Enjoy our team's carefully selected Teacher Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What are a school teacher’s three favorite words?
June, July, and August.
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What’s the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of job.
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A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 14-year-olds.
On her first day, she comes to watch the kids playing soccer. She watches as they all get together and start playing.
However, she quickly notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“Are you OK?” she says kindly.
“Yes,” he says.
“You can go and play with the other kids, you know,” she says encouragingly.
“It’s best I stay here,” he says.
“Why’s that, sweetie?” asks the compassionate teacher.
The boy gives her a weird look and says, “Because I’m the goalie.”
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The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
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What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
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Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
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The physics student asks to go to the bathroom. Professor asks, “Liquid, Solid or Gas?”
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A physics student asks his teacher, “Can you point me to someone who can teach me a way in which quantum mechanics can be united with general relativity?”
The teacher answers, “Let me see if I can pull some strings for you.”
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The crosseyed history teacher could not control her pupils.
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When the history teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said:
“Need Tudoring?”
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When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren’t paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, “Don’t you understand the gravity of this situation!”
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When the student asked the history teacher what questions would be there for the history exam, she answered “The past”.
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A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, “In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative.”
But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
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Why was the poet teaching at a prison so happy?
She had a captive audience.
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Recently, I’ve started teaching a poetry class in a maximum security prison.
It’s a tough job, but I enjoy it.
It really has its prose and cons.
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My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life.
However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it’s an auto-biography.
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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
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A teacher walks into a bar with his friends on Teachers’ Day evening and says, “Can I have a beer.”
The barman says, “I don’t know, can you?”
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Where did the vampire teacher throw the Teachers’ Day party?
In Pencilvania.
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How was the cyclops so effective that she was awarded the best teacher award on Teachers’ Day?
She only had one pupil!
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An English teacher was getting late for school on Teachers’ Day.
Suddenly, a cop pulled him over and asked for papers.
He gladly gave him all of his students’ essays to grade and drove off.
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How is Teachers’ Day, a day of rest?
The rest of the laundry, the rest of the housework, and grading the rest of the papers.
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Why was the teacher late for school on Teachers’ Day?
She took the Rhombus.
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What’s a teacher’s favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if they’ve been may-taining their knowledge.
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Teacher: “Which is the best hand to use when writing something, the left hand or the right hand?”
Pupil: “None of them. It’s better to use a pen or pencil.”
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What did the geometry teacher say when the class had trouble solving a problem?
“Let’s try a different angle.”
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
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Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?
Because she sprained her angle!
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My favorite geology professor died today.
My sediments are with his family.
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The English teacher in India.
Teacher: “Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: “I is the...”
Teacher: “Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.”
Student: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better.
“Short answer – no. Long answer – yes.”
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A student holds a gun to his English teacher, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
English teacher: “You mean history.”
Student: “Don’t change the subject!”
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English teacher: “Give me the opposite of this sentence: Children in the dark make mistakes.”
Student: “Mistakes in the dark make children.”
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What do English teachers do on Reddit?
Edit grammar.
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What do you get when you cross a Software Engineer with an English teacher?
A programmar.
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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, “What’s this?”
The kid says, “A picture of a cow eating grass.”
The teacher asks, “Where’s the grass?”
The kid says, “The cow ate it all.”
“Ok, then where’s the cow?”
“It left because there was no more grass.”
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What do the Backstreet Boys and algebra teachers have in common?
They both want you to tell them Y.
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I said to the gym teacher, “Can you teach me to do the splits?”
He said, “How flexible are you?”
I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
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Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
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Now that I’m teaching remotely, I can’t reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
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When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
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It was the first day of school.
Harry’s mother went into his bedroom and said, “Come on Harry, get up now. You have to go to school today.”
“But I don’t want to go to school,” replied Harry, “I want to stay in bed. Why do I have to go to school?”
“Because,” answered his mother, “you’re a teacher!”
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Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldn’t need it.
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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say “You shall not pass!”
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There was a statistics teacher who would always accelerate hard when driving through intersections and then slow down after passing through.
One day he drove a colleague to work who was noticeably uncomfortable with his driving.
The colleague asked, “Why do you always drive so fast through intersections?”
To which the statistics teacher responded, “Well, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to have an accident in an intersection, so I make sure to get through them as fast as possible!”
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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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The science teacher lecturing his class in biology said, “Now I’ll show you this frog in my pocket.”
He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a chicken sandwich.
He looked puzzled for a second, thought deeply, and said, “That’s funny. I distinctly remember eating my lunch.”
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The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times ‘I will not pass through a red light.’”
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Because the class was so bright!
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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
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