Yo mamaβs so hairy that when she was born she looked like Chewbacca!
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Chuck Norris can one hit kill a creeper in Minecraft... with a stick.
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons.
Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.
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Whatβs Stephen Hawkingβs least favorite song?
βStairway to Heaven.β
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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βIvana.β
βIvana, who?β
βIvana kiss your lips.β
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What makes nuts healthy?
They have many nut-rients.
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Why was the book of incantations useless?
Because the author failed to do a spell-check.
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Itβs the cold and flu time of year.
Or, as I like to call it, Vitamin C-son.
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What do you call a nosy pepper?
JalapeΓ±o business.
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Having your own child is like living in a frat houseβnobody sleeps, everythingβs broken, and thereβs a lot of throwing up.
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Whatβs under the Pillsbury Doughboyβs apron?
Donuts.
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A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit.
One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
βWho are you?β he asked.
βIβm the Devil!β she responded.
βWell, come on home with me,β he said, βI married your sister.β
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What kind of vehicle does a mushroom drive?
A spores car!
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Chuck Norris didnβt survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
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What type of construction are dogs good at?
Roofing.
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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up.
The boss says, βWhat happened to your ears?β
He says, βYesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang, and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.β
The boss says, βWell, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?β
He says, βWell, geez, I had to call the doctor.β
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Why do Jack-o-lanterns have wicked smiles?
Because they just had their brains scooped out!
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Thereβs a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you.
Second place is just a constellation prize.
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