Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics!
😄 😄 😄
What did the sign on the baker’s door read when she wanted to be alone?
Donut disturb.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift’s relationship is over after just three months because he wanted it to be more public?
Guess she wanted it to be more Loki.
😄 😄 😄
What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
😄 😄 😄
How did the cowboy save so much money?
His horse gave him a couple of bucks every day.
😄 😄 😄
Got a B in my computer programming class.
Call that a C++.
😄 😄 😄
I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed.
😄 😄 😄
Boyfriend: “I’d really like to have enough money to buy a white tiger!”
Girlfriend: “What on Earth would you do with a white tiger?!”
Boyfriend: “Who said I’d get a white tiger? I just want that much money!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Canoe.”
“Canoe, who?”
“Canoe you buy me a donut?”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl I can say is “Knock, knock”!”
😄 😄 😄
Guess what I found in the creepy old professors’ closet?
Narnia business
😄 😄 😄
When he was ten years old Warren Buffett called 911 to report a car had been in an accident near his local grocery store.
It was his first experience with a market crash.
😄 😄 😄
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a chili with a PhD?
Dr. Pepper.
😄 😄 😄
I’m studying Human Anatomy.
It’s a polite way of saying “I’m watching people”.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?
A Melon Collie.
😄 😄 😄
I was in a bar some days ago when a beautiful girl asked me, “What do you do?”
I replied, “I race motorcycles.”
She asked further, “Do you usually win many races?”
I said, “No, the bikes are much faster than I am.”
😄 😄 😄
I used to have a job collecting leaves.
I was raking it in.
😄 😄 😄
What does a minion mum call her offspring?
Mini-one.
😄 😄 😄
I met a girl last night and after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play “Doctor”.
So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of outdated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.
😄 😄 😄
