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Yo Mamas teeth are so yellow I can’t believe it’s not butter.

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Why didn’t the zombie go to school?

He felt rotten!

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I thought I saw a squirrel on the roof.

But it was just a roofingΒ nut.

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Why do one-legged people like beer?

Because it’s made with hops.

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Why did the influenza virus break up with its girlfriend?

She was too cold to him.

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Blessed be your morning, o holy one!

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What is Spider-Man’s favorite online music app?

Spot-a-fly.

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A marvelous morning to you, my friend.

You are someone who never quits, mainly because you never start.

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Why don’t pumpkins get into arguments?

Because they have no stomach for fighting.

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The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy.

So it’s italicized!

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Have you heard of the golfer who opened a colonoscopy clinic?

He does 18 holes a day.

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Chuck Norris doesn’t admire the stars.

They admire him.

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What did one hip replacement say to the other?

β€œYou crack me up!”

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Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a Nest-cafe.

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Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools.

They were literally born yesterday.

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Chhattisgarh Minister: β€œThe voters will get electric shock if they don’t vote/press the button for Congress.

Villagers: β€œAt least, electricity will come under this pretext.”

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A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, β€œHey.”

The horse said, β€œNah, just beer, please. I just ate.”

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How do dogs make sandwiches?

With purebred.

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Dating me is like adopting a hungry kid.

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Next time someone complains about Millennials, remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.

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