Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
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Apparently, describing the beautiful city of Hiroshima as “The bomb” is not okay.
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I love your sweater.
I think it’s made out of spouse material.
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I’ve got wordplay fever, and the only prescription is more pun-icillin.
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A child asks, “Mommy, does God use our bathroom?”
The mother replies, “No, darling. Why do you ask?”
The child says, “Because every morning daddy bangs on the door and shouts, “Oh God, are you still in there?!”
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Two otters are going on a journey in a van. Who is driving?
Animal control.
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Why did Spider-Man decide to join the swim team?
Because he had webbed feet!
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I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet.
After a couple of hours I’d found some really, really good stuff.
But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech.
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What do you call a lizard that hates Fortnite YouTubers?
An Ali-hater.
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I recently heard that Turkeys aren’t allowed to play baseball.
No matter how many times they hit, they’ll always hit fowl balls.
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Why did Chewbacca get sent back down to play minor league baseball?
He was making too many Wookiee mistakes.
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Yo mama is so old she trained Yada’s master in the force!
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Did you hear about the influencer who became a suicide bomber?
At first he had barely any followers, but then he blew up.
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If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would’ve named her biggest dragon?
Moron.
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Smokers are great people to go camping with.
You can easily outrun them if a bear attacks.
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Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.
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What is Dr. Pepper’s PhD in?
Fizz-ics.
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What did the factory worker say to his boss on Labor Day?
“I’m tired of working for peanuts!”
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Terrorists in Baghdad recently blew up a drainage system.
Police there are calling it a sewer-side bombing.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Santa.”
“Santa, who?”
“Santa Christmas card to you. Did you get it?”
😄 😄 😄
