Why do registered nurses bring a red crayon to work?
In case, they have to draw blood.
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How did the data scientist get his girlfriend to become an attractive model?
By training her.
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
Dude sold his soul to Santa.
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How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?
Use a pumpkin patch.
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What does a bass guitar and a baseball have in common?
People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
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If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
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Why did Chuck Norris destroy the periodic table?
Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
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What did Bruno Mars bring to the Thanksgiving Potluck?
24 Karat cakes.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who who.”
“Who who, who?”
“Santa is that you?”
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Why did the llama win the rap battle?
Because he was good at spitting.
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What are bombing instructors in Jihad camps getting tired of hearing?
“OK Boomer!”
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Around 80% of all Asians who move to America get cataracts.
The remaining 20% usually buy chevrorets, rexus or rincoln. Some even get rand lover.
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Remember when you ate a kid’s meal at McDonald’s?
His parents were pissed.
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How do bulls write?
With a bullpen.
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Can you guess what the left eye said to the right eye?
Between you and I, something smells.
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What do you call a Volleyball player who hurt her knee diving for the ball?
Courtney.
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How do you keep a violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
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What does a bookworm do during a baseball game?
Worm the bench.
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Bird flu.
Bird landed.
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My son identifies as a crescent moon.
I’m worried, but my wife says it’s just a phase.
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