What happened after the mom purchased a loaf of bread from Albertsons?
By the time she got home, it was toast!
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Your breath stinks!
Get up and brush your teeth!
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You have 30 chocolate bars. You eat 20 in 1 day. What do you have now?
Diabetes.
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What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
Ice cream.
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A friend of mine accidentally deleted my game data and told me to calm down.
So, after a nice cup of tea, I hid his body.
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It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
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Shouldn’t you be minding your business and looking out for low flying objects?
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When I was a kid, I told everyone that when I grew up, I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. They all laughed.
Well, I got a job doing stand-up in a comedy club and no one’s laughing now.
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What is the most common illness in China?
Kung Flu.
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Coronavirus is all Gen Z’s fault.
They wanted everything to go viral, now look what’s happened.
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A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor’s office.
“Is it true,” she wanted to know, “that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?”
“Yes, I’m afraid so,” the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, “I’m wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked ‘NO REFILLS’.”
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The misuse of users’ Facebook data has caused Mark Zuckerberg significant emotional distress.
He asks that you respect his privacy during this challenging time.
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Covid-19 is just like the flu, don’t believe in all social media that are fearmongering.
Spread the word and be positive.
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Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling.
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You so dumb you once tried to exchange a bib number because you thought the whole thing was printed upside down.
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Working from home becomes more difficult when your bed and YouTube constantly beg for your attention.
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While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section.
One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle it without a problem.
She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier.
The cashier was surprised, so the nun said, “This is for washing our hair.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer, “The curlers are on me.”
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What to give a man who’s got everything?
A woman. She’ll tell him how everything works.
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I’ve invented a solar-powered still!
It turns sunshine into moonshine.
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What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
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