Enjoy our team's carefully selected Sweet Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“July.”
“July, who?”
“July’d to me when you said you didn’t eat my ice cream!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
😄 😄 😄
Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Café?
Chocolate Moose.
😄 😄 😄
Person 1: “I like Eminem.”
Person 2: “Well, I prefer Skittles.”
Person 1: “No, I meant the rapper.”
Person 2: “Why would you eat the wrapper?”
😄 😄 😄
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
They smell just like burned toast.
😄 😄 😄
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
😄 😄 😄
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda.
😄 😄 😄
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it?
Raisin hell!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget it’s your birthday!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Pudding.”
“Pudding, who?”
“Pudding candles on your birthday cake!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivana.”
“Ivana, who?”
“Ivana piece of your birthday cake.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Witch.”
“Witch, who?”
“Witch one of you will give me my Halloween sweet?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Venice.”
“Venice, who?”
“Venice Halloween candy coming out?!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cereal.”
“Cereal, who?”
“Cereal-ously ready for breakfast!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Waffle.”
“Waffle, who?”
“Waffle lot of pancakes for breakfast?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“CIA.”
“CIA, who?”
“CI ate your last doughnut!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Canoe.”
“Canoe, who?”
“Canoe you buy me a donut?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut ask, it’s a secret!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to share your donuts with me!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut worry, be happy!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice Cream Soda.”
“Ice Cream Soda, who?”
“Ice Cream Soda whole party can hear me.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream every time I see a spider.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Anita.”
“Anita, who?”
“Anita piece of that birthday cake!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Uriah.”
“Uriah, who?”
“Keep Uriah on the birthday cake, it’s about to be lit!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Candice.”
“Candice, who?”
“Candice be the birthday cake? I’m starving!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you don’t throw a great birthday party!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Lettuce.”
“Lettuce, who?”
“Lettuce eat cake, it’s your birthday!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon a cake for your birthday.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
😄 😄 😄
For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the worst part about going to the doctor and being diagnosed with diabetes?
You don’t get a lollipop afterward.
😄 😄 😄
Why do diabetics always have nightmares?
They can’t have sweet dreams.
😄 😄 😄
How do you know the NASA scientists are wrong to say it is possible to live on Mars?
Some people tried it and now they are 15 kg heavier and diabetic.
😄 😄 😄
What was the trickiest question on a diabetes website?
It asked if I would accept cookies.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t diabetics have vengeance?
Because vengeance is sweet.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know that according to 911 choking on a handful of gummies does not constitute a “bear attack”.
😄 😄 😄
One night, a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared before her.
“My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of love for your fellow creatures, and your actions and prayers are always for the benefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you, but to grant you anything you wish,” said God.
“Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy, and I am doing what I love. I lack for nothing. I feel content in all ways,” said the nun.
“There must be something you would have of me,” said God.
“Well, there is one thing,” she said.
“Just name it,” said God.
“It’s those blond jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, not just to me. I would like for blond jokes to stop.”
“Consider it done,” said God. “Blonde jokes shall be stricken from the minds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could do just for you.”
“There is one thing. But it’s really small, and not worth your time,” said the nun.
“Name it. Please,” said God.
“It’s the M&M’s,” said the nun. “They’re so hard to peel.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a red, white and blue pie?
Pastry-otic.
😄 😄 😄
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
😄 😄 😄
What is red, white, and blue?
A sad candy cane.
😄 😄 😄
What happens when a waffle gets mad?
It flips.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blueberry muffin crumble?
It fell to pieces under pressure!
😄 😄 😄
Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
😄 😄 😄
Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.
I like to play Muffin Roulette.
😄 😄 😄
Feeling blue? A blueberry muffin can be your rescue!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blueberry muffin get a ticket?
It was berry speeding!
😄 😄 😄
I went to a haunted bed-and-breakfast in France.
That place was giving me the crêpes.
😄 😄 😄
The bed-and-breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning.
The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning, and he even extended his stay at the bed-and-breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazing biscuits.
