Enjoy our team's carefully selected Breakfast Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Toast.”
“Toast, who?”
“Toasting to a delicious breakfast!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cereal.”
“Cereal, who?”
“Cereal-ously ready for breakfast!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon me crazy waiting for breakfast!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Egg.”
“Egg, who?”
“Egg-cited for breakfast?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Waffle.”
“Waffle, who?”
“Waffle lot of pancakes for breakfast?”
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What can never be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
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For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
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What happens when a waffle gets mad?
It flips.
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My wife has banned me from making any more breakfast puns.
She says if I make anymore, I’m toast.
But my kids keep egging me on.
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I saw someone at the grocery store who angrily stabbed a box of corn flakes, and the flakes went everywhere.
The person was arrested for being a cereal killer.
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I once accidentally poured glue in my son’s corn flakes.
He’s never talked to me again.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Howard.”
“Howard, who?”
“Howard you like breakfast in bed?”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Juliet.”
“Juliet, who?”
“Juliet pancakes for breakfast.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Aida.”
“Aida, who?”
“Aida big breakfast and now I'm stuffed.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Leah.”
“Leah, who?”
“Leah-n an egg for my breakfast!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hammond.”
“Hammond, who?”
“Hammond eggs for breakfast please!”
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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple “Thank you” is all I need.
Not all this “How did you get in my house??!!!” business.
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Friend 1: “I just invented something to help get people out of bed in the morning. It’s called “Rise and Shine Juice”.
Friend 2: “Cool! What’s in it?”
Friend 1: “Yeast and shoe polish.”
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What’s a car’s favorite meal?
Brake-fast.
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What is the definition of breakfast?
What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.
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What is dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
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Why did the bacon laugh?
Because the egg cracked a yolk!
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What do authors eat for breakfast?
Synonym buns.
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What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
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What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
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Why did the blueberry muffin crumble?
It fell to pieces under pressure!
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Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
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Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.
I like to play Muffin Roulette.
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Feeling blue? A blueberry muffin can be your rescue!
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Why did the blueberry muffin get a ticket?
It was berry speeding!
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Went to the seaside for a vacation last year.
The landlady said to me, “We charge twenty pounds a night—bed and breakfast—or twelve pounds if you make your own bed.”
“Oh, all right,” I said, “I’ll make the bed.”
And the landlady gave me a saw, a hammer and some nails.
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The bed-and-breakfast I stayed at had a great view.
It was truly sight-resting.
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I went to a haunted bed-and-breakfast in France.
That place was giving me the crêpes.
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The bed-and-breakfast was owned by a little old lady who would cook the most amazing biscuits for breakfast every morning.
The guy loved these biscuits so much that he would eat five or six every morning, and he even extended his stay at the bed-and-breakfast just so he could eat more of these amazing biscuits.
Finally, after a few weeks he decided to ask her, “Ma’am, these are the most amazing biscuits I have ever eaten in my life. How do you make them taste so good?”
The little old lady smiled and said, “It’s nothing really. All I do is mix about 2 cups of flour with one teaspoon of sugar, one tablespoon of baking powder, and three mouthfuls of buttermilk.”
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What’s the hardest part about being a vegan?
It is getting up at 4.30am to milk the almonds.
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What’s the perfect St. Paddy’s Day breakfast?
Green eggs and ham.
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I hate it when someone tries to butter me up.
I like jam more.
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When a peanut butter hears a sweet song it exclaims:
“That’s my jam!”
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What is the easiest way to fit an entire peanut butter sandwich into your mouth?
You jam it.
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I don’t like peanut butter.
It just isn’t my jam.
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I was making my daughter a sandwich and asked her what kind she wanted.
“We can do peanut butter with either peach preserves or honey,” I told her.
She: “Honey, please!”
“That’s fine,” I thought. “The peach preserves are my jam anyway.”
Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly...
There was a jam.
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What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes.
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Why do the Ohio State Buckeyes eat cereal straight from the box?
They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
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I shouted to my Mom on Mother’s Day, “How does breakfast in bed sound?”
She said, “Ooh that sounds lovely!”
I said, “Great, I’ll have bacon, fries and two eggs.”
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What did the egg say to the frying pan?
You crack me up.
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?
Because they couldn’t agree on which bread to use.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly break up?
Because they were always spread too thin.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when they got lost?
“We’re in a jam!”
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Why did the jelly break up with the peanut butter?
Because it was too clingy.
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What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Nut-tea.
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What fish tastes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish.
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A fly just fell into my butter.
