Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!
😄 😄 😄
I would like to start doing yoga but I can never find the time to.
I am not very flexible.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the sun such an egomaniac?
He believes that everything revolves around him.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
😄 😄 😄
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had nobody to go with.
😄 😄 😄
The moon landing is obviously fake.
Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.
😄 😄 😄
What drink breaks the ice?
Flirt-Tea.
😄 😄 😄
Why do pigs go to New York City?
To see the Big Apple.
😄 😄 😄
The best time to propose is on April 1st.
If they say no, you can yell “April Fool!”.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?
It’s called influenza marketing.
It’s really going viral.
😄 😄 😄
What’s my blood type?
Pumpkin spice!
😄 😄 😄
How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
😄 😄 😄
Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?
The salad bar.
😄 😄 😄
My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.
I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
😄 😄 😄
Why are tall people always so well rested?
Because they sleep longer in bed.
😄 😄 😄
An employee asked his boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
The boss said, “It’s May.”
“Sorry,” the employee replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
😄 😄 😄
What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?
Her-Shes.
😄 😄 😄
At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
😄 😄 😄
My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset—just shell-shocked.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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