Enjoy our team's carefully selected Food Puns. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What do gymnasts use to season their food in June, July, and August?
Somersault.
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I’m sticking with my citrus diet until June.
Cumquat May.
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Did you hear about the people who were sick in June from eating bacon past its use-by date?
It was mayhem.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
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Who tells the best egg jokes?
Comedi-hens.
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Why are orange jokes so dumb?
Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
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What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
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What was the almond tree up to all summer?
Nuttin’.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
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When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
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What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews.
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What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
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What’s a dragon’s favorite snack?
Fire-crackers.
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Why did the lawyer keep bringing popcorn to the courtroom?
They wanted to be a salty attorney.
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Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Café?
Chocolate Moose.
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Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
Because it had appeal.
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What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
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Person 1: “I like Eminem.”
Person 2: “Well, I prefer Skittles.”
Person 1: “No, I meant the rapper.”
Person 2: “Why would you eat the wrapper?”
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What do you call a fasting camel?
Hump-less.
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What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?
“Gotta go fast!”
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How do you call a cow in Ramadan?
A Mooslim.
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What do you call the end of Ramadan?
Ramadusk.
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Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
To the peach.
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What do we call a beautiful picture drawn by a peach artist?
It is a great peach of work.
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Where do you store peach juice?
Inside of a peach-er.
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If you are wondering about a peach’s favorite game.
It’s peach ball.
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The peach couple is in love.
They seem to be born for peach other.
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This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
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Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave?
He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
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How is bacon like southern Europe?
It’s got a lot of Greece in it.
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Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
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What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?
Ancient Greece.
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What do you call a grape that’s always getting into trouble?
A mis-grape.
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Why did the grape go to school?
To become a little wine-y!
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What do you call a grape that can perform juggle?
A grape-fruit.
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What is fruity and burns?
The Grape Fire of London.
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There’s a hair in my wine.
The grapes must have been fur-mented.
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What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
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At a get-together, one fruit asked another, “I was wondering how you have been.”
The other replied, “Just peachy, isn’t that grape?”
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I seek to promote the welfare of a certain baked dish.
I’m a flanthropist.
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Have you heard about the new trend?
People are putting baked goods on their ear studs.
It’s pie-on-earring fashion.
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How does a baked bean learn from its mistakes?
It uses Heinz sight.
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I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
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A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling.
It’s a gnocchia.
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Have you heard about the Italian Bigfoot?
The spag-yeti.
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At the Italian restaurant, the ghoul ordered spook-ghetti for his main course.
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What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda.
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What is the rough part of Italy called?
The spaghetto.
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Teacher: “What are the seasons?”
Student: “Salt, pepper, ginger...”
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What did the apple teacher say to her student?
“Help me orange the chairs please!”
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The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”
And the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
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Why is corn so popular on Thanksgiving?
Because it’s a-maize-ing.
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Millions of people celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday.
The indigenous people, however, have reservations.
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What do sweet potatoes wear to bed?
Yammies.
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What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
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“Why did you act like that at Thanksgiving dinner?”
“I yam what I yam.”
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What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?
24 Karat cakes.
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What kind of key is edible?
A turkey on Thanksgiving.
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Why was the Thanksgiving feast expensive?
It had 24 carrots!
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Who’s going to the concert festival on Thanksgiving Day?
The bands will be Meatloaf, Korn, The Cranberries, and Smashing Pumpkins.
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Why was the cook late to Thanksgiving dinner?
He lost track of thyme.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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What do you call bread baked by a poet?
Poet-rye.
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I went to see a beet poet the other day.
There were lots of hip peas there.
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I went to an English camping party with some vegetables.
We stayed in a tea-pea.
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Why do eggs like April Fools’ Day?
They love practical yolks.
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What did the mayo say after being pranked on April Fools’ Day?
“What the hellmann!”
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What is a pianist’s favorite cheese?
Mozzartrella.
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A Tibetan monk sees the face of Jesus in a tub of margarine.
He immediately raises his eyes to the heavens and exclaims, “I can’t believe it’s not Buddha!”
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Vegan: “People who sell meat are gross!”
Non-vegetarian: “People who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer.”
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What does a nut with the flu sound like?
CAAAASHEW!
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What’s Uranus’ favorite ice cream flavor?
Gas-tronomic swirl.
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What’s Uranus’ favorite type of bread?
Gas-tly sourdough.
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Why did the spaceship bring a snack to Uranus?
It wanted to have a gas-tro picnic.
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What’s Uranus’ favorite subject?
Gas-tronomy.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
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Why did the blueberry muffin crumble?
It fell to pieces under pressure!
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Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
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Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.
