Best Jokes (95)



A jockey is walking down the road leading a racehorse when he bumps into a friend.

β€œWhat are you planning to do with that nag?” the man asks.

β€œRace it,” replies the jockey, surprised.

β€œWell, by the look of it,” the man says, β€œyou’ll win!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What’s the largest species of ants?

Gi-ants.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do you call a dog, with one eye and one leg?

Lucky.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Ohayo means β€œgood morning” in Japanese.

And that is the most interesting thing about Ohio.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


When asked the temperature I enjoy giving it in Kelvin.

I’m losing my friends by degrees.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


A colonoscopy doctor walks into the bank.

He says to the banker, β€œI’d like to deposit a check.”

The banker says, β€œSure but I’m going to need you to sign here.”

The doctor reaches into his pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

He then says, β€œDammit, some asshole took my pen!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


911 operator: β€œ911.”

β€œHello, my wife was cooking dinner, and she fell,” says the husband.

β€œWhat’s the emergency?”

The husband replies, β€œHow do I know when the rice is ready?”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Do not be racist, be like Mario.

He’s an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What is the difference between PokΓ©mon Go and Tinder?

On PokΓ©mon Go you swipe up to try and capture fake characters in a virtual world.

On Tinder, you swipe right.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


There’s a reason our nose is in the middle of our face.

It’s because that’s the scenter.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What is a moth’s favorite type of glasses?

Lampshades.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


β€œKnock! Knock!”

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDee.”

β€œDee, who?”

β€œDEEZ NUTS!”

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


My favorite geology professor died today.

My sediments are with his family.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What’s the name of the Democratic skeleton from Brooklyn, New York who’s running for president?

Bony Sanders.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


What do aliens like to eat?

Unidentified frying objects!

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


How does a man from Alabama hold up his pants?

With a bible belt.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will β€œpunch” a fish for no reason other than spite.

That’s called Toxic Molluskulinity.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


It is hotter than jalapenos and spice on rye.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


My uncle always refused to obey his controlling wife.

He was defy-aunt.

πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„ πŸ˜„


















© 2022-2024 jokes.best