The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, “Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”
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Why doesn’t ChatGPT need a vacation?
Because it’s already on cloud nine.
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Why is Minecraft so popular with kids?
Because they love to hang out on corners.
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Which city in Ohio has the best bakery?
Toledough.
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What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
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A terrified mother called 911.
“Help me!” she said. “My son just swallowed a fork!”
The 911 operator told her not to worry and that he would send over an ambulance right away.
“What should I do until it arrives?” the mother asked him.
Operator: “Use a spoon.”
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How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Alpaca.”
“Alpaca, who?”
“Alpaca your bags, we’re going on vacation!”
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You know what happened to humanity’s most intelligent ancestor?
He decided having kids wasn’t worth it.
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There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
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Where do all planets go for their higher education?
To the universe-ity.
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My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.
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Spider-Man gets a job in the CIA.
What does the officer tell him?
Spy-there-man!
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What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
“Oh, comb all ye faithful...”
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A man went to the doctor and said, “I think I am upside down.”
When the doctor asked why he felt like that, the man said, “Because my feet smell and my nose runs.”
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What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter?
Ketch-up!
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A recently ordained priest, Father Henry, was to hold his first-ever graveside burial service at a pauper’s cemetery for a destitute man with no family or friends.
Father Henry, not knowing where the cemetery was, made several wrong turns and got lost.
He eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the spade was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.
Father Henry, being a reliable young priest went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.
Feeling guilty because of his lateness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in considerable style.
As the good Father returned to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say to the other, “Do you know, fancy that, I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty-five years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”
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Why didn’t the roast chicken cross the road?
It didn’t have the guts anymore.
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How do you know it’s time to retire?
It’s when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it!
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
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