Enjoy our team's carefully selected Month Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What is a tree’s least favorite month?
Sep-timber.
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The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
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What do trees do during September?
Turn over to a new leaf.
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What do you call a washing machine with a September?
An autumn-atic washer.
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September is Alzheimer’s awareness month.
Did anyone else forget?
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There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
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What can you expect on September 15th which is National Camouflage Day?
Hope to not see anyone celebrating.
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What do you call a dog in August?
A hot dog.
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Why do cats like August month?
Because it marks the end of the dog days of summer.
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Who came after Augustus?
Septembrus.
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Friend 1: “Hey, I once went out on a super hot date!”
Friend 2: “Oh, really?”
Friend 1: “Absolutely! It was the month of August and a whopping 100 degrees outside.”
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Why does August always get upset at the calendar?
Because it knows that summer is about to “fall” apart!
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What are a school teacher’s three favorite words?
June, July, and August.
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What do you call a slow learner born at the beginning of August?
A leotard.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“August.”
“August, who?”
“A gust of wind knocked me over!”
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Yo mama so fat when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said, “Mommy, it’s time for school!”
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July 1st is International Reggae Day.
This is the day I dread.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“July.”
“July, who?”
“July’d to me when you said you didn’t eat my ice cream!”
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How are rioters like school in July?
No class.
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What do gymnasts use to season their food in June, July, and August?
Somersault.
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What is Brian May’s son called?
Brian June.
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I’m sticking with my citrus diet until June.
Cumquat May.
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Someone told me today is June 1st.
But they May be wrong.
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What do you call it when someone says it’s June in July?
Ju-lie.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“June.”
“June, who?”
“June need to open the door!”
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Did you hear about the people who were sick in June from eating bacon past its use-by date?
It was mayhem.
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What did the calendar say to the wall clock when it became June 1st?
“I am dismayed!”
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What do you call someone who doesn’t believe it is June yet?
A May-sayer.
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What do you call a striker playing a June match?
A spring forward.
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What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
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Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd.
No one fools Chuck Norris.
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April doesn’t fool Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris fools April.
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Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools.
They were literally born yesterday.
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A man pays a visit to an old father and meets his three daughters.
He’s staying the night, and each of the girls approaches him to offer their hospitality in turn.
The first informs him her name is June because she was born in the month of June. She is an expert at fortune-telling and provides him with predictions for the future.
The second informs him that her given name is August because she was born in August. She is a doctor and performs a full physical on him.
The third informs him that her name is Maple because she was born in a nearby town. She informs him of a massive treasure hidden beneath the family stables.
After digging for an entire night, he returns empty-handed to the house, covered in dirt and animal excrement. He complains to the wise man about Maple’s deception.
The wise man replies, “Oh, you must have met April. April fools.”
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What do you call a hammer bought on April 1st?
April tool.
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What do you call the people born in April who aren’t particularly intelligent?
April fools.
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What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fools’ prank feel?
Dismay.
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What’s a terrorist’s favorite day in November?
Bomb fire night.
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31st of October: “Hello children outside my house, want some sweets?”—Perfectly acceptable.
1st of November: “Hello children outside my house, want some sweets?”—Strangely unacceptable and will get you put on a list.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“Ah, October! Almost time for Halloween. This season reminds me of how I met my wife. I went to a costume party and saw her across the room. Standing there all thin and tall and gorgeous next to her fat friend. They’d come to the party together dressed as the number ten,” he tells the bartender. “That’s when I knew, she was the one.”
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A little girl ran up to her father, shouting, “Daddy, Daddy! Can you guess how old I’ll be in October?”
The father laughed, “Oh, I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?”
She gave him a huge smile and held up four fingers.
It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she still won’t say where she got them.
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What is a clinical trial done in October called?
A trick or treatment.
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What do Jack-o-lanterns do in October?
Go bungee gourd jumping.
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What do you say when it’s the end of the month?
Oct-over.
