I want to make a Facebook account, and the name will be Nobody, so when I see stupid crap people post, I can Like it.
And it will say “Nobody likes this”.
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A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.
Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.
“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.
“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
“And for your other two wishes?”
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!”
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What did the sad man say to the man at the dessert counter?
Donut kill my vibe!
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Why doesn’t the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
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When Chuck Norris opens an account they have to accept his terms and conductions.
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The moon is so cheeky, it’s always playing lunar-tricks.
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What condiment should you always use in May?
Mayo.
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Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
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You’re so fly, all I want to do right now is wrap you up and take you to my web.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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What’s Shrek’s favorite item of clothing?
An ogrecoat.
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Ole sadly died, so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.
The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, “You just put ‘Ole died’.”
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “Okay. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale’.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Erin.”
“Erin, who?”
“Erin as fast as I could but couldn’t catch the leprechaun.”
😄 😄 😄
Singular: one mango
Plural: Two menwent
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best road sign in Auburn?
Tuscaloosa 120 miles.
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