Finally, after a few weeks he decided to ask her, “Ma’am, these are the most amazing biscuits I have ever eaten in my life. How do you make them taste so good?”
The little old lady smiled and said, “It’s nothing really. All I do is mix about 2 cups of flour with one teaspoon of sugar, one tablespoon of baking powder, and three mouthfuls of buttermilk.”
😄 😄 😄
A doctor just flirted with me. She also said that I was really sweet.
Well, her exact words were “severely diabetic”, but I know what she meant. I got the hint.
😄 😄 😄
When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.
😄 😄 😄
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was as easy as pie.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
😄 😄 😄
What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
😄 😄 😄
Farmer Smith was driving his tractor along the road with a trailer load of fertilizer.
Alex—a little boy of nine—was playing ball in his yard.
He saw the farmer and asked, “What’ve you got in your trailer?”
“Manure,” farmer Smith replied.
“What are you going to do with it?” asked Alex.
“Put it on my pumpkins,” answered the farmer.
Alex replied, “You ought to come and eat with us, we put ice cream on our pumpkin pie.”
😄 😄 😄
It’s cleaning day today.
I’ve already polished off a whole chocolate bar.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
😄 😄 😄
There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home. He smells something amazing. It’s the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
With his last strength, he gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. They are on a plate, four of them, just out of the oven.
With his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies.
His wife sees him, rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, “No, they are for the funeral.”
😄 😄 😄
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
😄 😄 😄
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
😄 😄 😄
Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century.
Is anyone else not offended we still don’t have a Himhe bar?
😄 😄 😄
which is the most feminine candy?
it’s Hershey!
😄 😄 😄
Three kids one day found a magical slide.
There was a sign next to it saying “whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down”.
One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money.
The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
😄 😄 😄
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
😄 😄 😄
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1: “Pizza because I’m so cheesy.”
Friend 2: “Chocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”
Me: “Donut because I’m so empty inside.”
😄 😄 😄
A man walks into a petrol station and says, “Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty.”
😄 😄 😄
An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy.
After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him.
After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.
The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.
The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”
“My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”
To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”
“How come you’ve never spoken before?” asks his father.
“Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
😄 😄 😄
Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.
The first one pulled the second one out.
The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”
The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”
😄 😄 😄
A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”
The engineer replied, “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”
So they went to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, “Do you wanna see magic?”
The shop boy replied, “Yes!!!”
The engineer said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.
Then he asked for a second, and he ate that as well.
Finally, he asked for the third and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked, “But where’s the magic?”
The engineer replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them!”
😄 😄 😄
My cousin works in a chocolate shop.
He works behind the bar.
😄 😄 😄
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
😄 😄 😄
A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.
I asked if I could have 2.
He said, “No, you can taek-won-do.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did M&M go to University?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
😄 😄 😄
Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
😄 😄 😄
I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.
After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.
😄 😄 😄
Don’t fight with me over chocolate because I am not someone to be truffled with!
😄 😄 😄
These days, shoes are called snickers.
😄 😄 😄
The electrician’s favorite ice cream flavor is shock-a-lot.
😄 😄 😄
What is an astronaut’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A PayDay.
😄 😄 😄
What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes?
Snickers—he only snickers!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the candy bar cross the road?
Because he was choco-LATE for the bus!
😄 😄 😄
Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
😄 😄 😄
Which candy bar is handsome, talented, rich, and lacks for nothing?
A Bounty-ful!
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?
A Ferrari Rocher!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?
Coco pebbles.
😄 😄 😄
People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
😄 😄 😄
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows.
I have to admit it was a rocky road.
😄 😄 😄
My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.
It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
😄 😄 😄
Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled “The Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.
😄 😄 😄
Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
😄 😄 😄
What did the shop owner say when he accidentally ordered too much chocolate and marshmallows?
We’ve got a rocky road ahead of us...
😄 😄 😄
I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.
So I just snickered...
😄 😄 😄
You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
How did the chocolate frog sneak into Hogwarts?
It used the invisibility croak.
