What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Politicians are like diapers.
They need to be changed often, and for the same reasons.
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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
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When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
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What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?
A Yamahaha.
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What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
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A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
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Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties?
He’s a fun-gi.
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What do you call a red-haired baker?
The ginger bread man.
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At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a koala’s favorite end-of-the-world food?
Apocalyptus.
😄 😄 😄
How does a hip replacement like to relax?
By taking a joint vacation.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the employee get a camel in the office building?
Because the boss said, “Bring in the hump day.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
😄 😄 😄
For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
😄 😄 😄
Why shouldn’t you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Juliet.”
“Juliet, who?”
“Juliet pancakes for breakfast.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
😄 😄 😄
