How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.
😄 😄 😄
What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the surfer such a bad cook?
All he could handle was the microwave.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a bassist and god?
God doesn’t think he’s a bassist.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.
😄 😄 😄
A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.
“Behave, my bubaleh,” she says.
“Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”
“And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”
“Your mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”
At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.
“So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”
The boy answers, “I learned my name is David.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?
A tattoo.
😄 😄 😄
Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.
😄 😄 😄
On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?
To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.
😄 😄 😄
An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder.
The barman asks, “Where did you get that?”
The seagull replies, “Down the tip, there are heaps of them there.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s closer, France or the Moon?
The Moon, obviously! You can’t see France from here!
😄 😄 😄
“Mum, I just won this phone in a race!”
“Who was in the race?”
“The owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”
😄 😄 😄
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.
The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.
I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.
I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).
😄 😄 😄
What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?
Shii-talkin!
😄 😄 😄
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
😄 😄 😄
Why do llamas have such long necks?
To make sure their heads stay on.
😄 😄 😄
An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.
When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:
“Gastronomical.”
😄 😄 😄
Your so ugly when you were born your mom said, “Oh, what a treasure!”
And your dad said, “Yeah, le’ts bury it.”
😄 😄 😄
A driver goes into a car accessories store.
“I’d like a satnav, please.”
“OK,” said the assistant, “we have every model possible, European routes, world routes, UK routes.”
“I’ll just take the UK one, please,” said the driver.
“Are you sure, sir, easy to get lost round Europe,” replied the assistant.
“No, the UK is fine,” said the driver, “it’s for the Liverpool team bus next season.”
😄 😄 😄
An little old woman arrives home from bingo and her husband comes running up to her saying, “Thank goodness you’re home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!”
She replied, “A lunatic? There were hundreds of them!”
😄 😄 😄
