Enjoy our team's carefully selected Irish Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
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What do you call an Irish reptile?
Croc OโDile.
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What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Tree fellers.
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How many shots can an Irish man handle?
About 10 rounds.
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Did you hear that Johnnyโs grandma is 80% Irish?
Her name is Iris.
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Whatโs Irish and stays out all summer?
Paddy Oโfurniture.
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When I went to my favorite Irish cafรฉ after years...
I felt deja brew all over again.
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Knock! Knock!
โWhoโs there?โ
โIrish.โ
โIrish, who?โ
โIrish I were an Oscar Mayer Weiner!โ
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Knock! Knock!
โWhoโs there?โ
โDon.โ
โDon, who?โ
โDon be putting down the Irish now!โ
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Five Scotsmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them, โIt is illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four.โ
โQuattro is just the name of the automobile,โ the Scotsmen retort in disbelief. โLook at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons.โ
โYou cannot pull that one on me,โ replies Paddy. โQuattro means four. You have five people in your car, and you are therefore breaking the law.โ
The Scotsmen reply angrily, โYou idiot! Call your supervisor over. I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!โ
โSorry,โ responds Paddy, โMurphy is busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno.โ
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Knock! Knock!
โWhoโs there?โ
โIrish.โ
โIrish, who?โ
โIrish you a happy St. Patrickโs Day!โ
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Two Irish fellasโPaddy and Murphyโare looking for a job.
They are walking down the road when they see a sign saying โTree fellers wanted. Apply within!โ.
Paddy says, โHey Murphy, if we find another person we can apply for that.โ
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A small Irish man escaped from prison today.
Heโs a leprechaun-vict.
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An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.
The Englishman steals three buns, puts them into his pockets and leaves.
He says to the Irishman, โThat took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didnโt even see me.โ
โThatโs just simple thievery,โ the Irishman replied. โIโll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.โ
The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and said, โSir, I want to show you a magic trick.โ
The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick.
The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times.
And after eating them again the owner says, โOkay my friend, whereโs the magic trick?โ
The Irishman then said, โLook in the Englishmanโs pockets.โ
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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?
Because one more, and itโd be too farty.
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One day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.
Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the chemist.
โCould you taste this for me, please?โ asked Seamus.
The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid around, and swallowed it.
โDoes that taste sweet to you?โ says Seamus.
โNo, not at all,โ says the pharmacist.
โOh thatโs a relief,โ says Seamus. โDoctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.โ
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An Irishman walks into NASA and asks:
โCan Ireland my spaceship on the moon?โ
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