How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring.
😄 😄 😄
Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?
The salad bar.
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My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.
I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
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Why are tall people always so well rested?
Because they sleep longer in bed.
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An employee asked his boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
The boss said, “It’s May.”
“Sorry,” the employee replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”
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What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?
Her-Shes.
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At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, “Does it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”
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My pet turtle died.
I’m not upset—just shell-shocked.
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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.
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What’s the hardest part of the roofing business?
The overhead.
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What’s the difference between a black man and a white man?
As much as you see with your eyes!
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Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth?
It’s meteor.
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Chuck Norris was in a knife fight.
The knife lost.
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Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his master’s degree.
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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
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Yo momma’s so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.
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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?
Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.
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How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?
He felt his presents!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?
The “inedible snowman”.
😄 😄 😄
What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?
Peter parkway.
😄 😄 😄
