Why are there sidewalks alongside roads?
So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
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A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table.
When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, “Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your spaghetti.”
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French Donuts...
...are the Beigne of my existence.
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I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
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If you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns...
You should go straight for the juggler.
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What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?
Polar Opposites.
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My wife and I share a sense of humor.
We have to because she doesn’t have one.
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Why is it called “after dark” when it really is “after light”?
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Chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it! I can never remember that word.”
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It is my first time in court and I heard the judge shouting, “Order!”
So I replied, “Fried chicken, mac and cheese, and cola.”
Now I’m being escorted out by two officers. I think we are going to a restaurant.
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What do you call a sad strawberry?
A blueberry.
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What do you call an Irish reptile?
Croc O’Dile.
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Chuck Norris doesn’t wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground.
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet.
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I think I am going to need knee surgery.
Every day I am with you, I fall for you all over again.
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Why did the rapper shave off his fancy mustache?
It couldn’t handle the bars.
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What do you call cheese that’s not yours?
Nacho cheese.
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Which clients do short auditors like best?
Small businessmen.
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Why do toadstools grow so close together?
They don’t need mush-room.
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What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
“I’m taking you into crustody.”
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