Enjoy our team's carefully selected Alien Jokes. Laugh yourself and share the funniest jokes with your friends!
A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.
One day, a spaceship with “UFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.
The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
“Do you know what “UFO” stands for?” He asks.
“Of course.” She replies, “Unleaded Fuel Only.”
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A stupid guy and a smart guy have a job interview.
The smart guy goes into the interview room first and is met by three people on the panel.
The first one asks, “Who do you think the best soccer player in the world is?”
The smart guy replies, “Before it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.
The second interviewer asks, “When did the phone come out?”
The smart guy replies, “The first telephone came out in 1876 and the first phone came out in 1973.”
The last interviewer asked, “Do you believe in UFOs?”
The smart guy replies, “I don’t know, but I think so.”
He leaves and the dumb guy begs him for the answers, and so in the end the smart guy gives them to him.
Unfortunately, the panel of interviews knew that the dumb guy wasn’t that bright so the first one asked, “Who is your father?”
The dumb guy replies, “Before it was Ronaldo but now it’s Messi.”
The second interview asks, “When were you born?”
He replied, “I came out at first in 1876 but then I also came out in 1973.”
The last interviewer asked, “Are you dumb?”
The dumb guy says, “I don’t know, but I think so.”
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Aliens: “We’ve come to destroy the Earth.”
Greta: “It’s a bit late, right?”
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Two guys in an insane asylum are up for parole.
The first guy goes to see the committee, and they ask him some questions.
Committee: “Who discovered America?”
Guy 1: “Christopher Columbus.”
Committee: “How long ago was that?”
Guy 1: “Around three hundred years.”
Committee: “Do aliens exist?”
Guy 1: “It’s possible, but there’s no proof.”
He goes back outside and says to the other insane guy, “It’s easy, you just answer “Christopher Columbus”, “Around three hundred years”, and “It’s possible, but there’s no proof”.
So the other guy goes in, and the questions begin.
Committee: “What’s your name?”
Guy 2: “Christopher Columbus.”
Committee (incredulously): “How old are you?”
Guy 2 (with conviction): “Around three hundred years.”
Committee: “Are you insane?”
Guy 2: “It’s possible, but there’s no proof.”
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An alien drops by the White House and exclaims, “Take me to your leader.”
The alien is introduced to Donald Trump, who ushers it into the oval office to chat. 30 seconds later, the alien exits the room and walks back towards his ship.
“Where are you going?! Our worlds have so much to discuss and learn from one another!” calls a Senator.
“You are right,” responds the alien.
“See you on Thursday!”
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Why is an alien like a collection of famous actors’ autographs?
They’ve both come from the stars.
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What do you get if you cross a martian with a golf score?
A little green bogey.
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What do you get if you cross an ex-Popstar with an extra-terrestrial?
Kym Martian.
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Did you hear about the alien who flew a spaceship from Neptune to Uranus in just 3 minutes and 21 seconds?
He’s listed in the Guinness Book Of Out-Of-This-World Records.
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What do you call a spaceship with a faulty air conditioning unit?
A frying saucer!
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What do you call an alien that lives in a bog?
A marsh-in!
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What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
A martian-mallow!
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Why were there only 18 letters in the alphabet?
Because E.T. flew off in a UFO, and the CIA chased after him!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?
Take me to your liter.
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What did the alien say when he was out of the room?
I’m all spaced out!
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Why did the alien throw beef on the asteroid?
He wanted it a little meteor!
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What did the alien say to the flower bed?
Take me to your weeder!
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What kind of songs do aliens listen to?
Neptunes!
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What’s an alien’s favorite chocolate bar?
A mars bar!
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What do aliens like to read?
Comet books!
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How do aliens pay for coffee?
They use star bucks!
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Why did the alien go off in his ship?
He needed some space
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What do aliens like to eat?
Unidentified frying objects!
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Why did the alien think the spaceship was so good?
It was out of this world!
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldn’t put it down!
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What’s the difference between UFOs and an honest politician?
It is possible that UFOs exist.
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What did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?
“Which craft?”
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In honor of Area 51, what do you call too many aliens in one place?
Extra terrestrials.
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What did the space alien tell Franz Schubert?
“Take me to your Lieder!”
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What would you hear at a very long opera about aliens?
Aria 51.
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What do aliens call an American who couldn’t cross the road?
A flat Earther.
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How do redneck aliens abduct people?
Tractor beam.
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What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
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What did the alien paramedic say when he first arrived on Earth?
“Take me to your bleeder.”
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Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?
It’s obviously a pyramid scheme.
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Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?
They looked at the reviews... only 1 star.
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Why shouldn’t you pick a green alien for your baseball team?
They’re not ripe yet.
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What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
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Why does an alien prefer a light year to a normal year?
Because it has got less calories.
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Why do aliens not eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
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Where should a 500-pound alien go?
On a diet.
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I have never seen a UFO before.
