My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasnβt my waiter.
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Why donβt marketers make good chefs?
Because theyβre too obsessed with serving ads rather than actual cooking.
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Whatβs the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
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Youβre the reason why I donβt believe in Sleeping Beauty.
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I got really badΒ sunburnΒ after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.
I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.
I guess they put it on the back burner.
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I got caught cheating on my physics exam.
Furious, my professor said to me, βI hope you understand the gravity of the situation!β
But if I had known that, I wouldnβt be in this situation in the first place.
π π π
Whatβs the difference between Elon Musk and a lemur?
Elon Musk made an electric car.
Lemur Mad-a-gas-car.
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A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, βDo you have frog legs?β
The waiter looks offended, βNo, Iβve always walked like that!β
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Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?
Because he was always spinning out.
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If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
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When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonaldβs.
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The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
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I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
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If your wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, itβs a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
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Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?
They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.
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I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
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Chuck Norris doesnβt mow his lawn.
He dares it to grow.
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What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrickβs Day?
Short ribs.
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Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
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Britainβs most common owl?
The teatowel.
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