Enjoy our team's carefully selected Ball Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
Peter goes golfing every Saturday.
One Saturday, he comes home tired and five hours late.
His wife asks him, “What took you so long?”
Peter says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Harry hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.”
Peter’s wife says, “OMG! That’s terrible!”
Peter says, “I know. Then, for the rest of the game it was: hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry. . .”
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The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in its direction.
Then it rolled up into a ball.
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Before the ball could touch the floor, I kicked it back, sending it soaring past the other players and into the top corner of the net.
Overcome with emotion, I ripped off my shirt and punched the air. My eyes locked with my stunned coach, who came running towards me shaking his head in amazement.
As he embraced me, he sighed, “OK, let’s go over the rules of volleyball one last time.”
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Chuck Norris can win a football game by spiking a tennis ball over a volleyball net.
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What do you call a Volleyball player who hurt her knee diving for the ball?
Courtney.
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A young cricketer was proud of his progress as a batsman and invited his mother-in-law along to watch him play, hoping to impress her.
At the crease, he turned to the wicketkeeper and said, “I’m anxious to do well and really hit this ball. That’s my wife’s mother over there.”
“Don’t be silly,” said the wicketkeeper. “You’ll never hit her from here.”
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I recently played in a Star Wars themed cricket match.
Every time the ball was delivered the umpire struck back.
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I’m a scratch golfer.
Every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head and wonder where it went.
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What is the proper way to use a stress ball at work?
To throw it at the last person that upset you. Instant de-stress.
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How Chuck Norris plays golf?
He stares at the ball and the ball goes into the hole to hide.
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All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children’s activity center.
It’s like they’d never seen a naked man before.
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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
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The computer programmer to his son: “Here, I brought you a new basketball.”
Son: “Thank you, daddy, but where is the user’s guide?”
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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
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Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he throws the ball?
If he raises them both, he’d fall down.
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A man complains to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with.
His wife said, “Well what about your friend Clyde?”
The man replied, “Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren’t looking?”
“No, I guess not,” replied his wife.
The man said, “Neither would Clyde.”
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I watched a baseball game once, where the umpire kept wandering about and was eventually knocked out by a ball.
It was the fall of the roamin’ umpire.
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I went bowling once. I threw the ball down the lane and got a strike.
The result was that I am now banned from the swimming pool.
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Why do football players struggle at bowling?
Because they had a hard time kicking the ball!
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I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?
She always ran away from the ball.
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Have you ever seen how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning the game?
I found out that this is frowned upon in bowling.
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What is the 7th pin in bowling called?
Mother-In-Law!
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What’s a bowling ball’s favorite sweet?
Skittles!
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What do you call a triumphant procession held by the bowling pins?
A perfect strike.
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Where do old bowling balls end up?
In the gutter.
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What did the bowling ball say to the other ball?
“Don’t stop me now; I’m on a roll!”
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What did the bowling ball say to the balling pins on being overused?
Go on a strike.
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Why did the man reach the bowling alley before his friends?
To get the ball rolling.
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Why is bowling a better sport than golf?
It’s hard to lose a bowling ball.
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Last year, I had a job at the bowling alley.
It wasn’t for long though; I was only tenpin.
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I wanted to go bowling, but the pins were on strike.
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Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
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My friend told me that onions were the only things that could make him cry.
So I threw a bowling ball at him to prove him wrong.
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Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.
Then, the bowling ball hit me.
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Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing.
The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green.
Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green.
Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard.
Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole.
The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball.
The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish.
As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish.
As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one.
Jesus looks at Moses and says, “I really think I’m leaving Dad at home next time!”
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A mathematician, and physicist, and an engineer are asked to find the volume of a red rubber ball.
The mathematician knows that the volume of a sphere has been mathematically determined so he measures the radius and puts it into the proper formula.
The physicist knows that Archimedes discovered how to determine the volume of an object so they submerge it in water and record the change in water level.
The engineer finds the number on the ball then pulls out their book of red rubber balls and finds its specifications.
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A lawyer, a priest, and an engineer meet each week for a game of golf.
One day, they get stuck behind the slowest group of players they had ever seen. They were hitting the balls all over the place, getting stuck in just about every trap and patch of rough, and missing just about every putt.
Finally, the group gets frustrated and heads to the clubhouse to find the manager.
