Iβm thinking of switching my major to geology.
I think Iβd do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
π π π
My girlfriend accused me of stealing her thesaurus.
Not only was I shocked, I was also aghast, appalled and dismayed.
π π π
What do you call a person who overuses emojis?
Β―\_(γ)_/Β―
π π π
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae, and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought, βThe streets are strangely desserted tonight.β
π π π
How do you ask a dinosaur if he wants a warm beverage?
βTea, Rex?β
π π π
What kinds of beer makes you urinate vowels?
IPAs.
π π π
Libya changed its plain green flag to a crescent moon, but I think theyβll change it back.
Itβs only a phase, after all.
π π π
Spider-Man came all the way down here to tell me I dropped his phone number.
π π π
Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βToast.β
βToast, who?β
βToasting to a delicious breakfast!β
π π π
I told my friends I was a blood-sucking insect from the moon.
They said I was a luna tick.
π π π
If you were a food what would you be?
Friend 1: βPizza because Iβm so cheesy.β
Friend 2: βChocolate chip cookie because I have lots of friends.β
Me: βDonut because Iβm so empty inside.β
π π π
What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?
Bob.
π π π
I donβt work well under pressure...
...or any other circumstance.
π π π
What do you get when you cross an alien and something white and fluffy?
A martian-mallow!
π π π
Bobβs first day in heaven.
God: βYouβre about to get your wings!β
Bob: βLemon pepper or BBQ?β
God: βGet out.β
π π π
Why do ducks fly over Alabama upside down?
Thereβs nothing worth craping on.
π π π
Whatβs one thing that youβll have in common with a teddy bear on Thanksgiving?
Youβll both be filled with stuffing.
π π π
Thereβs a contest going around and if you win 1st place you get a whole solar system named after you.
Second place is just a constellation prize.
π π π
What did the apple teacher say to her student?
βHelp me orange the chairs please!β
π π π
Guess what Iβm wearing?
The smile you gave me.
π π π
