What did the barber say to the man after shaving his beard?
“All good things must comb to an end.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the hip surgery patient bring a suit to the hospital?
Because he wanted to be hip and dapper during recovery.
😄 😄 😄
A king had ten wild dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him.
A minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all. So he ordered that the minister to be thrown to the dogs.
The minister said, “I served you loyally ten years, and you do this?”
The king was unrelenting.
Minister pleaded, “Please give me ten days before you throw me to the dogs.”
The king agreed.
In those ten days the minister went to the keeper of the dogs and told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next ten days. The guard was baffled, but he agreed.
So when the ten days were up, the king ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.
When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw. The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister and licking his feet.
The king was baffled at what he saw.
“What happened to the dogs?!” He growled.
The minister then said, “I served the dogs for only ten days, and they didn’t forget my service. Yet I served you for ten years, and you forgot all at the first mistake.”
The king realised his mistake and...
Replaced the dogs with crocodiles.
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What did Mario say to Princess Peach?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.”
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What’s God’s favorite beer?
Busch Light.
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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.
Never spit in his face.
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A Sunni and a Shia Muslim have a child together.
They name her Sushi.
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If I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd...
I’d have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25
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There are no losers when eating hot dogs.
Only wieners.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Hoo.”
“Hoo, who?”
“Are you an owl?”
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Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry.
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What is the longest word in the English language?
“Smiles”. Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
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Lady says to pharmacist, “Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?”
Pharmacist replies, “Cause that’s all we’ve documented so far.”
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The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad.
It was tearable.
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What do you call a Puerto Rican construction worker?
A renaissance man.
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What’s a clockmaker’s favorite social media site?
TikTok.
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A man was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
“What seems to be the problem?” asked the bee.
“I’m out of petrol,” the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
“Try it now,” said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“Wow!” the man exclaimed. “What did you put in my petrol tank?”
“BP,” answered the bee.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so hairy that people run up to her and say “Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?”.
😄 😄 😄
A world-renowned chemist has passed away.
His will specifies that all of his favorite elements from the periodic table be put in his body.
“Are we really going to put a bunch of elements in his casket?” they ask his wife.
To which she replies, “No, just Barium.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do people call organic chemistry the meanest science?
Because it’s always pushing electrons around.
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