A high class looking woman sat down next to me on the train.
I took in a breath and asked aloud, “What’s that smell?”
She turned to me, looked down her nose and said, “Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce.” She turned away.
About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart.
She turns to me and asks, “What’s that smell?”
I say, “Broccoli, $1.49 a pound.”
😄 😄 😄
A doctor just flirted with me. She also said that I was really sweet.
Well, her exact words were “severely diabetic”, but I know what she meant. I got the hint.
😄 😄 😄
What’s SpongeBob’s worst personality trait?
He’s way too self-absorbent.
😄 😄 😄
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it?
Raisin hell!
😄 😄 😄
It’s hotter than a dog looking at a fire hydrant.
😄 😄 😄
Why do trees drop their leaves in the fall?
It’s autumn-atic.
😄 😄 😄
Three college graduates—one in Math, one in Engineering, and one in Economics—sit for a job interview.
The question they’re all asked is, “What’s 2+2?”
The Math graduate goes to the whiteboard, fills it with a proof, and concludes that, “A solution exists.”
The Engineering graduate consults his addition tables, writes some calculations down, graphs his results, and says, “3. But we’ll make it 5 just to be safe.”
The Economics graduate locks the door behind him, closes the curtains over the windows, and finally whispers, “How much do you want it to be?”
😄 😄 😄
“Have you seen our toilet roll?” asked my wife.
“Don’t be silly,” I replied. “A toilet is a stationary object.”
😄 😄 😄
If lawyers learn at pre-law but doctors learn at pre-med, where do teachers learn?
Pre-school.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a hen’s favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so scary you thought the monsters in your closet were friends.
😄 😄 😄
My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
It was the end of my Korea.
😄 😄 😄
Are slugs just snails that have gone through a divorce?
“Yep, she got the house.”
😄 😄 😄
You are so fat when you walk with your friends it looks like they are orbiting you.
😄 😄 😄
My friend was a struggling artist until he decided to just do sculptures.
He made over six figures last year.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can operate a coal grill underwater.
😄 😄 😄
Yo Mama so fat when she was approaching the McDonald’s they closed due to an earthquake.
😄 😄 😄
“It’s clear,” said the teacher, “that you haven’t studied your geography. What’s your excuse?”
“Well, my dad says the world is changing every day. So I decided to wait until it settles down.”
😄 😄 😄
Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as “The bomb” is not okay.
😄 😄 😄
I’d hate to be a dragon.
I’d get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.
😄 😄 😄
