Enjoy our team's carefully selected Tree Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What is a wolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
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What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
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What was the almond tree up to all summer?
Nuttin’.
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Chuck Noris once picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it.
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You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe, who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?
“Poetry!”
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How did the pig get out of the tree?
The swine flu.
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How did the 30-year-old gardener celebrate their birthday?
By receiving a thirtree as a gift!
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Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
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What is the official tree of National Pi Day?
A Pi-ne tree.
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Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of it’s bark.
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Why do computer scientists make bad arborists?
Because they always plant their trees upside down.
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Australian Santa: “What would you like for Christmas, little girl?”
Girl: “A Barbie.”
Girl wakes up to find a Broil King BBQ under the tree.
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Why do trees drop their leaves in the fall?
It’s autumn-atic.
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What do you call an aboriginal hanging in a tree?
Abocado.
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Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
“A lemon tree, my dear Wat-son.”
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What happens if a tree falls into mud?
It leafs an impression.
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When I heard a concerning noise coming from a nearby tree, I asked it, “Are you oak-ay?”
It replied back, “Oh, I’m completely pine.”
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Teacher: “Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word ‘geometry’.”
Little Johnny: “A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, ‘Gee, I’m a tree!’.”
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These three blondes were going to purchase a Christmas tree, but they then decided to go into the forest to chop down a real one.
The first blonde said, “I don’t care how long it takes us, I want a perfect tree.”
The other two blondes agreed saying, “We won’t leave until we find the right one.”
Three days later they were still searching.
The first blonde looked at her two tired and hungry friends and said, “I promise the next tree we come across we’ll chop it down and take it home and I won’t care if it’s decorated for Christmas or not.”
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So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper, and live in the present.
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A blind man walks into a bar...
And a wall, and a tree, and a cactus.
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Why was the bacon tree so angry when the axemen came?
Because he thought it was a ham-bush.
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What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
Pineapple.
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The young man, as he was golfing alone, not being able to say no, allowed the old gent to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn’t hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn’t waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball—and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, “You know, when I was your age, I’d hit the ball right over that tree.”
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk, and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, “Of course, when I was your age, that pine tree was only three feet tall.”
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If trees produced Wi-Fi, we would be planting them everywhere.
Too bad they only produce oxygen.
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Monkey sees an Elephant climbing a banana tree.
Confused, monkey calls out to elephant, “Hey, elephant, why are you climbing that tree?”
Elephant says, “I’m going to eat me a mango!”
Monkey responds, “But that isn’t a mango tree!”
Elephant says, “Don’t worry about it, I brought my own.”
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Two drunkards are from their usual drinking spree on their way home when they spot a mango fruit up the tree.
They start tossing stones at the fruit to fell it, after what seems like a lifetime missing the target.
One says to the other, “Maybe it is not even ripe, let me scale up the tree and take a closer look.”
The other agrees.
He tediously scales up the tree and gently squeezes the fruit to feel if it is ripe.
He comes down joyfully to his friend and say, “Yeap, the fruit is damn ripe, let’s get it.”
And they continue tossing the stones to the fruit.
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A man has gone on a month-long vacation, leaving his friend to take care of his grandmother, his cat, and the avocado tree in his backyard.
A few days into the vacation, the man gets a call from his friend, who says, “Your cat got run over by a car and died.”
The man, understandably, is horrified and says that it was too sudden. He tells his friend that what he should do is first, tell him that his cat ran away, then the next day, tell him that his cat got stuck at the top of the avocado tree, and the third day tell him that his cat died.
His friend thinks that this is a reasonable request.
A week later, the man gets another phone call from his friend.
“What?” he asks.
His friend replies, “Your grandmother is stuck at the top of the avocado tree.”
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What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?
A guaca-mole.
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Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
Because they lose their needles.
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What is a math teacher’s favorite tree?
Geometry.
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When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.
I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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It is so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
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I own a solar powered food maker.
It’s an apple tree.
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Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
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One Christmas Eve, many decades ago, Santa Claus announced to his elves, “I’m supposed to begin my annual flight in one hour. But there are still some toys that need to be made and put into my sack. I need all seven of my elite toymakers to finish the toys on time.”
“I’m so sorry, Mr. Kringle,” said the elf in charge of the workshop. “One of the elite toymakers is on vacation, and two are sick. I’m afraid we only have four elites tonight.”
“So be it,” said Santa.
It took two hours for the elves to finish making the toys. By the time they were done, Santa was one hour overdue.
Finally, the sack was full. Santa dragged the heavy sack out of the workshop and to his sleigh. But the sleigh, of course, was very old, and some of the wood was rotting. So when Santa put the sack into the sleigh, it went right through the wood.
He hoisted the sack out of the hole, rushed to the barn, and came back with a hammer, nails, a ruler, a saw, and several planks of fresh wood.
It took two hours for Santa to fix the sleigh. By the time he was done, he was three hours overdue.
Finally, the hole in the sleigh had been patched. Santa went back to the barn to put away the hammer, the ruler, and the saw, and also to fetch his eight tiny reindeer. But when he got there, he found that he had left the door open.
“Oh no!” he said. “Some of the reindeer may have escaped!”
Indeed, when Santa entered the barn, he found that Dasher, Dancer, and Donner had run away. To make matters worse, Comet and Cupid were giving birth to fawns. Only three of the regular reindeer could pull the sleigh that year.
Santa immediately ordered some of his elves to look for the missing reindeer, and others to help Comet and Cupid give birth. Then he hitched Prancer, Vixen, and Blitzen to the sleigh without any problems. Now he needed to find five replacement reindeer. He eventually settled on Basher, Flasher, Smasher, Rudolph (this was before his nose started glowing), and Fred.
But those reindeer had never pulled a sleigh before, and it took two hours for Santa to hitch them. By the time he was done, he was five hours overdue.
Finally, a very stressed Santa Claus sat in his sleigh, ready to begin his flight. Just then, an angel walked by with a Christmas tree she had cut down.
“Good evening, Santa,” said the angel. “Where do you want me to put this?”
And so began the tradition of putting the angel at the top of the tree.
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What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot.
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What do a man who’s had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative balls.
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My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.
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