My son’s has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he’s eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He’s full of surprises.
😄 😄 😄
What did Kasparov ask Michael Jackson?
“Do you want to be black or white?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a fish who raps?
Swim Shady.
😄 😄 😄
I walked into the kitchen today to find my blonde wife looking very confused while holding a jar of pickles.
“What’s wrong?” I asked her.
She replied, “This jar of pickles says to store it in a cool, dark location.”
I said, “Okay, how about in the fridge?”
She said, “No, silly, there’s a little light inside.”
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat Darth Vader couldn’t even force choke her.
😄 😄 😄
No thanks, pants! I am working from home today.
😄 😄 😄
Why do cemeteries contain the best stories?
Because they have so many plots.
😄 😄 😄
Good morning to someone who starts each day by asking the important questions of life: Can I eat leftover pizza for breakfast?
Have a great day!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when she went to In-N-Out she couldn’t get in nor out.
😄 😄 😄
I love summer in Canada!
It’s my favorite day of the year!
😄 😄 😄
What’s the perfect St. Paddy’s Day breakfast?
Green eggs and ham.
😄 😄 😄
First Pole: “Knock-Knock!”
Second Pole: “Come in!”
😄 😄 😄
How did the barber win the bike race?
He took a short cut.
😄 😄 😄
Why did Chuck Norris destroy the periodic table?
Because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
😄 😄 😄
How do you communicate with a fish?
You drop it a line.
😄 😄 😄
Can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s an escape. I don’t even have a home anymore.
Think it’s time for a new keyboard.
😄 😄 😄
Hey shorty, it’s sherbet day!
😄 😄 😄
Trying to wake you up is such a thrill.
It’s like waking up a mad beast from its ponderous slumber.
😄 😄 😄
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and gone back to school.
Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
“Wait a minute,” she said. “I had Johnny with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved.”
😄 😄 😄
