Best Jokes (6)



I’m not a morning person or a night owl.

I’m a permanently exhausted pigeon just trying to get through the day.

Good morning!

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Joe Palmer, the late racing expert, told about a man from Idaho who breezed into Kentucky with a six-year-old horse that had never raced before, but which he entered for a race.

The horse won easily and paid a whopping price.

The racing stewards did not like the look of the thing and questioned the owner.

β€œIs this horse unsound?” they asked.

β€œNot a bit,” said the owner.

β€œIn that case,” asked the stewards, β€œwhy have you never raced him before?” β€œMister,” said the man from Idaho, β€œwe couldn’t even catch the critter until he was five years old.”

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You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.

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I love your sweater.

I think it’s made out of spouse material.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œYa.”

β€œYa, who?”

β€œAww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!

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What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?

Constantine.

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies.

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Deep sleep prevents aging.

Especially when you are driving.

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Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?

It had melonoma.

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Two married unicorns are lying in bed.

The husband unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says, β€œBig storm’s a brewin.”

The wife unicorn then replies, β€œWell, then I’m glad we didn’t go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah.”

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A grumpy man spent an evening with his friends at a comedy club and asked his doctor for a course on antibiotics. Guess what for?

He thought laughter was infectious.

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What’s the best way to organize a space party?

Planet early!

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What vegetable can tie your shoes?

String beans.

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It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.

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My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.

Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.

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What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

A woolly jumper.

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Who’s beaver’s favorite pop singer?

Justin Beaver.

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What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

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Knock! Knock!

β€œWho’s there?”

β€œGoat.”

β€œGoat, who?”

β€œGoat on a limb and open the door.”

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Why was the hip replacement patient alwaysΒ winningΒ atΒ poker?

Because they always had aΒ coupleΒ of joints up their sleeve.

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