Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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Two scientists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O please.”
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What was the mermaid doing at the bottom of the sea?
She dropped out of school.
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Why did the red panda become an actor?
It had a panda-mic personality.
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“Good morning” is a contradiction of terms.
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To make mistakes is human.
To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.
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Geology rocks, but geography is where it’s at.
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What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
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Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a 31-day march.
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What was the name of the frog’s favorite crisp dish?
Croaky bacon.
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What’s a Christian’s favorite flower?
Jesus Rose.
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Remember the guy who used to be addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers?
He had to quit cold turkey.
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Why hasn’t anyone ever seen ghost poop?
Because it’s invisible.
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September is Alzheimer’s awareness month.
Did anyone else forget?
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Why did the cactus join the orchestra?
Because it could play the prickle-o.
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Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
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How many bassists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because the keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
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If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
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What’s a pickle’s life philosophy?
Never a dill moment.
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Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
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