My bank has a new feature where they’ll text you your bank balance. I think it’s pretty cool.
I just don’t think they should end the text with “LOL”, though.
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First Pole: “Knock-Knock!”
Second Pole: “Come in!”
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You must love staying outdoors.
I hear plants make oxygen just for you.
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Why can’t you trust acupuncture specialists?
They’ll always stab you in the back.
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I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet but then my browser froze.
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Mama always said “Work until your bank account looks like a phone number.”
Well, I did it! Bank balance: 911!
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I got a PhD in rap and washing clothes.
They call me Dr. LaunDré.
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Math, the only world where you can buy 140 watermelons without your motives being questioned.
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Why couldn’t the moon finish its dinner?
It was a full moon!
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Santa had a leakage in the roof over his dining room.
Plumber asked: “Sir, when did u notice it ?”
Santa: “Last night when it took me 3 hours to finish my soup.”
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What was the full name of Eddie Murphy’s character in Shrek?
Donkey Ho-tay!
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I am sweating like a dog at a Chinese restaurant.
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Why was the glasses so expensive?
Because they were designer spectacles.
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What do you call it when rodents invade a beaver colony?
Hamsterdam.
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Look up “rib” in the dictionary and it says “To vex, irritate or annoy”.
Look up “rib” in the Bible and it says “Woman”.
Coincidence?
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No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
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A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave, discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow, “What the heck are you doing down there?”
And the fellow shouts back, “Yoga!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eat mop.”
“I eat mop, who?”
“That’s revolting!”
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How many Gen Z’ers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They’ll just take a selfie in the dark.
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What did the peanut butter say to the jelly when it won the lottery?
“We’re rich and jellyous!”
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