A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, “Why have you got a fried egg on your head?”
The man replies, “Because boiled eggs fall off.”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a fat pineapple?
A pineapple chunk.
😄 😄 😄
I played an April Fools’ joke on my parkour team this morning.
They all fell for it.
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A man worked for a road crew. One day he woke up ill with a touch of laryngitis but being a dedicated employee he went to work.
The boss felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to do any physical labor although they were repairing a part of the freeway.
He said to the worker, “Why don’t you go down the road and tell people to slow down going through the construction?”
The worker is glad for the easy day and does as instructed. He stops the first vehicle that comes along.
“Sir,” he whispers, his throat feeling worse, “Please slow down, there’s a road crew up ahead.”
“Okay,” the driver whispers back, “I’ll try not to wake them.”
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What does Yoda say when he is drunk?
“Dear me, it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantity to impair my speech.”
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Good morning!
Remember, it’s better to arrive late in this office than to arrive ugly!
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It has been said about tax:
“For doing wrong, you are taxed a fine.
For doing well, you are fined a tax.”
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Mickey Mouse was arrested for identity theft.
He was charged with being Goofy.
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Why did the girl sit on the clock?
She just wanted to be on time.
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Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
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What’s long and green and only shows up once a year?
The St. Patrick’s Day parade.
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Why do driving instructors make good physical therapists?
Because they can teach fine motor skills.
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Why doesn’t the word “mushroom” make a good computer password?
It’s not stroganoff.
😄 😄 😄
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
Me ghosta.
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t Spider-Man like to talk to Bruce Wayne?
Because he has bad breath.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Who.”
“Who, who?”
“Hooves are what deer have on their feet…”
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The deeper the pit you’re falling into...
The more chance you have to learn how to fly.
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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.
And it doesn’t matter if I pass or fail because either way my future’s in ruins.
😄 😄 😄
What does a hungry math teacher like to eat?
A square meal.
😄 😄 😄
How do beavers make a bouncy dam?
They use spring water.
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