What did the Mandalorian say about how to cook the Thanksgiving turkey?
“…This is the way.”
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Your mama so stupid she put a watch in the piggy bank and said she was saving time.
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Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
“Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan.”
So, one of them asked the other: “When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?”
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What is the difference between a Chelsea fan and a Battery?
A battery has a positive side.
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An ant approaches an elephant and asks, “Would you like to play?”
“Sure,” replies the elephant.
“So, what’s your favorite game?” the ant inquires.
“Squash,” says the elephant.
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Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
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Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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Why do some people not like a Thanksgiving joke about turkeys?
Because of fowl language.
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Girls say I’m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala.
I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.
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Your forehead is so big it could carry all the passengers of the Titanic.
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What do Vikings call English villages?
Chopping centers.
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Why did the spaceship bring a snack to Uranus?
It wanted to have a gas-tro picnic.
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What’s Shrek’s favorite item of clothing?
An ogrecoat.
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What do you call a frozen frankfurter?
A chili dog.
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I decided to make a witty perfume.
My colleague said the most important component should be the scents of humor.
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Chuck Norris called 911 and asked if they needed help.
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I finally was chosen to pick toppings for the hot dogs!
I relished the opportunity!
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What is the difference between José Mourinho and God?
God doesn’t think he’s José Mourinho.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owl.”
“Owl, who?”
“Owl you know unless you open the door?”
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