Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ice Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Quarantine has been hard. I’ve run out of toilet paper, and have to use lettuce leaves.
It’s only going to get worse, though... this is just the tip of the iceberg.
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Patient: “Doctor, there’s a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.”
The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks, “Is it serious, doctor?”
And the doctor replies, “I’m sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.”
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Captain Edward Smith’s last meal included lettuce on his plate.
Specifically, It was an iceberg right in front of him.
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2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.
Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.
A player on the bench says, “At least he got ice on it right away.”
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Hockey players are good at making new friends.
They break the ice really quickly.
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Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?
He wanted an off-ice job.
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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?
Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
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There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul.
Even if it’s cold. Over ice. With a celery stalk. And vodka.
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A statistician can have his head in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say that on the average he feels fine.
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It was so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
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It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
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It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
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It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.
Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice answered, “NO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!”
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