My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer.
Wait. Never mind. That wasn’t my waiter.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t marketers make good chefs?
Because they’re too obsessed with serving ads rather than actual cooking.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot.
😄 😄 😄
You’re the reason why I don’t believe in Sleeping Beauty.
😄 😄 😄
I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach.
I wanted emergency medical attention, but 911 never returned my call.
I guess they put it on the back burner.
😄 😄 😄
I got caught cheating on my physics exam.
Furious, my professor said to me, “I hope you understand the gravity of the situation!”
But if I had known that, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between Elon Musk and a lemur?
Elon Musk made an electric car.
Lemur Mad-a-gas-car.
😄 😄 😄
A man in a French restaurant asks the waiter, “Do you have frog legs?”
The waiter looks offended, “No, I’ve always walked like that!”
😄 😄 😄
Why was Spider-Man such a bad driver?
Because he was always spinning out.
😄 😄 😄
If you were to clean a vacuum, would you be a vacuum cleaner?
😄 😄 😄
When I saw your hairline I thought you worked at McDonald’s.
😄 😄 😄
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
😄 😄 😄
I went to a party in blue shoes.
But everyone said it was a blue-sy idea.
😄 😄 😄
If your wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it’s a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear that Spider-Man is in trouble with the law?
They caught him on the web looking for Mary-Jane.
😄 😄 😄
I went to travel to the meadow where I always used to play when I was a child.
There were familiar scents all over.
It was very nose-talgic.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn.
He dares it to grow.
😄 😄 😄
What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?
Short ribs.
😄 😄 😄
Which vegetables go best with jacket potatoes?
Button mushrooms.
😄 😄 😄
Britain’s most common owl?
The teatowel.
😄 😄 😄
