I was going to go greyhound racing this weekend but decided against it...
They’re too fast. I’d never win.
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You so dumb you have to stop during track workouts to ask for directions.
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What is the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Their seasoning.
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Once you understand why the pizza is made round.
Packed in a square box.
And eaten as a triangle.
Then you will understand vomen.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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Why did Minnie hang up the phone on Mickey?
She was feeling Goofy at the time.
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What kind of bar is kid-friendly?
A chocolate bar.
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What did the victims of a month-delayed April Fools’ prank feel?
Dismay.
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You are so dumb you asked what the capital of Paris was.
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What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
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I told my friends I was a blood-sucking insect from the moon.
They said I was a luna tick.
😄 😄 😄
Why do driving instructors make good physical therapists?
Because they can teach fine motor skills.
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Before “working from home” became a thing, I had no idea how great it would feel to walk around naked and fart all day whilst working!
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It has been said about tax:
“For doing wrong, you are taxed a fine.
For doing well, you are fined a tax.”
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The English teacher in India.
Teacher: “Tell me a sentence that starts with an ‘I’.”
Student: “I is the...”
Teacher: “Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an ‘I’. Always put ‘am’ after an ‘I’.”
Student: “OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
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Why couldn’t the color blind man sell ice cream?
His cones don’t work.
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If watermelon has water in it...
Then what does a kumquat have?
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Why did the registered nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?
Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
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My wife and kids are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.
And they’re off!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I eep.”
“I eep, who?”
“Gross, you eat poo?!”
😄 😄 😄
