Why was the toilet paper in detention?
It was unraveling all the time!
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How do people know Taylor Swift had a breakup?
Because she releases a whole album about it.
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Your mama so short when she got in the car she couldnβt reach the steering wheel.
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My mom had plumbers stop at the house to fix the drain. They made so much noise!
She told them to pipe down.
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Why was the programmer always running into walls?
He couldnβt C#.
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Hey, I know youβre in love, but itβs time to break up with your bed and get out of there.
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It was a regular day in first grade, and the teacher asked all the students to tell her something about what their parents do for a living.
Some kids knew and gave a good description, while others didnβt really understand their parentsβ jobs and gave vague descriptions or none at all.
When they got to Little Johnny, he stood up and said, βMy dad cuts people in half.β
βOh, really?β asked the teacher with a smile, βYou mean heβs a magician?β
βI donβt know,β said Johnny.
βA surgeon, maybe?β asked the teacher.
βI donβt know,β repeated Johnny.
βThen why do you think he cuts people in half?β asked the confused teacher.
βBecause I have two half brothers and three half sisters.β
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My girlfriend said Iβm starting to annoy her because I relate everything to Batman.
What a Joker.
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Iβm not Superman, Iβm not Batman, Iβm not Spider-Man...
But Iβm your Man.
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Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didnβt use proper pun-ctuation.
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WWhat music does SpongeBob listen to while jellyfishing?
Something catchy.
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What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A Do-you-think-he-saw-urus.
How do you call a blind dinosaurβs dog?
Do-you-think-he-saw-urus Rex.
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Yo mamma so hairy that Han Solo mistaken her for Chewbackaο»Ώ.
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What do you call a sad little blue planet?
A gloom.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βUranus.β
βUranus, who?β
βUranus is a gas giant.β
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What do you call a unicornβs dad?
Popcorn.
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Teachers deserve a lot of credit.
Of course, if we paid them more, they wouldnβt need it.
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Why is North Korea so good at geometry?
Because they have a supreme ruler!
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Did you hear about the evangelical atheist?
She went door to door with a book full of blank pages.
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His true blue loyalty was betrayed by his green envy.
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