I told my mom I wanted to play Roblox for a living.
She said she didn’t want me to have such a block-and-white career.
😄 😄 😄
A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
😄 😄 😄
You’re so observant, would you like me to pat you on your back?
😄 😄 😄
What do single people call Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day.
😄 😄 😄
I tried to dye my hair blue, but it didn’t work out.
I guess you could say it was a dye-lemma.
😄 😄 😄
I used to work at an orange juice factory but was fired because I couldn’t concentrate.
So I tried my hand at being a lumberjack. I couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
Then I gave being a barber a go. But I didn’t cut it.
I was then hired as a tailor and found I wasn’t suited for the job.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand!
😄 😄 😄
Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
😄 😄 😄
A family was driving in their car through an Arizona desert.
When they ran into a family of skunks.
They stop the car and get out so that they could check on the family of skunks to make sure they were alright.
They found all of the skunks to be ok except for one little baby skunk.
The wife then asked the husband if they could take the baby skunk to the vet to get it the medical attention that it needed.
They come up at the California border checkpoint and the wife starts freaking out, “There’s no way they let us take this skunk across the border, what are we gonna do?”
The husband thinks for a second and says, “Hey I got it! Take the baby skunk and put it under your dress.”
The wife replies, “Well what about the smell?”
The husband says, “It’ll be alright, just hold its nose.”
😄 😄 😄
When Chuck Norris turned 18, his parents moved out.
😄 😄 😄
Why do toilet paper rolls have trust issues?
They’re always getting ripped off.
😄 😄 😄
What language do things that fly in the sky speak?
Plane English.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the blue man who walked into a bar?
He was feeling quite cyan.
😄 😄 😄
After Jesus’s trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
“I don’t know. I’ll keep you posted.”
😄 😄 😄
If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks...
Why is there a light in the fridge?
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a ginger kid who’s good at martial arts?
The Carroty Kid.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a depressed blue crayon?
Blue-tiful.
😄 😄 😄
I made an orange soda popsicle.
It’s Fanta-stick.
😄 😄 😄
I hit 2 good balls today on the golf course.
I stepped on a rake in the bunker.
😄 😄 😄
Kung Fu student asks his teacher, “Master, why does my ability not improve? I’m always defeated.”
And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, “My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun, and their wings seeming like flames?”
“Yes, my master, I have.”
“And a waterfall, spilling mightily over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?”
“Yes, my master, I have witnessed it.”
And the moon... when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?”
“Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon.”
“That is the problem. You keep watching all this poop instead of training!”
😄 😄 😄
