Enjoy our team's carefully selected Name Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Who came after Augustus?
Septembrus.
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What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
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What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
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What do you call an Irish reptile?
Croc O’Dile.
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Did you hear that Johnny’s grandma is 80% Irish?
Her name is Iris.
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What do you call a fish who raps?
Swim Shady.
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A couple just had their first son.
The husband is half Irish and half Indian, the wife is half Chinese and half Italian. That’s a lot of heritage to inherit.
They talk about it and they discover they both wish to have their son named after THEIR heritage.
A terrible argument ensues, causing both of them a lot of anguish.
After a few days, they finally came to a decision that made both of them happy. They decided on the name: Ravi O’Lee.
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Once a street was named after Chuck Norris, but was renamed hours later because Chuck Norris kept beating up people trying to cross the street.
When asked about it, he just replied:
“No one crosses Chuck Norris.”
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A Sunday school teacher decided to quiz her students about what they learned that year.
Sunday school teacher: “Okay class... who can tell me what are some different names used when talking about God?”
Little Johnny: “Hallowed!”
Sunday school teacher: “Hallowed? How did you get that as an answer?”
Little Johnny: “It’s in the Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name...”
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I just walked past a man in shorts carrying a really long stick and I asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
He said, “No, I’m German, how did you know my name was Walter?”
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Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
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What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry?
Shrekspeare.
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You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe, who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?
“Poetry!”
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I got a pet owl named Robin.
Robin Hoo-d.
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My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
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An American Indian meets a cowboy. Since neither of them knows each other’s language, they start a sign conversation.
Indian approaches first, pointing his finger to cowboy’s chest.
Cowboy responds with pointing his two fingers to Indian’s face.
Then Indian makes a rooftop gesture with his hands.
To which cowboy reacts with a waving motion of his right hand.
Cowboy returns home and tells his wife about what happened to him, “I met one crazy Indian in the desert. Right after seeing me, he told that he’s going to shoot me in the chest, and I responded that I’ll screw up his eyes before that. He then promised to bury me, and I told him that he’ll sleep with the fishes if he plans to harm me.”
Indian returns home and speaks to his wife, “I met one crazy cowboy in the desert. When I asked him who he was, he told me he’s a goat. I inquired “mountain goat?”, and he responded “no, waterfowl”.”
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What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
Phil Ming.
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Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor?
Rabbit De Niro.
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Which actor is now being quarantined for swine flu?
Kevin Bacon.
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What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?
Lucky.
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Why can you trust your friends more after turning 50?
Because you can’t even remember each other’s names, let alone your deepest secrets!
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Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?
Because they can’t spell toboggan.
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What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a volleyball court?
Annette.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.
Just Juan.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican without a car?
Carlos.
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A mummy calls a restaurant.
“Hello, I’d like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.”
“Could you spell it out, please?” said the voice from the restaurant.
“Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal’s head, and a scarab.”
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What do you call a mermaid on a roof?
Aerial.
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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion?
Ryan.
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A Karen boards the plane for her trip to Paris. She decides to take a seat in first class even though her ticket is in economy.
The first flight attendant politely asks her to transfer to her seat in coach.
The Karen smugly replies, “I am travelling to Paris, and I will sit wherever I please.”
The second flight attendant approaches her sternly and demands that she move to coach to take her proper seat.
The Karen responds by shouting loudly, “I am going to Paris, and I will sit wherever I damn well please!”
The most senior flight attendant then approaches the Karen, bends down and whispers something in her ear.
The Karen immediately jumps up and shouts, “Well, why didn’t you say so sooner?!” and storms off to her seat in coach.
Surprised, the first flight attendant asked what he whispered, to which the senior flight attendant replies, “We’ve just checked, and someone is sitting in your economy seat.”
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Karen walks up to a stable in Bethlehem and screams, “I demand do speak to your manger!”
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Two Karens are out for lunch.
The waiter approaches them and asks, “Is anything OK?”
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How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.
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Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because every Juan that can jump, run, and swim is already in the U.S.
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How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
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What’s a Mexican’s favorite martial art?
Tae K-Juan Do.
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What number do you call in a Taco emergency?
Nine Juan Juan.
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Seven days with no food makes Juan week.
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What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just Juan.
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Why did Thor sit comfortably on a cactus?
