What do gymnasts use to season their food in June, July, and August?
Somersault.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl good things come to those who wait.”
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A man with a wooden eye is at a dance.
During a slow dance, he can’t find a partner to dance with him.
He sees from the opposite side of the dance floor a girl with a large nose.
Seeing that she is also without a dance partner, he makes his move.
He approaches her and is frank with her, asking, “Would you dance with me?”
Filled with excitement, she yells, “Would I!”
Without missing a beat, the man retorts, “BIG NOSE BIG NOSE BIG NOSE!!!”
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Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts!
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I’m on medication for my Pokémon Go addiction.
Gotacachemol.
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How do you make a skeleton laugh?
Tickle their funny bones.
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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Every oven in the greasy hot dog restaurant was broken.
So the diners got a raw deal.
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Did you know bees become indecisive after April?
They become maybees.
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I had a great conversation with a dolphin the other day.
We just... I don’t know. We just clicked.
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A brief rise in suicide is related to the Covid pandemic.
Murderers are working from home.
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My father was an Allied war hero. He single-handedly destroyed 4 Messerschmitts, 9 Heinkel bombers, and 11 Stuka dive bombers.
He was the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
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How many Puerto Ricans does it take to change a lightbulb.
Just Juan.
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What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects?
A con artist.
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A crab walks into a bar.
The barman says, “I can’t serve you mate, you’re already walking sideways.”
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Two otters are going on a journey in a van. Who is driving?
Animal control.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I’ve broken my arm in three places!”
Doctor: “Well, stop going to those places then.”
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What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
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My boss fired me because of my lack of knowledge in regards to the workplace.
After a few hours I finally found the exit.
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What did Chuck Norris get when he visited the feminist rally for women’s rights?
He got his shirt ironed.
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