Best Jokes (95)



Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?

Because he was always spinning out.

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If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?

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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonald’s.

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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.

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I went to a party in blue shoes.

But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.

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If your wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it’s a pretty good sign.

She wants you to be more Roman-tic.

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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?

They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.

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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.

There were familiar scents all over.

It was very nose-talgic.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.

He dares it to grow.

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What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?

Short ribs.

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Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?

Button mushrooms.

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Britain’s most common owl?

The teatowel.

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Why did the red panda bring a ladder?

It wanted to reach new heights-bear.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDoughnut.”

β€œDoughnut, who?”

β€œDoughnut forget to close the door!”

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What do you call a blue cat that likes to race?

A fast purrr-ple.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œSmell mop.”

β€œSmell mop, who?”

β€œNo, I won’t smell your poo!”

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What’s the best way to make a small fortune in the stock market?

Start off with a big fortune!

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What did dad say when he got a universal remote for Father’s Day?

This changes everything!

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There was a certain knight who’d always endure all pains in battle. Guess what?

He was a Sir Vivor.

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I felt so guilty after I stepped on a moth this morning.

You should of seen him, he looked genuinely crushed.

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