My brother has a pilotβs license but only uses it for private flights. So he placed advertisements all over the plane.
Now he flies commercial.
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What do you call a detective electrician?
Sherlock Ohms.
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What do you get if you cross a porcupine with a balloon?
Pop!
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Whatβs the cheapest kind of meat you can buy?
Deer balls. Theyβre under a buck.
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Teacher: βWhich book has helped you the most in your life?β
Student: βMy fatherβs checkbook.β
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Why do Polish people have ski at the end of their names?
Because they canβt spell toboggan.
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What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
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Iβve been listening to Harry Stylesβ new music recently and I must say...
He has gotten a lot better ever since he went in the other direction.
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Why is an alien like a collection of famous actorsβ autographs?
Theyβve both come from the stars.
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My favorite April Foolsβ Day prank is pretending Iβm going to leave my couch.
On my way out.
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Did you hear about the blue alien that landed on Earth?
He had an out of this world.
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Youβre so old George Washington cut down your Christmas tree.
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Good friends are like toasters.
If you throw them down the stairs, they probably wonβt make toast for you anymore.
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Remember the sign at McDonaldβs that said, βWe do not accept bills over $20.β
Trust me, if we had more than $20, we wouldnβt be eating at McDonaldβs.
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Your head is so big that you need to be careful to stay away from needles and pins, so it doesnβt pop.
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Why do frogs love St. Patrickβs Day?
Theyβre always wearing green.
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What do Indians, Pilgrims, and Puritans have in common?
The letter βIβ.
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Iβm in a really boring geology class.
I dust canβt sand it.
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How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&Mβs are protesting?
They start painting the m letters upside-down.
How do you know that workers in factory that produces M&Mβs are protesting really hard?
They paint the m letters on the wrong side of the chocolate candy.
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Why did Uranus start a comedy club?
Because it wanted to be the butt of all jokes.
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