What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal?
A polar bear.
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Girlfriend: βDo you have a date for Valentineβs Day?β
Boyfriend: βYes, February 14th.β
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A wife said her husband that they should spice up their love life.
βWhat do you mean?β he asked.
She said, βLetβs do a bit of role-playing. Iβll be the doctor and you be the patient.β
βAlright...β the husband went with it, βHow are you, doctor?β
βWe have no appointments till November. Goodbye.β
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Why does nobody trust the man on the moon?
He has a dark side.
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What music does the Easter Bunny listen to while hiding eggs?
Hip hop.
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What did the doctor ask the composer right before his colonoscopy?
βHow many movements?β
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How does a social media marketer stay cool during a crisis?
They just keep refreshing their feed until it blows over.
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My wife suggested I start growing a beard, to which I was against initially against...
But now, I must say, itβs growing on me.
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Wishing you a warm and bright 40th birthday!
It couldnβt be any other way with that many candles on your cake.
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What kind of tea is sometimes hard to swallow?
Reality.
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I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didnβt want me to have such a block-and-white career.
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Youβre so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
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What do single people call Valentineβs Day?
Happy Independence Day.
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I tried to dye my hair blue, but it didnβt work out.
I guess you could say it was a dye-lemma.
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I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldnβt concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldnβt hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then I gave being a barber a go. But I didnβt cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasnβt suited for the job.
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Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
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Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
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A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.
When they ran into a family of skunks.
They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.
They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.
The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.
They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, βThereβs no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?β
The husband thinks for a second and says, βHey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.β
The wife replies, βWell what about the smell?β
The husband says, βItβll be alright, just hold its nose.β
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Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
Theyβre always getting ripped off.
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What language do things that fly in the sky speak?
Plane English.
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