I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).
😄 😄 😄
What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?
Shii-talkin!
😄 😄 😄
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
😄 😄 😄
Why do llamas have such long necks?
To make sure their heads stay on.
😄 😄 😄
An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
😄 😄 😄
Your so ugly when you were born your mom said, “Oh, what a treasure!”
And your dad said, “Yeah, le’ts bury it.”
😄 😄 😄
A driver goes into a car accessories store.
“I’d like a satnav, please.”
“OK,” said the assistant, “we have every model possible, European routes, world routes, UK routes.”
“I’ll just take the UK one, please,” said the driver.
“Are you sure, sir, easy to get lost round Europe,” replied the assistant.
“No, the UK is fine,” said the driver, “it’s for the Liverpool team bus next season.”
😄 😄 😄
An little old woman arrives home from bingo and her husband comes running up to her saying, “Thank goodness you’re home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!”
She replied, “A lunatic? There were hundreds of them!”
😄 😄 😄
Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A polar bear.
😄 😄 😄
Girlfriend: “Do you have a date for Valentine’s Day?”
Boyfriend: “Yes, February 14th.”
😄 😄 😄
A wife said her husband that they should spice up their love life.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
She said, “Let’s do a bit of role-playing. I’ll be the doctor and you be the patient.”
“Alright...” the husband went with it, “How are you, doctor?”
“We have no appointments till November. Goodbye.”
😄 😄 😄
Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?
He has a dark side.
😄 😄 😄
What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
😄 😄 😄
What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?
“How many movements?”
😄 😄 😄
How does a social media marketer stay cool during a crisis?
They just keep refreshing their feed until it blows over.
😄 😄 😄
My wife suggested I start growing a beard, to which I was against initially against...
But now, I must say, it’s growing on me.
😄 😄 😄
Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday!
It couldn’t be any other way with that many candles on your cake.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
Reality.
😄 😄 😄
I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didn’t want me to have such a block-and-white career.
😄 😄 😄