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Did you hear about the boy who always carries a stone with him that he used to throw at people who play Christmas music in October?
He calls it his Jingle Bell Rock.
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What do you call an older woman who was born around late November and early December?
Saggytarius.
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I really don’t understand why people tell 9/11 jokes.
What happened on the ninth of November?
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How many Microsoft programmers does it take to start the November 5th bonfire?
Zero. Microsoft declares darkness to be a new standard.
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What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?
“What were you doing the night between November and May?”
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I’m going to get married on February 29th.
So I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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Why do people take their time walking in February?
Because it’s not March.
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What do you say when someone dies between February 19th and March 20th?
Rest in Pisces.
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Dad: “Hey there kiddo, do you know which month has 28 days?”
Kid: “That’s easy, dad. February.”
Dad: “Haha! Wrong. They all do!”
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Why do women talk less in February?
Cause there are only 28 days.
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What month is Jake Paul’s favorite?
Feb-BRO-ary.
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My girlfriend is like February 30th.
She doesn’t exist.
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What do truckers celebrate in December?
The haul-idays.
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December is the worst time of the year for someone who is...
Claus-trophobic!
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What did Adam say to his girlfriend on December 24?
“It’s Christmas, Eve!”
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National Pride Day should be September 21.
September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, pride goes before a fall.
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Two yokels were driving to the next village’s May Day Fair.
They came to a sign that said: May Day Fair Left.
So they turned around and went home.
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What condiment should you always use in May?
Mayo.
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A townie was looking for the May Day Fair, he stopped and asked Jethro, ”Will this road take me to the May Day Fair?”
“Oh no,” said Jethro. “You’ll have to go by yourself!”
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What’s a teacher’s favorite way to celebrate National Teacher Day on May 2nd?
By giving students a pop quiz to see if they’ve been may-taining their knowledge.
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Why is March through May the best time of the month to buy a mattress?
It’s when they are the most springy.
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An employee asked his boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
The boss said, “It’s May.”
“Sorry,” the employee replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
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When it gets to January, I’m going to overthrow the Government!
It’ll be my New Year’s Revolution.
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What’s the first month of the year in Transylvania?
Janu-eerie.
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It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January.
I drink on all of the other days.
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You can say what you want, but dry January is quite a success in Australia.
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Student: “Can I go to the bathroom?”
Teacher: “It’s may.”
Student: “No, it’s January.”
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Her: “When’s your birthday?”
Me: “January first.”
Her: “What year?”
Me: “Every year.”
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I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s resolution and did not bite my nails the entire month of January.
My feet have never looked better.
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I’ve decided that from January 1st, I’m only going to watch things that are 1080p and above.
It’s my New Year’s resolution.
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Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year.
Hers is in February and mine in July.
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So when December comes around I sit under the Christmas tree, wrap myself in wrapping paper, and live in the present.
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What do you call pandas on April 1st?
Bamboo-zler!
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Every year on April 15...
The IRS pays its taxes to Chuck Norris.
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What goes up when April showers come down?
An umbrella.
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Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a 31-day march.
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How can you tell when April is happy?
It has a spring in its step.
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Can February march?
No, but April may.
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Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I’ve grown bigger ever since.
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An Alaskan was on trial in Anchorage.
The prosecutor leaned menacingly toward him and asked, “Where were you on the night of October to April?”
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Why is April so popular for using a trampoline?
It’s Spring-time.
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Did you know bees become indecisive after April?
They become maybees.
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A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions.
So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.
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Girlfriend: “I’m sorry, babe, but I’ve cheated on you.”
Boyfriend: “I’m sorry as well, I have also cheated on you.”
Girlfriend: “April Fools’ Day!”
Boyfriend: “Mine was on 24th March.”
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What is a soldier’s most active day of the year?
March forth!
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Why does Spider-Man only have 11 months on his calendar?
Because he lost May.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
“Let’s have another round, shall we?”
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I wish I had as much hope as the guy driving the ice cream truck around in February.
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