What does AH stand for in the periodic table?
The Element of Surprise.
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Why did the flu go to the art exhibit?
It heard there was a lot of culture there.
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Good morning!
Monday through Friday, nine to 5, I reach function along with someone who reaches the workplace, with determination, increasing the spirits of every one of his office mates... after that thereβs you! You are additionally at the workplace!
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A man visits a friend recovering from the flu that had him bedridden for weeks.
Surprisingly, the friend says itβs been a happy and wonderful experience.
βHow so?β asks the man.
Friend: βWell, Iβve found out how much my wife loves me and how pleased she is to have me home.β
Man: βHow do you know?β
Friend: βWell, every time the postman, the milkman or the dustman comes by, she runs out shouting βMy husband is home! My husband is home!β.β
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Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
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Let me tell you how I became a millionaire.
First, I bought one apple for a dollar with my savings.
Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars.
With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1 dollar each and again sold them for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each.
Now I had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on.
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
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Why do elves laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
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I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
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Why doesnβt an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
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Yo daddy so bald people use his head as a mirror.
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In their small village, a couple was famous for the husband being 102 years old and his wife being 98 years old, and both in terrific condition, working their farm every day and having the bodies of much younger people.
One day, a visitor to the village, curious about the couple, approached the old man at his farm. The old man was cutting wood without a shirt on, sweat glistening on a body that seemed to belong to a man half his age.
The visitor introduced himself and asked the old man, βI hear you are 102!β
βThatβs correct,β said the old man with a smile.
βWow, I must say, you look in amazing shape!β
βThank you,β said the old man humbly.
βDo you mind if I ask...β
βHow am I this healthy at my age?β finished the old man. βHelp me carry this wood back home, and Iβll tell you.β
The visitor agrees and they make their way inside.
βYou see,β said the old man, βIβve been married for 75 years. Now, when we got married, I made a little arrangement with the wife. Every time we have an argument, the loser of said argument must run for 5 kilometers. Seeing as we have a pretty typical marriage, Iβve been running 5 kilometers almost every day for 75 years! Thatβs why Iβm in the great shape I am.β
βBut if thatβs the case,β said the puzzled visitor, βhow come your wife is in such great shape too?β
βWell,β smiled the old man, βshe usually runs after me to make sure I finish the whole five.β
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Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
Because he had the drumsticks!
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?
Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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One Sunny afternoon, two blondes walk down the street.
One of them suddenly points at the sun and says: βLook! Thatβs the moon over there!β
The other one says: βNo, thatβs the sun!β
The first one: βNo, itβs the moon!β
The other one, again: βNo, itβs the sun!β
After arguing for a while, the βsmartβ one says: βLetβs go to that house over there and ask, whatβs right!β
They go to the house and ring the doorbell. Another blonde opens the door.
The βsmartβ one asks: βExcuse us, can you tell us, whether itβs the sun or the moon in the sky?β
The blonde looks and says: βI wouldnβt know! Iβve only been living here for two weeks!β
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My stomach doesnβt tolerate mushrooms.
They really give me a shii-take.
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Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
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Why did the astronaut bring a joke book to Uranus?
To break the space ice.
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Guess what the doctor just told me?
I need some sunshine so thatβs why I got you to brighten my day.
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Why canβt astronauts eat popsicles?
In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.
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What do you call an elevator filled with rational, intelligent people?
A lift.
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