My PhD was about torque.
I guess that makes me a spin doctor.
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What’s the hardest part of the roofing business?
The overhead.
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I always shout “PIZZA’S HERE” so the delivery guy doesn’t think I’m eating those two pizzas by myself.
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Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers!
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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With a forehead like yours, Dora would get lost exploring it.
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My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors.
But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn’t smell good.
😄 😄 😄
I’m going to host a boat race. The winner will get pasta.
It will be called the Penne Regatta.
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What did the mermaid wear to her math class?
An algae bra.
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Did you hear about the hairdresser?
She dyed.
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A white man comes across a Native American who is lying on the ground with his ear pressed against the ground between two tire tracks.
“What’s going on?” the white man asks.
“White Chevy Tahoe. Four doors. License plate XPV 14785. Has a Coexist bumper sticker,” replies the Native American.
“Wow, you can tell all that from just listening to the ground?”
“No, you idiot! That’s what the asshole who hit me was driving.”
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What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
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Why did the watermelon go crazy?
He lost his rind.
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Yo mama’s so flatulent that she forced the Mustafarians to wear masks!
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“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Hey, I know it’s been a week since Halloween is over, but I’m seriously starting to doubt the body hanging from my neighbor’s tree is not a decoration.”
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If Chuck Norris is defusing a bomb and has a choice of red wire, yellow wire and green wire, he chooses blue.
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Yo mama so poor she chases after the garbage truck with a shopping list.
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What do you do if you get rejected for a job at the sunscreen company?
Reapply.
😄 😄 😄
Why do frogs love St. Patrick’s Day?
They’re always wearing green.
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How can you tell a police horse from a normal horse?
The police horse goes “Neigh-naw-neigh-naw-neigh-naw”.
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