Guess what the chop said to the steak on their first date?
It’s so nice to finally meat you!
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Tesla founder Elon Musk is originally from South Africa, which is strange.
You’d think he was from mad-at-gas-car.
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I guess I don’t need any sunshine anymore.
Because your smile is going to brighten up my day!
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Hey Baby, My Name Is Saul Goodman.
I guess you better call me.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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I went to a party once where everyone was dressed in blue.
It was like a sea of navy-tees.
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What ever happened to the Fried Shrimp emoji?
It was tempurary.
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Once a boy was killing mosquitoes.
The girl asked him, “How many mosquitoes have you killed?”
He replied, “3 female and 2 male.”
She asked, “How did you know that they were male or female?”
He replied, “3 were sitting in front of the mirror and the 2 were sitting on the treadmill.”
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What do you call a bear that likes to spend his summers at the North Pole and his winters at the South?
A bi-polar bear.
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What do spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
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What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Stolen.
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I asked my German friend how many planets are in our Solar System.
Surprisingly he said, “Nine.”
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Children are like farts.
Your own are just about bearable, but everyone else’s are horrendous.
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Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf.
When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.
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How many social media marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s not about the change, it’s about engaging people in conversations about the light bulb change.
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What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
Why so Sirius?
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Yo mama so tall when she did a backflip she digs God in the face.
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Why do turkeys love Thanksgiving?
Because they don’t have to worry about buying Christmas presents.
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Husband: “What’s your most hated part of the English language?”
Wife: “The singular second person personal pronoun.”
Husband: “What?”
Wife: “YOU.”
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Sun to Earth, on the night of 31st December:
“Let’s have another round, shall we?”
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