Did you hear about the guy that washed his shorts with change in it?
He was arrested for money laundrying.
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Why did the dyslexic couple learn karate?
They tried to get some marital counselling but ended up with martial training.
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What did the avocado do at the wedding?
Make a toast.
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I asked Alexa if she was considering running for President, but she said she was better suited for Speaker of the House.
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What do you call it when you prank a person on Sunday?
Sabbathtoge.
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Good morning, sweetie!
When I get up, my initial idea is of just how you feel, after that, I obtain you a cup of coffee, placed it down, as well as back away, gradually...
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Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf?
“Mensch on a bench”.
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Wives are strange creatures. Mine sometimes waits up for me till I come home at 3 am to ask me whether I know what time it is.
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They brought the hot dog in for questioning.
He gave the... wurst... answers.
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Why do some people get heartburn every time they eat a birthday cake?
They always forget to take off the candles.
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Chuck Norris uses a stunt double for crying scenes.
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Why can’t people in wheelchairs be looked at for too long?
They can’t handle stares.
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Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Don.”
“Don, who?”
“Don be putting down the Irish now!”
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Oh my gourd, it’s already fall.
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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.
And I don’t know if I should tell him.
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How did the roofing company become so successful?
They nailed it.
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The first commandment was... when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?
Keep trying until you get a reaction.
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Why did the sun feel so dizzy?
Because he felt light-headed.
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