“What’s with that group of players? They’re the worst I’ve ever seen! They’re holding up the course!”
The manager looks sheepish, “They’re retired firefighters, they lost their eyesight running into a burning orphanage to save the children. They love golf, so I let them play for free for charity.”
The priest looks ashamed of himself, “As a man of God, I feel terrible for getting angry at those men. At my next sermon, I’ll see if I can get a collection going for their families.”
The lawyer likewise looks chagrined, “Same here, I’ll check with my firm and see if we can’t open a case to get them awarded restitution for their pain and injuries.”
The engineer says, “Why can’t they play at night?”
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An American tourist walks out of a Mexican train station when he notices he isn’t wearing his watch.
A Mexican man is resting under a sombrero under a nearby tree.
The American approaches the Mexican and asks, “Excuse me, do you know what time is?”
The Mexican looks at the donkey, grabs its balls, and replies, “4:30.”
The American asks, “How do you know that?”
The Mexican replies, “Well you get a handful of the donkey’s balls and lift them up so you can see that clock across the street.”
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Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”
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A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.
The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.
Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.
To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swallowed it whole.
The bartender looked at the guy and said, “Did you see what your monkey just did?”
“No, what?”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy, “He eats everything in sight, don’t worry, I’ll pay for the cue ball.”
The guy finished his drink, paid his bill, paid for the stuff the monkey ate, and left.
Two weeks later the guy came back and had his monkey with him.
He ordered a drink and the monkey started running around the bar.
The monkey found a cherry on the bar.
He grabbed it, stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and then ate it.
Then the monkey found a peanut and again stuck it up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it.
The bartender asked, “Did you see what that filthy ape just did?”
“No, what?” asked the man.
“Well, he stuck both a cherry and a peanut up his arse, then he pulled them out and ate them.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replied the guy. “He’ll eat anything, but ever since he had to take out that cue ball, he measures everything first.”
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I hit 2 good balls today on the golf course.
I stepped on a rake in the bunker.
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How do you make a pool table laugh?
Tickle its balls.
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It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle.
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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What’s the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. They’re under a buck.
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What’s the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Snowballs.
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Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
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Your mama’s so short that she can play handball on the curb.
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An ergonomic workspace is really important while working from home.
That’s why my couch now has a Pilates ball as a footrest.
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Two guys were working at a sawmill one day when one of the guys got too close to the blade and cut off his arm.
His buddy put the severed arm in a plastic bag and rushed it down to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his chum and finds him playing tennis.
“Incredible!,” says his friend.
“Medical science is amazing!”
Another month goes by and the same two guys are again at the sawmill working when the same guy gets too close to the spinning blade and this time his leg gets cut off.
Again his buddy takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag and takes it to the hospital to get re-attached.
The next day, he goes down to see his chum and finds him outside playing football.
“Incredible!,” says his friend.
“Medical science is amazing!”
Well, another month goes by and again the same two friends are at the mill cutting wood when suddenly the same guy bends down too close to the blade and off comes his head.
Well, his friend takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag, and heads to the hospital to get it re-attached.
The next day he goes to see his friend but can’t find him.
He sees the doctor walking down the hall and says, “Doc, where is my friend? I brought him in yesterday.”
The doctor thinks for a minute and says, “Oh yeah, some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.”
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What do a man who’s had a vasectomy and a Christmas tree have in common?
Decorative balls.
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An old cowboy walks into a barbershop for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’d had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball. The barber replied, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.”
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Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
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Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game?
No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
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What is more exciting than baseball?
Acidball.
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If you are wondering about a peach’s favorite game.
It’s peach ball.
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After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open...
We finally got the ball rolling.
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A cargo airplane is transporting patients from a mental hospital.
The patients are going all crazy in the cargo, playing a soccer with an invisible ball.
The pilot has had enough of it, tells the copilot to guide the plane, and goes in the back to make them stop the noise.
They stop, the pilot returns to the cabin, but after 5 minutes, it starts all over again.
The pilot asks the copilot to give it a shot at calming the patients down.
The copilot goes in the back, the noise stops, and he returns to the cabin.
Half an hour later, the plane is quiet.
The pilot is impressed and asks the copilot how he did it.
The copilot replies, “I told them: Soccer is not allowed indoors. You have to take it outside.”
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