What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?
A bi-polar bear.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Labor Day?
A pouch potato.
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You know you’re in Texas when you can say 110 degrees without fainting.
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My kids have recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, it’s only a phase.
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Why does Harry Styles keep splitting up with his girlfriends?
He’s got the X Factor.
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I ate a cactus today...
It had a sharp taste.
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How did the 30-year-old marathon runner celebrate their birthday?
By going the extra mile!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Robin.”
“Robin, who?”
“Robin’ you! So hand over your money!”
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My sister was diagnosed as color-blind.
The revelation really came out of the blue.
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Wake up, you lazy!
I pray your day be profoundly fruitful.
I know it is very hard in your case, but at least try.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you don’t let me in!”
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Two friends were discussing what they wanted to do with their lives.
One of them suggested data science.
“I’d much rather date a person, thank you,” said another.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom!
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What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
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Dating me is like adopting a hungry kid.
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I bought a chessboard cake from the baker’s today.
I took one bite and said, “It’s stale, mate.”
He seemed surprised and said, “No, mate.”
I handed it to him and said, “Check mate.”
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What’s a hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
“Oh, comb all ye faithful...”
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A guy got pulled over by a cop for speeding.
The cop said, “Do you know how fast you were going, Sir?”
The guy replied, “I was just trying to keep up with the traffic.”
The cop said, “There is no traffic, Sir.”
The guy answered, “That’s how far behind I am?!”
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Thought I heard someone say “Hello” in Arabic.
But it was a false salaam.
😄 😄 😄
The bird developed an illness.
I think it started when the bird flu.
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