Why are flamingoβs legs so long?
Because if they werenβt then they couldnβt reach the ground.
π π π
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.
π π π
My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
π π π
Good morning! Open your mouth wide!
Iβll just keep going and put that coffee right in there!
π π π
Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
π π π
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
The letter G.
π π π
My tight-fisted neighbor doesnβt want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so heβs going to try and do it himself.
βHow hard can it be?β he said.
I think heβs in for a shock.
π π π
Seize the day. Or sneeze the day.
Regardless, bless you!
π π π
Youβre so short that when you get angry at people for making fun of you, all you can do is bite their ankles.
π π π
I went on a date with Spider-Man, but he was super clingy.
π π π
My twin brothers dressed up as a bird this Halloween, guess what they said?
Trick or tweet.
π π π
Last time I went fishing, I caught some sort of clam and got hurt, but I donβt quite remember the rest of the day.
All I really know is that I pulled a mussel.
π π π
One snowman asks another, βHow do you stay in such good shape?β
He answers, βAll I do is set the hairdryer on high heat and pounds just melt away.β
π π π
Where does a kangaroo go that canβt hop?
Hopspital.
π π π
High five! Oops... I guess youβre now stuck with me.
π π π
The policeman told me he was chasing a man with one leg.
I told him to use both, he would get him faster.
π π π
Young actor: βDad, guess what? Iβve just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man whoβs been married for 30 years.β
Father: βWell, keep at it, son. Maybe one day youβll get a speaking part.β
π π π
Every time a tall person bumps their head, somewhere a short person is smiling.
π π π
A huge earthquake shook Mexico. Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
The USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock.
π π π
What do you call cheese thatβs not yours?
Nacho cheese.
π π π