You so dumb you think intermittent fasting is a kind of speedwork.
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Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends’ food looked like.
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Never fight a math teacher. You’ll always be outnumbered.
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As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply.
After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...
So Noah asked them, “Why aren’t you multiplying?”
The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
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Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
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Working from home is weird. I got so sick of sitting at my desk, I wrote my last blog from my kids’ trampoline.
The time-on-page was pretty good, but the bounce rate was really high.
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What do you call six witches in a Jacuzzi?
A self-cleaning coven.
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What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention.
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Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders?
Because they have spirit.
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Why did the bearded man decline the invitation to a charity event?
It was a fund razor.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Norma Lee.”
“Norma Lee, who?”
“Norma Lee I don’t eat this much!”
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The high school music teacher was controversial for having his students read band books.
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Have you heard about the new trend?
People are putting baked goods on their ear studs.
It’s pie-on-earring fashion.
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Why did the blonde throw her doll on the grill?
She heard it was a Barbie-que.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Sue.”
“Sue, who?”
“Sue-prize! Happy Halloween!”
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What’s the full name of somebody who loves Japanese animation?
Annie Maniac.
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A man walks up to the pearly gates.
Saint Peter asks, “How did you get here?”
The man answers, “Flu.”
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What do you call a single kernel of corn?
A uni-corn.
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The only reason you don’t stress out about anything is because you’re always asleep.
Get up and feel the world. A little bit won’t hurt you.
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My 2 year old sister’s stinky feet were smelling like cheese.
My dad was wondering what happened, so I told him that she had chee-toes.
😄 😄 😄
