
An engineering student designed a robot that would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot that could cheat off the first robot.
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When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.
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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, βMr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of Β£1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to Β£1,100.β
The student said, βI see. The ethics question is βDo I tell the client?ββ
βWrong answer! The question is βDo I tell my partner?ββ
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βIce cream.β
βIce cream, who?β
βIce cream every time I see a spider.β
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Did you know the first Mormon was actually Jamaican?
He had one wife but he wanted more, mon.
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Iβm making a comic book about a superhero toilet.
βBillionaire Bidet, Crime Fighter by Nightβ
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Is your name Google?
Because you have everything Iβm searching for.
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My grandpa told me, βYou Millennials are too dependent on technology.β
So I plugged out his life support.
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Youβre so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
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Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast-food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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A Polish man calls 911.
Operator: β911, whatβs your emergency?β
Pole: βHelp! My wife is trying to kill me!β
Operator: βHow do you know?β
Pole: βI checked her medicine cabinet and found βPolish Removerβ!β
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Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
It helps with division.
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Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumnβy ache.
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What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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So a housewife is preparing Thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, βAre you hungry, dear?β
And the turkey answers, βNo, Iβm stuffed.β
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Yeah, and whatβs the weather like up there?
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βI did up.β
βI did up, who?β
βEww, you did a poo?β
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Youβre so short that Michelangelo could make a life-size sculpture of you with 1 can of Play-Doh.
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