Enjoy our team's carefully selected Pig Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Did you hear about the people who were sick in June from eating bacon past its use-by date?
It was mayhem.
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What did the pig exclaim when the wolf grabbed its tail?
“That’s the end of me!”
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How is bacon like southern Europe?
It’s got a lot of Greece in it.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Oink oink.”
“Oink oink, who?”
“Make up your mind… Are you a pig or an owl?”
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What do you call a flying pig?
Swine flu.
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How did the pig get out of the tree?
The swine flu.
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Did you hear about the pig who got sick after catching a flight?
Swine flu.
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They said when pigs fly...
But the swine already flu.
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A pig goes to the doctor with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there, he’s instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, “What’s this supposed to do, cure me!”
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John thought he could never catch an illness.
When his co-worker asked him if he ever gets sick, he would always say “The day I become ill will be the day pigs fly”.
A few months later, it finally happened.
The swine flu.
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“Doctor, Doctor, I think I’ve got the swine flu.”
“Here’s an oinkment to make it better.”
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What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires a tweetment and one requires an oinkment.
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What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
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Which actor is now being quarantined for swine flu?
Kevin Bacon.
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Why did the pig visit the physical therapist’s clinic?
It pulled a hamstring.
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What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
Hogs and kisses.
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What do you call a pig stuck in a cactus?
A porcupine.
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Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
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What did the pig say when he was placed in the desert?
Oh no, I’m bacon.
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What made the pig go to the kitchen?
Because he felt like bacon.
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What is a pressing thought of every pig?
“Why do all bacon get cooked and cookies get baked?”
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What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
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What do you do when you see a severely injured pig that requires immediate medical attention?
You call the hambulance.
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A man drove by a farm every day on his way to work, and he always saw a pig in the front yard.
One morning on his way in, he noticed the pig had a wooden leg. It was odd, but he put it out of his mind.
A couple of weeks later, he saw the pig had a second wooden leg. No longer able to contain his curiosity, we stopped by the next day on his way home and knocked on the farmer’s door.
An old man answered, and he asked him about the pig with the wooden legs. The old man thought for a few minutes before answering.
“Well, son, let me tell you about this here pig.
One day I was out plowing in the back forty, and my tractor hit a rut. It tipped over and trapped me under it. I was pinned down and slowly pushed into the mud, where I knew I was going to be smothered and die.
This pig saw what happened, ran back to the farm, and made a huge ruckus. Then, when people came out to see what was going on, he led them to me.
Yep, that pig saved my life that day.”
The man agreed that was an amazing story, but he still didn’t understand about the wooden legs.
The old farmer thought some more, then told him another story.
“Well, a couple of nights ago, my wife and I were sleeping in the house when the barn caught fire. The wind was kicking up, and it was spreading to the main house.
If it weren’t for that there pig banging on the windows and squealing and raising Cain, we would have died in that fire.
Pig saved our lives, no doubt about it.”
The man was flabbergasted, “Sir, I will grant you that is a marvelous animal, but I still don’t understand why it has two wooden legs?”
The old farmer looked out into the yard and nodded to the pig, “Son, you must be a city boy, because everybody knows a pig that good, you don’t eat all at once.”
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Who is Peppa Pig’s favorite painter?
Pigcasso.
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What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
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What’s the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
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What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?
A hot dog.
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Three pregnant women are chatting in a café.
Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”
“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”
“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.
The three women chat some more.
Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”
“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.
“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.
“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”
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“Dad, I don’t want to go to school today,” said the boy.
“Why not, son?”
“Well, one of the chickens on the school farm died last week and we had chicken soup for lunch the next day. Then three days ago one of the pigs died and we had roast pork the next day.”
“But why don’t you want to go today?”
“Because our English teacher died yesterday!”
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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
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