Best Jokes (95)



How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

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Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?

The salad bar.

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My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.

I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.

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Why are tall people always so well rested?

Because they sleep longer in bed.

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An employee asked his boss, β€œCan I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

The boss said, β€œIt’s May.”

β€œSorry,” the employee replied, β€œMay I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

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What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?

Her-Shes.

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At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

One soldier mused, β€œDoes it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

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My pet turtle died.

I’m not upsetβ€”just shell-shocked.

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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

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What’s the hardest part of the roofing business?

The overhead.

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What’s the difference between a black man and a white man?

As much as you see with your eyes!

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Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth?

It’s meteor.

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Chuck Norris was in a knife fight.

The knife lost.

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Why did the slave go to college?

To pick up his master’s degree.

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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Yo momma’s so hairy she looks like she has two Ewoks in a headlock.

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Why do hockey rinks have curved corners?

Because if they were 90 degrees, the ice would melt.

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How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for his birthday?

He felt his presents!

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What do you call a snowman made of yellow snow?

The β€œinedible snowman”.

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?

Peter parkway.

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