Best Jokes (95)



My bank has a new feature where they’ll text you your bank balance. I think it’s pretty cool.

I just don’t think they should end the text with β€œLOL”, though.

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First Pole: β€œKnock-Knock!”

Second Pole: β€œCome in!”

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You must love staying outdoors.

I hear plants make oxygen just for you.

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Why can’t you trust acupuncture specialists?

They’ll always stab you in the back.

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I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet but then my browser froze.

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Mama always said β€œWork until your bank account looks like a phone number.”

Well, I did it! Bank balance: 911!

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I got a PhD in rap and washing clothes.

They call me Dr. LaunDrΓ©.

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Math, the only world where you can buy 140 watermelons without your motives being questioned.

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Why couldn’t the moon finish its dinner?

It was a full moon!

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Santa had a leakage in the roof over his dining room.

Plumber asked:Β β€œSir, when did u notice it ?”

Santa:Β β€œLast night when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup.”

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What was the full name of Eddie Murphy’s character in Shrek?

Donkey Ho-tay!

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I am sweating like a dog at a Chinese restaurant.

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Why was the glasses so expensive?

Because they were designer spectacles.

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What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?

Hamsterdam.

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Look up β€œrib” in the dictionary and it says β€œTo vex, irritate or annoy”.

Look up β€œrib” in the Bible and it says β€œWoman”.

Coincidence?

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No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.

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A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, β€œWhat the heck are you doing down there?”

And the fellow shouts back, β€œYoga!”

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œI eat mop.”

β€œI eat mop, who?”

β€œThat’s revolting!”

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How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.

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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?

β€œWe’re rich and jellyous!”

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