Enjoy our team's carefully selected Thanksgiving Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
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Why is corn so popular on Thanksgiving?
Because it’s a-maize-ing.
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What’s one thing that you’ll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
You’ll both be filled with stuffing.
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What sound does a turkey’s phone make?
“Wing, wing.”
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What’s something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
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Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What do you call rain on Turkey Day?
Fowl weather.
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Where did the Pilgrims stand after landing on Plymouth Rock?
On their feet.
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My least favorite Thanksgiving leftovers are the relatives who don’t leave until Monday.
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Don’t ever attend Thanksgiving with a group of comedians.
They’ll never stop roasting the turkey.
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So a housewife is preparing Thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, “Are you hungry, dear?”
And the turkey answers, “No, I’m stuffed.”
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The EU was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner.
But they refused to have turkey.
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I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys.
But it was removed because of fowl language.
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I confused Thanksgiving with Tanksgiving.
Now I’m in trouble with the U.S. Army.
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My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
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Not looking forward to Thanksgiving. There’s always yelling, crying, and plate-throwing.
Also, it’s hard always being alone on Thanksgiving.
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Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings.
One by one...
As each relative goes home.
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As a Canadian, I never realized how slow my internet was until today.
I just now started seeing Thanksgiving posts!
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Every year, after Thanksgiving, I give up all my bad habits.
I can do it because I have lots of cold turkey.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How did Thanksgiving go at your place?” the bartender asks.
“Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking,” the guy says. “So I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors.”
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What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter on Thanksgiving Day?
“Quack! Quack!”
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Did you know that they don’t serve Thanksgiving leftovers at rehab?
People there are trying to quit cold turkey.
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Millions of people celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday.
The indigenous people, however, have reservations.
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So this chicken walks up to a turkey and says, “Hey, turkey! I’ve always wondered something…”
Turkey’s like, “Yeah. What’s up?”
And so the chicken says, “That thing. You know, that flap of skin or whatever that’s hanging down over your beak. What do you call that thing?”
And the turkey crosses his eyes and looks down and says, “Beak? What beak?”
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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?
He was very thinkful.
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Chicken to turkey:
“Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You’re lucky, with us it’s any Sunday.”
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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
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Thanksgiving Day was approaching, and a family had received a Thanksgiving card with a painting of a pilgrim family on its way to church.
Grandma showed the card to her small grandchildren, observing, “The pilgrim children liked to go to church with their mothers and fathers.”
“Oh, yeah?” her grandson replied, “So, why is their dad carrying that rifle?”
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What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
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Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
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What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
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What does Dracula call Thanksgiving?
Fangs-giving.
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What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
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“Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner?”
“I yam what I yam.”
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Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was Thanksgiving Day, and it wanted people to think it was a chicken!
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What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day?
God save the kin.
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What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
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In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated?
Turkey.
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At Thanksgiving, my brother tried to carve the turkey with a grapefruit spoon.
He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
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What did the turkey say during Thanksgiving?
It was too stuffed to say anything.
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Who is never hungry on Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because he’s already stuffed.
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I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
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A guy ate only metal bars for Thanksgiving.
He was gratefull.
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What is a teddy bear’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
Stuffing.
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A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night, planning to spend the holiday and meal together.
As the family gathers, the couple’s children are late to arrive, prompting the mother-in-law to complain aloud, “Ugh, your children, always late.”
Eventually, everyone arrives and sits down to eat. Despite the tension, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table, and no one has the strength to argue with her.
After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain again, “Ugh, what’s with the food here, why is it always late?”
A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats, and the evening continues.
While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says, “Ugh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time.”
A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and narrowly missing her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself, “Ugh, this clock... always late.”
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What’s Thanksgiving?
Cooking for 4 hours, so you can eat for 15 minutes, then wash dishes for 4 more hours.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Tamara.”
“Tamara, who?”
“Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!”
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What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G.
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What happens when your cousin eats all the Pumpkin pie on Thanksgiving?
Plump kin.
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What do you call a turkey after Thanksgiving?
Lucky.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Olive.”