He has an Asgard.
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Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Roberto.
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The crusty navy chief noticed a new face and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”
“John,” the new seaman replied.
“Look, I don’t know what kind of foolishness they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call anyone by his first name!” the chief scowled.
“It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, Jackson, whatever.
And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?!”
“Aye, Aye, Chief!”
“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”
The seaman sighed, “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”
“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do …”
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A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.
They name her Sushi.
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To what would you change the name of a kid named Hunter if he becomes a vegetarian?
Gatherer.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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If a cowboy rides into town on Friday and three days later, leaves on Friday, how does he do it?
The horse’s name is Friday!
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What’s a mountain goat’s favorite name?
Cliff.
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When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet.
I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
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Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death—we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
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What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?
Bony Sanders.
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What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank.
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Hot dogs really should be renamed to hot wolves... They always come in packs.
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Son: “Dad, why did you and mom name my sister Rose?”
Dad: “Because your mother loves Roses.”
Son: “Oh... OK. Thanks, Dad!”
Dad: “No problem, Costco Hot Dog.”
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What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
Amazon Web Services.
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Why does Spider-Man get so frustrated with the World Wide Web?
Because Google thinks his name is Spiderman, not Spider-Man!
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What is the name of Dr. Strange’s cousin who can’t do magic?
Doctor Normal.
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What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?
The moon.
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I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, “Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”
“To which Joe replies, “Chocolate sausage.”
This gets everyone’s attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, “This doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, “The horse was named Chocolate.”
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Guess what the name of my new computer processor is?
Chip.
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If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would’ve named her biggest dragon?
Moron.
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Zoom meetings is a stupid name, and it’s branded.
We should call it a bit more casual like “coworker video chat” or something shorter, like “co-vid”.
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What would be the first thing communists do if they ruled the solar system?
Rename Uranus to Ouranus.
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Did you know that all the planets in the solar system are named after a god?
Except earth, which is named after all that stuff on the ground.
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I think Saturn’s name is the best in our solar system.
It has a nice ring to it.
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What is another fancy name for a sun fart?
A solar flare.
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My racehorse’s name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.
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What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?
By their names.
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A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.
“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”
“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”
“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”
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A woman walks into the Social Worker’s office, trailed by 15 kids.
“WOW!” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they’re all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says, “Sit down Terry.” All the children rush to find seats.
“Well,” says the social worker, “then you must be here to sign up. I’ll need all your children’s names.”
“This one’s my oldest – he is Terry.”
“OK, and who’s next?”
“Well, this one he is Terry, also.”
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry.
Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri.
“All right,” says the caseworker, “I’m seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?”
Their Mother replied, “Well, yes, it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell “Terry!”, and when it’s time for dinner, I just yell “Terry!”, and they all come running.
And if I need to stop the kid who’s running into the street, I just yell Terry and all of them stop. It’s the smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Terry.”
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, “But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?”
“I call them by their surnames.”
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A guy is standing in the street shouting out, “I am God! I am God!”
The police call a social worker who comes over to see if he can help.
Walking up to the guy he asks, “What is your name?”
“I am God,” the guy replies getting agitated.
The social worker says, “Calm down. Why don’t we go into this coffee shop, sit down and have a talk.”
As soon as they enter the shop the barista looks at the guy and exclaims, “Oh God, not you again!?”
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Man tries to open a bank account.
Teller asks him, “Your name?”
“J-j-jj-hhh-on S-ss-mm-i-tthh.”
“Oh, you stutter?”
“No, my dad did, but the person, who did by birth certificate, was a complete moron!”
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Why did the owner name his racehorse “Bad News”?
Because bad news travels fast.
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What do you call a man who falls overboard and can’t swim?
Bob.
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What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lilly.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What do you call a man who has cat scratches all over his face?
Claude.
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What do you call a man who fixes potholes for a living?
Phil.
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What do you call a lady who is hanging from a roof?
Eve.
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What do you call a man who is always sitting on the toilet?
Lou.
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What do you call a man who is unable to stand up?
Neal.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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What do you call a man who is always stealing stuff?
Rob.
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On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, “What are your parents’ names?”
The student replied, “My father’s name is Laughing and my mother’s name is Smiling.”
The teacher said, “Are you kidding?”
The student said, “No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking.”
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