What does the moon like to have on its toast?
Space Jam!
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What is the core of Uranus called?
Urectum.
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What did the angry witch do while riding her broom?
She flew off the handle.
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You’re so short that Michelangelo could make a life-size sculpture of you with 1 can of Play-Doh.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Doughnut.”
“Doughnut, who?”
“Doughnut forget it’s your birthday!”
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Why don’t people like Dracula?
He’s a pain in the neck.
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Chuck Norris didn’t survive the first night in Minecraft, the first night survived Chuck Norris.
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Did you know that the internet was invented by Spider-Man?
That’s why it’s called The World Wide Web.
If it had been invented by Superman, it would be called the World Wide Cape.
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Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century.
Is anyone else not offended we still don’t have a Himhe bar?
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I asked my Mom what she wanted for Mother’s Day.
She said, “Thanks son, but all I want is a bit of caring and looking after.”
So I put her in a nursing home.
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The bad news: I took the wrong medication today.
The good news: For the next 3 months I’m protected against heartworms and fleas.
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Why did the band hire a turkey as a drummer?
Because he had the drumsticks!
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Did you know the leading cause of cancer in lab rats is research scientists?
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How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents!
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Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service.
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Why are haircuts so cheap in Morocco?
Because they’ve got so many Berbers!
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
After a very long pause.
“Java.”
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Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, old man with long white hair and a white beard sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate.
The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
“See here, old fellow,” said Jesus kindly, “this is heaven. The sun is shining, you’ve got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play—you’re supposed to be blissfully happy! What’s wrong?”
“Well,” said the old man, “you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. And here, in heaven, I was hoping more than anything to find him.”
Tears sprang from Jesus’ eyes.
“FATHER!” he cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, “PINOCCHIO!”
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What’s the best thing about having a big nose?
You’re the first to know when dinner’s ready!
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Arthas and Ulther walk into a room.
Arthas notices a switch on the wall and asks Uther what it’s for.
Uther looks at him and replies, “FOR THE LIGHT!”
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