Enjoy our team's carefully selected Education Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
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Why did the grape go to school?
To become a little wine-y!
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Preschools and bars have the same rule.
You pee your pants, you go home.
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A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.
When he got home, he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence, but she yelled, โShut up, Iโm on the phone!โ So, he wrote that down.
He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for had just scored the winning goal, so he shouted, โYes, yes, yes!โ The kid wrote that down.
He came upstairs and was going to enter his sisterโs room, but he heard her planning a sleepover. He heard her say, โIโm going to stay the night and leave in the morning.โ The kid wrote that down.
Next, he watched his brother play with an action figure, and when he picked up Batman, he said, โDun nu nu nu nu Batman!โ That was also written down.
Finally, he saw his little brother reading a book out loud. The first sentence he heard was, โThe kingโs throne.โ
The next day, the teacher said, โPlease tell me the first sentence that you wrote down.โ
The kid shouted, โShut up, Iโm on the phone!โ
The teacher was shocked.
She replied angrily, โDo you want to see the principal?!โ
The kid didnโt hear her, so he said, โYes, yes, yes!โ
When the kid got sent to the principalโs office, he still had the paper in his hand.
The principal saw it and asked what was written down on it.
The kid answered, โShut up, Iโm on the phone!โ
The principal said, โExcuse me? Who do you think you are?โ
The kid continued reading, โDun nu nu nu nu Batman!โ
The principal was very angry and asked with anger, โHow long do you want to be here, punk?โ
The kid still continued to read, โIโm going to stay the night and leave in the morning.โ
Now the principal was fuming, โIs there anywhere special you want to go?!โ
The kid replied, โThe kingโs throne.โ
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Whatโs the difference between a physician and a preschool teacher?
One has a job with patients, the other has the patience of job.
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Johnny was a preschool student who did not know grammar or math very well.
While in class, his teacher asked, โWhatโs 2+2?โ
Johnny answered, โI four-get.โ
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If lawyers learn at pre-law but doctors learn at pre-med, where do teachers learn?
Pre-school.
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The teacher asks Little Johnny if he knows his numbers.
โYes,โ he says, โmy daddy taught me.โ
โCan you tell me what comes after three?โ
โFour,โ answers Little Johnny.
โWhat comes after six?โ
โSeven,โ answers Little Johnny.
โVery good,โ says the teacher. โYour father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?โ
โA jack,โ answers Little Johnny.
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How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam?
An itsy bitsy book.
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The human brain is amazing.
It functions 24 hours a day, everyday since we were born and only stops when taking an exam.
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Teacher: โIn the exam, you will be allowed 30 minutes for each question.โ
Pupil: โHow long for the answers, sir?โ
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A former Sergeant in the Marine Corps took a new job as a high school teacher.
Just before the school year started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasnโt noticeable.
On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school.
The smart punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and he knew they would be testing his discipline in the classroom.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.
There was dead silence... The rest of the year went quite smoothly.
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How many university graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it may take up to seven years!
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Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
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The English teacher in India.
Teacher: โTell me a sentence that starts with an โIโ.โ
Student: โI is the...โ
Teacher: โStop! Never put โisโ after an โIโ. Always put โamโ after an โIโ.โ
Student: โOK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.โ
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Three college graduatesโone in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economicsโsit for a job interview.
The question theyโre all asked is, โWhatโs 2+2?โ
The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, โA solution exists.โ
The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, โ3. But weโll make it 5 just to be safe.โ
The Economics graduate locks the door behind him, closes the curtains over the windows, and finally whispers, โHow much do you want it to be?โ
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Student: โIโve been writing my exam for 2 hours but havenโt answered a single question!!!โ
Politics Teacher: โWell done, thatโs an A.โ
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A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.
The pharmacist says, โHereโs a pill for English literature.โ
The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
โWhat else do you have?โ asks the student.
โWell, I have pills for art history, biology and world history,โ replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, โDo you have a pill for math?โ
The pharmacist says, โWait just a moment,โ and goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.
โI have to take that huge pill for math?โ inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, โWell, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow.โ
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Where do all planets go for their higher education?
To the universe-ity.
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Now that Iโm teaching remotely, I canโt reward my students for their good work.
So I tell them to visit my website for cookies instead.
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Why is it impossible for students to sleep 8 hours every day?
Because school is only 6 hours a day!
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Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
โWait a minute,โ she said. โI had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.โ
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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, โMr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of ยฃ1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to ยฃ1,100.โ
The student said, โI see. The ethics question is โDo I tell the client?โโ
โWrong answer! The question is โDo I tell my partner?โโ
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A mugger jumps out in front of a university student and shouts, โYour money or your life!โ
The student keeps walking and says, โSorry mate, Iโm a computer science student. I donโt have either.โ
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A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, โExcuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?โ
The Harvard student replies, โAt Harvard, you donโt end a sentence with a preposition.โ
The kid said, โSorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, asshole?โ
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Dear Students,
I know when you are texting in class. No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldnโt need it.
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My English teacher used to quote Lord of the Rings to us.
She used to say โYou shall not pass!โ
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In high school, teachers had to raise their hand to speak to Chuck Norris.
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Math teacher: โJames, what do you get when you subtract 897 from 1824 and add 176 and divide the answer by 3?โ
James: โA Headache maโam.โ
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Mrs. Lewis, a Sunday school teacher, asked her little children one Easter Sunday, as they were on the way to the church service, โAnd why is it necessary to be quiet in church?โ
Rebecca, a bright little girl piped up, โBecause people are sleeping!โ
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During a Sunday school lesson, a child learned about how God created human beings.
The child became especially focused when the teacher explained how Eve was created from Adamโs ribs.
Later in the week, the boyโs mother saw him lying down on the floor, so she asked him what was wrong.
His reply was priceless, โMom, I have a pain in my sideโI think Iโm getting a wife.โ
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Little Johnnyโs teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees Little Johnny pulling faces at another child.
She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says, โJohnny, when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.โ
Little Johnny looks up to her and says, โWell miss, you canโt say that you werenโt warned.โ
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A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. So he decided to fulfill his REAL dream and become an auto mechanic.
Having entered mechanic school, the former physician received the results of his first test back with a score of 200%.
Confused, he asked the teacher why his score was so high.
โWellโ, said the teacher, โthe first part was taking the engine apart and you did that perfectly, so you got 50%. The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. The other 100% was for doing it through the tailpipe.โ
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Teacher: โWhich book has helped you the most in your life?โ
Student: โMy fatherโs checkbook.โ
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