Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ivana.”
“Ivana, who?”
“Ivana piece of your birthday cake.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the fungi leave the party?
There wasn’t mush-room for dancing.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris counted to infinity.
Twice.
😄 😄 😄
I don't believe in aliens... they lie too much.
😄 😄 😄
My Mom said she’d been looking forward to Mother’s Day for ages.
I said, “Why? Your Mum’s dead.”
😄 😄 😄
What is the official animal of National Pi Day?
The pi-thon.
😄 😄 😄
Then I said, “Your beard makes you look thinner.”
...But that didn’t seem to cheer her up.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a zombie that writes the music?
Decomposer.
😄 😄 😄
My wife really is the sunshine of my life.
Too bad I’m a vampire.
😄 😄 😄
What kind of money did the Elf on the Shelf use?
Jingle bills.
😄 😄 😄
Why does a dog stay in a shadow?
Because it doesn’t want to be a hot dog.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot that my clothes dried right after I took them out of the washing machine.
😄 😄 😄
If Uranus is disgusting, why on earth do NASA take so many photos of it?
😄 😄 😄
In an interview, the Prime Minister is asked if he acknowledges Australia’s aboriginal past.
Squeezing his brain, he tries to remember what he learned at school. But there is only darkness prior to Cook.
“Yes,” he says finally, “I can confirm that Australia has a black history.”
😄 😄 😄
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?
Pita Parker.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
Hummus-cide.
😄 😄 😄
My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she won’t let me sleep in class.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who's there?”
“Ho, ho.”
“Ho ho, who?”
“You know, your Santa impression could use a little work.”
😄 😄 😄
