You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
😄 😄 😄
What do single people call Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
😄 😄 😄
I tried to dye my hair blue, but it didn’t work out.
I guess you could say it was a dye-lemma.
😄 😄 😄
I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn’t concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then I gave being a barber a go. But I didn’t cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn’t suited for the job.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
😄 😄 😄
Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
😄 😄 😄
A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.
When they ran into a family of skunks.
They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.
They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.
The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.
They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, “There’s no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?”
The husband thinks for a second and says, “Hey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.”
The wife replies, “Well what about the smell?”
The husband says, “It’ll be alright, just hold its nose.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They’re always getting ripped off.
😄 😄 😄
What language do things that fly in the sky speak?
Plane English.
😄 😄 😄
After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
😄 😄 😄
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks...
Why is there a light in the fridge?
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts?
The Carroty Kid.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a depressed blue crayon?
Blue-tiful.
😄 😄 😄
I made an orange soda popsicle.
It’s Fanta-stick.
😄 😄 😄
A man ordered for a voice-automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car, “Car, go and bring my children from school.”
The car went and didn’t return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said, “These are your children, sir.”
In the car were their landlady’s two daughters, their choir mistress’s two sons, his wife’s best friend’s daughter, their pastor’s son, and their neighbor’s two sons.
The wife said angrily, “I demand to know if these are all your children?!”
The man asked her calmly, “Just as soon as you tell me why our children aren’t in the car.”
😄 😄 😄
Why shouldn’t you iron a 4 leaf clover?
You don’t want to press your luck!
😄 😄 😄
The military was standing outside my house, guess what I did?
I-ran.
😄 😄 😄
I guess I don’t need any sunshine anymore.
Because your smile is going to brighten up my day!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat not even a ninja could carry her in a Fortnite battle.
😄 😄 😄
Who do you sell second hand bikes to?
A re-cyclist.
😄 😄 😄