I like to play Muffin Roulette.
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Feeling blue? A blueberry muffin can be your rescue!
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Why did the blueberry muffin get a ticket?
It was berry speeding!
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What’s a pickle’s life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?
Because they couldn’t agree on which bread to use.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
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Why did the jelly go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling jammed up.
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?
Because they were always spread too thin.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when they got lost?
“We’re in a jam!”
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Why did the jelly break up with the peanut butter?
Because it was too clingy.
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What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Nut-tea.
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What kind of sandwiches do whales eat?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What fish tastes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish.
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Why did the dog pour nacho cheese over people’s feet?
He wanted Dori-toes.
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What did the nachos say to the cheese?
We were meant to bean.
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What do dragons like with their soup?
Firecrackers.
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How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down hill.
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What do you get when you throw lettuce into the ocean?
I don’t know, lettuce sea.
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What do you call a Scottish girl with a fake tan in an Indian restaurant?
A mango lassie.
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What legend haunts the land of Sushi?
The ghost of Sushima.
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What is a cucumber and a dolphin doing in the same room?
Sushi.
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I hired a sushi chef.
After a couple of weeks, I asked him what his favorite roll was.
He replied, “My payroll!”
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Friend 1: Eats a piece of sushi, starts coughing.
Friend 2: “Are you OK?”
Friend 1: “Yeah... Wasabi.”
Me: “Nothing much, wasabi with you?”
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A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.
They name her Sushi.
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Did you know all sushi comes from female fish?
Otherwise, it would be called suhe.
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I know everything there is to know about sushi.
You could say I’m an a-fish-onado.
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I shouldn’t have had that leftover sushi.
I’m feeling a bit eel.
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Even though it’s been 20 years since my grandfather choked to death on a piece of sushi...
It’s still pretty raw.
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What kind of car did the famous sushi chef drive?
A rolls rice.
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How does Lady Gaga like her sushi?
Ra-ra-raw-raw Ra-ra-raw-raw.
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My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food.
Sushi left me.
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I saw a 50% off sign on a sushi restaurant today.
Sounds fishy to me.
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?
Japan.
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If two avocado are “avocados”.
Then shouldn’t three avocado be “avocatres”, and four be “avoquatro”, and five be “avocinco”?
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Has anyone played that weird Mexican carnival game where groundhogs pop out of holes, and you have to smear them with avocado?
I really suck at guac-a-mole.
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Accidentally got some guacamole in my eyes.
And now I think I have guacoma.
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What can you find on avocado feet?
Avoca-toes.
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What do you call an animal found under the avocado tree?
A guaca-mole.
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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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How does a robot eat its guacamole?
With micro-chips.
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I’m trying to learn how to find a ripe avocado.
It’s not that hard.
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What does an avocado say to its pit?
Without you, I’m empty inside.
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What does an avocado call its children?
Avo-kiddos.
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Pessimists are like German vegetarians.
They fear the wurst.
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Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
Because his doctor said steaks were bad for his heart.
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People that don’t eat meat are called vegetarians, but what are people that don’t eat vegetables?
Constipated.
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Being a vegetarian in Germany is so difficult.
It’s the wurst.
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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.
Coles Law.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?
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Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
Hummus-cide.
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Why did the tofu cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
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I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
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What did one vegetarian say to the other vegetarian?
We have to stop meating like this.
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“Why don’t you want to taco about it?”
“Because I’m nacho friend anymore.”
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What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese.
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A detective walks into a party and asks the party goers, “Do you guys have any nacho cheese?”
The party goers respond, “No dip, Sherlock.”
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The shady workers behind the Mexican restaurant...
That’s nacho business.
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What flavor are stolen Doritos?
Nacho cheese.
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Wife said, “Looks like it’s going to be chilly again tonight.”
I said, “No, that’s nachos.”
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What do you call a Hispanic man who spilled his nachos?
A messycan.
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Brought nachos to salsa class.
Huge misunderstanding.
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What do you call tortilla chips with guns?
Loaded Nachos.
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What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?
A cheesy pickup line.
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How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses.
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Which vegetable betrayed Jesus?
Judas Is-carrot.
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What’s a vegetable’s favorite martial art?
Carrotee!
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What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?
The saddest vegetable known to man—a melonccoli.
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Did you hear about Bruce Lee’s vegetarian brother?
His name was Brocco Lee.
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What kind of socks do you need to plant broccoli?
Garden hose.
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Broccoli looks into the trunk of his car.
He sees an extra tire and exclaims, “Oh! I have a-spar-a-gus!”
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What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
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What do you eat at the beach?
A sand-wich.
