What are Schrodinger’s cat’s pronouns?
Is/isn’t.
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Why did the boy stop eating donuts?
Because he got bored with the hole thing.
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license. First, of course, he had to take an eyesight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.
“Can you read this?” the optician asked.
“What do you mean if I can read this?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the dude.”
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a snowman!”
Doctor: “Keep cool.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Elves.”
“Elves, who?”
“Elves that need directions to the North Pole!”
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Man, I hate organic chemistry. It can be so indecisive.
Whenever I ask oxygen if it prefers a methyl group or an ethyl group, it always responds “Ether”.
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Chuck Norris visited the sun and stayed for 2 nights.
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Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday.
Rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code.
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I’m getting paid a lot to shut down Zoom calls.
Now I’m making ends meet by making meets end!
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Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike.
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I saw a ghost at the hair salon. Can you guess what she was doing?
Getting a scare-cut!
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Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
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Why was the programmer always running into walls?
He couldn’t C#.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Leah.”
“Leah, who?”
“Leah-n an egg for my breakfast!”
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I’m trying to learn how to find a ripe avocado.
It’s not that hard.
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Studies show the average worker is productive for 2 hours in an 8-hour workday.
I totally disagree because it’s hard work trying not to get caught doing nothing by your boss.
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What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
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Your hairline so far back, I learned about it in history class.
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I watched the cricket for four hours today and I finally understand it...
It uses its legs to make a noise.
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Six years ago, I DMed my facebook crush, telling her that I am going to take her out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times and blocked me.
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