You know you’re 50 when that come hither look you used to have in your eyes just doesn’t look as enticing through your bifocals.
😄 😄 😄
How did the flu become so popular?
They promoted it using an influenza.
😄 😄 😄
I love your sweater.
I think it’s made out of spouse material.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ya.”
“Ya, who?”
“Aww, I love it when you’re this excited to see me!
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a guy who’s 19 years old forever?
Constantine.
😄 😄 😄
What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
Mummies.
😄 😄 😄
Deep sleep prevents aging.
Especially when you are driving.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the watermelon have brown spots all over its skin?
It had melonoma.
😄 😄 😄
Two married unicorns are lying in bed.
The husband unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says, “Big storm’s a brewin.”
The wife unicorn then replies, “Well, then I’m glad we didn’t go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah.”
😄 😄 😄
A grumpy man spent an evening with his friends at a comedy club and asked his doctor for a course on antibiotics. Guess what for?
He thought laughter was infectious.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best way to organize a space party?
Planet early!
😄 😄 😄
What vegetable can tie your shoes?
String beans.
😄 😄 😄
It’s so hot my Iceberg lettuce melted.
😄 😄 😄
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up.
Guess who’s not allowed in my tree house anymore.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.
😄 😄 😄
Who’s beaver’s favorite pop singer?
Justin Beaver.
😄 😄 😄
What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?
Siri-al.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Goat.”
“Goat, who?”
“Goat on a limb and open the door.”
😄 😄 😄
Why was the hip replacement patient always winning at poker?
Because they always had a couple of joints up their sleeve.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a poodle’s favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni.
😄 😄 😄
