Enjoy our team's carefully selected Indian Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What if the Indians would have given the Pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey?
We’d all be having a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.
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A Sioux woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any painkillers because I’m in a big hurry,” the Sioux woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed, “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The Sioux woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
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Recently, a routine Yakama police patrol parked outside Pete’s tavern. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a young tribal man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the blinkers on, then off, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last, he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station, this breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”
“I doubt it,” said the man, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy. Aye!!! Old tribal trick enit!!!”
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Three Indian commandos were out in the Iraqi desert.
“I understand that you, Indians, have brought your own indigenous survival equipment,” ventured their captain.
“Sir, I have brought an entire barrel cactus,” said the Pima guy proudly. “When I get too hot, I just cut off the top and take a drink.”
The captain looked impressed.
Not to be outdone, the Pueblo guy said, “Sir, I have brought the sacred corn pollen. When I get too hot, I pray with it, and then it rains.”
The captain looked even more impressed.
Not to be outdone, the Pawnee guy said, “I brought a car door off a 1959 Chevy Impala.”
“Why would you do that?” the captain asked.
“Well,” said the Pawnee guy, “when I get too hot, I just roll down the window.”
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Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea?
He drowned in his own tepee.
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An American Indian meets a cowboy. Since neither of them knows each other’s language, they start a sign conversation.
Indian approaches first, pointing his finger to cowboy’s chest.
Cowboy responds with pointing his two fingers to Indian’s face.
Then Indian makes a rooftop gesture with his hands.
To which cowboy reacts with a waving motion of his right hand.
Cowboy returns home and tells his wife about what happened to him, “I met one crazy Indian in the desert. Right after seeing me, he told that he’s going to shoot me in the chest, and I responded that I’ll screw up his eyes before that. He then promised to bury me, and I told him that he’ll sleep with the fishes if he plans to harm me.”
Indian returns home and speaks to his wife, “I met one crazy cowboy in the desert. When I asked him who he was, he told me he’s a goat. I inquired “mountain goat?”, and he responded “no, waterfowl”.”
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I did that ancestry DNA thing, and it came back that I was 20% American Indian.
It makes sense because after I went to prom it rained for 2 weeks.
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A Native American Indian is talking to his psychiatrist.
He tells him, “Doc, I don’t know what is wrong with me. One moment I think I’m a teepee, the next I think I’m a wigwam.”
The doctor says, “Ah, I think I see your problem. You’re too tense.”
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Three American Indians get lost in the forest.
Indian No.1: “What do we do?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know, we’re Indian, we’re not supposed to get lost in the forest!”
Indian No.3: “We could do like the white man and fire three shots into the air.”
Indian No.2: “How does that help?”
Indian No.3: “Well, when the white man gets lost in the forest, he fires three shots into the air and then somebody comes and saves him.”
Indian No.2: “That sounds like a great idea!” points to Indian No.1 and says, “Go ahead and fire three shots in the air.”
Indian No.1 fires three shots into the air and they wait.
After an hour, nothing happens.
Indian No.1: “So, how long are we supposed to wait?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know. I guess it depends on how close they are. Maybe we should try again?”
Indian No.3 (to Indian No.1): “Yeah, try firing three more shots in the air.”
Indian No.1: “I would, but I only have two arrows left.”
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What is an Indian’s favorite place to be?
Indiana.
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What do Indians, Pilgrims, and Puritans have in common?
The letter ‘I’.
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Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wig warm.
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Back in the Old West, there were two scoundrels known for being dumber than a box of rocks—Jeff and Dave.
One day, the two were enjoying a strong sarsaparilla in the local saloon, when a man walked into the bar and said, “If any man brings me an Indian’s prized horse, I’ll give him $1000.”
The two men looked at each other, walked out of the bar and mounted their horses.
It wasn’t long before they saw a Native American, so they caught up to him and pushed him off his horse.
He fell into a ravine, but the loyal horse followed him right down there.
The two scoundrels scrambled to follow it down to the bottom to try and catch it.
Suddenly, Jeff said, “Dave, look at this!”
Dave replied, “Not now! Can’t you see I’m trying to catch a prized horse?!”
Jeff shouted again, breathlessly, “I really think you should look at this.”
“Why don’t you help me try and make $1000 instead of goofing off?!”
But Jeff was adamant, “Please, just take a darn look!”
So Dave stopped running, looked up, and saw that standing at the top of the ravine were five thousand Native Americans and their horses.
Dave shook his head and said, “Oh... my... God... We’re going to be millionaires!”
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The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
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What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape.
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An Indian walks into a café with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning, the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “Me want coffee.”
The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?”
The Indian smiles and proudly says, “Me in training for upper management: come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day.”
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An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken.
He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card.
So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke, “Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!”
The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back once again with the smoke, “OK, chief, but why so much?”
At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky.
The tribe signals, “OK, OK, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?”
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Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
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Indian warrior decided to change his name and went to the Registry of BDM (birth, death, marriages).
He approaches the counter and talks to the lady at the counter.
Indian: “Hello miss. I would like to change my name if it is possible.”
Lady: “Of course, sir, but why would you do that?”
Indian: “Well you see my name is Sharp Arrow Flying Across the Field at Great Speed Hitting the Bison and Bison Falls Down Dead. As you see it is too long and I’m tired of pronouncing it, I would like to change it to something shorter.”
Lady: “Alright, sir, so what is the name that you would like to change to?”
Indian (makes sound with mouth): “Pew.”
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A Native American hitchhiker was picked up by a slick city man who was driving past the reservation.
As they were driving along, the Native American noticed a brown paper bag on the dashboard and inquired as to its contents.
The city man replied, “It’s a bottle of wine, I got it for my wife.”
The Native American looked forward at the road, nodded his head solemnly, and said, “Good trade.”
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Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?
It means “Lousy Hunter”.
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A man and his family walk into a bar.
Inside the bar, the man’s youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating “World’s longest memory”.
The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.
The child asks, “What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?”
The Native American states, “Eggs.”
The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.
Years later, when the child returns with his own family, he sees the same Native American at the bar.
Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical, “How!”
The Native American replies, “Scrambled.”
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A white man comes across a Native American who is lying on the ground with his ear pressed against the ground between two tire tracks.
“What’s going on?” the white man asks.
“White Chevy Tahoe. Four doors. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.
“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”
“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was driving.”
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A Native American man lived in the big city all his life.
Then one day his father dies.
When he goes home to the reserve for the funeral, the people all nominate him to be the new chief, since he was a successful businessman and his father was a good chief. He accepts.
But then that autumn, the people come to him and ask him if it will be a cold winter that year.
The man has no idea, since he was raised in the city all his life and doesn’t know any of the people’s traditional teachings.
So to be on the safe side, he says, “Yes. Better start gathering firewood.”
So they do.
Later that week, he decides to call up the National Weather Service and ask them what the forecast is for that winter.
They say, “Apparently, it’s going to be pretty cold this year.”
So he orders his people to gather twice as much firewood.
The next week, he calls the weather service again to ask if there are any updates on the forecast.
They say “Yes! Apparently, it’s going to be even colder than we previously thought.”
So the chief tells his people to gather three times the firewood they normally would.
He calls the weather service one more time, and the man tells him it’s probably going to be the coldest winter in history.
The chief asks how they know that.
And the man tells him, “I have no idea, but the Indians down at the local reserve have been gathering firewood like mad!”
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