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What do you call a religious animal that loves sandwiches?
The Deli Llama.
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What do elves make sandwiches with?
Shortbread.
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What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
You make me melt.
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How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
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Did you hear about the ketchup thief?
He was caught red-handed.
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I don’t put ketchup and mustard on my hot dog, I relish it.
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Why do the hot dogs with ketchup spoil early?
Because the sauce ages.
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There is currently a tomato ketchup shortage in America.
If they run out of mayonnaise too, does that make it a double-dip recession?
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Dropped a huge bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused severe pain to-ma-toes.
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2 peanuts were walking down the street.
One was assaulted, the other got aroasted.
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What do peanuts wear on their feet?
Cashews.
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What do you call a single kernel of corn?
A uni-corn.
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Police have arrested a gang of corn flakes that they allege committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area.
A Police spokesman described them as cereal offenders.
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Two corns in a field were telling each other corny jokes.
They were the laughing stalk of the field.
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What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.
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What is a poet’s favorite legume?
Rhyma-beans!
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Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?
Because one more, and it’d be too farty.
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Why didn’t the butter take the part in the new movie?
Because it didn’t like the roll it was being offered.
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What do you say to an angry baked sweet potato?
Anything, just butter him up.
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What did the butter say to the bread?
“I’m on a roll!”
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Why was there peanut butter on the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
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Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.
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I’d tell you a rumor about some butter on a piece of toast, but you might spread it.
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What do you call it when you walk into a tea shop and feel like you’ve been there before?
Déja-brew.
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What is a deer’s favorite boba flavor?
C-antelope!
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What does a predator call a hummingbird?
Fast food!
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A salad was arrested for public indecency.
I guess it should’ve gotten dressed before leafing.
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What did the priest say to the salad before he ate it?
Lett-uce pray.
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Why did the monster put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad.
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Why should you always knock on the fridge door before opening it?
In case there’s a salad dressing.
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What did the salad say to the chef?
Lett-uce go!
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What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
Don’t look, I’m dressing!
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Why was the chef embarrassed?
He saw the salad dressing.
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Why’s it called a Caesar salad?
Because Caesar ruled the romaines.
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How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
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Why does pirate like to eat pie?
Because PIE RATING is in their job description.
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What did they call the first person to bake a pie?
A pie-oneer.
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What was Newton’s most favorite dessert?
An apple pi.
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Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?
I’m never gonna run around and dessert you.
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What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
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What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
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Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
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How do you make a baby computer cry?
Delete his cookies!
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Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
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Why couldn’t the Cookie Monster make his bed?
He couldn’t find a cookie sheet!
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers.
It was cracka-lackin
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What is the difference between a cookie and a cracker.
Cookies don’t care if you pull down a civil war statue.
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Someone once asked me, “Do you want a graham cracker?”
I said, “First off, please don’t call me that... And second off, a gram of what?”
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I what is a crackers weight measured in?
In grahams.
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An elephant and an ape go to a party together. They want to bring some snacks: crackers and dips.
Which of them buys the crackers?
The elephant. Because the ape always buys the dip.
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What’s Christ’s favorite cheesy cracker?
Jeez-Its.
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What do you call a food that turns black people on?
An afro-disiac.
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What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet?
A desserter.
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What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?
A pumpkin patch.
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What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder.
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What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert?
I-Scream!
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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
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Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
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How did the pumpkin feel after being carved?
Gutted.
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Why did the pumpkin pie go to the doctor?
It was feeling crummy.
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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Why don’t pumpkins get into arguments?
Because they have no stomach for fighting.
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How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?
Apply the pumpkin patch.
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We got our seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil.
It’s for autumnmobiles.
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What do you call a pumpkin that can slam-dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
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Where do pumpkins hold meetings?
In the gourdroom.
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How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?
Use a pumpkin patch.
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How do pumpkins get up to the roof?
They use a jack-o-ladder.
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What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?
“Are you feeling ill?”
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Why do pumpkins do poorly in school?
Because eventually they end up with all their brains scooped out.
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A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.
The hot dog says, “I’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”
The hamburger replies, “Please, beef frank.”
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What dog can’t bark?
A hot dog.
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A guy claims to have made a 20 lb hot dog.
A butcher says, “Ah, that’s bologna.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the burger do when he ate his enemy the hot dog?
He relished it.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?
The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.
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Why did the disgruntled hot dog vendor quit his job?
He just didn’t relish it.
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What do you call a dog with a fever?
Hot dog.
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What do you have to put on your hot dogs?
Must-ard!
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Why do Germans fear getting cheese in their hot dogs?
Because for them it’s considered to be a Wurst-Käse scenario.
