly, weβd tear them all down.
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Whatβs the difference between a doctor and an architect?
An architectβs mistakes are there for the world to see, but a doctor buries their mistakes.
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What is the propeller used for on an airplane?
Many people do not know this, but is actually for air conditioning.
If you ever get to see it when the propeller stops, the pilot suddenly starts sweating.
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Whatβs the problem with jogging on New Yearβs Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!
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What is the perfect profession for narcissists?
Architect. Because theyβll forever be making entrances and drawing stairs.
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What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Toot-in-common.
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What is totally untrue about mummies?
That they are all evil. They get a bad wrap.
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Whatβs the difference between a cow and a moose?
One moos, the other moose.
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Whatβs worse than getting a job at McDonaldβs?
Not getting the job at McDonaldβs.
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Whatβs a teacherβs favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if theyβve been may-taining their knowledge.
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Whatβs the most common operation in a Lego hospital?
Plastic surgery.
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Whatβs a koalaβs favorite end-of-the-world food?
Apocalyptus.
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What is a bearβs favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
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What is it called when your knee transplant fails?
Iron-knee.
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Whatβs the first month of the year in Transylvania?
Janu-eerie.
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Whatβs a tall personβs worst fear?
Ceiling fans.
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What is Godβs favorite guitar chord?
G-Sus.
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What is it called when two redheads have a kid?
Ginger bred.
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Whatβs the scariest thing to do on Friday the 13th?
Check your bank account.
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Whatβs a drummerβs favorite vegetable?
Beets.
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Whatβs faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too?
Imagination.
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Whatβs the difference between me and a camel?
A camel can work all week without drinking, I can drink all week without working.
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What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
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Whatβs the worst part about trying to contact a bingo player?
You have to send them a letter with your number B4 theyβll respond.
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What is a pressing thought of every pig?
βWhy do all bacon get cooked and cookies get baked?β
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Whatβs worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
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Whatβs the largest species of ants?
Gi-ants.
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Whatβs a cowβs favorite TV drama?
Graze Anatomy.
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What is an alpaca that is mixed with a dog called?
A Wool-f.
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What is a NASA office workerβs favorite part of the workday?
Launchtime.
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Whatβs the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turkey.
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Whatβs the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving Day?
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day.
On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.
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Whatβs the one thing in this human life that you can count on?
A calculator.
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Whatβs the fastest speed at which a seahorse swims?
At a scallop.
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What is a seafood an Italian would love to have?
A moray.
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Whatβs Shrekβs favorite item of clothing?
An ogrecoat.
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Whatβs worse than a box full of snakes?
A box that was SUPPOSED to be full of snakes.
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Whatβs a poodleβs favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni.
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Whatβs the lazy bakerβs favorite recipe?
Loaf bread.
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What is a golferβs worst nightmare?
The bogeyman.
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Whatβs a punβs best trait?
His pun-ctuality.
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Whatβs the worst part about April Fools?
Jokes without punchlines.
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What is a soldierβs most active day of the year?
March forth!
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What is a sailorβs least favorite vegetable?
Leeks.
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What is a recently divorced womanβs favorite fruit?
Mango.
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What is the opposite of mango?
Womanstay.
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What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room?
Sushi.
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What is a pirateβs least favorite workout?
Planks. His favorite is chest day.
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What is small, square and green?
A small green square.
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What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?
To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
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What is the best way to criticize your boss?
Very quietly, so he cannot hear you.
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What is a poetβs favorite legume?
Rhyma-beans!
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What is a deerβs favorite boba flavor?
C-antelope!
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What is a math teacherβs favorite sum?
Summer!
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What is a math teacherβs favorite tree?
Geometry.
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What is CHEVROLET an acronym for?
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques.
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Whatβs the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs donβt turn into men when they drink.
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Whatβs the problem with twin witches?
You never know which witch is which.
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What is a vampireβs worst fear?
Tooth decay.
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Whatβs a ghostβs favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
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What is in a ghostβs nose?
Boo-gers.
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What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?
βYou are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!β
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Whatβs the best thing to put on a hot dog?
Water, to cool him down.
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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?
Relish it.
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What is the name of Dr. Strangeβs cousin who canβt do magic?
Doctor Normal.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite day of the week?
Flyday.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite part of the joke?
The punch line!
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite sport?
Fly fishing.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite Disney movie?
Peter Pan.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite food?
French flies.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite road?
Peter parkway.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite online music app?
Spot-a-fly.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite exercise?
Spin class.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite pastime?
Surfing the web.
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What is Spider-Manβs favorite brand of rice?
Uncle Benβs.
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Whatβs a bowling ballβs favorite sweet?
Skittles!
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Whatβs the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. Theyβre under a buck.
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Whatβs the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
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What is Planet Earthβs favorite dance move?
The moonwalk.
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What is a planetβs favorite gum?
Orbit.
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Whatβs the best way to organize a space party?
Planet early!
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What is Draculaβs favorite type of moon phase?
A Blood moon.
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Whatβs the best way to watch a fishing tournament?
By live stream.
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Whatβs an alienβs favorite treat?
Martian-mallows!
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Whatβs an alienβs favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
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Whatβs closer, France or the Moon?
The Moon, obviously! You canβt see France from here!
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What is the moonβs favorite cartoon?
Lunar-toons.
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Whatβs the best drink they make in space?
Le-moon-ade!
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What is the moonβs favorite type of cheese?
Moon-zerella cheese!
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What is the moonβs favorite type of music?
Rocket and roll!
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Whatβs under the Pillsbury Doughboyβs apron?
Donuts.
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What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?
Eat donuts.
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Whatβs a donutβs favorite lullaby?
βSprinkle, Sprinkle Little Starβ.
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What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?
An antidought!
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Whatβs the National Donut Day theme song?
βDonut Stop Believingβ.
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Whatβs a donutβs favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
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What is every policemanβs favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?
A solar flare.
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What is a monsterβs favorite part of a birthday celebration?
I scream.
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Whatβs the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?
Heaven ice day!
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Whatβs the best thing about having a big nose?
Youβre the first to know when dinnerβs ready!
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Whatβs the best thing about being an anteater?
Youβre born with a built-in straw!
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Whatβs the best way to make a million dollars in horse racing?
Start with 2 million.
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Whatβs the only room in your house you canβt go into?
A mushroom.
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Whatβs the worldβs biggest mushroom competition?
The champignonβs league.
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Whatβs the difference between stormtroopers having a party and mushrooms being picked?
Oneβs bad guys having a fun time and the other oneβs fungi having a bad time!
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Whatβs the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!
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What is green, white, and red all over?
An elf with a sunburn.
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What is green and dangerous?
A thundering herd of pickles!
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Whatβs black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
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Whatβs the worst thing that can happen on a Friday?
When you realize itβs Thursday.
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Whatβs the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
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Whatβs green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
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Whatβs brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
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Whatβs the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
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What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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Whatβs the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Start off with a big fortune!
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What is the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you donβt understand.
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Whatβs the best way to get your husband to remember your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday!
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Whatβs the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says βSpit your gum out!β and the train says βChew, chew!β
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What is one of the major advantages of being a bald person?
No matter what happens they can never be to blame for hair on the food!
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What is the longest word in the English language?
βSmilesβ. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
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Whatβs the worst thing about having a big nose?
Birds are always perching on it!
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Whatβs worse than having a big nose?
Having a big nose and tiny hands!
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What is an alienβs favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
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Whatβs the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
On the bull the horns are in the front and the asshole is in the back.
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Whatβs the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
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Whatβs the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
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What is the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moon-day!
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Whatβs the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
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