Enjoy our team's carefully selected New York Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
How did the ghost get from New York to London?
British Scare-ways.
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Passenger: “One ticket to New York, please.”
Bus driver: “By way of Buffalo?”
Passenger: “No, by bus!”
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How do you get an affordable minimalist makeover in New York?
Leave a window open.
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What is a famous circular museum in New York devoted to Internet search engines?
The Googlenheim.
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A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before leaving on vacation and requests a $5,000 loan.
“Okay, miss, is there anything you’d like to use as collateral?” the banker inquires.
The lady says, “Of course, yes. I’ll drive in my Rolls Royce.”
Stunned, the banker inquires, “A Rolls Royce for $250,000? Really?”
The woman is completely positive. As the bankers and loan officers laugh at her, she hands over the keys. They check her credentials to ensure she is the rightful owner of the title. Everything is in order. They keep it for two weeks in their underground garage.
When she returns, she repays the $5,000 loan plus the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, “Miss, we appreciate your business, but I have one question. We looked you up and discovered you are a multi-millionaire. What makes you think you need $5,000?”
“Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?” the woman responds.
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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
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Why are people from New York always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
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Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
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What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
Bony Sanders.
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My husband and I purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters.
Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house’s lack of insulation.
“If they could live here all those years, so can we!” my husband confidently declared.
One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost.
My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up.
“For the past 30 years,” he muttered, “they’ve gone to Florida for the winter.”
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A Buddhist monk, visiting New York City for the first time in twenty years, walked up to a hot dog vendor, handed him a twenty-dollar bill, and said, “Make me one with everything.”
The vendor pocketed the money and handed the Buddhist monk his hot dog.
The monk, after waiting for a moment, asked for his change.
The vendor looked at him and said, “Change comes from within.”
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What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
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The Pope goes to New York and gets picked up at the airport by a limousine.
He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”
The driver is understandably hesitant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”
But the Pope persists, “Please?”
The driver finally lets up, “Oh, alright, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”
So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone.
A policeman notices and pulls him over. The cop walks up and asks the Pope to wind the window down.
Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.
Cop: “Chief, I have a problem.”
Chief: “What sort of problem?”
Cop: “Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit, but it’s someone really important.”
Chief: “Important like the mayor?”
Cop: “No, no, much more important than that.”
Chief: “Important like the governor?”
Cop: “Way more important than that.”
Chief: “Like the president?”
Cop: “Much more important.”
Chief: “Who’s more important than the president?”
Cop: “I don’t know but he has the Pope DRIVING for him!”
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