Best Jokes (95)



How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.

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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?

β€œWe’re rich and jellyous!”

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Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave.

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What’s the difference between a bassist and god?

God doesn’t think he’s a bassist.

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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.

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A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten.

β€œBehave, my bubaleh,” she says.

β€œTake good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh!”

β€œAnd come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh.”

β€œYour mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!”

At the end of the school day, the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him.

β€œSo what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?”

The boy answers, β€œI learned my name is David.”

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a bass player’s arm?

A tattoo.

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Too many spiders in your house can turn it into a no fly zone.

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On Teachers’ Day, why did the student gift his Maths teacher a flight ticket to New York City?

To visit his favorite spot, Times Square.

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An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder.

The barman asks, β€œWhere did you get that?”

The seagull replies, β€œDown the tip, there are heaps of them there.”

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What’s closer, France or the Moon?

The Moon, obviously! You can’t see France from here!

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β€œMum, I just won this phone in a race!”

β€œWho was in the race?”

β€œThe owner of the phone and the police. I think they’re at the door to congratulate me.”

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I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart.

The place was packed, but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod (with earpiece).

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What type of mushrooms are the worst to have as friends?

Shii-talkin!

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Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?

Attila the Hen.

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Why do llamas have such long necks?

To make sure their heads stay on.

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An Alien visited the Solar system and ate Jupiter.

When asked how it was the Alien replied simply:

β€œGastronomical.”

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Your so ugly when you were born your mom said, β€œOh, what a treasure!”

And your dad said, β€œYeah, le’ts bury it.”

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A driver goes into a car accessories store.

β€œI’d like a satnav, please.”

β€œOK,” said the assistant, β€œwe have every model possible, European routes, world routes, UK routes.”

β€œI’ll just take the UK one, please,” said the driver.

β€œAre you sure, sir, easy to get lost round Europe,” replied the assistant.

β€œNo, the UK is fine,” said the driver, β€œit’s for the Liverpool team bus next season.”

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An little old woman arrives home from bingo and her husband comes running up to her saying, β€œThank goodness you’re home safe! I was watching the news and apparently a lunatic was driving down the wrong side of the freeway!”

She replied, β€œA lunatic? There were hundreds of them!”

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