
Iβm on a seafood diet.
I see food and I eat it.
π π π
Why are PC gamers always sad?
Because they canβt console each other.
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I saw a blue horse the other day.
I guess you could say it was a rare-colored mare.
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Chuck Norris was once bitten by a cobra snake.
After 3 long days of suffering, the snake died.
π π π
A man went on a business trip to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids.
He went to a shop and found a nice-looking VR set.
Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, βWhat happens if this doesnβt work?β
The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, βGUARANTEE NO SPOILEDβ.
Feeling assured, he paid for the VR set and returns to his hotel.
He tried to use the VR set after returning to the hotel, but it wouldnβt even switch on.
He quickly returned to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit.
When the shopkeeper refuses to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of the guarantee.
The shopkeeper then said, βBrother, you are in China. We read from the right to the left.β
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What did the IKEA dresser say to the aliens after landing on their planet?
I come in pieces.
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The teacher asks her students, βWhat is the closest planet to Earth?β
The class all respond by yelling out, βThe sun!β
Little Johnny then puts his hand up as says, βUranus.β
The teacher looks confused and asks, βWhy do you think that, Johnny?β
Little Johnny replies to her, βBecause it is right behind you, Miss.β
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What kind of flu do Chinese people have?
Kung flu.
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I hosted an amazing party. We had tons of cheese, but ran out of crackers.
It was cracka-lackin
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Have you heard of the band 999 Megabytes?
Theyβve never had any gigs.
π π π
Picked up a set of 20 Disney shorts on vinyl for only $30.
To be honest, though, I think theyβd chafe less in cotton.
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Itβs so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they wonβt lay boiled eggs.
π π π
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldnβt find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, βDo these turkeys get any bigger?β
Stock boy: βNo, maβam. Theyβre dead.β
π π π
Where does a person with a beard put their beard clippings?
Their shavings account.
π π π
I used to own a raven. It could speak English.
But the only word it could speak was βcarβ.
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Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Why do wolves howl at the moon?
Cause they donβt know how to use cell phones.
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Yo mammaβs so ugly they cut her Cantina scenes in Star Wars.
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I once accidentally poured glue in my sonβs corn flakes.
Heβs never talked to me again.
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TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when itβs raining in Sweden.
Who the hell is going to let me know when itβs raining in Sweden?!
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