A rabbit, a fox and a bear have to enroll in the army. Neither of the 3 are very happy about it, and the only chance they have to avoid it is by being rejected during the medical exam.
As they are waiting in line at the doctor’s office, their desperation builds up untill right before it’s the rabbits turn.
The rabbit turns to the fox, “Fox, I might have a plan. Bite off my ear, trust me on this one!”
The fox does so, and the rabbit enters the office.
A few moments later, he gets out yelling, “I was rejected, guys!”
“Because of your ear?” they ask.
“Yes, because without it, I can’t detect the enemy as well,” says rabbit.
“Good thinking,” they say.
And with that in mind the fox turns to the bear, “Rip my tail off!”
The bear doesn’t even hesitate and does so.
Then, the fox takes his turn in the office.
After a while he comes back yelling, “I am rejected too! Without my tail, I can’t be as sneaky and agile as I need to be.”
Now it was the bear’s turn to ask, “Quickly, guys, knock out all of my teeth, because a bear without teeth isn’t scary at all!”
The rabbit and the fox start beating the muzzle of the bear, completly breaking his face untill there is no tooth is left in his mouth.
He then proceeds to go inside the doctor’s office.
Not long after he gets out, he shouts, “Rejecwew!”
“Nice,” they say. “Because of your teeth, right?”
“Nwo,“ says the bear. “Too fat.”
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I’m great at multitasking:
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
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It’s so hot you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
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When my boss asked me who was stupid, me or him, I told him he doesn’t hire stupid people.
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course”, comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Scotland”, replies the second man.
The first man responds, “You don’t say, I’m from Scotland too! Let’s have another round to Scotland.”
“Of Course”, replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks, “Where in Scotland are you from?”
“Aberdeen”, comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it”, says the first man. “I’m from Aberdeen too! Let’s have another drink to Aberdeen.”
“Of course”, replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks, “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Andrews”, replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!”, the first man says. “I went to Saint Andrew’s and graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar.
“What’s been going on?”, he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The MacClyde twins are drunk again.”
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What’s a Pinterest addict’s favorite exercise?
Re-pinning.
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Why did the dyslexic mathematician go to rehab?
He was struggling with addition.
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Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?
Because it got run over half-way.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Water.”
“Water, who?”
“Water you waiting for... Let’s get out the ice cream!”
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I looked at the bottom of a tuna tin and it said “Best Before Date”.
I thought, “No, it isn’t.”
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Ole and Lena went fishing one day on a rented boat and were catching fish like crazy.
Lena said, “We better mark this spot so we can come back tomorrow and catch more fish.”
Ole then proceeded to mark the bottom of the boat with a large “X”.
Lena asked him what he was doing, and Ole told her he was marking the spot so they could come back to catch more fish.
Lena said, “You big dummy, how do you know we are going to get the same boat tomorrow?”
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Why did the Roblox character become a musician?
Because they wanted to compose block-sonatas.
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How can Minecraft players avoid sunburn?
Sunblock.
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If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
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An Australian is aboard the wrong airplane.
The flight attendant approaches them and says, “I’m so sorry. I’m not sure how this mix-up happened, but this plane is arriving in an entirely different country than your intended destination.”
The Australian says, “No way.”
The flight attendant replies, “Sweden, actually.”
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Yo mama so fat Obi-Wan Kenobi said “That’s no moon—that’s Yo mama!”.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Boo.”
“Boo, who?”
“Don’t cry, it’s only Tuesday!”
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I’m still taller than your IQ.
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Your mama so old she farts dust!
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What do you call tea made with weed and koala bears?
A High Koala Tea Beverage.
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