Enjoy our team's carefully selected Beach Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
What’s the secret to Jesus’ summer beach body?
Cross fit.
😄 😄 😄
Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
To the peach.
😄 😄 😄
If you are wondering about a peach’s favorite game.
It’s peach ball.
😄 😄 😄
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
😄 😄 😄
Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and so on.
The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their “tourist” garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery when a gorgeous blond in a bikini came walking straight towards them.
They couldn’t help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, “Good morning, Father. Good morning, Father,” nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits, and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a while, the same gorgeous blond in an even more outrageous bikini, came walking toward them again (they were glad they had sunglasses because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads).
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: “Good morning, Father. Good morning Father,” and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn’t stand it and said, “Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?”
“Oh, Father, don’t you recognize me? I’m Sister Angela!”
😄 😄 😄
I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.
I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.
I guess they put it on the back burner.
😄 😄 😄
Your sister is so ugly when she sits on the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.
😄 😄 😄
On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Pope-mobile when there was a frantic commotion just off the shore.
A helpless man, wearing a Montreal Canadiens jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.
As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing New York Rangers’ jerseys aboard.
One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark’s side, while the other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Canadiens fan out of the water. Then, using baseball bats, the three heroes in blue beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat as well.
Immediately, the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach.
“I give you my blessing for your brave actions,” he told them. “I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Rangers and Canadiens fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth.”
As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, “Who was that?”
“It was the Pope,” one replied. “He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God’s wisdom.”
“Well,” the harpooner said, “he may have access to God’s wisdom, but he knows nothing about shark fishing... How’s the bait holding up?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you eat at the beach?
A sand-wich.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so hairy people wonder why she wears a fur coat to a nude beach.
😄 😄 😄
When we go to the beach with the kids, we use a really strong sunblock.
It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.
😄 😄 😄
Two men—one a brunette and the other a blonde—were comparing their luck picking up girls at the beach.
The brunette guy says, “What works for me is this: Go to a grocery store, buy a potato, and put it in your swim trunk.”
The blonde guy thanks him and spends the next 5 hours roaming the beach with a potato in his swim trunks – with no luck.
He says to his brunette friend that he did put a potato in his swim trunks and had no luck.
The brunette guy says to the blonde guy, “You dumb! The potato goes in the FRONT of your trunks, not the back!!!”
😄 😄 😄
A policeman stops a man in a car with a lynx in the passenger seat.
“What are you doing with a lynx? You should take him to the zoo!” The policeman says.
The next week he stops the same car to see that the man still has the lynx, “I thought you were going to take the cat to the zoo.” He says.
“I did! We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!”
😄 😄 😄
