Last year on Mother’s Day we had a big family get-together.
Afterwards my Mom starting getting ready to do the dishes.
Of course I couldn’t let her do that on her special day.
I said, “Leave the dishes, Mom. You can always do them tomorrow.”
😄 😄 😄
Why do SEOs love the farmers market?
Lots of organic content!
😄 😄 😄
Why are the most attractive males in the anthill also very learned?
Because they’re stud-ants.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t you trust an atom?
They make up everything.
😄 😄 😄
What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?
He didn’t have mush-room.
😄 😄 😄
I told my friend that I want to live on Uranus.
They said, “I guess you’re really into extreme living conditions!”
😄 😄 😄
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. “How did Thanksgiving go at your place?” the bartender asks.
“Oh, it went fine. Had a lot of family over and the wife prepared the meal. I helped out, though. She got a little stressed out and told me she needed some peace and quiet in the kitchen so she could finish cooking,” the guy says. “So I removed all the batteries from the smoke detectors.”
😄 😄 😄
Akpos: “Why are all these people running?”
Man: “This is a race, the winner will get the cup.”
Akpos: “If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?”
😄 😄 😄
Mosquito bites nowadays can cause concussion.
Yesterday, one of them bit my friend in his head, but fortunately I was able to kill it with a shovel.
😄 😄 😄
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
😄 😄 😄
A man placed an ad online saying “Wife wanted”.
He got hundreds of messages the next day saying “You can have mine”.
😄 😄 😄
A pair of cows were talking in the field.
One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
😄 😄 😄
Co-pilot: “Why did you become a pilot?”
Pilot: “To overcome my greatest fear.”
Co-pilot: “Heights?”
Pilot: “No, dying alone.”
😄 😄 😄
I asked my friend what he was doing to stay happy in his job.
And he said he was always searching for blue skies.
😄 😄 😄
Did you know R2D2 loves to curse?
They have to bleep out all his words.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so stupid she yelled into an envelope because she wanted to send a voicemail.
😄 😄 😄
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
😄 😄 😄
There’s a lot of crossover between the Bible and SpongeBob.
Both are quite holey.
😄 😄 😄
I went to a restaurant where all the menus were printed in blue ink.
I guess they were trying to get in touch with their blue-side.
😄 😄 😄
