Best Jokes (95)



How do you get rid of a cold?

Turn the heating on.

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Guess what is my favorite tea?

I would say you Hot tea.

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What’s an owl’s favorite subject at school?

Owl-gebra.

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A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.

The bartender asks, β€œWhy have you got a fried egg on your head?”

The man replies, β€œBecause boiled eggs fall off.”

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It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping.

My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window.

If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.

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Why did Helen Keller’s husband often become upset with her?

Because she just didn’t listen.

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Yo momma's arm-pits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

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What do you say when it’s the end of the month?

Oct-over.

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Yo head is so big if it were a bowling ball, score a strike every time.

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Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

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Guess who woke up with 20 missed calls from his ex?

My ex!

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What do prisoners in Denver County lockup eat for breakfast?

Jail-y Donuts.

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When I first heard the proposal to rename Oklahoma City after Ohio, I was confused as to why anyone would want that.

But after hearing someone explain the logic behind it, I thought to myself:

β€œOH, OK.”

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

The p is silent.

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I lost my whole Lord of The Rings Lego set.

Now I’m Legoless.

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Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?

The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.

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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled-up newspaper around his head.

Wife: β€œWhat are you doing dear?”

Husband: β€œSwatting flies. I got three males and two females”

Wife: β€œHow on Earth do you know which gender they were?”

Husband: β€œEasy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.”

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Why do fat people cause earthquakes?

Because they’re always moving plates.

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Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.

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