The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
😄 😄 😄
I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone.
I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.
😄 😄 😄
I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
😄 😄 😄
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
😄 😄 😄
What’s an HR professional’s favorite hobby?
Filing. They just love putting everyone in their place.
😄 😄 😄
How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.
😄 😄 😄
Manager: “Sir, our employees are so habitual of working from home and can’t work in a normal office.”
“For a better environment, we have made the office look and facility like Home and ask them to come in their pajamas.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.
😄 😄 😄
What a strange morning.
First, I find a hat full of money in the street.
And then I get chased by an angry guy with a guitar!
😄 😄 😄
If God really made everything…
He’s Chinese, right?
😄 😄 😄
I bent down in a bar.
“Excuse me,” said the girl next to me, “Are you looking up my skirt?”
I said, “No, no I’m tying my shoelace.”
She said, “You’re wearing Crocs.”
😄 😄 😄
The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!”
His father yelled, “You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!”
😄 😄 😄
Sadly, Uranus is the butt of all space jokes.
😄 😄 😄
If trees produced Wi-Fi, we would be planting them everywhere.
Too bad they only produce oxygen.
😄 😄 😄
My calculator stopped working mid-way through my exam.
I can’t count on it anymore.
😄 😄 😄
My friend thinks Uranus is the butt of all jokes.
But I disagree, it’s just an astronomical body we should appreciate.
😄 😄 😄
What is Spider-Man’s favorite road?
Peter parkway.
😄 😄 😄
What do marathoners and computer scientists have in common?
They want the fastest running time.
😄 😄 😄
Seize the day. Or sneeze the day.
Regardless, bless you!
😄 😄 😄
He goes up to a lady and holds out his phone to her.
He: “Would you mind holding this for a second?”
He: “...Does my phone feel light to you?”
She: “I guess?”
He: “I knew it it’s been feeling light all day, and I just can’t figure out.”
He: “...I figured it out!”
She: “What?”
He: “It’s missing your number.”
😄 😄 😄
