What did the man do when he saw a hot dog?
He put it in the shade.
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The moon gets a little more chilly in September, time to put on its harvest!
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Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
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One day at football practice, the nose was sad.
It was probably because he didn’t get picked.
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What do you call a man who stamps letters at the post office for a living?
Frank.
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What condiment should you always use in May?
Mayo.
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Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
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You’re so fly, all I want to do right now is wrap you up and take you to my web.
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Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
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What’s Shrek’s favorite item of clothing?
An ogrecoat.
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Ole sadly died, so Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.
The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena what she would like to say about Ole.
Lena replied, “You just put ‘Ole died’.”
The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, “That’s it? Just ‘Ole died?’ Surely, there must be something more you’d like to say about Ole. If it’s money you’re concerned about, the first five words are free. We must say something more.”
So Lena pondered for a few minutes and finally said, “Okay. You put ‘Ole died. Boat for sale’.”
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When I went to the doctor, I said, “Doctor, every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy.”
He replied, “How long have you been getting these Disney spells?”
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What do you call someone dressed as a clown who falls down the stairs?
An ambulance.
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My wife says she’s leaving me due to my obsession with cricket.
I’ll be honest, it’s knocked me for six.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Erin.”
“Erin, who?”
“Erin as fast as I could but couldn’t catch the leprechaun.”
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Singular: one mango
Plural: Two menwent
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What’s the best road sign in Auburn?
Tuscaloosa 120 miles.
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What is the funniest thing you can say to a bald man?
“You are so bald that I can simply rub your head and start predicting futures!”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Uranus.”
“Uranus, who?”
“Uranus is a gas giant.”
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Yo momma's got a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.
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