Enjoy our team's carefully selected Street Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Once a street was named after Chuck Norris, but was renamed hours later because Chuck Norris kept beating up people trying to cross the street.
When asked about it, he just replied:
“No one crosses Chuck Norris.”
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Cars look both ways in case Chuck Norris is crossing the street.
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Where should you visit after Sesame Street?
Thyme Square!
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A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, “What’s happening?”
The runner replied breathlessly, “A lion has escaped from the zoo.”
“Oh my, which way is it heading?”
“Well, you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?”
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A guy calls 911 and says, “I need an ambulance, my wife fell down and can’t get up.”
The operator says, “Ok, sir. I’m afraid our GPS is down, so I’m going to need you to give me your street address.”
The guy replies, “We live at 355 Kosciuszko Street.”
The operator responds, “Could you please spell that for me, sir?”
The guy pauses and says, “You know what, I’m just gonna drag her over to Elm Street.”
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What do you call a guy who urinates on the streets of Europe?
European.
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What a strange morning.
First, I find a hat full of money in the street.
And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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A man was pouring colored water every day on the streets of his town.
One day his neigbhour called the police, because he was pouring suspicious liquids on the streets.
When the police came they asked the man, “What are you pouring on the streets?”
The guy said, “I was pouring anti crocodile liquids.”
The officer said, “But there are no crocodiles in this town!”
The guy said, “You are welcome!”
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I’ve given up social media for the New Year, and I am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.
Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and me gardening. I also listen to their conversations and tell them I love them.
And it works. I already have three people following me... two police officers and a psychiatrist.
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An IRS auditor is walking down the street when a mugger stops him.
“Give me your money!” the mugger says.
“You can’t do that!” says the IRS auditor.
“Oh,” the mugger comments. “Well, in that case, give me MY money.”
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2 peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted, the other got aroasted.
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The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, sir. You’re obviously drunk.”
The wasted wino asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”
Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”
Obviously relieved, the wino said, “That’s a relief—I thought I was a cripple.”
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A boss was waiting in his office one day when he noticed that all of his workers were missing.
He waits a few more minutes before the first worker comes in.
“Why were you late?” asked the boss.
Sounding exhausted, the worker says, “Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”
The boss thinks nothing of it and sends the worker off.
The next 2 workers come in to check in and the boss asks them the same question, “Why were you late?”
The workers give the boss the exact same reason, “Sorry boss, but my car broke down on the way to work so I tried the bus, but the bus broke down so I hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately I was near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and I had to jog the rest of the way.”
The boss thinks that he must be losing his mind, but sends the workers off anyways.
Finally, the last worker comes in and the boss says, “Let me guess, your car broke down on the way to work so you tried the bus, but the bus broke down so you hailed a cab, but the cab broke down, but fortunately, you were near a stable, but the horse ran so fast it had a heart attack and you had to jog the rest of the way?”
The worker said, “No boss, you got it all wrong, you see, there were so many broken down cars, buses, cabs, dead horses and crazed joggers in the streets, it was impossible to get through.”
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Whenever autumn comes around, I like to walk around and collect the colorful leaves.
It sounds better than saying I’m a street sweeper.
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Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight.”
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An accountant is walking down the street when he comes across a bum.
“Spare some loose change?” asks the bum.
“And why should I do that?” asks the accountant.
“Because I’m broke. Haven’t got a penny to my name and nothing to eat,” says the bum.
“I see,” says the accountant. “And how does this compare to the same quarter last year?”
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
“Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.”
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