Why are flamingo’s legs so long?
Because if they weren’t then they couldn’t reach the ground.
😄 😄 😄
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
😄 😄 😄
My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning! Open your mouth wide!
I’ll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
😄 😄 😄
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G.
😄 😄 😄
My tight-fisted neighbor doesn’t want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he’s going to try and do it himself.
“How hard can it be?” he said.
I think he’s in for a shock.
😄 😄 😄
Seize the day. Or sneeze the day.
Regardless, bless you!
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that when you get angry at people for making fun of you, all you can do is bite their ankles.
😄 😄 😄
I went on a date with Spider-Man, but he was super clingy.
😄 😄 😄
My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?
Trick or tweet.
😄 😄 😄
Last time I went fishing, I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I don’t quite remember the rest of the day.
All I really know is that I pulled a mussel.
😄 😄 😄
One snowman asks another, “How do you stay in such good shape?”
He answers, “All I do is set the hairdryer on high heat and pounds just melt away.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a kangaroo go that can’t hop?
Hopspital.
😄 😄 😄
High five! Oops... I guess you’re now stuck with me.
😄 😄 😄
The policeman told me he was chasing a man with one leg.
I told him to use both, he would get him faster.
😄 😄 😄
Young actor: “Dad, guess what? I’ve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who’s been married for 30 years.”
Father: “Well, keep at it, son. Maybe one day you’ll get a speaking part.”
😄 😄 😄
Every time a tall person bumps their head, somewhere a short person is smiling.
😄 😄 😄
A huge earthquake shook Mexico. Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
The USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese.
😄 😄 😄
