Itβs so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
π π π
Congratulations on deciding life is more important than work. What took you so long?
π π π
The only love triangle I want is a slice of pizza.
π π π
My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. Sheβs at the ER now. Her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily, I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
π π π
August 20, 2020:
Scientists have discovered a βmystery objectβ in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses.
March 1, 2021 (Update):
Scientists have determined that the βmystery objectβ is made up of unmatched socks.
π π π
What do the San Francisco 49ers playoff run and the Civil War have in common?
Both of them were ended by a man named Sherman.
π π π
A blondeβs neighborβs house was on fire, so she called 911.
The blonde told the operator, βMy neighborβs house is on fire!β
The operator asked, βWhere are you?β
The blonde answered, βAt my houseβ.
The operator replied, βNo, Iβm asking how do we get there?β
The blonde said, βIn a firetruck, duh!β
π π π
What do you call it when Spider-Man defeats Iron Man?
Tony Stuck.
π π π
Getting up early is the first step in the wrong direction!
Good morning!
π π π
Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
π π π
What do you call a unicornβs dad?
Popcorn.
π π π
Iβm a paranoid narcissist.
Iβm afraid no oneβs out to get me!
π π π
I try to avoid making nun jokes, but itβs a farce of habit.
π π π
Which rapper is the most acceptable to Muslims?
Halal Cool J.
π π π
How many boomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Theyβll all resist change even if it means making the world a brighter place.
π π π
My tailor really likes fixing my clothes.
Or sew it seams.
π π π
Your mamaβs so short during the election Donald Trump accidentally stepped on her and he thought he stepped on a brownieο»Ώ.
π π π
Roses are red, violets are blue.
A face like yours, belongs in a zoo.
π π π
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
π π π
CNN made a joke article for April Fools.
Just another day in the office.
π π π
