Best Jokes (95)



I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion.

You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying.

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It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.

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What haircut does a Rastafarian ask for when he is questioning life?

Existential dreads!

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The real space question that not even NASA can answer is why do we classify Uranus as a planet and not as a black hole?

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What is Loki’s least favorite day of the week?

Thor’s Day.

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What does Bob Marley say to his friends when they come around for donuts and coffee?

β€œI hope you like jam in too.”

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You are so dumb you tried to alphabetize M&Ms.

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What did the butcher say to his girlfriend on their first date?

β€œNice to meat you.”

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What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?

A tattoo.

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Why is teamwork important?

It helps to put the blame on someone else!

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Did you hear about the big Lego sale?

People were lined up for blocks.

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After the Americans went to the Moon, Murphy and Declan announced that the Kerry Men would go one better and send a man to the Sun.

Murphy objected, β€œIf you send a man to the Sun, he will burn up!”

β€œWhat do you think we are, stupid?” Declan replied, β€œWe’ll send our

man at night!”

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Why does Batman hate April Fools’ Day?

Because the Joker might be out!

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A lot of people are afraid of heights.

Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

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What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

Nut-tea.

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When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, he had two missed calls from Chuck Norris.

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What do Arsenal and a shampoo bottle have in common?

Both struggle with β€œno more tears”.

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Why is the Elf on the Shelf’s favorite school subject?

Spilling.

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Your mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest they said "Sorry, no professionals".

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What do you get when you cross ginger with a Jamaican?

Gingerbreadmon.

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