Enjoy our team's carefully selected What Did Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What did the calendar say to the wall clock when it became June 1st?
“I am dismayed!”
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What did the bully do to the orange?
Beat him to a pulp.
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What does a snail wear to go dancing?
Escargogo boots.
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What did the mountain lion say to the bathroom attendant?
“Out of the way, I’m about to Puma pants!”
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What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
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What did the florist say to the customer who was trying to bargain over the price of the rose bouquet?
“Take it or leaf it bud!”
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Why did the man driving a train get struck by lightning?
He was a good conductor.
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What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo?
“Hop on!”
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What did the father squirrel tell his son?
Acorny joke.
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What did the electrician use to moisturize his hair?
Air conditioner.
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What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
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What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away?
“Cactus if you can!”
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What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
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What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
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What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?
Ancient Greece.
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What did the plumber call his restroom?
A home office.
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What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
“Quack! Quack!”
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What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.
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What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
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What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
“To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question.”
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What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
“April Fool! I’m not really dead!”
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What did the mayo say after being pranked on April Fools’ Day?
“What the hellmann!”
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What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fools’ prank feel?
Dismay.
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What did the first person to get April fooled say?
“Jesus! I thought you were dead!”
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What did the aging 007 say to his pharmacist?
Bond. Gold Bond.
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What did Santa get the day after Christmas?
Diabetes.
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What did one broken ankle say to the other?
“Let’s stay positive and get back on our feet!”
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What did the sky say to the ocean?
Nothing, they just had a blue period together.
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What did the blue crayon say to the red crayon?
“Hey, pal, want to blue me away?”
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What did the blue paint say to the red paint when they met?
“You’re looking rosy!”
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What did the blue cheese say when it looked in the mirror?
“Hallou-mi!”
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What did the blue crayon say to the yellow crayon?
“This isn’t cray-on you.”
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What did one blue eye say to the other?
Between us, something smells.
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What did the blue square say to the red triangle?
“Hi-angle!”
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What did the blue crayon say to the green crayon?
“You’re green-crayon me!”
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What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
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What did the blue tie say to the little red dress?
“You go ahead, I’ll just hang around.”
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What did one hip replacement say to the other?
“You crack me up!”
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What did Uranus say to its moon?
“You have the right to remain in orbit, anything you say will be taken out of context!”
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What did the other planets say to Uranus when it was feeling sad?
“Cheer up, life’s just a gas!”
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What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
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What did the comet say when it visited Uranus?
“This place is a gas!”
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What did the comet say to Uranus?
“You’re out of this world!”
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What does an owl need after taking a bath?
A t-owl.
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What did the registered nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?
“Let me give you a taste of your own medicine.”
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What did the tired witch do?
She sat down for a spell.
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What did the red panda say after winning a race?
“I’m un-bear-ably fast!”
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What did one roll of toilet paper say to the other?
“I’m feeling wiped out!”
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What did a dam say to the river?
“Water you thinking?”
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What did a brick say to a wall?
“I’ve got your back!”
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What did the violin say when it finally played the music correctly?
Viola.
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What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?
“I’M BREADY TO DIE!”
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What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
“I’m taking you into crustody.”
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What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney?
“You are to little to smoke!”
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What did the slave owners use to purchase their slaves?
A MasterCard.
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What did one ear of corn say to the other traveling down the highway?
Looks like we had a tire pop out.
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What did the polar bear eat after the dentist fixed its tooth?
The dentist.
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What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Mmmm, sandwiches!
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What did the grape say when the peanut butter tried to stick to it?
“Stop jammin me!”
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What did pi say when someone asked if it could explain what Pi Day was again?
“I don’t want to repeat myself.”
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What did the egg say to the frying pan?
You crack me up.
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What did the squirrel say on Labor Day weekend?
“Time to get nutty!”
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What did the barbecue say on Labor Day weekend?
Time to get fired up!
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What did the beach say on Labor Day weekend?
Long time no sea!
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What did the chef say to his staff on Labor Day?
“Let’s take a break and cook up some fun!”
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What did the factory worker say to his boss on Labor Day?
“I’m tired of working for peanuts!”
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What did the farmer say to his workers on Labor Day?
“I don’t carrot all, take the day off and lettuce celebrate!”
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What did the man, eating pickles, say to two of his friends who were complaining about Wednesday?
“You two have got to dill with this hump today!”
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What did Chuck Norris get when he visited the feminist rally for women’s rights?
He got his shirt ironed.
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What did the Elf on the Shelf put on his face after shaving?
Elftershave.
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What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
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What did the underpaid data scientist say?
“I need arrays.”
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What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?
“How many movements?”
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What did the guy with big ears say when his boss asked if he could have a word with him?
“I’m all ears.”
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What did the banker say to the electrician?
“We will pay for your current account.”
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What did the skydiver say in autumn?
I love the fall.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when they got lost?
“We’re in a jam!”
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What did the nachos say to the cheese?
We were meant to bean.
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What did the Patriot apply to the dry patches on the skin?
Revo-lotion.
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After the 4th of July fireworks caused finger injuries, what did the friends say?
Nothing, they couldn’t count on me.
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What did Kasparov ask Michael Jackson?
“Do you want to be black or white?”
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What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.