😄 😄 😄
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert.
I thought they’d be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...
That in-prison mint isn’t as bad as I expected!
😄 😄 😄
How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting?
They start painting the m letters upside-down.
How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting really hard?
They paint the m letters on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.
😄 😄 😄
I’m looking forward to the day we celebrate that chocolate cookie with white icing in the middle.
Mem-Oreo Day.
😄 😄 😄
I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla.
Ice creamed!
😄 😄 😄
Public Service Announcement:
“If you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggs”
😄 😄 😄
Seven days without chocolate...
Makes one weak.
😄 😄 😄
What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
😄 😄 😄
I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, “Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”
“To which Joe replies, “Chocolate sausage.”
This gets everyone’s attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, “This doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, “The horse was named Chocolate.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the magician who had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
😄 😄 😄
life is NOT like a box of chocolates.
It’s more like a jar of jalapenos: what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating six bars of chocolate.
A man walked up and noticed Johnny devouring the sweets.
“Son,” said the man, “eating too much candy isn’t good for you.”
“My grandfather lived to be 100,” Johnny replies.
“Did he eat six chocolate bars a day, too?” the man asks.
“No,” said Johnny, “He minded his own damn business!”
😄 😄 😄
There was a candy party, guess who was late as usual?
Choco-late.
😄 😄 😄
I really want to start a donut shop.
But I don’t have enough dough.
😄 😄 😄
How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.
😄 😄 😄
What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
“Wow! Donut seeds!”
😄 😄 😄
What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
“If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.”
😄 😄 😄
Does anybody go to the donut party?
I heard it was jam packed.
😄 😄 😄
What did the taco say to the depressed donut?
Taco: “Want to taco bout it?”
Donut: “I donut know what to say.”
😄 😄 😄
What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?
“I hope you like jam in too.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
A donut walks into a church, approaches the priest and explains, “Excuse me, Father, I don’t mean to trouble you, but I’m very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers.”
The priest, after taking a moment to accept the fact that he’s speaking with a pastry, offers a warm smile in response.
“That is truly a noble calling,” he says. “Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to the priesthood.”
“That sounds like a very involved process,” the donut confesses. “I’m not sure I have the time.”
“If you don’t mind me asking...” replies the priest. “What made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you’re not willing to commit to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?”
“Well...” the donut answers. “See, it’s because I’m holey.”
😄 😄 😄
The donut shop got robbed.
The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough.
😄 😄 😄
What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?
Eat donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops.
They’re torus traps.
😄 😄 😄
What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?
It was a sign that said “Donut disturb!”.
😄 😄 😄
The center of a donut is 100% fat-free.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who is there?”
“Justin.”
“Justin, who?”
“Just in time to eat all the birthday donuts.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the daughter start eating donuts?
Because her mother said, “You better eat hole foods.”
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has the most calories for the human body?
The Donut.
😄 😄 😄
What would you call a cute and sassy donut?
Glazing adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
What would donuts’ favorite drink be?
The hole-y water.
😄 😄 😄
What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
😄 😄 😄
How can you justify donuts being healthy?
Because they are included in the hole food category.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people say donuts are made by God?
Because they are hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
Why do many donuts feel sad?
Because they feel really empty inside.
😄 😄 😄
What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
😄 😄 😄
Why are donuts good at playing golf?
They always have a hole in one!
😄 😄 😄
What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!
😄 😄 😄
What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?
“I donut care anymore.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do you think a donut would ever become a priest?
Because it is very hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people ignore filled donuts?
Because they are just full of themselves.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
😄 😄 😄
What did the doughy wife say to the donut husband?
“Donut talk to me!”
😄 😄 😄
How was the donuts’ hole business?
Not at all jam-packed.
😄 😄 😄
Let’s go to Dunkin!
We need more hole foods!
😄 😄 😄
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star”.
😄 😄 😄
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
😄 😄 😄
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has a hole in it?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
Warning!
Birthday donuts will make your clothes shrink!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to do your homework or you will have to go to summer school!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?
