Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
Thatβs why they call it P.
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I had to give up my job as a plumber.
It was just too draining.
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Where are bearded prisoners sent?
The Gilette-ine.
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The absolute value of 0 is no laughing matter.
βlolβ.
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What do you call a snail holding a baseball bat?
A slugger.
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Iβve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if Iβd just written in on paper...
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βOlive.β
βOlive, who?β
βOlive the other reindeer.β
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she wasnβt looking for the droids in the first place!
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I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we arenβt gonna work out.
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Why donβt we have a Reality Show where flat Earthers walk to the end of the Earth?
Because that would be edgy.
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Getting dress for work is so stressful. Should I put on yoga pants or sweatpants?
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Coding Rules:
β’ If itβs working, donβt touch it.
β’ Bad code canβt be debugged. Neither can good code.
β’ If you donβt know something, Google it.
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The English teacher in India.
Teacher: βTell me a sentence that starts with an βIβ.β
Student: βI is the...β
Teacher: βStop! Never put βisβ after an βIβ. Always put βamβ after an βIβ.β
Student: βOK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.β
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An ant approaches an elephant and asks, βWould you like to play?β
βSure,β replies the elephant.
βSo, whatβs your favorite game?β the ant inquires.
βSquash,β says the elephant.
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It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January.
I drink on all of the other days.
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People call my obsession with the afterlife suicidal.
Truth be told, Iβm dying to find out if there is life after death.
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Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
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Why do people who have TikTok get sick?
Because of all the influenzas.
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Whereβs a donutβs favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert.
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What kind of nut doesnβt have a shell?
A donut.
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