
Last year on Motherβs Day we had a big family get-together.
Afterwards my Mom starting getting ready to do the dishes.
Of course I couldnβt let her do that on her special day.
I said, βLeave the dishes, Mom. You can always do them tomorrow.β
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Why do SEOs love the farmers market?
Lots of organic content!
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Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because theyβre stud-ants.
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Why canβt you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
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What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didnβt have mush-room.
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I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.
They said, βI guess youβre really into extreme living conditions!β
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What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. βHow did Thanksgiving go at your place?β the bartender asks.
βOh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking,β the guy says. βSo I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors.β
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Akpos: βWhy are all these people running?β
Man: βThis is a race, the winner will get the cup.β
Akpos: βIf only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?β
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Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion.
Yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel.
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Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
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A man placed an ad online saying βWife wantedβ.
He got hundreds of messages the next day saying βYou can have mineβ.
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A pair of cows were talking in the field.
One says, βHave you heard about the mad cow disease thatβs going around?β
βYeah,β the other cow says. βMakes me glad Iβm a penguin.β
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Co-pilot: βWhy did you become a pilot?β
Pilot: βTo overcome my greatest fear.β
Co-pilot: βHeights?β
Pilot: βNo, dying alone.β
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I asked my friend what he was doing to stay happy in his job.
And he said he was always searching for blue skies.
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Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
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Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.
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I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, βI bet a donut wouldnβt have done this to me.β
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Thereβs a lot of crossover between the Bible and SpongeBob.
Both are quite holey.
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I went to a restaurant where all the menus were printed in blue ink.
I guess they were trying to get in touch with their blue-side.
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