Who’s going to the concert festival on Thanksgiving Day?
The bands will be Meatloaf, Korn, The Cranberries, and Smashing Pumpkins.
😄 😄 😄
My wife told me she doesn’t want much this Valentine’s Day.
She said “just some chocolates and a few little surprises will be fine”.
Kinder Eggs it is then.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who.”
“Who, who?”
“Hooves are what deer have on their feet…”
😄 😄 😄
Did you know that dolphins sometimes eat cephalopods like an octopus?
Seriously, I’m not squidding.
😄 😄 😄
I brought you some fuel to kick-start your body engine.
Simply put, I brought you some coffee.
😄 😄 😄
She left the bar because after 45 minutes, the date finally arrived, and he was a gnome.
Too little, too late.
😄 😄 😄
A priest had 3 people at confession.
He went to Guy 1 and asked, “What sin did you commit?”
Guy 1 responded, “I murdered someone.”
The priest responded, “Drink this holy water and your sin is forgiven.”
He did so and stood back.
The priest asked Guy 2 and asked, “What sin did you commit?”
Guy 2 responded, “I cheated on my wife.”
The priest responded, “Drink this holy water and your sin is forgiven.”
He did so and stood back as well.
Then it was the 3rd person’s turn.
The priest asked him, “So, what sin did you commit?”
Nervously, Guy 3 responded, “Um…well, you see, Father…I peed in the holy water.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the registered nurse say to the medicine maker when he got sick?
“Let me give you a taste of your own medicine.”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris has a polar bear rug on his floor.
It’s actually a live bear but it’s too scared to move.
😄 😄 😄
The math teacher saw that Little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, “Johnny, what are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?”
Little Johnny quickly replied, “NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!”
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t ChatGPT need a vacation?
Because it’s already on cloud nine.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Minecraft so popular with kids?
Because they love to hang out on corners.
😄 😄 😄
Which city in Ohio has the best bakery?
Toledough.
😄 😄 😄
What’s black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A guitarist who’s told too many drummer jokes.
😄 😄 😄
A terrified mother called 911.
“Help me!” she said. “My son just swallowed a fork!”
The 911 operator told her not to worry and that he would send over an ambulance right away.
“What should I do until it arrives?” the mother asked him.
Operator: “Use a spoon.”
😄 😄 😄
How do astronauts eat their ice creams?
In floats.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Alpaca.”
“Alpaca, who?”
“Alpaca your bags, we’re going on vacation!”
😄 😄 😄
You know what happened to humanity’s most intelligent ancestor?
He decided having kids wasn’t worth it.
😄 😄 😄
There’s a new battle royale game launching on September 1st.
It’s called “Back to School!”.
😄 😄 😄
Where do all planets go for their higher education?
To the universe-ity.
😄 😄 😄
