Best Jokes (95)



What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?

Cool jazz.

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Some local engineers took a train for a service.

But the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.

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What do you call a streetcar that plays pranks on people?

A troll-ey.

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Yo mama’s so fat I swerved to miss her in my car and ran out of gas.

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A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

β€œQuick, jump out the window,” she says to him.

β€œWhat???” the guy says. β€œWe’re on the 13th floor!”

She says, β€œJust jump, this is no time to be superstitious!”

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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.

Then God created Man and rested.

Then God created Woman.

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

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I went to lunch with a champion chess player.

It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt.

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Why do polar bears only live at the North Pole?

Because if they also lived at the South Pole, they would be bipolar bears.

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This culture of inclusiveness is getting out of hand.

I mean, even Jurassic Park engineered a Trannysaurus Rex.

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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!

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What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away?

β€œCactus if you can!”

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I just saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit’s feet.

I thought he’s pushing his luck!

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A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling.

It’s a gnocchia.

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My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

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As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme.

They stopped building monuments immediately.

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A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, β€œWhat’s this?”

The kid says, β€œA picture of a cow eating grass.”

The teacher asks, β€œWhere’s the grass?”

The kid says, β€œThe cow ate it all.”

β€œOk, then where’s the cow?”

β€œIt left because there was no more grass.”

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My lucky day! I didn’t have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.

I couldn’t afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.

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It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t interbreed.

Nobody wants a loyal snake.

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Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

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Why was the florist afraid of roses?

Quite honestly, she didn’t know where the fear stemmed from.

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