Can you guess where that famous painter’s ear went?
Not sure, but I saw it get in a Van and Gogh!
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Yo momma so fat she prevents ships from going to hyperspace.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Toad.”
“Toad, who?”
“Toadally awesome, it’s your birthday!”
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How do you know there’s no hair on the moon?
The moon waxes 14 times a month!
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My doctor says I have narcissistic personality disorder.
But that’s impossible, as the smartest man alive I think I would have noticed.
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Did you hear about the worst faith healer ever?
He was so bad, a man in a wheelchair got up and walked out.
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What killed the painter?
He had too many strokes.
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Even though it’s been 20 years since my grandfather choked to death on a piece of sushi...
It’s still pretty raw.
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Did you hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he’s a whywolf.
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Scientists experimented on a rabbit and a bug, guess what they get?
A bugs bunny.
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A townie was looking for the May Day Fair, he stopped and asked Jethro, ”Will this road take me to the May Day Fair?”
“Oh no,” said Jethro. “You’ll have to go by yourself!”
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I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.
It was a shock to the cistern.
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What do you call guys who love math?
Algebros.
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A couple goes to an art gallery.
They find a picture of a woman with only her privates covered with leaves.
The wife doesn’t like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.
The wife asks: “What are you waiting for?”
The husband replies, “Autumn.”
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Why are bass guitarists always safe?
Because they stay out of treble.
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Why is it so easy to fool an octopus?
They’re all suckers.
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I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.
So I just snickered...
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I know an untidy guy who’s excellent at playing soccer.
What a messi guy.
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No woman should have kids after 40.
Really, 40 kids is more than enough!
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Your mama is so fat that she took geometry at the school because she heard there would be some pi.
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