An antidought!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
😄 😄 😄
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing”.
😄 😄 😄
The arrogant baker declared, “You’ll never hear a complaint about my doughnuts outside this shop window.”
The customer agreed, “It must be the double glazing.”
😄 😄 😄
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut ask, it’s a secret!”
😄 😄 😄
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert.
😄 😄 😄
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
😄 😄 😄
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back!”
😄 😄 😄
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
😄 😄 😄
How did the strawberry donut feel after dinner?
Jam-packed!
😄 😄 😄
You need to understand the difference between want and need.
Like I want abs, but I need donuts.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the donut start going to therapy?
It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing—it never felt hole!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut.
😄 😄 😄
The optimist sees the donut whole.
The pessimist sees the donut hole.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Tiger Woods return the donuts?
Because there was a hole-in-one.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cute donut?
Adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
Never insult a donut.
Some of them have fillings.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
😄 😄 😄
A person at the store asked me if doughnuts are healthy.
I don’t know, but I never met a sick one in my entire life.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling.
😄 😄 😄
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got tired of the HOLE business.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?
Sunken Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
😄 😄 😄
I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...
I’ve been banned for life from that shop.
😄 😄 😄
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
😄 😄 😄
Why do crypto fans love donuts?
Because they’re decentralized.
😄 😄 😄
French Donuts...
...are the Beigne of my existence.
😄 😄 😄
What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.
😄 😄 😄
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT!
IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER.
THE POLICE
😄 😄 😄
A priest walked into a barber shop in Washington, D.C.
After he got his haircut, he asked how much it would be.
The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the Lord.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 prayer books and a thank you note from the priest in front of the door.
Later that day, a police officer came in and got his hair cut. He then asked how much it was.
The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the community.”
The next morning, he came to work and there were a dozen donuts and a thank you note from the police officer.
Then, a Senator came in and got a haircut. When he was done he asked how much it was.
The barber said, “No charge. I consider it a service to the country.”
The next morning, the barber came to work and there were 12 Senators in front of the door.
😄 😄 😄
I just heard that the Dunkin’ Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.
They’re going to call it a cough fee.
😄 😄 😄
The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God.
They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a kilogram of donuts?
Property of obesity.
😄 😄 😄
I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts.
It’s called “Hole Foods”.
😄 😄 😄
How does the Krispy Creme sales rep refer to his agenda?
Doughnut Call List.
😄 😄 😄
What did the cops see after they told the Pillsbury Doughboy to spread ’em?
Doughnuts!
😄 😄 😄
Cop Cuisine Point to Ponder:
Do cops like doughnuts better when they’re spelled Do-Nuts?
😄 😄 😄
How do beat cops define the word “doughnut”?
A local bakery owner who is absolutely crazy about money.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?
He was caught pinching the salt.
😄 😄 😄
Which kind of donuts can fly?
The plane ones.
😄 😄 😄
Is it proper to eat donuts with your fingers?
No, fingers should be eaten separately!
😄 😄 😄
Why do cops that play basketball like donuts the most?
Because they love to dunk them.
😄 😄 😄
Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
😄 😄 😄
Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”
Blonde: “Because I didn’t pull out of the donut shop too fast?”
😄 😄 😄
What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?
Bread Alert!
😄 😄 😄
Which holiday is every policeman’s favorite?
National Donut Day.
😄 😄 😄
What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.
😄 😄 😄
What are the sun’s favorite chocolate bars?
A Milky Way.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh, “let’s put all the corn flakes back in the box.’
😄 😄 😄
An older couple is watching TV and the man stands up and says, “I’m going to the kitchen. Do you want anything?”
His wife answers, “Yes, please get me some chocolate ice cream with sprinkles.”
The man starts to leave, when his wife says, “Honey, are you sure you don’t want to write that down, your doctor said you may need to in order to remember.”
“No, no, I’m sure I’ll remember what you asked for.”
A few minutes later, he returns with fried eggs and toast.
His wife says, “Well, see, you did need to write that down. You completely forgot my bacon!”
