Where do most ants live?
In Antlantic City.
😄 😄 😄
I complained to my math teacher that it was too cold in the classroom.
He told me to stand in the corner. Because the corner is 90 degrees.
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A teacher told her young class to ask their parents for a family story with a moral at the end of it, and to return the next day to tell their stories.
In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example first, “My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump in the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all your eggs in one basket.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Next, Mary said, “We are farmers too. We had twenty eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count your chickens before they’re hatched.”
“Very good,” said the teacher again, very pleased with the response so far.
Next it was Barney’s turn to tell his story, “My dad told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.”
“Go on,” said the teacher, intrigued.
“Aunt Karen drank the whisky on the way down to prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands.”
“Good heavens,” said the horrified teacher, “What did your father say was the moral of that frightening story?”
“Stay away from Aunt Karen when she’s been drinking.”
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Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
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Yo momma’s so fat Yoda couldn’t use the Force to move her.
😄 😄 😄
What did Uranus say to its moon?
“You have the right to remain in orbit, anything you say will be taken out of context!”
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I told my girlfriend that if she wanted her Hersheys bar she had to bark like a dog.
After she did it, I proceeded to eat it explaining that chocolate wasn’t good for dogs.
😄 😄 😄
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wa-Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket, she would say “And here’s something for you, Diploma” or “This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma” and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked, “Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?”
The grandmother replied, “I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia, and this is what she came home with!”
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Why did the alien go off in his ship?
He needed some space
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
😄 😄 😄
I was watching a movie when the screen started to emit blue light.
Guess this is one of the cons of watching movies on Blue Ray.
😄 😄 😄
Note to self:
before baby-talking to the cat, make sure conference call has disconnected.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people go to Disneyland?
So they can get a little Goofy.
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Yo mama so dumb she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
😄 😄 😄
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are:
1. Heart disease
2. Chuck Norris
3. Cancer
😄 😄 😄
How is OpenAI improving ChatGPT?
Bit by bit.
😄 😄 😄
The Oxford comma is necessary, critical and essential.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Italian mosquito?
Malario.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a hedgehog and the Man U team bus?
The Man U bus has more pricks.
😄 😄 😄
An anteater walks into a bar.
“Having a nice day?” asks the barman.
“Noooooooo, noooooo, noooooo!” says the anteater.
“Why the long nos?” asks the barman.
“It’s always been like this,” says the anteater.
😄 😄 😄
