How did the pumpkin feel after being carved?
Gutted.
😄 😄 😄
What is a camel’s favorite day of the week?
Hump day!
😄 😄 😄
There are two ways of waking up in the morning.
One is to say, “Good morning, God,”
And the other is to say, “Good God, morning!”
😄 😄 😄
Non-autistic person: “Autistic people take everything literally.”
Autistic person: “No, that’s kleptomaniacs.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Eat more chicken.”
“Eat more chicken, who?”
“YOU!”
😄 😄 😄
What does Muslim Sonic say when Ramadan begins?
“Gotta go fast!”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse bring a ladder to work?
To take care of high blood pressure.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
😄 😄 😄
When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.
You can’t do that these days...
Too many damned security cameras.
😄 😄 😄
They say today is Pi Day.
But for me, it will always be cake day!
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris invented the Giraffe when he roundhouse kicked a spotted Horse in the chin.
😄 😄 😄
The tree hated losing its foliage in September.
When it grew back in March, he was so re-lieved.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man when he quits The Daily Bugle and starts working as a valet?
Peter PARKER.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera?
Phil Ming.
😄 😄 😄
How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
😄 😄 😄
Your fun-sized gleam of sarcastic sunshine has arrived to wake you up.
😄 😄 😄
I’m such a perfectionist that I can’t even fail an autism test.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
He got repossessed.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the slave go to college?
To pick up his master’s degree.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
😄 😄 😄
