Blessed be your morning, o holy one!
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I was just on a Zoom call that ended automatically after 40 minutes because the organizer was on a free tier.
This is the single greatest advance to meeting productivity that I’ve ever seen.
Would pay extra for this feature!
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My boss turned herself into a potato on our Microsoft teams meeting and can’t figure out how to turn the setting off, so she was just stuck like this the entire meeting.
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A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
The trainee shouts back, “And do you know who you are talking to, you fool?!”
“No,” replied the CEO indignantly.
“Good!” replied the trainee, and slams down the phone.
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Why are cop donut shop jokes always so funny?
They never get mold.
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Your forehead is so big that the teachers use it as a whiteboard.
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I got a call from NASA. They’ve reached your hairline.
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What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Donut.”
“Donut, who?”
“Donut ask, it’s a secret!”
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I told my wife I’d never leave her unless aliens came to take me.
It has taken 30 years but I finally have enough for Industrial Light and Magic to do an alien abduction scene.
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An aboriginal walks into a bar with a seagull on his shoulder.
The barman asks, “Where did you get that?”
The seagull replies, “Down the tip, there are heaps of them there.”
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I’ve got a new job at the chess factory.
I’m on knights next week.
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What’s something usually insulting, but not on Thanksgiving?
A family member giving you the bird.
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I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was: What are commonly found in cells?
I guess “prisoners” wasn’t the right answer.
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Yo momma is so fat she makes Jabba look like Calista Flockhart.
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How do you describe Neapolitan ice cream to someone?
Your two favorite flavors plus strawberry.
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I just scored a 170 on an online IQ test and only had to answer three simple questions.
1. My credit card number.
2. My social security number.
3. Uploading a signed copy of my birth certificate.
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What did the Rams fan do when his team won the Super Bowl?
He turned off his XBox.
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I spent a year writing a romance novel where two blood cells meet and fall in love.
It never got published.
It was all in vein.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting cow.”
“Interrup...”
“Moooooooo!”
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