Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hot Weather Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do you call a dog in August?
A hot dog.
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Why do cats like August month?
Because it marks the end of the dog days of summer.
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Friend 1: “Hey, I once went out on a super hot date!”
Friend 2: “Oh, really?”
Friend 1: “Absolutely! It was the month of August and a whopping 100 degrees outside.”
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It was hot today and when I went outside I saw a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers.
I thought to myself, “Such a lovely day to have a barber queue.”
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While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm.
I decided to cyclone.
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A salesman returns from his assignment in Saudi Arabia, where he went to sell them a new brand of Coca-Cola.
Seeing his crestfallen face, a friend asks him, “Why the long face?”
The salesman replied, “I failed in Saudi Arabia. The campaign was a total failure.”
“Why is that?” asked the friend. “I thought you had a good campaign running.”
“Well, when I got posted there, I was very confident that I would make a great sales pitch to the Saudis. But I had a problem—I didn’t speak Arabic, so I planned to convey the meaning of the message with the use of three images:
First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand in utter exhaustion; he has fainted.
Second poster: The man is drinking the new Coca-Cola brand.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed and feeling great.
I had these posters pasted all over the place. You couldn’t go anywhere without seeing them.”
“Terrific! That should have worked!” said the friend.
“It should have,” sighed the salesman. “Only no one told me they read from right to left…”
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“How long has your unit been broken?” says the specialist.
“Two weeks,” says the customer.
“Why did you wait so long?” says the specialist. This hot weather is no joke.”
“My in-laws were here,” said the customer. “They wanted to stay for a month.”
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It was so hot by the time I got home from buying eggs, I had twelve chicks in the bag.
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It is so hot that potatoes cook underground.
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It is so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
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It’s so hot that I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog.
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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
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It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
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It’s so hot that you can tell who has plastic surgery.
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It’s so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
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It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
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It’s so hot that firecrackers light themselves.
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It’s so hot that my clothes dried right after I took them out of the washing machine.
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It’s so hot that Satan went back to hell to cool down.
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It’s so hot that my popcorn seeds start popping.
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It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
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It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
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It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with pot holders.
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It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.
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It’s so hot my dream house in any house in Alaska.
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It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
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It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
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It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
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It’s so hot out that I baked lasagna in my mailbox.
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It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
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It’s so hot out that I walked through a car wash to remember what rain felt like.
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It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
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It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
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It’s so hot, I went outside for a smoke and the cigarette lit itself.
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It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
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It’s so hot that all the bread in the store is toast.
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It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
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It’s so hot you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
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It’s so hot and humid outside, the air ironed the wrinkles out of my shirt.
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It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
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It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.
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It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
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A young Arab boy asks his father, “What is that strange hat you are wearing?”
The father said, “Why, my son, it is a “chechia”. In the desert it protects our heads from the intense heat of the sun.”
“And what is the long flowing robe you are wearing?” asked the boy.
“Oh, my son!” exclaimed the father, “It is very simple. This is a “djbellah”. As I have told you, in the desert it is not only very hot, but the sand is always blowing. My “djbellah” protects the entire body.”
The son then asked, “But Father, what about those ugly shoes you have on your feet?”
“These are “babouches” my son,” the father replied. You must understand that although the desert sands are very beautiful, they are also extremely hot. These “babouches” keep us from burning our feet.”
“So tell me then,” added the boy.
“Yes, my son...”
“Why are we living in Birmingham and still wearing all this shit?
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What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?
By the time she got home, it was toast!
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After being nearly snowbound for two weeks last winter, a Seattle man departed for his vacation in Miami Beach, where he was to meet his wife the next day at the conclusion of her business trip to Minneapolis. They were looking forward to pleasant weather and a nice time together.
Unfortunately, there was some sort of mix-up at the boarding gate, and the man was told he would have to wait for a later flight. He tried to appeal to a supervisor but was told the airline was not responsible for the problem and that it would do no good to complain.
Upon arrival at the hotel the next day, he discovered that Miami Beach was having a heat wave, and its weather was almost as uncomfortably hot as Seattle’s was cold.
The desk clerk gave him a message that his wife would arrive as planned.
He could hardly wait to get to the pool area to cool off and quickly sent his wife an e-mail, but due to his haste, he made an error in the e-mail address.
His message, therefore, arrived at the home of an elderly preacher’s wife whose even older husband had died only the day before.
When the grieving widow opened her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out an anguished scream, and fell to the floor dead.
Her family rushed to her room where they saw this message on the screen:
Dearest wife,
Departed yesterday as you know. Just now got checked in. Some confusion at the gate. The appeal was denied. Received confirmation of your arrival tomorrow.
Your loving husband.
PS. Things are not as we thought. You’re going to be surprised at how hot it is down here.
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A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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