Yo mama’s so dumb she thought a lightsaber has fewer calories!
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
He ogre-dosed.
😄 😄 😄
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well and a genie pops out.
The genie tells him, “You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish.”
“I want a dragon.”
“Are you sure? That’s pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?”
“I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet.”
“What color dragon do you want?”
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service.
😄 😄 😄
Why should you never race a Muslim during Ramadan?
They fast during Ramadan.
😄 😄 😄
Why is Uranus classified as a planet?
After all, it is a Black Hole.
😄 😄 😄
People always pick their noses, but I never did.
I have always liked the one nose that I was born with.
😄 😄 😄
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting Santa.”
“Inter...”
“Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!”
😄 😄 😄
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
😄 😄 😄
Yo daddy so ugly yo momma first saw him at the zoo.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta.
😄 😄 😄
I got in touch with my inner self today.
I’m never using cheap toilet paper again.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
😄 😄 😄
You’re a wiener!
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you trip over a Pokémon?
A bulbous sore.
😄 😄 😄
Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
😄 😄 😄
Three elderly ladies sit on a park bench.
The first tells her companions, “Wow, it’s windy today.”
The second responds, “No, it’s Thursday.”
The third says, “So am I. Let’s get a drink.”
😄 😄 😄
Four turtles were celebrating their 40th birthdays together, when they ran out of ice cream.
They decided the biggest one—Fred—should go to the store and get more. Fred went into the bedroom to get some money.
The rest of them waited for Fred to come back, but after a couple of days they started getting frustrated.
The smallest one said, “Poor Fred. Ever since he turned 40 he’s really getting slow.”
A voice from the bedroom said, “If you’re gonna start saying bad things about me behind my back, l’m not even going!”
😄 😄 😄
You’re so fat you got stuck when you dove into the Grand Canyon.
😄 😄 😄
