As I stared into the refrigerator I realized I was finally using my philosophy degree.
“Why am I here?”
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she can limbo under the door.
😄 😄 😄
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
😄 😄 😄
I love summer in Canada!
It’s my favorite day of the year!
😄 😄 😄
Good morning!
I hope you step on a Lego today, just to remind you that pain is temporary.
😄 😄 😄
Singular: one mango
Plural: Two menwent
😄 😄 😄
What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
😄 😄 😄
I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that you need to put on stilts to drive a car to reach the pedal.
😄 😄 😄
Can anyone recommend a good bank account?
Mine’s run out of money...
😄 😄 😄
What do you use when white people tell you to erase their history?
White out.
😄 😄 😄
Three pregnant women are chatting in a café.
Heather says, “I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I’m pregnant with triplets!”
“I got mine done yesterday too,” says Linda. “I’m pregnant with septuplets!”
“I think I’ll get my ultrasound done next week,” says Martha.
The three women chat some more.
Finally, Heather says, “I got Disney+ last month. The first movie I watched on it was ‘The Three Little Pigs’.”
“I got Disney+ last month too,” says Linda. “The first movie I watched on it was ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’.” When Martha hears this, she instantly goes pale.
“It’s okay if you don’t have Disney+,” says Heather.
“I do have it,” says Martha. “It’s just that the first movie I watched on it was ‘101 Dalmatians’.”
😄 😄 😄
How do gingers support each other?
By rooting for them.
😄 😄 😄
Are aliens from invasion movies actually British?
Because all they do is colonize.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call 10 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 100 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
A problem.
What do you call 1000 Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
Still a problem.
What do you call all of the Dallas Cowboys fans on the moon?
PROBLEM SOLVED!
😄 😄 😄
Why does Ireland have the fastest-growing economy in the world?
Because its capital is Dublin all the time!
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Boy.”
“Boy, who?”
“Boy do I love St. Paddy’s Day!”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Aida.”
“Aida, who?”
“Aida big breakfast and now I'm stuffed.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the client say when they saw the final ad concept?
“Can we make the logo bigger?”
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t mushrooms always get along?
They like to shii-take others.
😄 😄 😄