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What do you get when you put a chicken, a cow, and a pig together?
A hot dog.
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What did the American hot dog say to the German hot dog?
You’re the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest as a hot dog.
I’m on a roll.
😄 😄 😄
Why does a dog stay in a shadow?
Because it doesn’t want to be a hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing to put on a hot dog?
Water, to cool him down.
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Everyone always says that hot dogs suck.
I think German sausages are the wurst!
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Why did the hot dog dress up?
It felt a little halloweenie.
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I let my kids pick my Halloween costume this year.
They chose a hot dog... this is going to be my wurst Halloween ever.
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
😄 😄 😄
I finally was chosen to pick toppings for the hot dogs!
I relished the opportunity!
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There are no losers when eating hot dogs.
Only wieners.
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If you don’t like hot dogs, I think you’re the wurst.
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The hot dog asked his friend, “Have you been to the German nightclub yet?”
His friend hadn’t, it was too krauted.
😄 😄 😄
Let me be frank, I love the summer.
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The family got completely lost on their journey to the hot dog stand.
They took a turn for the wurst.
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What do you call a sea of hot dogs?
Frank Ocean.
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What is the best way to enjoy a hot dog?
Relish it.
😄 😄 😄
What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hot dog bun?
Frank.
😄 😄 😄
Went to a hot dog convention hoping to meet some women.
But it turned out to be a sausage fest.
😄 😄 😄
Last, I declare you the weiner of the food contest.
😄 😄 😄
Why do all hot dogs look the same after coming off the grill?
Because they are in-bred.
😄 😄 😄
What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?
It could always be wurst!
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a hot dog stand?
Take away its chair.
😄 😄 😄
Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.
So the diners got a raw deal.
😄 😄 😄
When do franks tell insults?
At a wienie roast.
😄 😄 😄
How does the enthusiastic man eat his hot dog?
With relish.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a saw that cuts hot dogs?
Sawsage.
😄 😄 😄
I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head.
My plumber calls it a “meatier shower”.
😄 😄 😄
Have you ever been to a hot dog factory?
No, I haven’t sausage a place.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the vegetarian hot dog cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t chicken!
😄 😄 😄
Hot dogs really should be renamed to hot wolves... They always come in packs.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a candid hot dog?
A frankfurter.
😄 😄 😄
What was the taxidermist doing at the hot dog stand?
Stuffing his face!
😄 😄 😄
I just had a very serious discussion about hot dogs...
It was a frank discussion.
😄 😄 😄
A good friend of mine—Frank—owns and operates a struggling Hot Dog business.
He recently turned to social media to help boost sales though and is determined to make every post a weiner.
😄 😄 😄
I have an idea for a make-your-own hot dog place.
It’s called “What’s the Wurst That Could Happen?”.
😄 😄 😄
How did the hot dog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
😄 😄 😄
A yam and a hot dog are having a heart-to-heart.
Yam: “Can I be candied with you?”
Hot dog: “In that case, let me be frank.”
😄 😄 😄
I was eating a hot dog the other day and when I took a bite, ketchup squirted in my eye...
Now I have heinzsight.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?
Hard to swallow.
😄 😄 😄
Why does ketchup on hot dogs spoil early?
Because the sauce-ages.
😄 😄 😄
Hot dogs and I have a very frank relationship!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a hot dog race?
Wiener takes all.
😄 😄 😄
When does a hot dog have a close shave?
At the barber-cue!
😄 😄 😄
Where do you smart hot dogs go?
On the honor role.
😄 😄 😄
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a frozen frankfurter?
A chili dog.
😄 😄 😄
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?
Ketch-up!
😄 😄 😄
What did Alex say to his college roommate to get him to stop working on his college essay and come out for hot dogs?
Relish today...
And Ketchup tomorrow.
😄 😄 😄
Why are German hot dogs the most controversial?
It’s because they make the best and the wurst ones.
😄 😄 😄
What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
“I’m a wiener!”
😄 😄 😄
Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?
Because it refuses to ketchup.
😄 😄 😄
I go to the store and buy ten hot dogs, nine burgers, three bags of chips, and six sodas.
If I eat nine hot dogs, seven burgers, three bags of chips, and drink five sodas, what do I have?
No self-control.
😄 😄 😄
I took a road trip with my German buddy and when I accidentally dropped my hot dog out the window he swung the car around to go back and get it. . .
That’s when the whole trip really took a turn for the wurst.
😄 😄 😄
What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it?
A hollow-weenie!
😄 😄 😄
Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar Wiener.
😄 😄 😄
What did the constipated hot dog say?
Muuussttuurrrdd!!
