What Do You Call Jokes



Enjoy our team's carefully selected What Do You Call Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!



What Do You Call Jokes


What do trees do during September?

Turn over to a new leaf.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a washing machine with a September?

An autumn-atic washer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog in August?

A hot dog.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a slow learner born at the beginning of August?

A leotard.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when someone says it’s June in July?

Ju-lie.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?

A May-sayer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a striker playing a June match?

A spring forward.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?

A linty-hop.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dancing ghost?

Polka-haunt-us.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a werewolf for sale?

A warewolf.

😄 😄 😄


What do they call a group of werewolves?

We’rewolves.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sleeping werewolf?

An unaware-wolf.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?

A timber wolf.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a large dog that meditates?

Aware wolf.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?

Flanagan.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Irish reptile?

Croc O’Dile.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?

Tree fellers.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the North Pole and his winters at the South?

A bi-polar bear.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a holy squirrel?

A chipmunk.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a lawyer who’s also a pirate?

A barracuda-talking sea attorney.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a group of lawyers?

A lawsuit of attorneys.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a lawyer who sings?

An opera attorney.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a lawyer who practices in the morning?

A dawning attorney.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bad electrician?

A shock absorber.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when a whole bunch of cacti fall over?

A cac-tas-trophy.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a boat in training?

An apprenticeship.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a fasting camel?

Hump-less.

😄 😄 😄


How do you call a cow in Ramadan?

A Mooslim.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call the end of Ramadan?

Ramadusk.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Muslim crocodile?

An Allahgator.

😄 😄 😄


What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist?

It is a great peach of work.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Arabic dairy farmer?

A milk sheikh.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a grape that’s always getting into trouble?

A mis-grape.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a grape that can perform juggle?

A grape-fruit.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a half-baked joke?

A pun in the oven.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?

Quatro sinko.

😄 😄 😄


Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?

Because there were so many knights.

😄 😄 😄


Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Italian mosquito?

Malario.

😄 😄 😄


If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it?

Raisin hell!

😄 😄 😄


What did the plumber call his restroom?

A home office.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a person from Portugal?

Portuguese.

What do you call a person from Portugal who hangs out in a pub with a pint in his hand on a match day?

Portugeezer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?

A Brazalien.

😄 😄 😄


What’s a toilet on a Portuguese jetty called?

A porto potty.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Portuguese person all by themself?

A Portugoose.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call rain on Turkey Day?

Fowl weather.

😄 😄 😄


What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?

Fangs-giving.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?

Lucky.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call bread baked by a poet?

Poet-rye.

😄 😄 😄


What does vikings call English villages?

Chopping centers.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an important English snake?

Sir Pent.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a realistic prankster?

A practical joker.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when you prank a person on Sunday?

Sabbathtoge.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a streetcar that plays pranks on people?

A troll-ey.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a leprechaun’s prank?

A St. Pat-trick!

😄 😄 😄


What is it called when shapes play pranks on each other?

Geometrick.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a hammer bought on April 1st?

April tool.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?

April fools.

😄 😄 😄


What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?

Shrekspeare.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a drunk medieval poet?

Shakesbeer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an owl with a deep voice?

A growl.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dumb carnivore?

A meathead.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an astronomer with the stomach flu?

A gastrophysicist.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a flu that became a musician?

Achoo-bacca.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a flying pig?

Swine flu.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a unicorn who got a flu shot?

An immunicorn.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer).

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a nun with a drinking problem?

A bad habit.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call oyster nuns?

Cloisters.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sleep walking Nun?

A Roamin’ Catholic.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a red, white and blue pie?

Pastry-otic.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call cheese that is sad?

Blue cheese.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sad berry?

A blue-fruit.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a depressed unicorn?

A blue-corn.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a blue owl?

A hoo-dini.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sneaky blue bean?

A navy bean.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a depressed blue crayon?

Blue-tiful.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?

A fast purrr-ple.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sad little blue planet?

A gloom.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sad blueberry?

A blue-berry.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a hip bone that’s late for surgery?

Hip-late.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a skeleton who just had hip surgery?

Hip-ster!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sad blueberry?

