Best Jokes (95)



Patient: โ€œDoctor, doctor, I keep thinking Iโ€™m a snowman!โ€

Doctor: โ€œKeep cool.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


There was this company names โ€œSofa Kingโ€, but we didnโ€™t buy anything from them.

Because the prices were sofa king high.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Which part of a computer is Spider-Manโ€™s favorite?

The web cam.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Son: โ€œDad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?โ€

Dad: โ€œNo sun.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call a Jewish fish?

Isra-eel.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


She: โ€œI cheated on you.โ€

He: โ€œMe too.โ€

She: โ€œApril, 1.โ€

He: โ€œMarch, 20.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


How do zombies eat healthier?

They switch to vegetarians.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday.

Rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Mondayโ€™s code.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Me: โ€œIโ€™m so sorry, my dog ate my homework.โ€

Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, โ€œReally?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?โ€

Me: โ€œWell, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Knock! Knock!

โ€œWhoโ€™s there?โ€

โ€œHarry.โ€

โ€œHarry, who?โ€

โ€œHarry up and open your gifts, itโ€™s your birthday!โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Every Friday a guy would walk into a bar and order 3 beers.

Then heโ€™d sit at a table, drink each one by himself and leave.

He does this every Friday for a few weeks until the bartender becomes so curious he has to ask the guy about this routine.

โ€œWell, you see I have two buddies and we always would have a beer with each other when we were together. But now theyโ€™ve both moved to different parts of the country.

We still keep up the tradition, where weโ€™re at, and have just one beer for each of us on Friday nights.โ€

His curiosity satisfied the bartender goes back to serving his other customers.

This goes on for several months until one day the guy comes in and orders only 2 beers.

Seeing how sad the fellow is the bartender brings him his 2 beers and offers condolences for his loss.

Confused the guy asks why the bartender was offering condolences.

โ€œItโ€™s just that since you normally order 3 beers, but tonight you only ordered 2, I just figured something must have happened to one of your buddies.โ€

โ€œOh no, weโ€™re all just fine. Itโ€™s just that itโ€™s Lent and I gave up drinking till Easter.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What bird has the worst manners?

A mocking-bird.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Once there was a bear with no ears, guess what they call it?

A โ€œBโ€.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Dating me is like investing in a bear market, thereโ€™s unlimited scope for improvement.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


Youโ€™re so sweet you must be made out of chocolate.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


I accidentally got anti aging cream on my block of cheddar.

Iโ€™ve now got milk all over the kitchen top.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.

The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.

โ€œThis is your doctor. Weโ€™ve had the results back from your tests, and weโ€™ve found you have an extremely nasty flu virus, which is extremely contagious!โ€

โ€œOh my gosh!โ€ cries the man. Heโ€™s in a panic now. โ€œWhat are you going to do, doctor?โ€

โ€œWell, weโ€™re going to put you on a diet of pancakes and pita bread.โ€

โ€œWill that cure me?โ€ asked the man, hopefully.

The doctor replied, โ€œWell, no, but... itโ€™s the only food we can get under the door.โ€

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


If Taylor Swift fans are called Swifties, what do we call Carrie Underwoodโ€™s fans?

Undies.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?

Peter PARKER.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


What did the teacher say about the studentโ€™s attempt at making pizza?

Thereโ€™s so mush-room for improvement.

๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„ ๐Ÿ˜„


















© 2022-2024 jokes.best