Enjoy our team's carefully selected Vampire Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
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Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Getyur.”
“Getyur, who?”
“Getyur fangs outta my neck!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivana.”
“Ivana, who?”
“Ivana suck your blood!”
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I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
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You know why vampires can raise ghouls?
Because they are neck romancers.
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What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck.
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Why do people think vampire always have the flu?
Because they be coffin all day.
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Why don’t vampire’s make good artists?
Because all they draw is blood.
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I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining.
He just couldn’t find a role he could sink his teeth into.
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Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachers’ Day party?
In Pencilvania.
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What do vampires play bingo with?
Stake money.
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Where do vegetarian vampires live?
Plantsylvania.
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Patient: “Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.”
Doctor: “Drink this glass of water.”
Patient: “Will it make me better?”
Doctor: “No, but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.”
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What did the vampire say to his hungry friend?
Don’t B-negative. Look for more positive.
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Do you want to invest in my startup company to destroy all vampires?
I’m the main stakeholder.
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What is a vampire’s worst fear?
Tooth decay.
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What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?
You get frostbite.
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Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?
Because he is all bite and no bark.
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My wife really is the sunshine of my life.
Too bad I’m a vampire.
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When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
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