Why did the cat like eating lemons?
Because he was a sourpuss.
😄 😄 😄
How does Uranus like its coffee?
Black, with a little bit of gas.
😄 😄 😄
A biker is riding a new motorbike on the highway.
While passing a car, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
The biker drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window.
The driver of the car opens the window, “Yes?”
“Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“No, I haven’t.”
Then suddenly there is a curve, the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch.
A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker.
Covered in blood, the biker asks, “Ever driven a Honda motorbike?”
“Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years.”
The biker says, “Tell me, where are the brakes?”
😄 😄 😄
Do you know where the Torah mentions baseball?
In the big inning.
😄 😄 😄
I thought breakfast in bed would be a nice Mother’s Day treat for my Mom.
So I’ve put a camp bed next to the stove for her.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyathinkysaurus.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can pick up a missed call.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused a Novocain injection during root canal treatment?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat she uses the highway as a slip and slide.
😄 😄 😄
If Chewie is short for Chewbacca, and Ben Kenobi is short for Obi-Wan Kenobi. What is Luke short for?
A stormtrooper.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
Today is a good day to have a good day, especially if you've had your coffee.
😄 😄 😄
What do a bass guitar solo and peeing your pants have in common?
It’s quiet and embarrassing.
😄 😄 😄
I don’t trust freshmen algebra students.
They’re always plotting something.
😄 😄 😄
My brother wanted a dinosaur as a gift for his birthday.
Then I told him, “They’re all extinct.”
Hearing that, he said, “No, I don’t want a stinky dinosaur.”
😄 😄 😄
What should you wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A har-vest.
😄 😄 😄
So my friend decided to get a face tattoo of her favorite Star Wars character.
You should’ve seen the Luke on her face.
😄 😄 😄
What is a wolf’s favorite tree?
A lu-pine.
😄 😄 😄
I got a pet owl named Robin.
Robin Hoo-d.
😄 😄 😄
The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
😄 😄 😄