A blueberry muffin.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?

A con artist.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?

A peak experience.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a fire at the Internet café?

An e-mergency.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?

Phil Ming.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a red panda dentist?

A molar bear.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a farmer with a physical therapy degree?

A chirotractor.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a male buffalo?

A buffellow.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Arab who has been injured in a bombing?

An ambulance!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace?

Melancolleague(s).

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a tuna with a monocle?

Sofishticated.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a zombie that writes the music?

Decomposer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call guys who love math?

Algebros.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Spanish guy who has been discharged from hospital?

Manuel.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who’s mad about his feet getting run over?

Lack-toes intolerant.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?

Constantine.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who urinates on the streets of Europe?

European.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy in a plaid suit?

Check mate.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?

Art.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?

Bob.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who’s laying down in front of a door?

Matt.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy that works out a lot?

Jim.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?

Claustrophobic.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who specializes in tile floors?

Tyler.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?

A cab.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?

An orca-stra.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Viking who can’t catch fish?

A cod-less heathen.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a unicorn’s dad?

Popcorn.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a unicorn with two horns?

A goat.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Thursday that feels a bit off?

Thirst-day, because it’s always craving the weekend.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call Texas if it ever successfully seceded from the USA?

Texit.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a blind dinosaur?

A Do-you-think-he-saw-urus.

How do you call a blind dinosaur’s dog?

Do-you-think-he-saw-urus Rex.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a T-Rex that’s been weightlifting all day?

Dino-sore.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sad strawberry?

A blueberry.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an Asian electrician who is skinny?

Light Ning.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a grizzly with no shoes?

Bear foot.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?

Polar Opposites.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?

A bi-polar bear.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a fat pineapple?

A pineapple chunk.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a penny that thinks for itself?

A centient.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a parrot when he can’t fly?

A walkie talkie.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a male panda?

Amanda.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a large group of sick pandas?

A Pandamic.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an otter with acne?

A spotty otter.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an otter who’s obsessed with trains?

A trainsp-otter.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an otter with a brand-new pair of glasses?

A see otter.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an otter who has yams in both of his ears?

It doesn’t matter, he can’t hear you.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a group of nurses who are musicians?

Band aides.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an older woman who was born around late November and early December?

Saggytarius.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call the 1st of November?

Octover.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a moth that won’t leave you alone?

Moth-erly.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a group of union workers on Labor Day?

A day of rest-olution.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Labor Day?

A pouch potato.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a tired kangaroo?

Out of bounds.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an intelligent blonde?

A golden retriever!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an elevator filled with rational, intelligent people?

A lift.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bird that’s afraid of heights?

A chicken.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a letter from a feminist?

Hate male.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who likes Easter but doesn’t believe in the Easter Bunny?

Eggnostic.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?

Colonoscopy.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Catholic priest who became a lawyer?

A father-in-law.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a chocolate Easter Bunny that was out in the sun too long?

A runny bunny.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bug that hesitates before biting something?

A nervous tick.

😄 😄 😄


What do nuns call prison air conditioning?

A convent.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?

Artificial intelligence.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an aboriginal hanging in a tree?

Abocado.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an aboriginal in a lamp?

An abori-genie.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an aboriginal rolling down a hill?

Abolanche.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a man with one leg?

Anything you want. He can’t run fast enough to catch you.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?

Lucky.

😄 😄 😄


What does a one-legged man call karate?

Partial Arts.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?

Tai Wan Shu.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?

Social Security.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a nuke that was launched on the 4th of July?

The wrong firework.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Polish fisherman?

A fishing pole.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Polish ape?

Chimpanski.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a volleyball court?

Annette.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Puerto Rican with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Puerto Rican dish that’s not spicy?

A mistake.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Puerto Rican without a car?

Carlos.

😄 😄 😄


What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?

Toot-in-common.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a small, yellow onion?

A Min-ion.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who has a lot of minions?

A minion-aire.

😄 😄 😄


What do minions call their grandmothers?

Ba-nanas.

😄 😄 😄


Why are they called the armed forces?

Because it’s hard to fight a war with just your legs.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call violent mermaids?

Mercenaries.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

Aerial.

