My husband is as handsome as Frank Sinatra and as intelligent as Albert Einstein.
His name is Frankenstein.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Cargo.”
“Cargo, who?”
“Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.”
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A blind man walks into a bar...
And a wall, and a tree, and a cactus.
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Yo mama’s so fat she blew up the Deathstar.
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Your mama so ugly when she walks into a bank they turn off the cameras.
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Yo mama so stupid she thought The Exorcist was a workout video.
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What did the alien say when he was out of the room?
I’m all spaced out!
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This deaf girl used to flirt with me constantly, but I was oblivious to it.
I wish I could have read the signs.
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Donut underestimate the power of baked goods.
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What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
Lazy.
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I can’t imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
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What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
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What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life?
They’re both pointless.
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Your eyes are as blue as toilet water.
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How do you pick a motivated astronaut dog?
It’s the one that’s always sniffing Uranus.
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What do you call a row of trucks hauling nachos?
A cheesy pickup line.
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Flight allows flamingos to avoid predators.
Natural selection is why flamingstays are extinct.
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I have an archaeology exam tomorrow.
And it doesn’t matter if I pass or fail because either way my future’s in ruins.
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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.
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One eye told the other, “Between you and me, something smells.”
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