How do you ask a dinosaur if he wants a warm beverage?
“Tea, Rex?”
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What kinds of beer makes you urinate vowels?
IPAs.
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Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think they’ll change it back.
It’s only a phase, after all.
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Spider-Man came all the way down here to tell me I dropped his phone number.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Toast.”
“Toast, who?”
“Toasting to a delicious breakfast!”
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I told my friends I was a blood-sucking insect from the moon.
They said I was a luna tick.
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What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
A martian-mallow!
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Bob’s first day in heaven.
God: “You’re about to get your wings!”
Bob: “Lemon pepper or BBQ?”
God: “Get out.”
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Why do ducks fly over Alabama upside down?
There’s nothing worth craping on.
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There’s a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you.
Second place is just a constellation prize.
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Guess what I’m wearing?
The smile you gave me.
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You’re so old George Washington cut down your Christmas tree.
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What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?
A fast purrr-ple.
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A girl visited her boyfriend, which was still living with his mother, at his house.
His mother had Puritan principles.
The mother, as long as the girl was there, didn’t even try to hide her dislike feelings for his son’s choice.
“Mom, can I escort Helen?”
The girl, waiting to hear a cold-hearted “no”, she surprised hear.
“Sure... You can! Escort her... to the corner with your eyes!”
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Why was Darth Vader bad at sports?
He always choked.
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Wife asks, “Why are you watching our wedding video backwards?”
Husband: “I like the part when I take the ring off your finger, leave church and go to the bar with friends.”
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The internet connection at my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Tamara.”
“Tamara, who?”
“Tamara we’ll have turkey leftovers!”
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This special peach school is for those peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
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