Enjoy our team's carefully selected Nurse Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell.”
“How do I know which to choose?” she asked.
“That’s easy,” said St. Peter. “You have to spend a day in each place before making a decision.”
With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell.
The elevator doors opened, and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her.
She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times.
That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant.
She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy.
Before she knew it, her day in hell was over, and she returned to heaven.
The day in heaven was OK. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp.
At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision.
“Well, heaven was great and all,” the nurse said, “but I had a better time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell.”
With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.
When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.
Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks.
When the devil walked over, she said to him, “I don’t understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking.”
The devil smiled and said, “Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you’re staff.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?
Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
😄 😄 😄
Registered nurse: “Sorry for the wait!”
Man: “It’s alright, I’m patient.”
😄 😄 😄
To her credit, the registered nurse that prepped my father for his vasectomy was very gentle and pretty sure she didn’t mean to be unkind.
But he didn’t think it was very nice of her to say, “Just a little prick, sir.”
😄 😄 😄
Why should you always be kind to registered nurses?
Remember that they choose your catheter size.
😄 😄 😄
What did the registered nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?
“Let me give you a taste of your own medicine.”
😄 😄 😄
What do elves and registered nurses have in common?
They both do all the work and one guy in an oversized coat gets all the credit.
😄 😄 😄
Why do registered nurses bring a red crayon to work?
In case, they have to draw blood.
😄 😄 😄
How many registered nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they’ll delegate it to the nursing assistants, but they’ll check the vital signs just in case.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse bring a ladder to work?
To take care of high blood pressure.
😄 😄 😄
Nurse: “Doctor, what is the medicine on this prescription? I went to 50 pharmacies and still couldn’t find one.”
Doctor: “I was just checking if my pen works.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a group of nurses who are musicians?
Band aides.
😄 😄 😄
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.
😄 😄 😄
How can nursing be a dream job?
If there were no patients and doctors.
😄 😄 😄
How long does it take for a physician to change a light bulb?
As long as it takes to find a nurse.
How long does it take for the nurse to change the light bulb?
30 seconds, but 45 minutes to document it.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of fish works in a hospital?
Nurse shark.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so ugly when she was born, the nurse said, “I think it is a child...”
😄 😄 😄
Nurse: “Please wait 5 minutes for me to deliver your baby.”
Patient: “No thanks, I’d like my baby to keep her liver.”
😄 😄 😄
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”
The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.”
The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave.
When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air,” the man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”
😄 😄 😄
Dear Justin Bieber haters, please respect him.
I owe my life to Justin.
Last August 16, 2014, I was in a coma for 4 months due to a terrible car accident. One day, my nurse turned the radio to Justin’s song.
So I got up... and turned off the radio.
😄 😄 😄
Doctor: “Who’s my next patient?”
Nurse: “Mr. Ghost.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see right now.”
😄 😄 😄
