What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didnβt want to walk in his sleep.
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I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
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Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
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Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βSue.β
βSue, who?β
βSue-prise! Itβs April Fool!β
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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
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Itβs so cold, your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βWho.β
βWho, who?β
βI didnβt know that you are an owl!β
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A web developer walks into a restaurant.
He immediately leaves in disgust as the restaurant was laid out in tables.
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I want to make a Facebook account, and the name will be Nobody, so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it.
And it will say βNobody likes thisβ.
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A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.
Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.
βI will grant you three wishes,β intones the genie.
βGive me a bottomless mug of beer,β the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
βAnd for your other two wishes?β
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, βGive me two more just like this one!β
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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
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Why doesnβt the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
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When Chuck Norris opens an account they have to accept his terms and conductions.
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The moon is so cheeky, itβs always playing lunar-tricks.
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What condiment should you always use in May?
Mayo.
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