Why did the cat like eating lemons?
Because he was a sourpuss.
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How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
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A biker is riding a new motorbike on the highway.
While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, βYes?β
βEver driven a Honda motorbike?β
βNo, I havenβt.β
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, βYes?β
βEver driven a Honda motorbike?β
βNo, I havenβt.β
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.
Covered in blood, the biker asks, βEver driven a Honda motorbike?β
βYes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years.β
The biker says, βTell me, where are the brakes?β
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Do you know where the Torah mentions baseball?
In the big inning.
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I thought breakfast in bed would be a nice Motherβs Day treat for my Mom.
So Iβve put a camp bed next to the stove for her.
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyathinkysaurus.
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Chuck Norris can pick up a missed call.
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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
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If Chewie is short for Chewbacca, and Ben Kenobi is short for Obi-Wan Kenobi. What is Luke short for?
A stormtrooper.
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Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
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What do a bass guitar solo and peeing your pants have in common?
Itβs quiet and embarrassing.
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I donβt trust freshmen algebra students.
Theyβre always plotting something.
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My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.
Then I told him, βTheyβre all extinct.β
Hearing that, he said, βNo, I donβt want a stinky dinosaur.β
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What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A har-vest.
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So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character.
You shouldβve seen the Luke on her face.
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What is a wolfβs favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
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I got a pet owl named Robin.
Robin Hoo-d.
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The banker fell overboard from a friendβs sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, βCan you float alone?β
βObviously,β the banker replied, βbut this is a heck of a time to talk business.β
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Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
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