Enjoy our team's carefully selected Morning Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a lawyer who practices in the morning?
A dawning attorney.
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I always say “Morning” instead of “Good morning”.
If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
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There are two ways of waking up in the morning.
One is to say, “Good morning, God,”
And the other is to say, “Good God, morning!”
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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need.
Not all this “How did you get in my house??!!!” business.
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Friend 1: “I just invented something to help get people out of bed in the morning. It’s called “Rise and Shine Juice”.
Friend 2: “Cool! What’s in it?”
Friend 1: “Yeast and shoe polish.”
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The bed-and-breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning.
The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning, and he even extended his stay at the bed-and-breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazing biscuits.
Finally, after a few weeks he decided to ask her, “Ma’am, these are the most amazing biscuits I have ever eaten in my life. How do you make them taste so good?”
The little old lady smiled and said, “It’s nothing really. All I do is mix about 2 cups of flour with one teaspoon of sugar, one tablespoon of baking powder, and three mouthfuls of buttermilk.”
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How do llamas wake up in the morning?
They use allama clocks.
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What a strange morning.
First, I find a hat full of money in the street.
And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
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Remember that one time when you had to get out of bed and actually commute to your office?
Yeah, me neither.
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Yo mama so fat she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
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I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 o’clock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.
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Good morning!
Monday through Friday, nine to 5, I reach function along with someone who reaches the workplace, with determination, increasing the spirits of every one of his office mates... after that there’s you! You are additionally at the workplace!
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Every night, I go to bed determined to be productive the following day.
Here’s to a good morning... tomorrow.
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Good morning, sweetie!
When I get up, my initial idea is of just how you feel, after that, I obtain you a cup of coffee, placed it down, as well as back away, gradually...
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Good morning!
The boss is out sick so I’m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!
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Good morning, workmate!
Being around you has inspired me... to quit as well as locate a new work!
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A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning.
Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife’s back and says:
“Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You’re frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they’re sticking to the pan! Careful!
Careful now! You never listen to me when I cook! NEVER! Flip them over already. HURRY! ARE YOU CRAZY? Take it easy! EASY! Nooo, don’t forget the salt. Put salt on them, SALT!”
The wife stares at her husband:
“What’s wrong with you?! You think I can’t fry a few eggs?!”
The husband answers calmly:
“I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
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What happened to the guy who accidentally made his morning coffee with some Red Bull instead of water?
He got halfway to his work before realizing he had forgotten his car.
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How did Garfield stop the rooster from waking him on Monday morning?
He ate him on Sunday night!
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On Monday morning, rolling out of bed is easy...
Getting up off the floor is another story.
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What would you call the alarm clock, which always goes off at 2 am every day?
A ringing nightmare.
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
“Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.”
“That’s right.”
“Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.”
“Well, today is his birthday.”
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