😄 😄 😄


If mermaid is woman, then what do you call a man version of mermaid?

Merbutler.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Chinese lobster?

A crust-asian.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an annoyed lobster?

A frustacean.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a llama with his head underwater?

Anything you want, he can’t hear you.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a PC made of legos?

Bricked.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?

A High Koala Tea Beverage.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?

A Volt-demort.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a left-handed woman with a gunshot wound in her right arm?

An ambulance.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?

A tattoo.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bass player who broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a possessed bird?

A polter-goose.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a little guy in a pointy hat on a train saying “tick, tick, tick”?

A metro-gnome.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a psychic gnome that just committed a hit and run?

A small medium at large.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a red-haired baker?

The ginger bread man.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a flamingo that flew into a wall?

A flamingstop.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dead flamingo?

A flamin-ghost.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a person who overuses emojis?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?

An emoji.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a detective electrician?

Sherlock Ohms.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dragon with no wings?

Draggin.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dolphin that is out of the water?

Dolphout.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call two depressed bears?

Bipolar.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a crab that throws things?

A lobster.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a camel with three humps?

Pregnant.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?

A megalo-sore-a.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus?

A porcupine.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a gender-confused cactus that relocates to another country?

A trans plant.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a bison that is good at telling lies?

Bluffalo.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a 200-year-old Buffalo?

A bison-tennial.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

Lost.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?

An ambulance.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a talking turtle?

A cartoon.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Satanist who only eats low-carb pizza?

The Anti-crust.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a self-obsessed egg?

An eggomaniac.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call dental X-rays?

Tooth pics.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meowntain.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a pencil with two erasers?

Pointless.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

A URL-ologist.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog with 2 legs?

Snoop Dogg.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

A dinosnore.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeño business.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

Doyathinkysaurus.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a fish with 4 eyes?

A fiiiish.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a cow with three legs?

Tri-tip.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a potato that has turned to the Dark side?

Vader Tots.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call two Han Solos singing together?

Han Duet.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone doing yoga with the flu?

Sick and twisted.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?

A mango lassie.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?

A Melon Collie.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Jewish fish?

Isra-eel.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?

Sushi roll.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?

A guaca-mole.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?

Gu-whack-a-mole-e.

😄 😄 😄


People that don’t eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don’t eat vegetables?

Constipated.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?

Hummus-cide.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who’s really into stationary biking?

A cyclepath.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call cheese that’s not yours?

Nacho cheese.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Hispanic man who spilled his nachos?

A messycan.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call tortilla chips with guns?

Loaded Nachos.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?

A cheesy pickup line.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?

The Deli Llama.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a single kernel of corn?

A uni-corn.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a retired old cowboy?

De-ranged.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No ideer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no ideer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call it when you walk into a tea shop and feel like you’ve been there before?

Déja-brew.

😄 😄 😄


What does a predator call a hummingbird?

Fast food!

😄 😄 😄


What did they call the first person to bake a pie?

A pie-oneer.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a pig thief?

A hamburglar.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call bacon with salt on it?

Salt and Peppa.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a cat in the desert?

Sandy Claws!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Goldfish cracker laced with Coke?

The snack that’s also crack.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call people with big ears?

Nothing, they might hear you.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a Chevrolet parked at the top of a hill?

A miracle.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?

A desserter.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call someone who’s happy on Mondays?

Retired!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a desert-dwelling witch?

A sand-witch.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a haunted chicken?

A poultry-geist.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?

A self-cleaning coven.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a skeleton who lays around all day?

Lazy bones.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?

The “inedible snowman”.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a pumpkin that can slam-dunk a basketball?

Michael Gourdan.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a dog with a fever?

Hot dog.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a sea of hot dogs?

Frank Ocean.

😄 😄 😄


What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?

The WURST!

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?

Frank.

😄 😄 😄


What do you call a saw that cuts hot dogs?

Sawsage.

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What do you call a candid hot dog?

A frankfurter.

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What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?

Hard to swallow.

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What do you call a hot dog race?

Wiener takes all.

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What do you call a frozen frankfurter?

A chili dog.

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What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?

