Enjoy our team's carefully selected Girlfriend-Boyfriend Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I promised my new girlfriend the sun, the moon and the stars...
So, I took her to the planetarium.
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My physicist girlfriend told me that she loves me to the moon and back.
I’m worried she means displacement, not distance.
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The hardest part about working from home is the distractions, my girlfriend never stops talking to me while I’m on my PlayStation.
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A boyfriend asks his girlfriend, “What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?”
“Well, I don’t know” she answers shyly.
“OK, that I give you another year to think about it...”
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Boyfriend: “Do you think my salary is sufficient for you?”
Girlfriend: “It’s sufficient for me but how will you survive?”
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Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend’s 25.
Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend’s 26.
So if you’re single it’s ok, maybe he’s just not born yet.
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Perfect Boyfriend:
· Does not drink.
· Does not smoke.
· Does not cheat.
· Does not exist.
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Friend 1: “Does she have a boyfriend?”
Friend 2: “Yes, a cute, strong and clever one.”
Friend 1: “What’s the name?”
Friend 2: “John, Michael and Bill.”
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A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principles.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
“Mom, can I escort Helen?”
The girl, waiting to hear a cold-hearted “no”, she surprised hear.
“Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!”
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My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married... I didn’t want him to.
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Boy: “Hey, I like you and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend.”
Girl: “I have a boyfriend.”
Boy: “I have a math test tomorrow.”
Girl: “What does that have to do with anything?”
Boy: “I thought we were listing things we could cheat on.”
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Made gluten-free spaghetti for dinner.
When I asked my boyfriend why he wasn’t eating it, he said, “It’s not real spaghetti. It’s an impasta.”
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Girlfriend: “Our new neighbor always kisses his girlfriend when he leaves for work. Why don’t you do that?”
Boyfriend: “How can I? I don’t even know her.”
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What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?
“Nice to meat you.”
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My girlfriend just broke up with me over video games...
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
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I like to show my girlfriend who’s the boss in our house.
I do this by holding a mirror up to her face.
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My boyfriend said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
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My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
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A couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant. The woman tells the man to say something to her that will get her heart racing.
He replies, “I forgot my wallet.”
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A T-Rex told his girlfriend, “I love you this much,” as he stretched out his arms.
To which the girlfriend replied, “That’s not very much at all!”
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Got an ice cream for my girlfriend.
Best trade I ever made.
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My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut.
I said, “Why are you crying? I’m the one that has to find a new girlfriend.”
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My girlfriend accused me of cheating.
I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
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My friend: “My girlfriend said she wanted to eat tacos, so we flew to Mexico.”
Me: “Hey babe, what do you wanna eat?”
Her: “Nothing.”
Me: Flies to Africa.
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My girlfriend said I’m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
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I asked my girlfriend if she’d like a day of eating ice cream and hanging out with her friends.
She said, “Yes!”
I said, “Good, because I’m breaking up with you.”
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A teenage boy asks a girl out to prom and she says yes.
So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there’s a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.
Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there’s a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.
On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes go by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!
So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, “Hey can you get us some punch?”
So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?
There’s no punch-line.
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We’re not socks.
But I think we’d make a great pair.
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Your boyfriend doesn’t get your fruit puns?
You got to let that mango.
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Feel my shirt.
It’s boyfriend material.
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I think I am going to need knee surgery.
Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.
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The doctor took an x-ray of my heart and almost fainted.
Frightened, he asked me what happened.
I told him, “Don’t worry; I gave my heart to you. That’s why it’s missing.”
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“There’s something wrong with this dictionary.”
“What is it?”
“They spelled ‘love’ wrong. It should be L-U-V, because I know I can’t spell love without U!”
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I think you are suffering...
From a lack of vitamin me.
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You are just like my car.
You drive me crazy.
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You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
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I love you with all my butt.
I would say my heart, but it’s just not as big.
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You are like dandruff because I just can not get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.
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Hey girl, are you an angler fish?
Because you are the light in my darkness.
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A shark just ate my girlfriend during our fishing trip.
Will you be my new one?
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Why did the astronaut break up with her boyfriend?
Because she needed some space.
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I was perusing the shelves at a toy store when a customer asked an employee where the video game section was.
After pointing it out, the employee asked, “Is there anything specific you’re looking for?”
“Yes,” said the customer. “My boyfriend.”
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I’m not buying this sweater.
It’s made of ex-boyfriend material.
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Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
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Boyfriend: “I love you.”
Girlfriend: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Boyfriend: “It’s me talking to the wine.”
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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
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I want to be the reason who makes you look down at your phone and smile...
And then walk into a pole...
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Never laugh at your girlfriend’s choices.
You’re one of them.
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Why did the mushroom break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was toxic!
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Are you from Paris?
Because Eiffel for you.
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I’m sure you could donate blood to me because you’re just my type!
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What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
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What did the serial killer give his lover for Valentine’s day?
His heart! (Well, not his.)
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Our love is a fruit salad!
We are a great pear and I cherryish you.
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I love your sweater.
I think it’s made out of spouse material.
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What did the electric socket say to their spouse?
“I love you a watt!”
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I donut want to glaze over the fact that I love you a hole bunch.
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I hope you like veggies cause I love you from my head tomatoes.
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You are my Soil-mate!
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What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
“I love you with all my art!”
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How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
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My boyfriend came over today and stole my milk.
How dairy.
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You make me hap-pea.
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What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Water.”
“Water, who?”
“Water you doing tonight?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ya.”
“Ya, who?”
“Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Olive.”
“Olive, who?”
“Olive you, and I don’t care who knows it.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“A loan.”
“A loan, who?”
“I can’t wait to get you a loan.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Gopher.”
“Gopher, who?”
“Gopher me, obviously.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Wire.”
“Wire, who?”
“Wire you still not in my phone’s contacts list?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Police.”
“Police who?”
“Police tell me I’m your type!”
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You must secretly be a nuclear technician because you’re both radiant and glowing!
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Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life?
I already gave my heart to you.
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“I thought up an acronym to describe you.”
“What is it?”
“ABCDEFGHIJK.”
“WTF does that stand for?”
“Amazing, bae, cool, dreamy, encouraging, great, fantasy hunk, intelligent.”
“What about the JK?”
“Just kidding!”
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On a scale from 1 to 10, you’re a 9... and I’m the 1 you need.
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I hear you don’t like fractions… So will you let me be your other half?
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Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
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I’m not an organ donor, but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
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Are you an electrician?
Because you’re definitely lighting up my night!
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Do you like Mexican food? Because I want to wrap you in my arms and make you my BAE-rito.
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Is your dad an alien because you’re out of this world?
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Are you Wi-Fi? Cause I’m totally feeling a connection.
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You’re so sweet you must be made out of chocolate.
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Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?
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Is your name Google?
Because you have everything I’m searching for.
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Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?
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A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn’t loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women’s feet, and said in a rather stern voice, “Ginger!”
The woman thought, “This is great!” and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.
The father again looked at the dog and yelled, “Dammit, Ginger!”
Once again the woman smiled and thought, “Yes!”
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing.
Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, “Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she poops on you!”
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh, “let’s put all the corn flakes back in the box.’
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What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
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Did you hear about the blue pencil who broke up with his girlfriend?
He decided to draw the line.
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I had to break up with my girlfriend, she doesn’t like Star Trek.
I told her I need some space.
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