What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
😄 😄 😄
Why does Viktor always win his lane?
Because he always has the upper hand.
😄 😄 😄
Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
😄 😄 😄
Do you know what they say about wheelchairs?
People can’t stand being in them.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb when she got locked in a grocery store she starved to death.
😄 😄 😄
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
😄 😄 😄
Where did Luke get his cybernetic hand?
The second hand store.
😄 😄 😄
Death must be really boring for subway drivers.
A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the aristocratic horse?
He was the last of his race!
😄 😄 😄
What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?
Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
😄 😄 😄
40 is when you finally get your head together...
And your body has other ideas.
😄 😄 😄
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
😄 😄 😄
“Am I mentioned in the will?” the nephew asked anxiously.
“You certainly are,” replied the lawyer. “Right here in the third paragraph, your uncle says: To my niece Sarah, I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars, to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars, and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say ‘Hi, Charles’.”
😄 😄 😄
Karen walks up to a stable in Bethlehem and screams, “I demand do speak to your manger!”
😄 😄 😄
My geometry teacher is really upset that her pet parrot died yesterday.
Polly gone.
😄 😄 😄
How do deer celebrate April Fool’s Day?
They pronk each other.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a stick with autism?
Autistic.
😄 😄 😄
A pig goes to the doctor with swine flu.
The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.
When he gets there, he’s instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.
He chuckles to himself and thinks, “What’s this supposed to do, cure me!”
😄 😄 😄
What do heroes like Spider-Man and Ant-Man have in common?
They bug the villains!
😄 😄 😄
I have a friend who has a PhD in interactions of matter and energy at all length and time scales in the physical universe.
The only job he could get was at a soda factory.
In a roundabout way, he did become a fizzicist.
😄 😄 😄