😄 😄 😄
What is Spider-Man’s favorite food?
French flies.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.
😄 😄 😄
Why do bananas use sunscreen?
So they don’t peel.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cantaloupe in a swimming pool?
A watermelon.
😄 😄 😄
Why was everyone keeping their food on my friend’s head?
He had got a bowl cut!
😄 😄 😄
What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
😄 😄 😄
How do aliens pay for coffee?
They use star bucks!
😄 😄 😄
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
😄 😄 😄
Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century.
Is anyone else not offended we still don’t have a Himhe bar?
😄 😄 😄
Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.
The first one pulled the second one out.
The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”
The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”
😄 😄 😄
My cousin works in a chocolate shop.
He works behind the bar.
😄 😄 😄
In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
😄 😄 😄
A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.
I asked if I could have 2.
He said, “No, you can taek-won-do.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did M&M go to University?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
😄 😄 😄
Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
😄 😄 😄
These days, shoes are called snickers.
😄 😄 😄
The electrician’s favorite ice cream flavor is shock-a-lot.
😄 😄 😄
What is an astronaut’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A PayDay.
😄 😄 😄
What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes?
Snickers—he only snickers!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the candy bar cross the road?
Because he was choco-LATE for the bus!
😄 😄 😄
Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
😄 😄 😄
Which candy bar is handsome, talented, rich, and lacks for nothing?
A Bounty-ful!
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?
A Ferrari Rocher!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?
Coco pebbles.
😄 😄 😄
People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
😄 😄 😄
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows.
I have to admit it was a rocky road.
😄 😄 😄
Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled “The Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.
😄 😄 😄
What did the shop owner say when he accidentally ordered too much chocolate and marshmallows?
We’ve got a rocky road ahead of us...
😄 😄 😄
I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.
So I just snickered...
😄 😄 😄
You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
😄 😄 😄
How did the chocolate frog sneak into Hogwarts?
It used the invisibility croak.
😄 😄 😄
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert.
I thought they’d be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...
That in-prison mint isn’t as bad as I expected!
😄 😄 😄
I’m looking forward to the day we celebrate that chocolate cookie with white icing in the middle.
Mem-Oreo Day.
😄 😄 😄
I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla.
Ice creamed!
😄 😄 😄
Seven days without chocolate...
Makes one weak.
😄 😄 😄
What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the magician who had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
😄 😄 😄
What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?
McLady.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you take a green cheese on the moon and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Moon pi.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut.
😄 😄 😄
What is the moon’s favorite type of cheese?
Moon-zerella cheese!
😄 😄 😄
I wonder if the moon prefers coffee or gravi-tea?
😄 😄 😄
What did the French Fry say to the Hamburger?
I guess that’s a wrap!
😄 😄 😄
How do you accurately guess what you’re having for dinner?
You cook it yourself!
😄 😄 😄
The cook gifted his girlfriend something she would like. Guess what?
An onion ring.
😄 😄 😄
Guess the difference between a hot dog and a corn dog?
One’s stuck up, while the other is laid back!
😄 😄 😄
Guess what the pickle did when he had a bad day?
He just had to dill.
😄 😄 😄
A thief got caught stealing pizza. Guess what the police told him?
His marinara rights.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what coffee and motivational coaches have in common?
They encourage people to espresso themselves!
😄 😄 😄
There was a candy party, guess who was late as usual?
Choco-late.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what monkeys eat in space?
Space bananas!
😄 😄 😄
I really want to start a donut shop.
But I don’t have enough dough.
😄 😄 😄
How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.
😄 😄 😄
What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
“Wow! Donut seeds!”
😄 😄 😄
What did the donut say to the loaf of bread?
“If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.”
😄 😄 😄
Does anybody go to the donut party?
I heard it was jam packed.
😄 😄 😄
What did the taco say to the depressed donut?
Taco: “Want to taco bout it?”
Donut: “I donut know what to say.”
😄 😄 😄
What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?
“I hope you like jam in too.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s under the Pillsbury Doughboy’s apron?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
The donut shop got robbed.
The burglars said they chose it because the shop was rolling in the dough.
😄 😄 😄
What is the best way to have a well-rounded diet?
Eat donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops.
They’re torus traps.
😄 😄 😄
What sign was hanging outside the room where all the donut lovers were having a meeting?
It was a sign that said “Donut disturb!”.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the daughter start eating donuts?
Because her mother said, “You better eat hole foods.”
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has the most calories for the human body?
The Donut.
😄 😄 😄
What would you call a cute and sassy donut?
Glazing adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
What would donuts’ favorite drink be?
The hole-y water.
