Enjoy our team's carefully selected Hockey Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.
A helpless man, wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing New York Rangers’ jerseys aboard.
One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side, while the other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Canadiens fan out of the water. Then, using baseball bats, the three heroes in blue beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat as well.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.
“I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Rangers and Canadiens fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth.”
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, “Who was that?”
“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” the harpooner said, “he may have access to God’s wisdom, but he knows nothing about shark fishing... How’s the bait holding up?”
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Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from?
The tooth fairy.
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An association football player and hockey player walk into a bar and sit next to each other.
The two only order one beer each, and at one point an argument occurred. The two, deciding not to disturb the rest of the visitors, took it outside and prepared for a fight.
Before any punches could be thrown, the football player fell to the ground and called for medical help.
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Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?
New Jersey.
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2 hockey players were fighting on the rink.
Both were swinging at each other full strength. Until one lands a nice right-handed to the jaw and the hockey player lands face first onto the ice.
A player on the bench says, “At least he got ice on it right away.”
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A hockey player was asked, “How many accidents have you had in your career?”
The player responded, “None for sure. I’ve had two concussions, lost all my front teeth, have had my nose broken four times, but they weren’t accidents. The opponents did it on purpose.”
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I watched hockey before it was cool.
They basically were swimming.
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Hockey players are good at making new friends.
They break the ice really quickly.
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Did you hear the one about the professional hockey player who quit his job to become an accountant?
He wanted an off-ice job.
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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?
Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
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A blonde wanted to go ice fishing, so after getting all of the right tools, she headed toward the nearest frozen lake.
After getting comfy on her stool she started to cut a circular hole in the ice.
Then from the heavens a voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of hot chocolate, and started to cut yet another hole in the ice.
The voice boomed, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
This time quite scared, the blonde moved to the far end of the ice.
Then she started another hole and once again the voice said, “THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!”
The very scared blonde raised her head and said, “Is that you, Lord?”
The voice answered, “NO, IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE HOCKEY RINK!”
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Why are hockey players like goldfish?
You could tap on the glass and you’d get their attention.
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