Enjoy our team's carefully selected Valentine’s Day Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I’ve just booked a table for me and my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day.
I hope she knows how to play snooker.
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My wife just called me lazy and said I’d better have something planned for Valentine’s Day.
I said, “Yes, I was thinking of taking the Christmas decorations down.”
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My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.
She said “just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine”.
Kinder Eggs it is then.
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What do single people call Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
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My wife rang me at work on Valentine’s Day.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve been sent flowers then.”
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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?
Hogs and kisses.
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I asked my friend if he’d bought his wife a gift for Valentine’s Day.
He’s a bit of a chauvinist pig, so he surprised me when he replied, “Yeah, I’ve got her a belt and a bag.”
I said, “That’s very thoughtful of you. I hope she appreciates it.”
He said, “So do I. And hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work much better now.”
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What did the watermelon write on his Valentine’s card?
“You’re one in a melon!”
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A boyfriend asks his girlfriend, “What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?”
“Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly.
“OK, that I give you another year to think about it...”
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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
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Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
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I love Valentine’s Day: the bottle of wine, the heart-shaped ice cream cake...
Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching YouTube videos.
Good times.
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