What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
😄 😄 😄
My husband started working from home this week and is set up at the kitchen table so he sees me and the cats repeatedly coming in for snacks, and finally says, “So you guys just eat all day, huh?”
He does NOT understand our office culture and I don’t think he’s fitting in at all.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call alien eggs?
Eggstra-terrestrials!
😄 😄 😄
Black people are really fast...
It’s a race thing.
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You are so fat when you walk with your friends it looks like they are orbiting you.
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Yo mama so old she knew Burger King when he was just a prince.
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If vegetarians eat vegetables... what do humanitarians eat?
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If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
😄 😄 😄
Boy: “I’m a superhero. Guess my name?”
Girl: “Iron Man? Spider-Man?”
Boy: “Yourman!”
😄 😄 😄
My kid has a stuffed alpaca toy.
I call it her Dolly Llama.
😄 😄 😄
What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
Toot-and-come-in.
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the man want a spring mattress?
Because it was still winter.
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A young man is passing by a bar when he sees an old woman fishing with a stick and a string in a puddle by the sidewalk. “She must be a poor old fool,” he thinks to himself, and out of the kindness of his heart, he invites the woman in for a drink.
After he’s paid for their round and the two are sitting quietly, he asks her, “So how many have you caught today?” The old woman grins, takes a big sip of her drink, and replies, “You’re the eighth.”
😄 😄 😄
What did Jesus say when he rose from the dead on Easter Sunday?
“April Fool! I’m not really dead!”
😄 😄 😄
My barber wanted me to sign a long-term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused.
I couldn’t accept all those perms and conditions.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“You’re right; tawny owls do hoot.”
😄 😄 😄
When you work from home, a Tuesday looks pretty much like a Saturday.
😄 😄 😄
What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the apple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
😄 😄 😄
A guy is sitting outside on a bench eating a burger when a woman comes out of a Subway store with a salad bowl.
She walks over to the guy and angrily says to him, “You know, a cow died somewhere, so you could enjoy that burger. What do you think of that, hmm?”
As quick as a flash, he looks up at her and replies, “It’s a shame for sure, but maybe if you weren’t eating its food, that cow might have lived.”
😄 😄 😄