😄 😄 😄
What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
😄 😄 😄
How can you justify donuts being healthy?
Because they are included in the hole food category.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people say donuts are made by God?
Because they are hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
Why do many donuts feel sad?
Because they feel really empty inside.
😄 😄 😄
What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
😄 😄 😄
Why are donuts good at playing golf?
They always have a hole in one!
😄 😄 😄
What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!
😄 😄 😄
What does the gym instructor say after having loads of desserts?
“I donut care anymore.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do you think a donut would ever become a priest?
Because it is very hole-y.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people ignore filled donuts?
Because they are just full of themselves.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
😄 😄 😄
What did the doughy wife say to the donut husband?
“Donut talk to me!”
😄 😄 😄
How was the donuts’ hole business?
Not at all jam-packed.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star”.
😄 😄 😄
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
😄 😄 😄
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
😄 😄 😄
Which nut has a hole in it?
A donut.
😄 😄 😄
What is the only thing that can cure a sick donut?
An antidought!
😄 😄 😄
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing”.
😄 😄 😄
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
😄 😄 😄
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert.
😄 😄 😄
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
😄 😄 😄
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back!”
😄 😄 😄
How did the strawberry donut feel after dinner?
Jam-packed!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the donut start going to therapy?
It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing—it never felt hole!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Tiger Woods return the donuts?
Because there was a hole-in-one.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a cute donut?
Adoughrable.
😄 😄 😄
Never insult a donut.
Some of them have fillings.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got tired of the HOLE business.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an underwater Dunken’ Donuts?
Sunken Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
😄 😄 😄
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
😄 😄 😄
Why do crypto fans love donuts?
Because they’re decentralized.
😄 😄 😄
French Donuts...
...are the Beigne of my existence.
😄 😄 😄
What did the donuts do on their date?
They glazed into each other’s eyes.
😄 😄 😄
What do you see when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
I just heard that the Dunkin’ Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.
They’re going to call it a cough fee.
😄 😄 😄
The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God.
They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a kilogram of donuts?
Property of obesity.
😄 😄 😄
I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts.
It’s called “Hole Foods”.
😄 😄 😄
How does the Krispy Creme sales rep refer to his agenda?
Doughnut Call List.
😄 😄 😄
What did the cops see after they told the Pillsbury Doughboy to spread ’em?
Doughnuts!
😄 😄 😄
Cop Cuisine Point to Ponder:
Do cops like doughnuts better when they’re spelled Do-Nuts?
😄 😄 😄
How do beat cops define the word “doughnut”?
A local bakery owner who is absolutely crazy about money.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the cops arrest the donut baker?
He was caught pinching the salt.
😄 😄 😄
Which kind of donuts can fly?
The plane ones.
😄 😄 😄
Why do cops that play basketball like donuts the most?
Because they love to dunk them.
😄 😄 😄
Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
😄 😄 😄
What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What do cops call it when they’re called out to the local donut bakery?
Bread Alert!
😄 😄 😄
Which holiday is every policeman’s favorite?
National Donut Day.
😄 😄 😄
What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a vegan’s favorite non-terrestrial moon in the solar system?
En-salad-us.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sausage who’s been sunbathing all day?
Done!
😄 😄 😄
What are the sun’s favorite chocolate bars?
A Milky Way.
😄 😄 😄
Bread is like the Sun:
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
😄 😄 😄
What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
😄 😄 😄
Our love is a fruit salad!
We are a great pear and I cherryish you.
😄 😄 😄
Made gluten-free spaghetti for dinner.
When I asked my boyfriend why he wasn’t eating it, he said, “It’s not real spaghetti. It’s an impasta.”
😄 😄 😄
Your boyfriend doesn’t get your fruit puns?
You got to let that mango.
😄 😄 😄
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought, “The streets are strangely desserted tonight.”
😄 😄 😄
Do you want to get a sundae?
No, thanks, it’s only Thursday.
😄 😄 😄
A day without ice cream is practically un-cone-stitutional.
😄 😄 😄
Took my girlfriend to the ice cream factory and she fell into the Gelato machine.
She’s a sore babe now.
😄 😄 😄
What giant dog is made of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice cream?
A Neapolitan Mastiff.
😄 😄 😄
My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
😄 😄 😄
What is a monster’s favorite part of a birthday celebration?
I scream.
😄 😄 😄
Where do kids get ice cream cakes on their birthdays?
At sundae school.
😄 😄 😄
What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
😄 😄 😄
Hey shorty, it’s sherbet day!
😄 😄 😄
How do you wish an ice cream a happy birthday?
“Hope your birthday is gelato fun!”
