I went to lunch with a champion chess player.
It took him 8 minutes to pass me the salt.
😄 😄 😄
Why do polar bears only live at the North Pole?
Because if they also lived at the South Pole, they would be bipolar bears.
😄 😄 😄
This culture of inclusiveness is getting out of hand.
I mean, even Jurassic Park engineered a Trannysaurus Rex.
😄 😄 😄
The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
😄 😄 😄
What did the little cacti say to the big cactus when they were running away?
“Cactus if you can!”
😄 😄 😄
I just saw this guy going up a hill with a wheelbarrow full of horseshoes, four leaf clovers and rabbit’s feet.
I thought he’s pushing his luck!
😄 😄 😄
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling.
It’s a gnocchia.
😄 😄 😄
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
😄 😄 😄
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme.
They stopped building monuments immediately.
😄 😄 😄
A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.
The teacher says, “What’s this?”
The kid says, “A picture of a cow eating grass.”
The teacher asks, “Where’s the grass?”
The kid says, “The cow ate it all.”
“Ok, then where’s the cow?”
“It left because there was no more grass.”
😄 😄 😄
My lucky day! I didn’t have enough money for the Honda, but the dealership took pity on me and gave me an old Fiesta.
I couldn’t afford an Accord, but I was accorded a Ford.
😄 😄 😄
It’s a good thing snakes and dogs don’t interbreed.
Nobody wants a loyal snake.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the florist afraid of roses?
Quite honestly, she didn’t know where the fear stemmed from.
😄 😄 😄
What two things can you never eat for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says “Spit your gum out!” and the train says “Chew, chew!”
😄 😄 😄
What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honey-earth!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“Yes, the last time I checked, they do.”
😄 😄 😄
Which rapper is the most acceptable to Muslims?
Halal Cool J.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat that if she was thrown into the second Death Star’s reactor core, she could have blown up the entire Imperial fleet.
😄 😄 😄
