Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ooze.”
“Ooze, who?”
“Ooze that monster over there?”
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Yo momma’s so smelly it would make a Hutt smell good.
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A hot dog and a hamburger are having a drink at the bar.
The hot dog says, “I’ve got some bad news for you and I can either sugarcoat it or give it to you straight.”
The hamburger replies, “Please, beef frank.”
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
To bock traffic.
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Are you trying to moon-ipulate me?
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A Polish man calls 911.
Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Pole: “Help! My wife is trying to kill me!”
Operator: “How do you know?”
Pole: “I checked her medicine cabinet and found ‘Polish Remover’!”
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Chuck Norris won the Tour de France on a stationary bike.
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A guy walks into a pharmacy: “I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I’m about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?”
Pharmacists: Nope, I feel fine!
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What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
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Why are baby flamingos so badly behaved?
Because the parents never put their foot down.
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A call comes in to 911: “Come quick, my friend was bitten by a wolf!”
Operator: “Where?”
Caller: “No, a regular one!”
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My cousin works in a chocolate shop.
He works behind the bar.
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The therapist said to me, “Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?”
I said, “To be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.”
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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A lost hiker is on one side of a raging river when he sees a Buddhist monk on the other side.
There are no bridges. He has no boat.
He shouts out to the monk on the opposite bank, “How do I get to the other side?”
The Buddhist monk shouts back, “You are on the other side!”
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What do you call a rampaging cow under the full moon?
Udder lunacy.
😄 😄 😄
I was depressed in my job as a guillotine operator.
I just couldn’t see myself getting ahead in life with that job.
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Person 1: “I like Eminem.”
Person 2: “Well, I prefer Skittles.”
Person 1: “No, I meant the rapper.”
Person 2: “Why would you eat the wrapper?”
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What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
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Yes, money can’t buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.
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