Enjoy our team's carefully selected Cooking Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Did you know the first French Fries werenβt actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
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Donβt ever attend Thanksgiving with a group of comedians.
Theyβll never stop roasting the turkey.
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So a housewife is preparing Thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, βAre you hungry, dear?β
And the turkey answers, βNo, Iβm stuffed.β
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. βHow did Thanksgiving go at your place?β the bartender asks.
βOh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking,β the guy says. βSo I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors.β
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I was going to smoke a turkey this Thanksgiving.
But they banned flavored vapes.
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A couple invites their family over for Thanksgiving night, planning to spend the holiday and meal together.
As the family gathers, the coupleβs children are late to arrive, prompting the mother-in-law to complain aloud, βUgh, your children, always late.β
Eventually, everyone arrives and sits down to eat. Despite the tension, the mother-in-law insists on sitting at the head of the table, and no one has the strength to argue with her.
After a few minutes, the hungry mother-in-law begins to complain again, βUgh, whatβs with the food here, why is it always late?β
A few minutes later, the couple bring out the meal they have prepared for their family, mostly cooked by the wife. Everyone eats, and the evening continues.
While they are in the middle of their main course, the mother-in-law says, βUgh, I better start clearing the dishes so we can at least move on to the last dish on time.β
A mere second after she gets up, the large wall clock hanging over the head of the table falls down, reducing her chair to pieces and narrowly missing her. Everyone is in shock until the bride mumbles to herself, βUgh, this clock... always late.β
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Whatβs Thanksgiving?
Cooking for 4 hours, so you can eat for 15 minutes, then wash dishes for 4 more hours.
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Why are musical comedians never allowed to cook dinner during Thanksgiving?
Because they always burnham.
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What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
ββ¦This is the way.β
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What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
βEasy, I tell the bird he is going to die.β
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I remember the day my ex sent me a breakup text, my mom asked me what I was reading.
I told her, βTips to cook delicious food.β
And then she asked me why I was crying.
I answered, βI have reached where they are cutting onions.β
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My husband cooks for me like Iβm a godβby placing burnt offerings before me every night.
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The bed-and-breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning.
The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning, and he even extended his stay at the bed-and-breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazing biscuits.
Finally, after a few weeks he decided to ask her, βMaβam, these are the most amazing biscuits I have ever eaten in my life. How do you make them taste so good?β
The little old lady smiled and said, βItβs nothing really. All I do is mix about 2 cups of flour with one teaspoon of sugar, one tablespoon of baking powder, and three mouthfuls of buttermilk.β
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How do you make a recipe pop with ginger?
Play βSpice Girlsβ songs while you cook.
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Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?
He was making up for lost thyme.
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What is a pressing thought of every pig?
βWhy do all bacon get cooked and cookies get baked?β
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When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims?
On Fry Day.
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It was so cold that roosters were rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
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It is so hot that potatoes cook underground.
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Itβs so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
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Yo mommaβs cooking is so bad Jabba wouldnβt feed it to Salacious Crumb.
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Yo mommaβs so ugly they push her face in the dough to make Ugnaught cookies.
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There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home. He smells something amazing. Itβs the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
With his last strength, he gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. They are on a plate, four of them, just out of the oven.
With his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies.
His wife sees him, rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, βNo, they are for the funeral.β
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I went to a church menβs campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, βHey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.β
βTo which Joe replies, βChocolate sausage.β
This gets everyoneβs attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, βThis doesnβt taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..β
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, βThe horse was named Chocolate.β
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How do you accurately guess what youβre having for dinner?
You cook it yourself!
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Yo mama so dumb she uses Old Spice body wash to cook.
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A man was deathly allergic to mushrooms.
After a huge fight, his wife cooked a mushroom into his dinner. He ate it and died.
The morel of the story... killed him.
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Sunday school teacher: βTell me, Johnny. Do you say prayers before eating?β
Johnny: βNo, maβam, I donβt have to. My momβs a good cook.β
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A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning.
Suddenly the husband appears behind the wifeβs back and says:
βCareful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! Youβre frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, theyβre sticking to the pan! Careful!
Careful now! You never listen to me when I cook! NEVER! Flip them over already. HURRY! ARE YOU CRAZY? Take it easy! EASY! Nooo, donβt forget the salt. Put salt on them, SALT!β
The wife stares at her husband:
βWhatβs wrong with you?! You think I canβt fry a few eggs?!β
The husband answers calmly:
βI just wanted to show you what it feels like when Iβm driving.β
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A man hunts a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.
Both he and his wife decide that theyβll play a game with the kids. Theyβll give them a clue and get them to guess what it is.
At mealtime, the kids are eager to know what the meat is on their plates, so they beg their dad for the clue.
βWell,β he says, βitβs what mommy calls me sometimesβ.
The little girl screams, βDonβt eat it! Itβs an asshole!β
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