Best Jokes (95)



A world-renowned chemist has passed away.

His will specifies that all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be put in his body.

β€œAre we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?” they ask his wife.

To which she replies, β€œNo, just Barium.”

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Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?

Because it’s always pushing electrons around.

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How did Albert Einstein celebrate Thanksgiving?

He was very thinkful.

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In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it.

A student handed in his work with β€œThe Magna Carta was signed in 1215” written 150 times.

The teacher asked the boy, β€œWhy did you write this?”

The boy replied, β€œBecause you always say that history repeats itself!”

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Why are synagogues round?

So the Jews can’t hide in the corner when the collection box comes around.

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Apparently, Jude Law has a vegetarian son.

Coles Law.

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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure-bread dog.

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What happened to the guy who stole a pun?

He needed to be pun-ished.

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Why are writers really good at coding?

Because they are really into Pro grammar.

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Bread is like the Sun:

It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

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What is a soldier’s most active day of the year?

March forth!

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Did you know that China has a policy where a certain amount of pandas must live in the country?

To be fair, it’s the bear minimum.

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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.

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What do you call two ducks who walk like, act like, and believe they are geese?

A paradux.

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What do you call a gigantic polar bear?

Nothing, you just run away!

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I once tried to kill a giant mouse with a baseball bat.

Now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyworld.

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If you were ice cream, you would be my favorite flavor.

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I’m making a comic book about a superhero toilet.

β€œBillionaire Bidet, Crime Fighter by Night”

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Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning.

Because I can’t get out of bed.

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The shady workers behind the Mexican restaurant...

That’s nacho business.

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