Why did the cool roofer stop hanging out with his friends?
He realized they were squares.
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What do you call a rapper wearing a wig?
2pΓ©e.
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You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
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The peach couple is in love.
They seem to be born for peach other.
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An aircraft was traveling from LA to New York.
About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced, βWe have lost one engine, but donβt worry, there are still three left. However, we will need seven hours to get to New York instead of five.β
A little later, the pilot announced, βAnother engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York.β
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, βA third engine was broken. Never fear because the planeβs still able to fly on one engine. However, itβll take another 18 hours to get from here to New York.β
At this point, one passenger said, βGee, I hope we donβt lose that last engine, or weβll be up here forever!β
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Perfume is a very logical business.
It always makes scents.
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What is a recently divorced womanβs favorite fruit?
Mango.
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Yo mama so fat not even Superman can lift her.
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Why did the husband say after grabbing his wifeβs love handles while looking at all her skin?
βYou are so skinny.β
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Why could Spider-man not drive a car decently even once?
Because he always confused drifting with spinning and end of in accidents.
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I love you un-cone-ditionally.
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Trying to wake you up is such a thrill.
Itβs like waking up a mad beast from its ponderous slumber.
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The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βChicken.β
βChicken, who?β
βJust chicken this is the right house!β
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Three astronauts are sitting at a table: one from the US, one from Russia and one from Poland.
The US astronaut says, βWeβre going to Mars.β
The Russian says, βWe made it to the moon.β
The Pole says, βWeβre going to the sun.β
The other two astronauts say, βYou canβt land on the sun, youβll burn. Thereβs nothing to land on.β
The polish guy says, βDonβt tell anyone, but weβre going at night!β
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What is the difference between a cookie and a cracker.
Cookies donβt care if you pull down a civil war statue.
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My wife really is the sunshine of my life.
Too bad Iβm a vampire.
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Do you come from a family of math nerds?
If you do, then you have square roots!
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Why was the toilet paper in detention?
It was unraveling all the time!
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How do people know Taylor Swift had a breakup?
Because she releases a whole album about it.
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