Me: βIβm not able to stop making jokes.β
Doctor: βYou canβt be serious.β
Me: βThatβs right.β
π π π
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrickβs Day?
St. OβClaus.
π π π
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
βWait a minute,β she said. βI had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.β
π π π
Your mama so old when she was born the Dead Sea was just getting sick!
π π π
No one turns on their camera in Zoom.
They have been infected by Novid-19.
π π π
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
It was melondramatic.
π π π
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
Itβs true. I canβt remember the last time I ate a monkey.
π π π
What do peanuts wear on their feet?
Cashews.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βBertha.β
βBertha, who?β
βHappy Bertha Day to you.β
π π π
Itβs hotter than a fat kid at a Weenie Roast.
π π π
Why are frogs always so happy?
They eat whatever is bugging them.
π π π
What language is anatomy in?
Body language.
π π π
Whenever my wife asks me to clean the kitchen, I show her funny videos until she forgets she asked.
But now she says sheβs had enough of my delaying TikToks.
π π π
Archaeologists have uncovered a mummy in Egypt covered in nuts and chocolate.
They believe itβs Pharaoh Roche.
π π π
What do you call a bacon-wrapped dinosaur?
Jurassic Pork.
π π π
βHey there buddy, I have a bunch of old albums, would you like 2 CDβs...?
βSure thanks!β
β...to see DEEZ NUTZ!β
π π π
I wanted to go bowling, but the pins were on strike.
π π π
What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?
McLady.
π π π
Why do bananas use sunscreen?
So they donβt peel.
π π π
Life is gourd.
π π π