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Funny Jokes


Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

Because his daddy was a mummy.

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I’d hate to be a dragon.

I’d get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.

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How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?

He became a vegetarian.

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What’s worse than having a big nose?

Having a big nose and tiny hands!

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To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You’re a bad person.

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What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?

Peak Aboo.

And which one gives them a flu?

Peak Achoo.

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Top 3 situations that require witnesses:

1. Crimes

2. Accidents

3. Marriages

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A student holds a gun to his English teacher, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!”

English teacher: β€œYou mean history.”

Student: β€œDon’t change the subject!”

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Have you ever tried to buy tickets to the Taylor concert?

It isn’t so Swift.

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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.

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Your head is so big that you need to be careful to stay away from needles and pins, so it doesn’t pop.

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A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a Buddhist monk on the other side.

There are no bridges. He has no boat.

He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank, β€œHow do I get to the other side?”

The Buddhist monk shouts back, β€œYou are on the other side!”

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Are you from Paris?

Because Eiffel for you.

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I was making my daughter a sandwich and asked her what kind she wanted.

β€œWe can do peanut butter with either peach preserves or honey,” I told her.

She: β€œHoney, please!”

β€œThat’s fine,” I thought. β€œThe peach preserves are my jam anyway.”

Peanut butter was driving his toast when suddenly...

There was a jam.

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Did you hear about the hot dog stand on the moon?

The hot dogs were out of this world, but there was absolutely no atmosphere.

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What ever happened to the Fried Shrimp emoji?

It was tempurary.

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What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal alien?

E.T. learned English and wanted to go home.

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What do you call a red panda dentist?

A molar bear.

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Yo momma so fat she can’t reach her back pocket.

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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?

Oops!

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