One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single-engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base.
The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards.
The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Vegas, gotten lost, and nearly ran out of fuel, so he put his plane down at the first runway he saw.
After extensive background checks, it is proven that the pilot isn’t a spy and he is set to be released the following morning.
Before he is allowed to leave, he is given the “You didn’t see anything” talk, and is told that under absolutely no circumstances is he allowed to tell anyone where he was, or what he saw.
The Air Force fuels up the man’s plane, gives him a proper heading to get back to Las Vegas, and sends him on his way.
The next day, the man’s plane is again spotted getting ready to land at Area 51. This time there are two people on the plane.
When the plane touches down, it is immediately surrounded by guards again.
As soon as it comes to a stop, the man hops out and yells, “Do whatever you want to me, but SOMEBODY has to tell my wife where I was last night!”
😄 😄 😄
When Superman gets ready for bed, he puts on his Chuck Norris pajamas.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?
One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.
😄 😄 😄
When should you wear flip-flop sandals?
On a Toesday.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the 30-year-old throw a party with only one candle on the cake?
They didn’t want to set off the fire alarm with all those candles!
😄 😄 😄
I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.
Now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.
😄 😄 😄
What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”
😄 😄 😄
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit.
One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m the Devil!” she responded.
“Well, come on home with me,” he said, “I married your sister.”
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Monday through Friday, nine to 5, I reach function along with someone who reaches the workplace, with determination, increasing the spirits of every one of his office mates... after that there’s you! You are additionally at the workplace!
😄 😄 😄
Why does the fungus always win the argument?
Because they don’t leave mush-rooms for debate.
😄 😄 😄
Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Café?
Chocolate Moose.
😄 😄 😄
I always wanted a life like a Disney princess.
I should have specified not the part where they are stuck at home, cleaning the whole day.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a stick with autism?
Autistic.
😄 😄 😄
Why do cab drivers make good content marketers?
They can really drive in traffic.
😄 😄 😄
What does an avocado call its children?
Avo-kiddos.
😄 😄 😄
Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
“Mensch on a bench”.
😄 😄 😄
Just kissed my husband intimately on the back of the neck, as I walked past him while working from home.
He started this job on Monday. I thought he was watching a video. He was on a meeting with the CEO.
😄 😄 😄
How do you make a wolf laugh?
Give him a funny bone.
😄 😄 😄
Son: “Dad, have you seen “The Matrix”?”
Dad: “Is that the sequel to April Fools?”
😄 😄 😄
What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?
Automobile.
😄 😄 😄