😄 😄 😄
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight.”
😄 😄 😄
Do you want to get a sundae?
No, thanks, it’s only Thursday.
😄 😄 😄
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats.
😄 😄 😄
I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.
😄 😄 😄
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet but then my browser froze.
😄 😄 😄
In 1973, my dad left to get ice cream and never came back.
Mom says he’s probably just lost because he hates stopping to ask for directions.
😄 😄 😄
A day without ice cream is practically un-cone-stitutional.
😄 😄 😄
Why does everyone invite ice cream to the party?
It’s cool.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
Because of the rocky road.
😄 😄 😄
Took my girlfriend to the ice cream factory and she fell into the Gelato machine.
She’s a sore babe now.
😄 😄 😄
Why do British ice cream cones carry an umbrella?
There’s always a chance of sprinkles.
😄 😄 😄
How do you describe Neapolitan ice cream to someone?
Your two favorite flavors plus strawberry.
😄 😄 😄
What giant dog is made of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice cream?
A Neapolitan Mastiff.
😄 😄 😄
My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Tobias some nice cold ice cream, you need some money.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ox.”
“Ox, who?”
“Ox me nice and I will take you out for ice cream.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream every time I see a ghost!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you throw me in the cold, cold water!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Felix.”
“Felix, who?”
“Felix my ice cream, I’ll lick his!”
😄 😄 😄
What is a monster’s favorite part of a birthday celebration?
I scream.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you don’t let me in!”
😄 😄 😄
Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?
At sundae school.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Water.”
“Water, who?”
“Water you waiting for... Let’s get out the ice cream!”
😄 😄 😄
What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
😄 😄 😄
What did the birthday cake say to the ice cream?
You’re cool!
😄 😄 😄
What did the ice cream say to the grumpy birthday cake?
What’s eating you?
😄 😄 😄
Which ice cream flavor is always celebrating?
Birthday cake!
😄 😄 😄
How do you wish an ice cream a happy birthday?
“Hope your birthday is gelato fun!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
Ice cream.
😄 😄 😄
What did the newspaper say to the ice cream?
What’s the scoop?
😄 😄 😄
How did Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make the ice cream more expensive?
Just put it in the fridge longer. It will turn into a Cold Stone.
😄 😄 😄
A quantum physicist and his friend go out for ice cream.
“What’s your favorite flavor?” asks the friend.
“Charm,” replies the physicist.
His friend looks at him.
“Why is it that whenever I ask you a question,” begins the friend, “your answer is always strange?”
“Well, it’s strange ‘now’,” the physicist protests, “shouldn’t have waited a picosecond.”
😄 😄 😄
Just went to the store and bought milk, cereal, juice and ice cream.
Cashier: “You must be single, right?”
Me: “Yes! How did you know?”
Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”
😄 😄 😄
A young boy walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for 12 scoops of ice cream.
In disbelief, the cashier asked him to repeat his order.
“I want 12 scoops of ice cream sir.”
Not passing this huge order up the cashier went to work making sure the scoops were evenly balanced and could not tip over.
But before handing it over to him he asked the boy a question, “Why did you want so many scoops of ice cream?”
“Well, if you had what I had you would order the exact same thing.”
The cashier hands him the cone but he’s a little confused and asked another question.
“And what is it that you have that I don’t?”
The boy looked him in the eyes with a smirk on his face and said, “Only two dollars in change.” And he ran out of parlor.
😄 😄 😄
A bear walks into an ice cream shop.
Ice cream man: What can I get for ya?
Bear: Hi, I’d like a scoop of chocolate...
Ice cream man: ...
Bear: ...
Ice cream man: ...
Bear: ...chip.
Ice cream man: Alright! One scoop of chocolate chip coming right up! By the way, what’s with the pause?
Bear (waving paws in the air): I'm a bear!
😄 😄 😄
I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.
Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the private who could shit ice cream?
He deserted his post.
😄 😄 😄
An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment.
They are wanted for dessertion.
