Dating me is like dating your therapist who is also your mom and is also very disappointed in you.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat, she sweats butter and syrup, and has a full time job at Denny’s wiping pancakes across her forehead.
😄 😄 😄
I just couldn’t decide which Asian takeout food I like the best, Japanese or Chinese.
I ended up calling it a Thai.
😄 😄 😄
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when you know there’s nothing new going on, you still go on and check it every 10 minutes.
😄 😄 😄
The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s the worst part about going to the doctor and being diagnosed with diabetes?
You don’t get a lollipop afterward.
😄 😄 😄
What day do eggs hate the most?
Fry-day.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so dumb she tried to eat pi.
😄 😄 😄
Why are there sidewalks alongside roads?
So Chevy owners have a safe place to walk home.
😄 😄 😄
Patient: “Doctor, doctor! I see double!”
Doctor: “Sit on the chair please.”
Patient: “Which one?”
😄 😄 😄
A family was having dinner once when the youngest boy asked his father whether worms tasted nice when we eat them. Both the parents reprimanded the little boy and told him that these things shouldn't be discussed over the dinner table.
When the father asked the boy after dinner why he had asked such a question, he replied, “Papa, I think worms taste okay because there was one in your spaghetti.”
😄 😄 😄
French Donuts...
...are the Beigne of my existence.
😄 😄 😄
I’d like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of ‘many’.
It really means a lot.
😄 😄 😄
If you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns...
You should go straight for the juggler.
😄 😄 😄
Why doesn’t the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
😄 😄 😄
Teacher: “If your father has $10, and you
asked for $5, how much will your father
have?”
Akpos: “$10.”
Teacher: “You don’t know maths.”
Akpos: “You don’t know my father!”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a polar bear on the South Pole and another Polar Bear On The North Pole?
Polar Opposites.
😄 😄 😄
Someone threw some butter, milk and cheese at me recently.
I thought “how dairy”.
Then, they threw some more mild cheese.
I thought “that’s not very mature”.
😄 😄 😄
I saw an interview with Sean Connery about how he used to scuba dive for seafood.
He said, “Every time I saw a crab or lobster with a scrap of food, it was frantically searching for a place to hide, so it could eat alone. Then I thought to myself...
that’s shellfish.”
😄 😄 😄
My wife and I share a sense of humor.
We have to because she doesn’t have one.
😄 😄 😄
