An atheist is someone with no invisible means of support.
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What did the taco say to the depressed donut?
Taco: “Want to taco bout it?”
Donut: “I donut know what to say.”
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What do you call a sleep walking Nun?
A Roamin’ Catholic.
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An astronaut stepped in gum on the moon.
He’s stuck in orbit.
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What happens to elves when they are naughty?
Santa gives them the sack!
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What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
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So all the animals gathered and having a party. Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time.
Suddenly, a chameleon get to the middle of the room, “Check this out,” and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say, “Lets see any of you do the same.”
Suddenly, octopus appear from the crowd and says, “Hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.”
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Whenever I see a man with a beard, mustache and glasses, I think
“There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.”
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Looking for a boyfriend in engineering.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
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What do you get if you trip over a Pokémon?
A bulbous sore.
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What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?
Hard to swallow.
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Being vegan is so easy that I literally just stare at the sun and I’m satisfied.
Thanks, photosynthesis.
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I threw away my can opener.
It was more of a can’t opener.
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Mauricio Pochettino and Erik Ten Hag have each been given advent calendars and need to be shown the door.
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The artist was great.
He could always draw a crowd.
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What do you call a Chinese lobster?
A crust-asian.
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Can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s an escape. I don’t even have a home anymore.
Think it’s time for a new keyboard.
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Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of the face.
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Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.
He is now a piller of the community.
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In most cartoons I watched, characters were able to come back from near death by having water splashed on their face.
On a completely unrelated note, I am no longer allowed at funerals...
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