What day creates the most alternative energy?
Winds-Day.
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What did the bully do to the orange?
Beat him to a pulp.
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What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?
They both need a good batter!
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What do love and fatty foods have in common?
They both go straight for your heart!
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Have you ever seen how they throw the ball into the crowd after winning the game?
I found out that this is frowned upon in bowling.
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I started dating this girl in high school just because we had the same class schedule.
What can I say? We had Chemistry together.
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Yo mama so poor when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
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My wife and I have an open relationship.
Found out last night.
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The most loyal, kind and noble of all dog breeds is the hot dog.
He’s the only one who feeds the hand that bites him.
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I want to love you the way Peter Parker love Gwen Stacy.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut ask, it’s a secret!”
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Dating me is a lot like going to a yard sale.
At first, it looks interesting and enticing, until you get closer, take a look around and realize it’s just a bunch of shit you don’t need.
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The bird developed an illness.
I think it started when the bird flu.
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If you don’t wake up soon, I will eat your breakfast.
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You’re so fat you wake up on both sides of the bed in the morning.
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Yo momma’s so fat she could put Coruscant out of orbit.
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What do you call a man with one leg?
Anything you want. He can’t run fast enough to catch you.
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Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
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A seven-year old boy was at the center of a Fulton County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her.
When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the Child Welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Dallas Cowboys, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl by myself.”
😄 😄 😄