Now it’s a butterfly.
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What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?
Siri-al.
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How does Shrek like his eggs?
Ogre easy.
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My girlfriend usually has peanut butter toast for breakfast, but this morning we were out of bread, and she’s been grouchy all day.
I never knew she was lack-toast intolerant.
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I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
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What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
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What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
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My wife makes my pancakes too thin.
Tomorrow morning, I am telling her I am sick of her crêpe.
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A Mormon mother was preparing pancakes for her sons—Owen, 5, and Bill, 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”
Owen turned to his younger brother and said, “Bill, you be Jesus.”
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What did the first egg tell the second egg when it didn’t make it on time?
Omelette.
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Police have arrested a gang of corn flakes that they allege committed a spree of armed robberies throughout the metro area.
A Police spokesman described them as cereal offenders.
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A man and his family walk into a bar.
Inside the bar, the man’s youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating “World’s longest memory”.
The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this sign is true.
The child asks, “What did you have for breakfast 30 years ago?”
The Native American states, “Eggs.”
The child states that the native could have just made that up, and then later leaves the bar.
Years later, when the child returns with his own family, he sees the same Native American at the bar.
Walking up to the man, he states a stereotypical, “How!”
The Native American replies, “Scrambled.”
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Why didn’t the butter take the part in the new movie?
Because it didn’t like the roll it was being offered.
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What did the butter say to the bread?
“I’m on a roll!”
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Why was there peanut butter on the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
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I’d tell you a rumor about some butter on a piece of toast, but you might spread it.
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Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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It’s so hot, that you could actually cook a full English breakfast on my forehead.
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A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircraft...
I think they’re done by Cereal Killers.
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What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
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I went to a church men’s campout a few years back. Everyone was sitting around the fire cooking breakfast.
Joe, an old-time rancher, starts cooking some homemade sausage.
A few minutes go by, then someone asks, “Hey Joe, what kind of sausage is that? It smells good.”
“To which Joe replies, “Chocolate sausage.”
This gets everyone’s attention.
When the sausage finished cooking, Joe offers a piece to anyone who wanted to try it.
A few of the guys take a cut and eat it, then get confused looks on their faces.
The same guy asks Joe again, “This doesn’t taste any different than normal sausage. Chocolate?..”
Still waking up, Joe clears his throat and says, “The horse was named Chocolate.”
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What do neckbeards put on their pancakes?
M’lasses.
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What’s a neckbeard’s favorite thing to put on toast?
Marm’lady.
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On the moon they love a fancy breakfast, today they are having crescents!
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The toast was having a sleepover. Guess what he was wearing?
His favorite pa-jam-as.
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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?
Jail-y Donuts.
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Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.”
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then,” he said with a deep sigh, “let’s put all the corn flakes back in the box.’
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There are three moles at the bottom of their mole hole.
The first mole—daddy mole—wakes up, climbs to the top, sticks his nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell bacon!”
Mommy mole wakes up. She climbs to the top, sticks her nose out, and says, “Mmmmm... I smell pancakes!”
Baby mole wakes up. He climbs up but gets stuck behind his mom and dad.
He takes a big whiff and says, “All I can smell is molasses!”
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Personally, I think you should start the day off with a meal of French mushrooms... breakfast of champignons.
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A wife is frying eggs for her husband in the morning.
Suddenly the husband appears behind the wife’s back and says:
“Careful, CAREFUL, put more fat in the pan! You’re frying too many at a time. TOO MANY! Flip them! FLIP THEM! Come on!
Put more fat in there. Oh dear lord. How are you gonna make space for the fat now, look, they’re sticking to the pan! Careful!
Careful now! You never listen to me when I cook! NEVER! Flip them over already. HURRY! ARE YOU CRAZY? Take it easy! EASY! Nooo, don’t forget the salt. Put salt on them, SALT!”
The wife stares at her husband:
“What’s wrong with you?! You think I can’t fry a few eggs?!”
The husband answers calmly:
“I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”
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A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
They celebrate it in the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.
The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife, “Isn’t it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?”
The wife replies saying, “Yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50 years ago, only back then we were sitting here without clothes,” with a naughty voice.
Both don’t doubt for a moment and they take off their clothes. They sit back down at the table giggling.
The wife says, “You know honey, even my mamillae are just as hot as 50 years ago.”
“No wonder,” the man replies, “one of them is hanging in your tea and the other one in your soup!”
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Yo mama’s appetite is so huge even after eating an elephant for breakfast she demanded a whale as dessert.
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