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What did a llama mum say about the twin siblings?
They looked like the spitting image of each other.
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What did one tea leaf say to the other tea leaf?
This is a fine mesh we’ve gotten ourselves into.
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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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What did the doctor say about the tall person who was in a rush to see him?
“I just wish he was a little patient.”
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What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem?
“Let’s try a different angle.”
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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What did the firefighter say when the church caught on fire?
“Holy smoke!”
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What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?
This changes everything!
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What did one Egyptian say to the other when they farted at the same time?
Looks like we’ve got a Tutankhamen.
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What did the drummer call his twin sons?
Tom.
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two.
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What did the dragon say to the bad employee?
You’re fired.
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What did the lettuce say to the ship?
ICEBERG!
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What did the internal auditor do to liven up the office party?
He didn’t show up.
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What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
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What did the watermelon write on his Valentine’s card?
“You’re one in a melon!”
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What did the avocado do at the wedding?
Make a toast.
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What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
We have to stop meating like this.
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What did the first egg tell the second egg when it didn’t make it on time?
Omelette.
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What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
You make me melt.
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What did the butter say to the bread?
“I’m on a roll!”
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What did the customer say to the cashier who asked if he wanted his milk in a bag?
“Just leave it in the carton, please.”
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What did the dad turkey say to his stubborn child?
“If your mother could see you now, she’d be turning over in her gravy.”
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What did the priest say to the salad before he ate it?
Lett-uce pray.
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What did the salad say to the chef?
Lett-uce go!
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What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
Don’t look, I’m dressing!
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What did they call the first person to bake a pie?
A pie-oneer.
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What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
“I be-leaf in you.”
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What did the vampire say to his hungry friend?
Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
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What did people say when the headless horseman started dating a zombie?
He’s lost his head!
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What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
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What did one ghost say to the other?
Get a life!
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What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Do you believe in people?
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What did the leaf say to autumn?
I’m falling for you!
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What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
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What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?
He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”
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What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hot dog?
He relished it.
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What did the American hot dog say to the German hot dog?
You’re the wurst.
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
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What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?
It could always be wurst!
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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?
Ketch-up!
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What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?
Relish today...
And Ketchup tomorrow.
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What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
“I’m a wiener!”
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What did the constipated hot dog say?
Muuussttuurrrdd!!
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What did people start calling Spider-man when he started to stop minding his own business and started interfering in others?
Nosy Parker.
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What did the bowling ball say to the other ball?
“Don’t stop me now; I’m on a roll!”
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What did the bowling ball say to the balling pins on being overused?
Go on a strike.
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What did Neptune say to Pluto when they fought?
Comet me, bro.
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What did the planets drink when they wanted to bulk up?
Milky Whey.
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What did Mars say to Earth?
Get out of my space!
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What did Earth say to the other planets?
Get a life!
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What did the alien say when he was out of the room?
I’m all spaced out!
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What did the alien say to the flower bed?
Take me to your weeder!
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
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What did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?
“Which craft?”
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What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
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What did the alien paramedic say when he first arrived on Earth?
“Take me to your bleeder.”
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What did the shop owner say when he accidentally ordered too much chocolate and marshmallows?
We’ve got a rocky road ahead of us...
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What did the hipster tell his chef friend with a beard?
“You ought to shavour every bite!”
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What did the fancy bearded goat order at the café?
A goa-tea.
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What did the balding guy and teenager growing a beard have in common?
For them, every hair counts!
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What did the man say before shaving off his beard?
“Hair goes nothing!”
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What did the beard say after growing back on the man’s face?
“I’ve been hair before!”
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What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
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What did the man with a beard call his pottery shop?
Hairy Potter.
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What did officials say after budget cuts forced them to cancel the last few moon missions?
We APOLLO-gize!
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What did the Moon say to Saturn?
Give me a ring sometime!
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What did the therapist say to the moon?
Don’t worry, you’re just going through a phase.
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What did the moon say to the sun?
“Hello, Sun.”
What did the sun say to the moon?
“Dad?”
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What did the grouchy moon say?
Just get outer my space!
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What did the French Fry say to the Hamburger?
I guess that’s a wrap!
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What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
“Wow! Donut seeds!”
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What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
“If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.”
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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?
Taco: “Want to taco bout it?”
Donut: “I donut know what to say.”
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What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!
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What did the doughy wife say to the donut husband?
“Donut talk to me!”
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What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back!”
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What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.
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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
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What did the electric socket say to their spouse?
“I love you a watt!”
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What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
“I love you with all my art!”
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What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?
“Nice to meat you.”
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What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
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What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
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What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
You’re cool!
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What did the ice cream say to the grumpy birthday cake?
What’s eating you?
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What did the newspaper say to the ice cream?
What’s the scoop?
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What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?
“Sure, Bert.”
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What did the mushroom say as he fell off a cliff?
“Help! I’m in truffle!”
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What did the teacher say about the student’s attempt at making pizza?
There’s so mush-room for improvement.
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What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?
“No thanks. I don’t have mush-room left in my stomach.”
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What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?
Stop touching my buns!
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What did parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella?
“I’m sorry, I’m too mature for you.”
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What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie.. or not to brie...
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What did one flea say to the other?
“Shall we walk or take the cat?”
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What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt!
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