Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βBeak.β
βBeak, who?β
βBeak careful that you donβt get pranked on April Foolsβ Day.β
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βEsther.β
βEsther, who?β
βEsther any more cranberry sauce?β
π π π
Why did the broken leg go to school?
It wanted to learn how to breakdance.
π π π
Itβs so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
π π π
What do you call an otter with acne?
A spotty otter.
π π π
I used to be a plumber.
But then all of my confidence went down the drain.
π π π
A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, βHIJACK!β
All the passengers got scared.
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, βHI JOHN!β
π π π
A database professional walks into a bar...
And joins two tables.
π π π
Forgot itβs April Foolsβ!
Whatβs the simplest way to really quickly get some friends, so I can prank them?
π π π
Why does Spider-Man have such good comebacks?
Because with great power comes with great response-ability.
π π π
Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?
π π π
I asked my friend what spiders eat.
He didnβt know.
He said I should go and check on the web.
π π π
What does vikings call English villages?
Chopping centers.
π π π
Why does Mario want to be a celebrity?
Because being a star makes you invincible.
π π π
What did the butter say to the bread?
βIβm on a roll!β
π π π
I didnβt really know where to start so I thought Iβd trawl the internet.
After a couple of hours Iβd found some really, really good stuff.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.
π π π
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each year. If he didnβt speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words, and so on.
One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady. He refrained from speaking for two whole years so he could call her βmy darlingβ.
But then he wanted to tell her he loved her, so he waited three more years.Β
At the end of these five years, he wanted to ask her to marry him, so he waited another four years.Β
Finally, as the ninth year of silence ended, he led the lady to the most romantic place in the kingdom and said, βMy darling, I love you! Will you marry me?βΒ
And the lady said, βPardon?β
π π π
Why did the otter cross the road?
To show the possums that the impossible could be done.
π π π
Why are mothers the best at Pictionary?
Because mummies know hieroglyphics.
π π π
A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, βIβm not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed, and I am too embarrassed to seek help.β
A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, βI overheard your story, and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious, so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Hereβs my card, give me a call.β
A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work.
The psychiatrist says to the other guy, βHi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you, so I hope you are doing okay.β
The other guy says, βThings are great, the bartender helped me.β
Psychiatrist, βThe bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldnβt?β
The other guy says, βHe told me to saw the legs off my bed.β
π π π