The English teacher in India.
Teacher: “Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: “I is the...”
Teacher: “Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.”
Student: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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An ant approaches an elephant and asks, “Would you like to play?”
“Sure,” replies the elephant.
“So, what’s your favorite game?” the ant inquires.
“Squash,” says the elephant.
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It will be 20 years since I last had a drink on the 5th of January.
I drink on all of the other days.
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People call my obsession with the afterlife suicidal.
Truth be told, I’m dying to find out if there is life after death.
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Where does the moon go to get its qualifications?
Moon-iversity!
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Why do people who have TikTok get sick?
Because of all the influenzas.
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Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert.
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What kind of nut doesn’t have a shell?
A donut.
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My horse came in so late the jockey was wearing pijamas.
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It only takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
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What do you call a female crab who is also single?
Ms. Shell.
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What do you call an otter who’s obsessed with trains?
A trainsp-otter.
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Working from home. Day 1:
This’ll be fantastic! I get to stay inside and eat toast on a paper towel.
Day 8:
Engages in conversation with a lamp...
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Guess the difference between a hot dog and a corn dog?
One’s stuck up, while the other is laid back!
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I hope they never ban algebra.
Think of the aftermath!
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A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road.
They thoughtfully made a sign saying “The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it’s too late!” and showed it to each passing car.
One driver who drove by didn’t appreciate the sign and shouted at them, “Leave us alone, you religious nuts!”
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, “You think maybe we should have just said “Bridge Out” instead?”
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A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approaches him and beats him up.
Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office.
“What happened to you? the officer asks.
“A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied.
“Can you describe what they looked like?”
“I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”
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How do you know the NASA scientists are wrong to say it is possible to live on Mars?
Some people tried it and now they are 15 kg heavier and diabetic.
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How do you organize a party for the moon?
You just planet!
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What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
The Dinosorcerer.
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