Best Jokes (95)



Joke’s on you, April Fools’ Day.

I can be fooled any day of the year.

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If Uranus was a comedian, it would always crack jokes with a little bit of gas.

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β€œWhy don’t you want to taco about it?”

β€œBecause I’m nacho friend anymore.”

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I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.

He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.

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Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?

They have greater potential.

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Yo momma’s so fat Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.

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I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.

After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.

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A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wa-Mart in a buggy.

Each time she put something in the basket, she would say β€œAnd here’s something for you, Diploma” or β€œThis will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma” and so on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, β€œWhy do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”

The grandmother replied, β€œI sent my daughter to the University of Virginia, and this is what she came home with!”

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Why did the alien go off in his ship?

He needed some space

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Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says to the other, β€œDoes this taste funny to you?”

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I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light.

Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.

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Note to self:

before baby-talking to the cat, make sure conference call has disconnected.

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Why do people go to Disneyland?

So they can get a little Goofy.

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A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:

1. Heart disease

2. Chuck Norris

3. Cancer

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How is OpenAI improving ChatGPT?

Bit by bit.

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The Oxford comma is necessary, critical and essential.

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An anteater walks into a bar.

β€œHaving a nice day?” asks the barman.

β€œNoooooooo, noooooo, noooooo!” says the anteater.

β€œWhy the long nos?” asks the barman.

β€œIt’s always been like this,” says the anteater.

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When you clean a vacuum cleaner, you become a vacuum cleaner.

So if I show someone a shower, do I become a shower?

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Chuck Norris doesn’t use a vibrating toothbrush.

His plastic one trembles in fear.

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My wife gave me a haircut on the balcony outside today.

Cleanup was a breeze.

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