Why did the baker stop making donuts?
He got tired of the HOLE business.
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Doctor: “Who’s my next patient?”
Nurse: “Mr. Ghost.”
Doctor: “Tell him I can’t see right now.”
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An American goes to the train station so he can start his big trip.
He notices there a machine with the indication: “Put a dollar in the slot and the machine will tell you who you are!”
Curious, he puts the dollar inside the slot and waits.
The machine suddenly sounds:
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
The man blacked out with the machine’s ability.
So, he decided to trick the machine.
He wore a fake mustache and putted another dollar inside the slot.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago,” says the machine.
“But it’s impossible!” screamed the man, acquiring a maniac need to trick the machine.
He ran to the toilet and disguised as an Arab.
Then, he did the same routine.
“You’re John Bull from New York, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall and 90 kilos. You’re about to take the 2.30 train to Chicago.”
Furious then, he disguises as a woman and puts the dollar as usual in the slot.
“You’re John Bull, an Accountant, 5.9 feet tall, 90 kilos and with your bullshits you... lost the train!”
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What do you call a bison that is good at telling lies?
Bluffalo.
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What did the chef say to his staff on Labor Day?
“Let’s take a break and cook up some fun!”
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I just heard that the Dunkin’ Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.
They’re going to call it a cough fee.
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An actor I know fell through the floor recently.
It’s just a stage he was going through.
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Why did the Mallard fail as a comic?
His humor was too fowl.
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As long, you don’t have kids, your 30s are like your 20s, but with money.
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Why would marketers make good football players?
Because they’re good at “converting” opportunities.
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A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.
Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?
It has more ducks.
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Pepito tells his dad, “Dad I got a 10 in school today.”
Pepito’s father asks him delighted, “How wonderful, Pepito! In which area did you get that qualification?”
Pepito responds, “I got 5 in spelling and 5 in history.
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What do gymnasts use to season their food in June, July, and August?
Somersault.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl good things come to those who wait.”
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A man with a wooden eye is at a dance.
During a slow dance, he can’t find a partner to dance with him.
He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose.
Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking, “Would you dance with me?”
Filled with excitement, she yells, “Would I!”
Without missing a beat, the man retorts, “BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!”
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
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I’m on medication for my Pokémon Go addiction.
Gotacachemol.
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How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle their funny bones.
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.
So the diners got a raw deal.
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