A guy walks into a pharmacy: “I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I’m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?”
Pharmacists: Nope, I feel fine!
😄 😄 😄
What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
😄 😄 😄
Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?
Because the parents never put their foot down.
😄 😄 😄
A call comes in to 911: “Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!”
Operator: “Where?”
Caller: “No, a regular one!”
😄 😄 😄
My cousin works in a chocolate shop.
He works behind the bar.
😄 😄 😄
The therapist said to me, “Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?”
I said, “To be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a rampaging cow under the full moon?
Udder lunacy.
😄 😄 😄
I was depressed in my job as a guillotine operator.
I just couldn’t see myself getting ahead in life with that job.
😄 😄 😄
Person 1: “I like Eminem.”
Person 2: “Well, I prefer Skittles.”
Person 1: “No, I meant the rapper.”
Person 2: “Why would you eat the wrapper?”
😄 😄 😄
Yes, money can’t buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
😄 😄 😄
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“I’m sick and tired of my wife blowing everything out of proportion,” he complains to the bartender. “She’s single-handedly ruining my balloon animal business.”
😄 😄 😄
I tried to call Spider-Man, but he was busy browsing in the web.
😄 😄 😄
What are the chances of winning the Mexican lottery?
Juan in a million.
😄 😄 😄
Latest space news:
Uranus has a huge split in it and is leaking methane.
😄 😄 😄
Candice balls fit up your nose.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Abby.”
“Abby, who?”
“Abby birthday to you!”
😄 😄 😄
Why do people love blue jokes?
They’re so pun-derful.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain?
A peak experience.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the moon so grumpy?
It’s just going through one of its phases.
😄 😄 😄