😄 😄 😄
How did Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
😄 😄 😄
I sold a thousand CDs but only made enough money to buy one ice cream.
Probably because each CD was Milli Vanilli.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the private who could shit ice cream?
He deserted his post.
😄 😄 😄
An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the army, but they abandoned their fellow soldiers on their first deployment.
They are wanted for dessertion.
😄 😄 😄
I was offered a job at the local ice cream shop, but I turned it down.
I don’t like working on sundaes.
😄 😄 😄
Ice Cream gets tested positive for Covid in China.
I hope they’ve put it straight into iceolation.
😄 😄 😄
Where does Goku keep his ice cream?
In the Freiza.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the motto of an ice cream shop in paradise?
Heaven ice day!
😄 😄 😄
What did Ernie say when Bert asked if he wanted ice cream?
“Sure, Bert.”
😄 😄 😄
I have a lactose intolerant friend who sells ice cream for a living.
He can’t take it, but he can dish it out.
😄 😄 😄
What smells the best at a Thanksgiving dinner?
Your nose.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing about having a big nose?
You’re the first to know when dinner’s ready!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the guy eat a poisonous mushroom?
He thought that any morel would do.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the mushroom never have a lot of money?
Because he was just too spore.
😄 😄 😄
What does the mushroom say to his lover?
“I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
😄 😄 😄
The reason the girl hated mushrooms is because they were too mushy.
😄 😄 😄
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
😄 😄 😄
How do you wish a mushroom a happy birthday?
Happy birthday to a real fungi!
😄 😄 😄
Who would be the best food to hang out with, a strawberry, a banana or a mushroom?
A mushroom of course, because he’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
He may have been a fun-gi, but he sure did have questionable morels.
😄 😄 😄
Unfortunately, many mushroom puns are in spore taste.
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t the word “mushroom” make a good computer password?
It’s not stroganoff.
😄 😄 😄
When do mushrooms retire?
When they get too mold.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the mushroom get into the club?
He wasn’t mold enough.
😄 😄 😄
I went to the mycologists’ convention, but there was too much shii-take.
😄 😄 😄
What room has no doors, walls, or floor?
A mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
I started growing fungi in my garden, but failed miserably.
I guess there is mush-room for improvement.
😄 😄 😄
Why do toadstools grow so close together?
They don’t need mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?
A stalk photo.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s no mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
Two leprechauns are in the forest and one starts eating mushrooms, so the other one says to him, “Are you having fun, Gus?”
😄 😄 😄
A mushroom walks up to a tomato and asks him out on a date.
As the evening wears on, the tomato is just sitting there, not saying much and looking miserable.
“What’s wrong?” the mushroom says. “Aren’t you enjoying yourself?”
“I guess I’m just not a fun-gi,” says the tomato.
😄 😄 😄
Personally, I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms... breakfast of champignons.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?
A spores car!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the fungi leave the party?
There wasn’t mush-room for dancing.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the only room in your house you can’t go into?
A mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the world’s biggest mushroom competition?
The champignon’s league.
😄 😄 😄
How much room does a fungi need to grow?
As mush-room as possible.
😄 😄 😄
What did the mushroom say as he fell off a cliff?
“Help! I’m in truffle!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if a frog eats a mushroom?
A toadstool.
😄 😄 😄
What sort of room can you eat?
A mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
Why does the fungus always win the argument?
Because they don’t leave mush-rooms for debate.
😄 😄 😄
What did the teacher say about the student’s attempt at making pizza?
There’s so mush-room for improvement.
😄 😄 😄
Why does Mario prefer to hang out with Toad more than Luigi?
Because he’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a mushroom that has nothing nice to say?
A shii-talkin mushroom.
😄 😄 😄
What does a mushroom sit on?
A toadstool.
😄 😄 😄
Why are mushroom children so good?
They don’t want to get in truffle.
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What room can no one enter?
A mushroom.
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What happens when one fungi marries another fungi?
They become fungus!
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I had this long fungi joke, but I don’t have enough shroom to type it.
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What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?
Shii-talkin!
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What’s the difference between stormtroopers having a party and mushrooms being picked?
One’s bad guys having a fun time and the other one’s fungi having a bad time!
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I tried to post my opinion on mushrooms.
But it was a shii-take!
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My stomach doesn’t tolerate mushrooms.
They really give me a shii-take.
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Did you hear about the mushroom hunter who was terrible at finding edible mushrooms, so would resort to stealing them from the baskets of other hunters?
He had no morel compass.
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Mushrooms are the most virtuous of fungi...
they have the best morels.
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Why is it not worth it to hunt for mushrooms?
