How does a hip replacement like to relax?
By taking a jointΒ vacation.
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Why did the employee get a camel in the office building?
Because the boss said, βBring in the hump day.β
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Whatβs faster: lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
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Did you hear about the baker who robbed a bank?
He came in with buns glazing.
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For April Fools, my girlfriend replaced my Alpha-Bits with Cheerios.
I have no words to say how angry I am.
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Why shouldnβt you worry about gaining a few extra pounds?
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βJuliet.β
βJuliet, who?β
βJuliet pancakes for breakfast.β
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What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa?
Claustrophobic.
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Why are orange jokes so dumb?
Because oranges are afraid to concentrate.
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Friend 1: βYouβre working from home because of the coronavirus?β
Friend 2: βIβm working from home because I donβt have a real job. We are not the same.β
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Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?
Iβm never gonna run around and dessert you.
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What did the moon say to the sun?
βHello, Sun.β
What did the sun say to the moon?
βDad?β
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Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
Thatβs why they call it P.
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I had to give up my job as a plumber.
It was just too draining.
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Where are bearded prisoners sent?
The Gilette-ine.
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The absolute value of 0 is no laughing matter.
βlolβ.
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What do you call a snail holding a baseball bat?
A slugger.
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Iβve just finished writing a book on snakes.
It would have been much easier if Iβd just written in on paper...
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βOlive.β
βOlive, who?β
βOlive the other reindeer.β
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Yo mamaβs so dumb she wasnβt looking for the droids in the first place!
π π π