My English teacher asked if I could explain brevity better.
“Short answer – no. Long answer – yes.”
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One day this kid walks into an ice cream parlor and asks the guy behind the counter, “Do you have onion-flavored ice cream?”
The guy says, “No, we don’t have onion-flavored ice cream.”
So the kid says, “Ok,” and leaves.
The next day, the kid comes back in and asks the same question.
The guy again informs him that they don’t carry onion-flavored ice cream.
This goes on for a week, and the guy running the ice cream shop figures the kid is probably autistic.
So, one night, he goes home and starts to work on a recipe for onion-flavored ice cream. He stays up all night working and perfecting onion-flavored ice cream, just for this kid.
Then, the next morning, when the kid comes in at his usual time and asks if they have onion-flavored ice cream, the guy answers him.
“Yes! Yes, we have onion-flavored ice cream!”
The kid replies, “You must be stupid. Who is gonna buy onion-flavored ice cream?!”
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What did the banker say to the electrician?
“We will pay for your current account.”
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What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
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One alien says to another, “The dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”
The second alien replies, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”
The first alien says, “I don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves.”
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I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed.
Good morning!
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Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
Because of it’s bark.
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You know what they say about Anti Jokes?
She’s married to Uncle Jokes.
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It’s hotter than sports day in Africa out there.
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Why did Neil Armstrong pee right after he made his first step on the moon?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before.
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Why did the bearded man’s shaving product business flop?
Because of the razor-thin margins.
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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
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What kind of fish works in a hospital?
Nurse shark.
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What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
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Politicians are like diapers.
They need to be changed often, and for the same reasons.
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My friend Jim told me today that I make people very uncomfortable and have no respect for personal space.
I mean, what a thing to say to a friend. It totally ruined our bath!
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When do vampires like horse racing?
When it’s neck and neck.
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What do you get when you mix a motorbike with a joke?
A Yamahaha.
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What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
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A blonde, brunette, and redhead are in a desert.
The brunette says, “I brought some water so we don’t get dehydrated.”
The redhead says, “I brought some suntan lotion so we don’t get sunburned.”
Then the blonde says, “I brought a car door.”
The other girls ask, “Why did you bring that?”
The blonde says, “So I can roll down the window if it gets hot.”
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