“It’s clear,” said the teacher, “that you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?”
“Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down.”
😄 😄 😄
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as “The bomb” is not okay.
😄 😄 😄
I’d hate to be a dragon.
I’d get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a lizard that hates Fortnite YouTubers?
An Ali-hater.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the nun become an archaeologist?
She had a knack for digging up old habits.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Jesus deactivate his Instagram account?
Because he only had 12 followers.
😄 😄 😄
Why do MMA fighters wear skin tight shorts?
Because otherwise, they’d be boxers.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde works in a petrol station filling up cars.
One day, a spaceship with “UFO” written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flies off.
The blonde’s boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
“Do you know what “UFO” stands for?” He asks.
“Of course.” She replies, “Unleaded Fuel Only.”
😄 😄 😄
If a jockey wears jockey shorts, and a basketball player wears basketball shorts, what kind of shorts does the President wear?
Depends.
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy so hairy the Addams Family thought he was Cousin Itt.
😄 😄 😄
I just love the new Minecraft update.
It’s ground-breaking.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the Mormon cat with a speech impediment?
He had nine wives.
😄 😄 😄
When we go to the beach with the kids, we use a really strong sunblock.
It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.
😄 😄 😄
“I wanna be the sun of your life!”
“Then stay at 1 000 000 km of me!”
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris once taught a French Bulldog to be English.
😄 😄 😄
The guy goes into a pub.
He orders 7 pints of beer. He drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint, and gets up to leave.
The barman says, “Why are you not drinking the other three pints?”
He says, “Doctors orders.”
“What do you mean by that?” asks the barman.”
“I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.”
😄 😄 😄
Father’s Day at school, and all the students are supposed to make cards by drawing a picture of their father at work.
Teacher asks, “Logan, what does your father do?”
“My dad is a cop. I’m gonna draw him catching a bad guy.”
Then the teacher asks, “Briei, what does your father do?”
Briei says, “My dad is a writer. I’m going to draw him with his new book.”
Teacher gets to Jake, “And what does your father do, Jake?”
Jake says, “My dad is dead.”
“Oh my,” teacher says. “What did your father do before he died?”
Jake: “He turned blue and pooped on the floor.”
😄 😄 😄
My boss told me that work might be a little blue today.
But I didn’t know that meant the copiers were taking the day off.
😄 😄 😄
Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
😄 😄 😄
An actor suffering from dementia just hit my car. I got him arrested.
As he was getting arrested, he kept saying, “Do you know who I am?!”
😄 😄 😄
