Enjoy our team's carefully selected Chocolate Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Three kids one day found a magical slide.
There was a sign next to it saying “whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down”.
One kid stepped up and slid down, he wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money, he then landed in a pile of money.
The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
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If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1: “Pizza because I’m so cheesy.”
Friend 2: “Chocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.”
Me: “Donut because I’m so empty inside.”
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, “Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?”
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
“No,” says the man, “I wanted a normal KitKat, fatty.”
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Two wafers fell into a vat of chocolate.
The first one pulled the second one out.
The second one said, “Thanks, you’re a lifesaver!”
The first one responded, “Actually, I’m a KitKat.”
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How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting?
They start painting the m letters upside-down.
How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&M’s are protesting really hard?
They paint the m letters on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.
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When I was a kid you could walk into a shop with a quarter and come out with 2 cokes, 3 bags of chips, 2 chocolate bars and an ice cream.
Nowadays, CCTV everywhere.
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Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
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Why did M&M go to University?
Because he wanted to be a Smartie.
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What did the shop owner say when he accidentally ordered too much chocolate and marshmallows?
We’ve got a rocky road ahead of us...
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You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
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What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
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Did you hear about the magician who had chocolate in his shirt?
He had some Twix up his sleeve.
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There was a candy party, guess who was late as usual?
Choco-late.
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What giant dog is made of strawberry, vanilla and chocolate ice cream?
A Neapolitan Mastiff.
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Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?
So that it’ll fit inside the box.
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What’s brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
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A doctor and an engineer went into a chocolate store.
As they were busy looking around, doctor stole 3 chocolate bars.
As they left the store, the doctor said to the engineer, “Man! I’m the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me. You can’t beat that!”
The engineer replied, “You wanna see something better? Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you real stealing.”
So they went to the counter and the engineer said to the shop boy, “Do you wanna see magic?”
The shop boy replied, “Yes!!!”
The engineer said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”
The shop boy gave him one, and he ate it.
Then he asked for a second, and he ate that as well.
Finally, he asked for the third and finished that one too.
The shop boy asked, “But where’s the magic?”
The engineer replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find them!”
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My cousin works in a chocolate shop.
He works behind the bar.
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A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.
I asked if I could have 2.
He said, “No, you can taek-won-do.”
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What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
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Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.
I hate Bounty Hunters.
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What is an astronaut’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
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What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
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What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend?
A PayDay.
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Sad news from the Nestle factory today as a man was crushed to death by hundreds of boxes of chocolate.
He tried in vain to attract attention but every time he yelled “The Milky Bars are on me!”, people just cheered.
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I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.
So I just snickered...
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Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench, eating six bars of chocolate.
A man walked up and noticed Johnny devouring the sweets.
“Son,” said the man, “eating too much candy isn’t good for you.”
“My grandfather lived to be 100,” Johnny replies.
“Did he eat six chocolate bars a day, too?” the man asks.
“No,” said Johnny, “He minded his own damn business!”
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What are the sun’s favorite chocolate bars?
A Milky Way.
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My son is three years old and I took him shopping.
When we got home, he had a chocolate bar in his pocket.
Now, I didn’t buy it and he certainly didn’t buy it, so I marched him straight back to the shopping center and went to the jewelers.
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I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
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My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
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Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
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Don’t fight with me over chocolate because I am not someone to be truffled with!
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These days, shoes are called snickers.
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The electrician’s favorite ice cream flavor is shock-a-lot.
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People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theaters.
Let’s just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...
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I just got over my addiction to chocolate, nuts and marshmallows.
I have to admit it was a rocky road.
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My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.
It gets her Snickers in a Twix.
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Chocolate is like guns.
If you pull it out in school, then everybody is suddenly your friend.
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Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert.
I thought they’d be gross, but they were actually pretty good. Turns out...
That in-prison mint isn’t as bad as I expected!
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Public Service Announcement:
“If you get a new baby bunny for Easter, it is not laying little brown chocolate eggs”
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Seven days without chocolate...
Makes one weak.
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life is NOT like a box of chocolates.
It’s more like a jar of jalapenos: what you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.
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Yo mama so fat her blood type is Nutella.
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My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors.
I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
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Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe it’s Pharaoh Roche.
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Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century.
Is anyone else not offended we still don’t have a Himhe bar?
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which is the most feminine candy?
it’s Hershey!
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In case you were wondering, chocolate identifies as female.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she.
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I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.
After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.
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Why did the donut visit the dentist?
He needed a chocolate filling.
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What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes?
Snickers—he only snickers!
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Why did the candy bar cross the road?
Because he was choco-LATE for the bus!
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Which is the clumsiest candy bar?
A Butterfinger!
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Which candy bar is handsome, talented, rich, and lacks for nothing?
A Bounty-ful!
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What do you get when you cross a red racing car, nuts, and chocolate?
A Ferrari Rocher!
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What do you call the rocks kids covered in chocolate?
Coco pebbles.
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How did the chocolate frog sneak into Hogwarts?
It used the invisibility croak.
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I’m looking forward to the day we celebrate that chocolate cookie with white icing in the middle.
Mem-Oreo Day.
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I once saw a ghost made of chocolate and vanilla.
Ice creamed!
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There is a man, he is dying in his bed in his home. He smells something amazing. It’s the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
With his last strength, he gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. They are on a plate, four of them, just out of the oven.
With his last human strength, he reaches over to take one of the cookies.
His wife sees him, rushes over, she slaps his hand, and she says, “No, they are for the funeral.”
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An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy.
After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him.
After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.
The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they throw him a party and make him a chocolate cake with orange icing.
The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.”
“My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?”
To which the German boy replies, “Of course.”
“How come you’ve never spoken before?” asks his father.
“Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
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I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, “Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”
“To which Joe replies, “Chocolate sausage.”
This gets everyone’s attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, “This doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, “The horse was named Chocolate.”
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So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady.
She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”
“Sure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
“What a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.
I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because we’ve got no teeth,” she replied.
“Then why do you buy them?”, I asked.
“Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”
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The housewife answered a knock on the door and found a total stranger standing on the doorstep.
“Excuse me for disturbing you, ma’am,” he said politely, “but I pass your house every morning on my way to work, and I’ve noticed that every day you appear to be hitting your son on the head with a loaf of bread.”
“That’s right.”
“Every day you hit him on the head with a loaf of bread, and yet this morning you were beating him with a chocolate cake.”
“Well, today is his birthday.”
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What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
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Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Café?
Chocolate Moose.
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How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
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How do you know the NASA scientists are wrong to say it is possible to live on Mars?
Some people tried it and now they are 15 kg heavier and diabetic.
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When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets because stressed spelled backward is desserts.
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