“Olive, who?”
“Olive the stuffing too!”
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Why are the cranberries red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
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Why wasn’t the taxidermist invited to Thanksgiving dinner?
No one wanted to try his stuffing.
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What sauce do zombies use on Thanksgiving?
Grave-y!
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How would Ariana Grande break up with her boyfriend on Thanksgiving?
“Thank you, next.”
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Why are musical comedians never allowed to cook dinner during Thanksgiving?
Because they always burnham.
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What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?
24 Karat cakes.
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What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
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Last Thanksgiving, my mother told me, “If your brothers start arguing, don’t take sides.”
Sure enough, they yelled at each other and I could only have turkey.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Annie.”
“Annie, who?”
“Annie body seen the turkey?”
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Did you hear about the two turkeys who got into a fight?
They beat the stuffing outta each other.
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A girlfriend said to his boyfriend, “We need a gravy boat because we’re hosting Thanksgiving this year.”
The boyfriend replied, “In that case, we should get some gravy life jackets too.”
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Why was the Thanksgiving feast expensive?
It had 24 carrots!
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Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
Because he had the drumsticks!
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Who’s going to the concert festival on Thanksgiving Day?
The bands will be Meatloaf, Korn, The Cranberries, and Smashing Pumpkins.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Possum.”
“Possum, who?”
“Possum gravy on my potatoes.”
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Did you hear about the Thanksgiving turkey that tried to escape the roasting pan?
He was foiled.
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How are wives like Thanksgiving turkeys?
They eventually get fat and then stop gobbling.
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Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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What is a bad bowler’s favorite holiday?
Thanksgiving because they finally get a turkey.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Happy.”
“Happy, who?”
“Happy Thanksgiving to you.”
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When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In a dictionary.
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What’s a mathematician’s favorite part of Thanksgiving?
Pumpkin pi.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Emma.”
“Emma, who?”
“Emma real good helper on Thanksgiving.”
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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
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What if the Indians would have given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?
We’d all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ben.”
“Ben, who?”
“Ben nice to see relatives on Thanksgiving.”
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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”
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Did you hear about the guy who checks into rehab the day after Thanksgiving?
He couldn’t quit cold turkey.
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What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
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Did you know that some say their favorite Thanksgiving food is pie?
It’s irrational.
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Why one should be extra careful on the roads with Thanksgiving and Christmas around the corner?
A lot of men will be drinking and getting their wives to drive.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Norma Lee.”
“Norma Lee, who?”
“Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!”
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Why don’t the Greeks, Slavs, and Armenians celebrate Thanksgiving?
Because they don’t like Turkey.
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What’s the difference between retail workers and turkeys?
We let the turkey rest on Thanksgiving.
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Yo mama so old she ate Dodo on his first Thanksgiving.
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Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?
Because of fowl language.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Esther.”
“Esther, who?”
“Esther any more cranberry sauce?”
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Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
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Remember the guy who used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers?
He had to quit cold turkey.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hank.”
“Hank, who?”
“Hanksgiving is almost here!”
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What can never be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
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What does an English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
“To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question.”
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Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn’t get the moose in the oven!
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If anyone has no family and will be alone on Thanksgiving, please let me know.
I really need to borrow some chairs from you.
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Why do turkeys love Thanksgiving?
Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents.
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I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
It’s my jingle bell rock.
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I shot my first Thanksgiving turkey this year.
Scared the hell out of everyone else in the grocery store.
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Why did the Pilgrim kill the turkey?
Because he was in a fowl mood.
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What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A har-vest.
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A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
Stock boy: “No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
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My sister said to me, “Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving Day dinner.”
I said, “Why? Is it broken?”
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When asked to write an essay on what he was thankful for on Thanksgiving, Little Johnny wrote:
I am thankful I am not a turkey.
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What do turkeys like to eat on Thanksgiving?
Nothing, they’re already stuffed.
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If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age.
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What’s the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner?
The turkey.
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What’s the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving Day?
On Thanksgiving, you get a turkey for the day.
On Election Day, you get a turkey for four years.
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
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What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose.
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