😄 😄 😄
I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop, but I turned it down.
I don’t like working on sundaes.
😄 😄 😄
Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China.
I hope they’ve put it straight into iceolation.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the color blind man sell ice cream?
His cones don’t work.
😄 😄 😄
I love Valentine’s Day: the bottle of wine, the heart-shaped ice cream cake...
Taking them home and eating them alone while crying and watching YouTube videos.
Good times.
😄 😄 😄
The ice cream parlor asks for my order.
Parlor: “Hello Sir, can I take your order?”
Me: “Yes, I’d like a male hot fudge sundae please.”
Parlor: “I’m sorry Sir, a male hot fudge sundae?”
Me: “Yes, with nuts.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does Goku keep his ice cream?
In the Freiza.
😄 😄 😄
One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, “Do you have onion-flavored ice cream?”
The guy says, “No, we don’t have onion-flavored ice cream.”
So the kid says, “Ok,” and leaves.
The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.
The guy again informs him that they don’t carry onion-flavored ice cream.
This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.
So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.
Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.
“Yes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!”
The kid replies, “You must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?
Heaven ice day!
😄 😄 😄
A beaver is eating an ice cream. He has a sour look on his face.
“I wish I’d reached the stick already,” he mumbles to himself.
😄 😄 😄
Somebody walks into an ice cream parlor and asks, “What flavors do you have?”
The attendant says, “Over there on the signs on the wall, you’ll see them all.”
Client goes, “Ehm, well I’ll have a cone with two scoops of ‘Mondays Closed’.”
😄 😄 😄
When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.
Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
😄 😄 😄
A man goes to an ice cream stall in Siberia.
The owner asks, “Which type of ice cream? The ice cream from the freezer, or the ice cream on the display cabinet?”
The man replies, “The one in the freezer, I’m pretty sure it’s warmer in there.”
😄 😄 😄
What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?
“Sure, Bert.”
😄 😄 😄
Got an ice cream for my girlfriend.
Best trade I ever made.
😄 😄 😄
I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.
He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.
😄 😄 😄
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
😄 😄 😄
The cast of The Wizard of Oz go out for ice cream.
The Lion stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
The Tinman stops licking his cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping his temples.
Dorothy stops licking her cone, yelling, “Ouch!” and gripping her temples.
The Scarecrow says, “What’s the matter with you guys?”
😄 😄 😄
Snowmen like carrot cake because it tastes like boogers.
😄 😄 😄
There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole.
The first mole—daddy mole—wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell bacon!”
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell pancakes!”
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up but gets stuck behind his mom and dad.
He takes a big whiff and says, “All I can smell is molasses!”
😄 😄 😄
I love being a grandparent in retirement.
I give my grandkids a lot of sugar and then leave them with their parents to deal with them.
😄 😄 😄
So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady.
She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”
“Sure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
“What a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.
I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because we’ve got no teeth,” she replied.
“Then why do you buy them?”, I asked.
“Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”
😄 😄 😄
Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?
So that it’ll fit inside the box.
😄 😄 😄
My son is three years old and I took him shopping.
When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.
Now, I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.
😄 😄 😄
Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
😄 😄 😄
A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car.
After looking the man over he says, “Sir, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?”
The man gets really annoyed and says, “Officer, I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
😄 😄 😄
If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
Yo Mama so stupid she returned a donut because it had a hole in it.
😄 😄 😄
I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging out with her friends.
She said, “Yes!”
I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.”
😄 😄 😄
A woman asks a waiter, “What is this fly doing in my Ice cream?!”
The waiter says, “Shivering, madam.”
😄 😄 😄
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?”
“No,” he replied, “arthritis.”
😄 😄 😄
My wife asked me if I ate the ice cream she had in the freezer.
I told her no. I ate it on the couch.
😄 😄 😄
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
😄 😄 😄
The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
“Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.”
“That’s right.”
“Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.”
“Well, today is his birthday.”
😄 😄 😄
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?”, said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
😄 😄 😄
Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake?
Because there is a hole in one.
😄 😄 😄
