Best Jokes (95)



I don’t like people who do not cover their mouths and noses when they sneeze.

These people make me sick.

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How advanced are the inner workings of a submarine?

It goes very deep.

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Yo mama so fat Cupid’s arrows couldn’t pierce her.

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An electrician is a bright spark who knows what’s watt.

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I don’t want to be Spider-Man, I just want to be your man.

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What is a DnD cleric’s favorite car manufacturer?

Ford, because I’ve never seen a cleric without their focus.

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What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mush-rooms.

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Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

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What happened to the Elf on the Shelf who met a skunk?

He became elfully stinky!

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It’s so hot Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water.

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I am half Spider-Man, half Batman, and half Moon Knight...

Poor.

With no powers.

With mental disorders.

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Why does Spider-Man spin webs?

Because he doesn’t know how to knit.

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They say it’s good luck for a seagull to poo on you.

It is, for the seagull, obviously, not for you.

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Why did the grape go to school?

To become a little wine-y!

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What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

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My racehorse’s name is Mayo. Sometimes, Mayo neighs.

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Me and my friend were riding on my motorcycle on a particularly windy day when we saw a cyclist in front of us, pedaling in the middle of the road, with a car honking furiously behind him.

So we drove over and asked the guy, β€œWhy don’t you move to the side and let the car overtake you?”

The guy replied, β€œI am trying!”

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What chocolate bar never laughs at jokes?

Snickersβ€”he only snickers!

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Your father must have been the greatest thief in history.

He stole all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes.

And heh, I guess it runs in the family. ’Cause you stole my heart.

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So a prisoner is about to be executed and the guards ask him, β€œWhat do you want your last meal to be?”

β€œStrawberries,” he responds.

β€œBut it’s winter. We can’t get strawberries until spring.”

β€œEh... I’ll wait.”

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