If two vegetarians have a heated argument, can it still be called “beef”?
Nah, it’s just a case of two people who have bad “tempehs.”
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How does Spider-Man communicate with all his superhero buds?
On the World Wide Web.
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Your mama’s so short that when she sneezes she hits her head on the floor.
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The artist was great.
He could always draw a crowd.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Toast.”
“Toast, who?”
“Toasting to a delicious breakfast!”
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If a spider can bite you and make you a Spider-Man, can you bite me so I can be your man?
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What is the difference between a violin and a viola?
A viola burns longer.
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Why did the barber keep agreeing to shave the lion’s fur even though it was dangerous?
It was his mane source of income.
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I heard an uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like 40$.
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Bowlers do not make good employees.
This is because 80% of the time, they are always going on strike.
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How do robots exercise?
They do circuit training.
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What’s the only type of melon that changes colors at will?
A chamelon.
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What happened to the bearded clown after he was kicked out of the circus?
He lost his stubble mode of income.
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What do you call a Titan who can’t swim?
Titanic.
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Yo mama so fat when she ate an Avocado it was Nickado.
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Santa was drawing money from an ATM.
A person, who was just behind him in the line, said, “Ha, ha, haaa! I’ve seen your password. It’s 4 asterisks.”
Santa replies, “Ha, ha, ha! You are wrong. It’s 1258.”
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I threw away my can opener.
It was more of a can’t opener.
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When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
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Why are German hot dogs the most controversial?
It’s because they make the best and the wurst ones.
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Did you hear about that dyslexic Japanese samurai?
He was so dishonored, that he committed Sudoku.
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