What do you call a grizzly with no shoes?
Bear foot.
😄 😄 😄
Mothers of teens understand why some animals eat their young.
😄 😄 😄
I tried to post a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys.
But it was removed because of fowl language.
😄 😄 😄
Why do computer scientists get confused between Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
😄 😄 😄
When my ex-wife and I divorced, I handed her a letter saying, “Good job. Well done.”
I wanted things to end on a positive note.
😄 😄 😄
What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
Punch.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad”
😄 😄 😄
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
😄 😄 😄
Yo sister so fat she’s the reason London Bridge is falling down.
😄 😄 😄
A man goes to a marriage counselor all by himself.
Confused, the marriage counselor says, “This is quite odd, as usually this works better when both partners attend therapy together. Since you already paid for this session, I guess we will just have to pretend she is here and role play. I’ll be your wife.”
The man instantly stiffens up and looks very nervous.
Counselor: “Honey, are you not happy in our marriage?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that.”
Counselor: “Is it the relations?”
Man: “I can’t complain about that either.”
Counselor: “Well, is it the way I treat you?”
Man: “Nope. Definitely can’t complain about that.”
Getting frustrated about the lack of any insight, the counselor breaks character and says, “I don’t think this is really going anywhere without your wife present. Why don’t you bring her with you?”
Man: “No, that won’t work at all. It has to be just you and me. No role playing, either.”
Counselor: “Well, why is that?”
Man: “To you, I can complain!”
😄 😄 😄
Rise and conquer, adventurer!
Today’s mission: navigate through the day without putting your shirt on inside-out.
😄 😄 😄
It’s true women do make less money than men. But it’s their fault because they choose the lower-paying jobs.
Men, for example, choose higher-paying jobs like doctor or lawyer.
Whereas women choose lower-paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.
😄 😄 😄
Which is faster, heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.
😄 😄 😄
Three American Indians get lost in the forest.
Indian No.1: “What do we do?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know, we’re Indian, we’re not supposed to get lost in the forest!”
Indian No.3: “We could do like the white man and fire three shots into the air.”
Indian No.2: “How does that help?”
Indian No.3: “Well, when the white man gets lost in the forest, he fires three shots into the air and then somebody comes and saves him.”
Indian No.2: “That sounds like a great idea!” points to Indian No.1 and says, “Go ahead and fire three shots in the air.”
Indian No.1 fires three shots into the air and they wait.
After an hour, nothing happens.
Indian No.1: “So, how long are we supposed to wait?”
Indian No.2: “I don’t know. I guess it depends on how close they are. Maybe we should try again?”
Indian No.3 (to Indian No.1): “Yeah, try firing three more shots in the air.”
Indian No.1: “I would, but I only have two arrows left.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the project manager say to the programmer?
You start coding, I’ll go find out what they want.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf.
When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
😄 😄 😄
A jobless man applied for the position of Office Boy at a very big company.
The employer interviewed him, then a test “Clean the Floor”.
“You are hired,” the employer said. “Give me your email address, and I’ll send you the application to fill out, as well as when you will start.”
The man replied, “I don’t have a computer or an email.”
“I’m sorry,” said the employer, “if you don’t have an email that means you do not exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.”
The man left with no hope. He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 USD in his pocket.
He then decided to go to the supermarket, bought a 10 kg tomato crate, then sold the tomatoes door to door. In less than two hours, he succeeded and doubled his capital.
He repeated the operation 3 times and returned home with $60 USD. The man realized that he could survive this way, and started to go every day earlier, and returned late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly later, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his fleet of delivery vehicles.
Five years later, the man’s company was one of the biggest food retailers. He started to plan his family’s future and decided to have life insurance.
He called an insurance broker and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email.
The man replied, “I don’t have an email.”
The broker replied curiously, “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?”
The man paused for a while and replied, “An office boy!”
😄 😄 😄
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, “Change your course, 10 degrees west.”
The light signals back, “Change yours, 10 degrees east.”
The captain gets a little annoyed.
He signals, “I’m a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.”
The light signals back, “I’m a Seaman First Class. You must change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is mad.
He signals, “I’m an aircraft carrier. I’m not changing my course.”
The light signals back a final message, “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the man with the big nose sad?
He could really smell his feet!
😄 😄 😄
Unpaid interns are like slaves.
No pay, they just get experience in the field.
😄 😄 😄
