I brought you some fuel to kick-start your body engine.
Simply put, I brought you some coffee.
😄 😄 😄
Three Indian commandos were out in the Iraqi desert.
“I understand that you, Indians, have brought your own indigenous survival equipment,” ventured their captain.
“Sir, I have brought an entire barrel cactus,” said the Pima guy proudly. “When I get too hot, I just cut off the top and take a drink.”
The captain looked impressed.
Not to be outdone, the Pueblo guy said, “Sir, I have brought the sacred corn pollen. When I get too hot, I pray with it, and then it rains.”
The captain looked even more impressed.
Not to be outdone, the Pawnee guy said, “I brought a car door off a 1959 Chevy Impala.”
“Why would you do that?” the captain asked.
“Well,” said the Pawnee guy, “when I get too hot, I just roll down the window.”
😄 😄 😄
What is a Guitarist’s Favorite Snack?
String cheese.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Polish ape?
Chimpanski.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Frank.”
“Frank, who?”
“Frankenstein!”
😄 😄 😄
My addiction to helium is out of control, but...
No one is taking my cries for help seriously.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a parrot when he can’t fly?
A walkie talkie.
😄 😄 😄
A leprechaun walks into a bar...
I guess it wasn’t set very high.
😄 😄 😄
What is dog’s favorite breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
😄 😄 😄
Why was Jupiter disqualified from the race between the planets?
He was caught taking asteroids.
😄 😄 😄
Why do blueberries make bad employees?
They always end up getting the blues.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
😄 😄 😄
The child was a typical four-year-old girl—cute, inquisitive, and bright as a new penny.
When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help.
One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.
“Now do you understand?” he asked.
“I think so,” she said. “That was when Mommy came to work for us?”
😄 😄 😄
What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
😄 😄 😄
You know the economy is bad when you pull into the McDonald’s drive thru and the person at the speaker asks:
“Can you afford fries with that?”
😄 😄 😄
A woman whose husband often came home drunk decided to cure him of the habit.
One Halloween night, she put on a devil suit and hid behind a tree to intercept him on the way home.
When her husband came by, she jumped out and stood before him with her red horns, long tail, and pitchfork.
“Who are you?” he asked.
“I’m the Devil!” she responded.
“Well, come on home with me,” he said, “I married your sister.”
😄 😄 😄
Why didn’t the shark want to fight the octopus?
Because he knew the octopus was well armed.
😄 😄 😄
A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the stupidest element on the periodic table?
Silicon.
😄 😄 😄
What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
😄 😄 😄
