Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ugly Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.
They’re my last reshorts.
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A boy calls 911, “Hello? I need your help!”
The operator says, “Alright. What is it?”
The boy says, “Two girls are fighting over me!”
The operator asks, “So, what’s your emergency?”
The boy says, “The ugly one is winning.”
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Yo sister so ugly her pillow cries at night.
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Your sister is so ugly when she sits on the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
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Your sister is so ugly when she was born your mom said, “What a treasure!”
And your dad said, “Yes, let’s bury it.”
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Your sister is so ugly when she goes to the bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.
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Yo daddy is so ugly they shot a film called “Gorillas in the Mist” in his shower.
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Yo daddy is so ugly when your mom kicked him out of the house, the police arrested him for littering.
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Yo daddy is so ugly he has nightmares about himself.
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Yo daddy is so ugly that he looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
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Adam meets a witch.
The witch tells him: “Tell me I am pretty, or you will be cursed!”
Adam: “Sorry, but I don’t find you attractive.”
Witch: “Take that back, or you most surely will be cursed!
Adam: “Nope. You’re hideous.”
The witch then transformed him into an ant.
Witch: “Look where your rudeness brought you!”
Adam: “Yeah, this sucks, but you still look like a moldy potato.”
Witch: “Very well, then. You will remain in this form until you repent and call me pretty!”
He is still adamant.
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King Arthur got cursed with a strange disease and only an old ugly witch can cure him.
But the witch demanded a young, handsome knight for husband, and Galahad took it for the team and married her.
On the night of the wedding, the witch turned into a beautiful woman and offered Galahad the choice, she can be old and ugly during the day, and young and beautiful at night, or vice versa.
Galahad told her that he respected her choice over her appearance and she can decide that.
The witch was pleased, as Galahad knew what a woman wanted the most, is freedom over her body.
She told Galahad that she will be a beautiful wife all the time for him.
The moral of the story is, no matter how good your wife looks, she is still a witch underneath.
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Yo mamma is so ugly that not even Ewoks will let her into their clan.
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Yo momma’s so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.
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Yo momma’s so ugly she makes a Gammorrean seem like an attractive date.
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Yo mama’s so ugly that they didn’t give her a costume when she auditioned for Star Wars.
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Yo mama so fat and ugly she didn’t need a suit to play Jamba the Hutt.
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Yo mamma’s so ugly Rancors look at her and go “Damn, dude, she’s UGLY!”.
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Yo mama’s so ugly that Wuher said “We don’t serve your kind here”.
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Yo momma so ugly she makes even The Rancor cry.
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Yo mamma’s so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
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I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
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What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
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Yo mama so ugly when she watches TV the channels change themselves.
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Yo mama so ugly Freddy and his friends hide from her.
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Yo mama so ugly Forever Alone Guy denied her friend request.
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Yo mama so ugly the government decided to move Halloween to her birthday.
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Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.
Cashier: “You must be single, right?”
Me: “Yes! How did you know?”
Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”
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I have 4 noses, 10 eyes, 20 legs, and 6 fingers, What am I?
Ugly.
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Your mama's got a leather wig with suede sideburns.
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Little Johnny’s teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees Little Johnny pulling faces at another child.
She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, “Johnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.”
Little Johnny looks up to her and says, “Well miss, you can’t say that you weren’t warned.”
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Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.
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Yo mama so ugly she threw a boomerang and it refused to come back.
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Your mama is so ugly she made One Direction go in another direction.
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Your momma so ugly when she looks in the mirror the reflection ducks!
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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.
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A bus full of ugly people had a head-on collision with a truck.
When they died, God granted all of them one wish.
The first person said, “I want to be gorgeous.”
God snapped his fingers and it happened.
The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group.
God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically.
By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground.
When the man’s turn came, he laughed and said, “I wish they were all ugly again.”
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