Madonna is 54 and her boyfriend’s 25.
Jennifer Lopez is 43 and her boyfriend’s 26.
So if you’re single it’s ok, maybe he’s just not born yet.
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How did the Catholic priest finish the marathon?
He was second to nun.
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Why do anteaters never get colds?
Because their noses are full of anty-bodies!
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What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
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If you’re looking for Spider-Man, you can always find him on the web.
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Chuck Norris can fold a fitted sheet.
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I saw my sister weeping uncontrollably, worried that her Economics degree wouldn’t land her a job.
I said, “Are you having a financial cry, sis?”
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What did Uranus say to Earth?
“You’re always following me around. Give me some space!”
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Why do Jews wear yarmulkes?
Because the hats with little propellers cost extra!
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Why do camels make the best comedians on Wednesdays?
Because they know how to get everyone laughing over the hump.
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My boyfriend and I always laugh about how competitive we are.
But I laugh harder.
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One day you can be a morning person, but today is not that day.
It’s the afternoon.
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How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.
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Good morning!
Hope your morning is less Monday and more Friday!
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What did Earth say to the other planets?
Get a life!
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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.
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What do you call a realistic prankster?
A practical joker.
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I ordered a book called “How to scam people online” two months ago.
It still hasn’t arrived yet.
😄 😄 😄
You can’t fit inside a tuna can.
But a tuna can.
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Johnny is struggling with recovery and, as luck would have it, he is pulled over by a policeman the one time he slips up.
“Sir, I smell alcohol on your breath. Have you been drinking today?”
“Well, officer, you’d be drinking too if you’d just killed your wife.”
“WHAT!? Are you confessing to murder?”
“The handgun is hidden under the seat. Her body, bless her soul, is wrapped in a sheet in the trunk of the car.”
The officer, stunned, handcuffs Johnny and calls for his sergeant.
The sergeant arrives, takes the car keys and opens the trunk.
“There’s no body in here,” he says to the patrolman. “I thought you said there was a homicide?”
He then searches under the seat, “And no gun either.”
The sergeant turns to Johnny for an explanation.
“Gee, I bet he said I was drinking too.”
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