Enjoy our team's carefully selected Fruit Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
I’m sticking with my citrus diet until June.
Cumquat May.
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What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
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What did the bully do to the orange?
Beat him to a pulp.
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Why are orange jokes so dumb?
Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
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Why did the banana go to the hairdresser?
Because it had split ends.
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When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
To the peach.
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What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist?
It is a great peach of work.
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Where do you store peach juice?
Inside of a peach-er.
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If you are wondering about a peach’s favorite game.
It’s peach ball.
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The peach couple is in love.
They seem to be born for peach other.
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This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
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Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave?
He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
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A blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him.
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What do you call a grape that’s always getting into trouble?
A mis-grape.
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Why did the grape go to school?
To become a little wine-y!
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What do you call a grape that can perform juggle?
A grape-fruit.
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What is fruity and burns?
The Grape Fire of London.
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Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service.
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There’s a hair in my wine.
The grapes must have been fur-mented.
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What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
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At a get-together, one fruit asked another, “I was wondering how you have been.”
The other replied, “Just peachy, isn’t that grape?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Orange.”
“Orange, who?”
“Orange you going to open your birthday presents?”
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Chuck Noris once picked an apple from an orange tree and made lemonade with it.
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What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Figs.”
“Figs, who?”
“Figs the doorbell, it’s not working lazy bones!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Orange.”
“Orange, who?”
“Orange you glad I’m here?”
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Vegan: “Hey, try eating this apple.”
Meat-eater: “Hey, this tastes pretty good.”
Vegan: “Well, that’s because it’s vegan.”
Meat-eater: “I thought it tasted it a bit funny.”
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Vegan: “People who sell meat are gross!”
Non-vegetarian: “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”
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What do you call a sad berry?
A blue-fruit.
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Why did the blue-colored fruit hide?
It was feeling blue.
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Whenever I asked for something, my life gave me lemons.
That explains my acidity problems.
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If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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A man approaches a priest.
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” he says. “I’ve spent the week with seven beautiful women.”
“Do not fret, my son,” says the priest. “All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass, and drink the juice.”
“Will that cleanse my sin from me?”
“No, but it’ll wipe that smile off your face.”
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What do you receive when you ask a lemon for help?
Lemon aid.
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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
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My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.
She’s dead and berried.
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Two blondes were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train.
A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas that they’d never seen before.
Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train emerged from the tunnel, she looked across at her friend and said, “I wouldn’t eat that if I were you.”
“Why not?”
“I took one bite and went blind for half a minute.”
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Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
They can’t find the zipper.
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Broccoli: “Hey, I look like a tree.”
Mushroom: “Wow, I look just like an umbrella.”
Walnut: “I look exactly like a brain.”
Banana: “Man, can we change the topic please?”
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Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting, “GIVE US YER LOOT”?
They were both blonds.
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How come “you’re a peach” is a compliment, but “you’re bananas” is an insult?
Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
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Yo mama’s so stupid she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said “concentrate”.
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