Best Jokes (95)



Why can’t people in wheelchairs be looked at for too long?

They can’t handle stares.

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Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œDon.”

β€œDon, who?”

β€œDon be putting down the Irish now!”

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Oh my gourd, it’s already fall.

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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.

And I don’t know if I should tell him.

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How did the roofing company become so successful?

They nailed it.

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The first commandment was... when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

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What do you do when no one laughs at your science jokes?

Keep trying until you get a reaction.

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Why did the sun feel so dizzy?

Because he felt light-headed.

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What’s the farthest planet humans can see with their naked eye?

Uranus.

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Joke’s on you, April Fools’ Day.

I can be fooled any day of the year.

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If Uranus was a comedian, it would always crack jokes with a little bit of gas.

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β€œWhy don’t you want to taco about it?”

β€œBecause I’m nacho friend anymore.”

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I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.

He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.

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Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

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Yo momma’s so fat Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.

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I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.

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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wa-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say β€œAnd here’s something for you, Diploma” or β€œThis will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma” and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, β€œWhy do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”

The grandmother replied, β€œI sent my daughter to the University of Virginia, and this is what she came home with!”

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Why did the alien go off in his ship?

He needed some space

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other, β€œDoes this taste funny to you?”

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