So I was sitting on the bus just reading a book when somebody tapped me on the shoulder.
I turned around and saw an old lady.
She said to me, “Sonny, would you like some nuts? I’ve got a couple of hazelnuts and almonds if you’d like.”
“Sure.”, I replied. Then she gave me a handful of nuts and went back to sit with her friends.
“What a nice lady”, I thought, while happily munching on the nuts.
A few minutes later, I felt another tap on my shoulder and there she was again, offering some nuts.
I gladly accepted and she went back to her seat.
After about 10 minutes, she tapped me on the shoulder, once again offering some nuts.
I asked her, “Why don’t you eat them yourself?”
“Because we’ve got no teeth,” she replied.
“Then why do you buy them?”, I asked.
“Oh, because we just love the chocolate around them.”
😄 😄 😄
My dad and I were having donuts for lunch.
He said, “Enjoy the HOLE donut!”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t dogs make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
😄 😄 😄
Why did all the planets give the most attention to the sun?
Because the sun is the center of the universe.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you take off the red dot on the Japanese flag?
The French flag!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a female horse that refuses to work while the sun is up?
A Nightmare!
😄 😄 😄
What’s an Amish person’s favorite dried fruit?
A barn raisin’.
😄 😄 😄
At St. Peter’s Catholic Church, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, “Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!”
The priest responded, “Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna go picka her up.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the result of an art competition?
A draw.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cumin.”
“Cumin, who?”
“Can I cumin? It’s cold out here!”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama is so ugly that most Snapchat filters make her better looking.
😄 😄 😄
What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
😄 😄 😄
I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when I saw her on Tinder, swiped left and she was still on the screen.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat people jog around her for exercise.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Sue.”
“Sue, who?”
“Sue-prise! It’s April Fool!”
😄 😄 😄
What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
😄 😄 😄
It’s so cold, your false teeth chatter, and they are still in the glass.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who.”
“Who, who?”
“I didn’t know that you are an owl!”
😄 😄 😄
A web developer walks into a restaurant.
He immediately leaves in disgust as the restaurant was laid out in tables.
😄 😄 😄
