I keep trying to get into horse racing, but they’re too fast for me.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama’s so short that she can play handball on the curb.
😄 😄 😄
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her?
By moving her bedroom’s furniture around.
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Why did the electrician marry his colleague?
He couldn’t resistor.
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What is the definition of breakfast?
What a driver does when a light suddenly changes.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Disguise.”
“Disguise, who?”
“Disguise your boyfriend!”
😄 😄 😄
What is the best college to apply to learn about solar radiation?
U.V. Ray.
😄 😄 😄
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a 31-day march.
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What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
😄 😄 😄
What did the blue paint brush say to the red paint brush?
“I blue you away.”
😄 😄 😄
I saw a lady in tears at the store.
She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside.
I gave her 100$ because I felt sorry for her.
Plus I had just found about $1,600 in the parking lot.
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Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
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Henning Brand discovered phosphorous by boiling urine.
That’s why they call it P.
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Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz is by far the greatest character of all time.
No one could hold a candle to him.
😄 😄 😄
I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great-uncle fought for the west!
😄 😄 😄
Apparently, it’s good to talk to your sunflowers.
I tried to teach my sunflowers mathematics, but they ended up with square roots.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Europe.”
“Europe, who?”
“No, YOU’RE a poo!”
😄 😄 😄
I’m going to open a clothing alteration shop that focuses on doing all jobs within an hour.
It will be called, Tailor Swift.
😄 😄 😄
Can I guess what your name is?
If I guess wrong can I just call you mine?
😄 😄 😄
Have you ever tried to buy tickets to the Taylor concert?
It isn’t so Swift.
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