A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approaches him and beats him up.
Herman is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises. Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station.
Herman walks into the Sergeant’s office.
“What happened to you? the officer asks.
“A gang of snails beat me up,” Herman replied.
“Can you describe what they looked like?”
“I don’t know,” the sloth says. “It all happened so fast.”
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A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions.
So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.
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Guy 1: “Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend Mike.”
Guy 2: “And since when is Mike your best friend?”
Guy 1: “Yesterday.”
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How do you know the NASA scientists are wrong to say it is possible to live on Mars?
Some people tried it and now they are 15 kg heavier and diabetic.
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A Korean martial artist was giving away chocolate bars.
I asked if I could have 2.
He said, “No, you can taek-won-do.”
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A dragon would never explode.
But a dino might.
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Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball?
He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
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How do you organize a party for the moon?
You just planet!
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Guess what kind of hike I went on today?
I hiked my pants.
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What dinosaur would Harry Potter be?
The Dinosorcerer.
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Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
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Chuck Norris can speak braille.
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Spider-Man became a vigilante.
Meanwhile, Aunt May became a vigil auntie.
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What did the basketball player who loved donuts say after the match?
Let’s go to Dunkin’ Donuts for the hole food protein!
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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You so dumb you tried to put a key in your computer’s keyboard.
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How do you tell a good monster from a bad one?
If it’s a good one you will be able to talk about it later!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Gopher.”
“Gopher, who?”
“Gopher the balloons, it’s party time!”
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A lion, a zebra, and a sloth walk into a gym.
The personal trainer approaches them and asks, “What are your fitness goals?”
The lion replies, “I want to improve my speed and agility for hunting.”
The zebra says, “I’d like to work on my endurance to outrun predators.”
The sloth sighs, “I just need to learn to hang in there.”
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It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird.
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
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