Best Jokes (95)



Your nose is so big that when you sneeze... Everyone runs for cover!

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I would like to start doing yoga but I can never find the time to.

I am not very flexible.

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Why is the sun such an egomaniac?

He believes that everything revolves around him.

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Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

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Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

He had nobody to go with.

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The moon landing is obviously fake.

Like come on, the moon is still up there. It never landed.

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What drink breaks the ice?

Flirt-Tea.

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Why do pigs go to New York City?

To see the Big Apple.

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The best time to propose is on April 1st.

If they say no, you can yell β€œApril Fool!”.

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Did you hear about the new strategy where companies collaborate with ill celebrities?

It’s called influenza marketing.

It’s really going viral.

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What’s my blood type?

Pumpkin spice!

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How did the telephone boyfriend propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.

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Where do mushrooms hang out on Saturday night?

The salad bar.

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My son’s asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It’s really cheap though so I don’t mind.

I’m not sure why he wants an eggs box though.

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Why are tall people always so well rested?

Because they sleep longer in bed.

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An employee asked his boss, β€œCan I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

The boss said, β€œIt’s May.”

β€œSorry,” the employee replied, β€œMay I have a few days off seeing as it’s so close to Christmas?”

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What is a feminist’s favorite type of candy?

Her-Shes.

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At one army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.

One soldier mused, β€œDoes it bother anyone else that the army doesn’t seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?”

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My pet turtle died.

I’m not upsetβ€”just shell-shocked.

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Yo mama so tall she tripped in America and landed in Australia.

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