I’m on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
😄 😄 😄
Why are PC gamers always sad?
Because they can’t console each other.
😄 😄 😄
I saw a blue horse the other day.
I guess you could say it was a rare-colored mare.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
😄 😄 😄
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, “What happens if this doesn’t work?”
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, ‘GUARANTEE NO SPOILED’.
Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldn’t even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, “Brother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
😄 😄 😄
The teacher asks her students, “What is the closest planet to Earth?”
The class all respond by yelling out, “The sun!”
Little Johnny then puts his hand up as says, “Uranus.”
The teacher looks confused and asks, “Why do you think that, Johnny?”
Little Johnny replies to her, “Because it is right behind you, Miss.”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of flu do Chinese people have?
Kung flu.
😄 😄 😄
I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers.
It was cracka-lackin
😄 😄 😄
Have you heard of the band 999 Megabytes?
They’ve never had any gigs.
😄 😄 😄
Picked up a set of 20 Disney shorts on vinyl for only $30.
To be honest, though, I think they’d chafe less in cotton.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
😄 😄 😄
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
Stock boy: “No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
😄 😄 😄
Where does a person with a beard put their beard clippings?
Their shavings account.
😄 😄 😄
I used to own a raven. It could speak English.
But the only word it could speak was “car”.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
😄 😄 😄
Why do wolves howl at the moon?
Cause they don’t know how to use cell phones.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mamma’s so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
😄 😄 😄
I once accidentally poured glue in my son’s corn flakes.
He’s never talked to me again.
😄 😄 😄
TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden.
Who the hell is going to let me know when it’s raining in Sweden?!
😄 😄 😄