A hollow-weenie!

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What do you call Spider-Man with 20 eyes?

Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiider-Man.

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If Spider-Man suddenly runs out of web when he’s chasing bad guys, what is he called?

Peter Parkour.

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What do you call it when Spider-Man is involved in a love triangle?

A tangled web.

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What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?

A Spin-Off.

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What did people start calling Spider-man when he started to stop minding his own business and started interfering in others?

Nosy Parker.

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What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?

Tony Stuck.

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What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?

Peter PARKER.

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What do you call Spider-Man when he parks his car?

Peter PARKER.

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What would you call if Spider-Man starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?

Peter Parkour.

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What is the 7th pin in bowling called?

Mother-In-Law!

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What do you call a triumphant procession held by the bowling pins?

A perfect strike.

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What do you call a blood-sucking arachnid on the moon?

A lunar tick.

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What does for call the moon after a bat flies into it?

A blood moon!

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What do you call a snowman in summer?

A puddle.

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What do you call a cantaloupe in a swimming pool?

A watermelon.

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What do you call a line of men waiting to get a haircut?

A barberqueue!

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What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air conditioning unit?

A frying saucer!

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What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?

A marsh-in!

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What do you call an alien with three eyes?

An aliiien!

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What do you call alien eggs?

Eggstra-terrestrials!

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In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?

Extra terrestrials.

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What do aliens call an American who couldn’t cross the road?

A flat Earther.

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What do you call an alien with no eyes?

Alen.

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What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?

Coco pebbles.

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What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?

McLady.

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What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?

Hairy Potter.

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What do you call a goat with a beard?

A goatee.

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What do you call a person really crazy about the moon?

A lunatic.

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What do you call a crazy moon?

Lunacy.

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What do you call a lazy man in space?

A procrastronaut.

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What do you call a rampaging cow under the full moon?

Udder lunacy.

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What do you call a meal from the moon?

A satellite dish.

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What do you call a clock on the moon?

A lunar-tick!

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If they used money in space, guess what it would be called?

Starbucks!

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Guess what you call a sleeping piece of paper?

A napkin.

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Guess what Santa calls his elves?

Subordinate Clauses!

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Guess what you call someone who never falls down the stairs?

A stair-voyant.

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Guess what you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator!

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Two monkeys are sharing an Amazon account, guess what are they called?

Prime mates.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

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A famous tortoise lives next door. Guess what it’s called?

A shell-ebrity.

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What would you call a cute and sassy donut?

Glazing adoughrable.

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What do you call a pastry that is a priest?

A Holy Donut.

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What do you call a cute donut?

Adoughrable.

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What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?

Sunken Donuts.

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What do you call a kilogram of donuts?

Property of obesity.

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What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?

Bread Alert!

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What do you call the phenomenon where nobody can hear you on Zoom?

A Mute-ation.

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What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?

Done!

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What is sun-bathing called in northern Spain?

Basqueing.

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What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up?

A Nightmare!

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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody nose.

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What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?

A stalk photo.

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What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?

A shii-talkin mushroom.

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What do you call when you mix brandy, shiitake mushrooms, rat poison and a dash of vanilla essence?

The ambulance.

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What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?

A fun-gal.

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What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?

Fun-gi to be around!

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What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company?

A FARM-ASSIST.

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What would you call the alarm clock, which always goes off at 2 am every day?

A ringing nightmare.

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What do you call it when an elf takes a photo of himself?

Nothing! Elves don’t exist!

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What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?

By their names.

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What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?

A rookie.

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What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?

Lazy.

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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?

Nothing, you just run away!

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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?

Bob.

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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?

Frank.

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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?

Claude.

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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?

Phil.

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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?

Eve.

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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?

Lou.

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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?

Neal.

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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?

Chuck.

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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?

Rob.

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Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?

A “B”.

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What do you call London without electricity?

Londoff.

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What do you call a Ford Fiesta that ran out of gas?

A Ford Siesta.

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What do you call a bear with no teeth?

Gummy bear.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.

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What is the first day of the week called in outer space?

Moon-day!

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What do you call a witch’s garage?

A broom closet.

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What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake!

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