Enjoy our team's carefully selected Light Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What’s God’s favorite beer?
Busch Light.
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What is a Jedi electrician’s favorite tool?
His lightsaber.
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An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office.
I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said, “No, this is light.”
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How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
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Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
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When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn on the light.
He turns off the dark.
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Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
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How many non-vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they prefer to stay in the dark.
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I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light.
Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
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The blue light special was on sale.
But it left me feeling blue-tifully broke.
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What is the definition of breakfast?
What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.
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Yo daddy so fat when God said “let there be light”, he asked him to move out of the way.
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How many registered nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they’ll delegate it to the nursing assistants, but they’ll check the vital signs just in case.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Depends on what it says in the script.
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How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to actually change the bulb, and the other to film it so fundamentalists won’t claim that god did it.
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How many HR people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in, the other to investigate the lightbulb’s complaint it was touched inappropriately.
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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.
Just Juan.
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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
It only takes one, but it takes a long time and the light bulb has to want to change.
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How many Mcdonald’s workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can’t climb the ladder.
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How many koalas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Technically just one, as long as he’s koalafied.
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How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one. She calls the emergency number and demands that a police officer come and do something about the intimidating blackness.
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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb?
Just Juan.
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
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How many tall people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to get a chair and the other one to call a short person for help.
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How many university graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it may take up to seven years!
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How many Apple engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
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My friend, who has mild epilepsy, is an electrician.
He’s a light fitter.
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What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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How many developers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
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Why are people from New York always depressed?
Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
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I’m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment.
I tried it once and I killed a cyclist.
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How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.
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All this spending on Black Friday.
Better make sure you pay the electric bill first or next Friday will be Black Friday too.
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How many Millennials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Enough to protest until the government does it for them.
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How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.
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Death must be really boring for subway drivers.
A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
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The lights went out at a comedy convention and it became dark humor.
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When we were kids, we used to be afraid of the dark.
But when we grew up, the electricity bill is what made us afraid of the light.
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How many golfers does it take to change a light bulb?
FORE!
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How many Star Wars characters does it take to change a light bulb?
Lots because many Hans makes light work.
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How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.
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How many general-relativity theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate space.
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I got so sick of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night that I finally turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t home.
Forget the ships! My lighthouse, my rules!
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What does the light bulb say when it’s being unscrewed?
“I’m feeling delighted...”
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Why is the sun not very heavy to carry?
Because it is really very light.
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Why did the sun feel so dizzy?
Because he felt light-headed.
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How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, every six hours for the next ten days.
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I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickles.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She replied, “This jar of pickles says to store it in a cool, dark location.”
I said, “Okay, how about in the fridge?”
She said, “No, silly, there’s a little light inside.”
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Last night, I changed a light bulb, crossed a road, walked into a bar and chatted with an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman.
That’s when I realized my entire life is a joke...
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The judge rose from the bench and said, “Madam, I’ve waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.”
Then he smiled as he said, “Now, sit down at that table and write 500 times ‘I will not pass through a red light.’”
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Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how would you do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”
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Guess what number of pessimists it takes to screw in a light bulb?
None – they gave up.
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What do you call London without electricity?
Londoff.
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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
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Your mama so dumb she bought a solar-powered flashlight.
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How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
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