Because I’m always able to correctly identify the flying object.
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An astronaut and an alien walk into a bar...
S p a c e b a r.
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Yesterday I was talking to an alien from space. Turns out they eat radioactive materials.
I ask it what its favorite meal was.
It told me:
“Fission chips.”
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I don’t know why people expect to find aliens in Area 51.
Trump would have deported them by now!
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Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
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An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
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Some aliens in a flying saucer offered to fly me to the moon.
But they wouldn’t let us land because the moon was full.
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I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
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I don't believe in aliens... they lie too much.
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Person 1: “Hey! I see a UFO up there in the sky take a picture now!”
Person 2: “Wait, I have to get the worst camera I have.”
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What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
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If Trump was notified of an alien invasion.
“There’s an alien spacecraft but it’s not on course to earth.”
“Our specialists, they’re very special people, have concluded that this is just an alien spaceship making a simple flyby our solar system.”
“The alien ship is getting close to our American soil but there is nothing to worry about.”
“The aliens have landed off the coast of Florida but there is nothing to worry about, they’re just tourists.”
“Too many aliens are crossing our borders, we need to build a wall and make them pay for it and we WILL make them pay for it.”
“The aliens are eating our Americans, but don’t worry, they’ll eventually be stopped by our American armed forces in no time. You guys know a lot about aliens, right?”
“There are aliens outside of the white house but they’ll go away soon. We have riot police keeping everything under control.”
“The aliens have entered the white house, but don’t worry, we will negotiate something, and then everything will be back to normal.”
...
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What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal alien?
E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.
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An astronaut is the first to step onto an alien planet.
The aliens are so excited that they change all their signs to English, and even rename some of their places and landmarks after Human places and landmarks and things.
The astronaut decides the first place he wants to go is a pub.
He sees a nearby alien and asks, “Where’s the pub?”
The alien gurgles back, but his suit translates to the astronaut in real time. The alien says, “Just around the corner.”
The astronaut heads around the corner and sees it.
It’s labeled “The Keyboard” and he asks the bouncer, “Why is it called the Keyboard?”
The bouncer replies, “The boss loves all things human and changed his name to reflect that. Ask him, he’s the bartender.”
So the astronaut enters the Keyboard and goes to the bartender.
“Excuse me, do you own this pub?” the astronaut says.
“I do,” the bartender gurgles back.
“Why is it called the Keyboard?” the man asks.
“Well,” the alien gurgles in reply, “since I knew you humans were coming I updated the name...”
The astronaut is on the edge of his seat.
“...The reason it’s called the Keyboard is because it’s a space bar.”
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Men in black.
After years of serving MIB, agent K, 69, found himself too old to deal with an alien drug lord.
He decided to seek help from his younger self.
Why did he travel to sixty years ago?
K, 9.
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After hundreds of years of speculation, aliens have finally contacted Earth.
They prepare a simultaneous broadcast to all humans to give us their message:
“Hello, people of Earth! We have been trying to reach you about your planet’s extended warranty.”
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An alien spacecraft lands in a rice paddy in rural Japan and out comes a silver-suited alien, who floats over to an old rice farmer standing in amazement.
“Human creature,” the alien bellows, “we last visited your planet a hundred thousand of your earth years ago. Tell us how you have evolved since then.”
The old man recovers himself, thinks for a moment and says, “Well, way back a long time ago, we were a crude bunch, no doubt. We’d take any old stick and walk down to the seashore, looking for something to eat. When we saw something, stab out came the stick, right through the fish or crab or urchin or whatever, and we’d eat it right off the stick.”
“That is truly a primitive state and in accordance with our records. But how have you evolved?”
“Oh, nowadays we use two sticks.”
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An alien lands today, Nov. 4, 2020.
Alien: “Take me to your leader.”
Me: “You’re going to have to wait 10-12 business days for us to sort that out.”
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A lot of people think Crop Circles are done by alien aircraft...
I think they’re done by Cereal Killers.
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One alien says to another, “The dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”
The second alien replies, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”
The first alien says, “I don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves.”
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What do you give an alien?
Some space!
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What do you call an alien with three eyes?
An aliiien!
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What do you call alien eggs?
Eggstra-terrestrials!
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What’s an alien’s favorite treat?
Martian-mallows!
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Why do aliens always spill their tea?
Because they have flying saucers!
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What do aliens spread on their toast?
Space jam.
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How do you get a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket!
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What do you call an alien with no eyes?
Alen.
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I got abducted by aliens...
I was told to do my all chores, eat my veggies, take a shower and brush my teeth.
It was then I realized I was in the mother ship.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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Aliens exist and they want to invade Earth, they are merely waiting for Chuck Norris to die so that they stand a chance.
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What would you call an unidentified object which landed in Australia?
Australien.
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Did you hear about the blue alien that landed on Earth?
He had an out of this world.
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Why did the alien invite Uranus to the party?
It knew Uranus would bring the atmosphere.
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