When is it acceptable for a nose to be in a salad?
When it’s a snowman’s nose!
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What did the butter say to the bread?
“I’m on a roll!”
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Why don’t Romans find algebra interesting?
X is always 10.
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Some people say rolling dice for stats in D&D is old-fashioned and outdated.
But I think it builds character.
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One snowman said to another, “I’d heard that carrots are very good for your eyes, but all I can see are carrots...”
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You are just like my car.
You drive me crazy.
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Some people say that Nintendo has no 3rd party games.
They have obviously never heard of Mario Party 3.
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I burned 2000 calories today.
I fell asleep while baking pizza in the oven.
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The United States Marine Corps was started in Tun Tavern in Philadelphia in 1775. A poster was put up looking for men to volunteer.
The first man walked in, gave his name, and took an oath. He was instructed to go wait out back until more recruits joined him.
He sat out back for a few minutes, and soon another young man came out and joined him.
The newcomer said to the first guy, “Well, I guess we’re in the Marine Corps now!”
The first guy said, “Son, lemme tell you about the old Corps.”
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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How many registered nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they’ll delegate it to the nursing assistants, but they’ll check the vital signs just in case.
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Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn’t use proper pun-ctuation.
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What do you find out after reading a biography of Michael Jackson?
That he had a colored past.
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What do you call a boring person from Finland?
A dolphin.
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This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
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Yo mama so stupid she installed TikTok on her phone to see what time it is!
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Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
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What did Helen Keller’s parents do when they caught her swearing when she was a child?
They washed her hands with soap.
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Why did the jelly break up with the peanut butter?
Because it was too clingy.
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What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever!
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