Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?
Because he was always spinning out.
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If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
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I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
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If your wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it’s a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?
They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.
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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.
He dares it to grow.
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What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?
Short ribs.
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Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
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Britain’s most common owl?
The teatowel.
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Why did the red panda bring a ladder?
It wanted to reach new heights-bear.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget to close the door!”
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What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?
A fast purrr-ple.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Smell mop.”
“Smell mop, who?”
“No, I won’t smell your poo!”
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What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?
Start off with a big fortune!
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What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?
This changes everything!
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There was a certain knight who’d always endure all pains in battle. Guess what?
He was a Sir Vivor.
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I felt so guilty after I stepped on a moth this morning.
You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.
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