What did the first person to get April fooled say?
βJesus! I thought you were dead!β
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Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.
Then, the bowling ball hit me.
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A reporter was interviewing a 102-year-old woman.
βWhatβs the secret to your longevity?β, he asked.
Old woman: βSimple. The biggest cause of aging is stress, and the biggest cause of stress is arguing with people. So I never argue with anyone.β
The reporter laughed, βThatβs ridiculous. That canβt be the real reason.β
The old lady smiled and nodded, βYouβre probably right.β
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Whoever said laughter is the best medicine.
Clearly hasnβt tried curing diarrhea with a tickle fight.
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Whatβs brown and very bad for your dental health?
A baseball bat.
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What did the guy with big ears say when his boss asked if he could have a word with him?
βIβm all ears.β
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What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?
U.V. Ray.
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Do or donut, there is no try.
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Two men went bear hunting.
While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.
He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.
Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, βYou skin this one while I go and get another one!β
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Good morning!
May your coffee be strong and your Monday be short.
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Yo momβs so fat Luke couldnβt believe she wasnβt a moon!
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What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
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You know youβre 40 when you have a party and the neighbors donβt even realize.
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A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, βHereβs another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,β and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again.
She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, βLook, lady, youβve got to let me get up. Iβm two miles past my stop already.β
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Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor?
Everybody.
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What did you tell the shopkeeper at the grocery store?
Donut mind me, I am here for the hole food.
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What did the alien think of the anti-gravity book?
He couldnβt put it down!
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What do you call a 60-year-old who hasnβt reached puberty?
A late boomer.
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What do you call an exploration mission to Uranus?
Colonoscopy.
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Why did the peanut butter and jelly get into a fight?
Because they couldnβt agree on which bread to use.
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