A blondeβs neighborβs house was on fire, so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, βMy neighborβs house is on fire!β
The operator asked, βWhere are you?β
The blonde answered, βAt my houseβ.
The operator replied, βNo, Iβm asking how do we get there?β
The blonde said, βIn a firetruck, duh!β
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What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?
Tony Stuck.
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Getting up early is the first step in the wrong direction!
Good morning!
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Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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What do you call a unicornβs dad?
Popcorn.
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Iβm a paranoid narcissist.
Iβm afraid no oneβs out to get me!
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I try to avoid making nun jokes, but itβs a farce of habit.
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Which rapper is the most acceptable to Muslims?
Halal Cool J.
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How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Theyβll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.
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My tailor really likes fixing my clothes.
Or sew it seams.
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Your mamaβs so short during the election Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her and he thought he stepped on a brownieο»Ώ.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
A face like yours, belongs in a zoo.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
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CNN made a joke article for April Fools.
Just another day in the office.
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It sits in a corner and still travels around the world, guess who?
A stamp.
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Picked up a set of 20 Disney shorts on vinyl for only $30.
To be honest, though, I think theyβd chafe less in cotton.
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What do you call a half-baked joke?
A pun in the oven.
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Whatβs the farthest planet humans can see with their naked eye?
Uranus.
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I loved the first Shrek movie.
The second one was mediogre.
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An atheist was rowing on Loch Ness in Scotland one day when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat.
He panicked and shouted, βGod, help me!β and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just froze.
A voice from the heavens boomed βYou say you donβt believe in me, but now youβre asking for my help?β
The atheist looked up and said, βWell, ten seconds ago I didnβt believe in the Loch Ness Monster either.β
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