A young boy walks into an ice cream parlor and asks for 12 scoops of ice cream.
In disbelief, the cashier asked him to repeat his order.
“I want 12 scoops of ice cream sir.”
Not passing this huge order up the cashier went to work making sure the scoops were evenly balanced and could not tip over.
But before handing it over to him he asked the boy a question, “Why did you want so many scoops of ice cream?”
“Well, if you had what I had you would order the exact same thing.”
The cashier hands him the cone but he’s a little confused and asked another question.
“And what is it that you have that I don’t?”
The boy looked him in the eyes with a smirk on his face and said, “Only two dollars in change.” And he ran out of parlor.
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What’s the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
The pavement.
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Which planet is the richest of them all?
Saturn, because it has many rings.
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How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
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Your ears are so big your parents put you on the roof to see which way the wind is blowing.
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Did you hear about the American Indian who died from drinking too much tea?
He drowned in his own tepee.
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The thing people overlook most of the time is their noses.
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What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody nose.
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Yo momma’s so old she changed Yoda’s first diaper.
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Why did the lawyer keep bringing popcorn to the courtroom?
They wanted to be a salty attorney.
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Yo mama so small she has to wear a torn napkin as a dress.
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What did the mom say when her kid dropped their hot dog?
It could always be wurst!
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When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror it breaks because nobody gets between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
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Why did the eyeglasses walk into the classroom quietly?
They didn’t want to make a spectacle.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
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Bula decides it’s time to become a businessman, so after reading many chicken jokes, it seems like a chicken farm would be the best idea.
Said and done. First, buy 100 chickens, after the second month another 100, and keep it for a whole year.
After a year, at the New Year’s Eve party, he meets Johnny, who used to say the best chicken jokes before.
Johnny: “Well, how’s the business going?”
Bula: “Bad brother, sorry about everything!”
Johnny: “Why?”
Bula: “I don’t have any chickens anymore!”
Johnny: “Good god, why?”
Bula: “If I know, I think I’m doing something wrong. Either I plant them too deeply or don’t water them enough, but one doesn’t raise the hen.”
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What did Bruce Banner say to Spider-Man?
Don’t bug me!
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Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
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How many Manchester United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seven. One to change it, five to moan about it, and Ferguson to say if the ref had done his job in the first place the light bulb would have never gone out.
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What does a polite mushroom say?
“Thank you very mush!”
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