Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Owls.”
“Owls, who?”
“Yes, the last time I checked, they do.”
😄 😄 😄
Unfortunately, many mushroom puns are in spore taste.
😄 😄 😄
Yorick walks into a bar.
There’s no counter.
😄 😄 😄
I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning.
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a triumphant procession held by the bowling pins?
A perfect strike.
😄 😄 😄
What happens if you throw a Finnish sailor overboard?
Helsinki.
😄 😄 😄
Firstly I’d like to say I’m very nervous about making this speech.
In fact this must be the third time today that I’ve stood up from a warm seat with pieces of paper in my hand.
😄 😄 😄
Why was the surfer such a bad cook?
All he could handle was the microwave.
😄 😄 😄
What do bees use to build roads?
Nec-tar.
😄 😄 😄
To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You’re a bad person.
😄 😄 😄
What did the polar bears say when they saw tourists in sleeping bags?
Mmmm, sandwiches!
😄 😄 😄
What instrument does a showoff play on St. Patrick’s Day?
Brag-pipes.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a sad blueberry?
A blueberry muffin.
😄 😄 😄
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
😄 😄 😄
Personally, I’m fed up with LOL, ROFL, and LMAO.
I say we ban all acronyms in the U.S.A.
😄 😄 😄
How do retired sailors greet each other?
Long time no sea.
😄 😄 😄
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it’s gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.
“What time do you think it is?” One of them asks the other.
“Just make a ton of noise,” says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways.
After a few seconds of screaming a light turns on in another yard and a neighbour yells, “YOU CRAZY KIDS, IT’S 2 IN THE MORNING!!”
😄 😄 😄
A Sioux woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist.
“I want a tooth pulled, and I don’t want any painkillers because I’m in a big hurry,” the Sioux woman said. “Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we’ll be on our way.”
The dentist was quite impressed, “You’re certainly a courageous woman,” he said. “Which tooth is it?”
The Sioux woman turned to her husband and said, “Show him your tooth, dear.”
😄 😄 😄
I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank.
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
😄 😄 😄
I wrote a novel about religious women.
The library put it in the nun fiction section.
😄 😄 😄
