What do you say at a robot funeral?
Rust in peace.
😄 😄 😄
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
😄 😄 😄
One eye told the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
😄 😄 😄
It’s hotter than a dog looking at a fire hydrant.
😄 😄 😄
A soapbox orator addresses a crowd on the glories of communism, “Come the revolution, everyone will eat strawberries and cream!”
A man at the front whimpers, “But I don’t like strawberries and cream...”
The speaker thunders, “Come the revolution, you will like strawberries and cream!”
😄 😄 😄
How many guitarists does it take to change a lightbulb?
10. 1 to change the lightbulb and the other 9 to say “I could do that”.
😄 😄 😄
I love my motorcycle, it’s great for getting to the front of queues quicker.
It does always terrify the other people in the post office though.
😄 😄 😄
What type of window do donuts prefer in their homes?
Double glazed.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
😄 😄 😄
Can you guess where that famous painter’s ear went?
Not sure, but I saw it get in a Van and Gogh!
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Toad.”
“Toad, who?”
“Toadally awesome, it’s your birthday!”
😄 😄 😄
How do you know there’s no hair on the moon?
The moon waxes 14 times a month!
😄 😄 😄
My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder.
But that’s impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the worst faith healer ever?
He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
😄 😄 😄
What killed the painter?
He had too many strokes.
😄 😄 😄
Even though it’s been 20 years since my grandfather choked to death on a piece of sushi...
It’s still pretty raw.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he’s a whywolf.
😄 😄 😄
Scientists experimented on a rabbit and a bug, guess what they get?
A bugs bunny.
😄 😄 😄
A townie was looking for the May Day Fair, he stopped and asked Jethro, ”Will this road take me to the May Day Fair?”
“Oh no,” said Jethro. “You’ll have to go by yourself!”
😄 😄 😄