It’s too much truffle.
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Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said, “You’re brilliant, what’s the band called?”
They replied, “We are the Champignons, my friend.”
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I met this dude once who was really into mushrooms.
He was a real fun-gi.
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Why are mushrooms popular at parties?
Because everyone loves a fun-gi.
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Fourteen mushrooms were sitting at a lunch table. One more asked to join.
One of them said, “Sorry there is not mush-room.”
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So a mushroom walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “We don’t serve mushrooms here. You’re always ruining jokes.”
The mushroom says, “Come on. I’m a fun-gi.”
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My friend had mushrooms during the party.
Now he’s a fun-gi.
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Scientists say they may be able to synthesize a completely clean biofuel using the enzymes in finely shredded fungi, such as mushrooms...
Some critics have questioned the ethics of the process, but admit they are comforted by the researchers’ strong morel fiber.
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What do you get when a giant steps on a house?
Mush-rooms.
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What do you call a lady who enjoys mushrooms?
A fun-gal.
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Why do fungi have to pay extra on the bus?
Because they take up too mush-room.
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What does a polite mushroom say?
“Thank you very mush!”
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What did the fungi say when he was offered seconds at dinner?
“No thanks. I don’t have mush-room left in my stomach.”
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What do you call a mushroom that goes into a bar and buys drinks for everyone all night long?
Fun-gi to be around!
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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
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Two mushrooms were talking about politics.
One mushroom said, “I think that women shouldn’t be allowed to vote.”
The other said, “That’s a shiitake.”
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Why don’t mushrooms always get along?
They like to shii-take others.
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What kind of food says mean things about you behind your back?
Shiitake mushrooms.
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What kind of mushroom gets beat up the most?
A shiitake mushroom.
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Why did the Japanese guy get mad and kick the mushroom?
He was sick of all its shii-take.
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I’ve been superglued mushrooms all over my body.
My wife says it’s not right, but I’m sticking to my morels.
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I can’t stop my mushroom from leaning.
I think I need some morel support.
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Most of my group wanted to go mushroom hunting.
I call them the morel majority.
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There was a mushroom on the first floor of my house.
Morel of the storey.
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I don’t trust people who don’t like mushrooms.
Clearly, they are of low morel fiber.
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Why are books about mushrooms so confusing?
They have too many different morels.
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Which type of cheese do racehorses like best?
Masc-a-pony.
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What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog?
Stop touching my buns!
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What do you give a dog with a fever?
Mustard because it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
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What happened to the guy who accidentally made his morning coffee with some Red Bull instead of water?
He got halfway to his work before realizing he had forgotten his car.
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Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?
So that it’ll fit inside the box.
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
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What is green and dangerous?
A thundering herd of pickles!
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What’s black and white and green in the middle?
Two zebras, fighting over a pickle.
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They brought the hot dog in for questioning.
He gave the... wurst... answers.
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My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with pasta.
I’m feeling canneloni right now.
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What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
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If Johnny buys seventeen donuts every Monday and eats twelve of them each Wednesday, what is Johnny left with at the end of the year?
Diabetes.
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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm?
Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beans stalk.
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Why don’t blondes eat bananas?
They can’t find the zipper.
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What did parmesan say when it broke up with mozzarella?
“I’m sorry, I’m too mature for you.”
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What can a whole pizza do that a half pizza cannot do?
A whole one can look round.
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What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie.. or not to brie...
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Why did the student eat his homework?
Because he didn’t have a dog.
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What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?
By the time she got home, it was toast!
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Why don’t men with beards need a vacuum?
Because they already have a crumb catcher on their faces.
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”
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Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
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Why can’t tomatoes win races against lettuce?
Because the lettuce are always a head, and the tomatoes are always trying to ketchup.
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What do you get when you cross a race car with a spud?
Crashed potatoes!
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What is one of the major advantages of being a bald person?
No matter what happens they can never be to blame for hair on the food!
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The baby tomato was running late for school. Guess what his mommy said?
“Come on, ketch-up!”
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Why shouldn’t you tell an egg a joke?
Because it might crack up!
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Why was the Easter egg so scared of his father?
His father was hard-boiled.
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Why do we paint Easter eggs?
Because it’s easier than trying to wallpaper them!
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Have you ever tried to eat a clock?
It’s very time-consuming.
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What does the sun drink out of?
Sun-glasses.
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Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
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Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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What’s the best thing to put into a pie?
Your teeth!
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Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
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What happens to pigs when they stay in the sun too long?
Turn into bacon.
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Why didn’t the skeleton like the Halloween candy?
He didn’t have the stomach for it!
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake?
Because there is a hole in one.
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