What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.
😄 😄 😄
Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
The p is silent.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Witch.”
“Witch, who?”
“Witch one of you can fix my broomstick?”
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I lost my whole Lord of The Rings Lego set.
Now I’m Legoless.
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the $4,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
The winner gets $4 a year for a million years.
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A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled-up newspaper around his head.
Wife: “What are you doing dear?”
Husband: “Swatting flies. I got three males and two females”
Wife: “How on Earth do you know which gender they were?”
Husband: “Easy: three were on the beer, and the other two were on the phone.”
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Why do fat people cause earthquakes?
Because they’re always moving plates.
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Chuck Norris plays the violin with a piano.
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Two scientists walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ll have an H2O please.”
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Two nuns stand by the road, holding a sign which reads, “You’re headed down a dark and dangerous path, turn back before it’s too late!”
The next busy driver, who looks at the inscription, shows a finger and disappears behind the curve. A second later, a loud crash is heard.
One of the nuns thoughtfully says, “Sister, shall we just write ‘Attention, the bridge is demolished’?”
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Akpos told his servant, “Go and water the plants.”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Akpos: “So what, take an umbrella and go!”
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Yo mama so fat every time she turns around it’s her birthday.
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Why do brides cry at the wedding?
Because they never marry the best man.
😄 😄 😄
I just found bacteria growing on my chocolate bar.
I guess there is life on Mars after all.
😄 😄 😄
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
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My family asked me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes.
I told them I couldn’t stop cold turkey.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the registered nurse tiptoe past the medicine room?
Because she didn’t want to wake up the sleeping pills.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an Irish guy coming back with more cakes?
Flanagan.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call Spider-Man joining the Marvel Universe?
A Spin-Off.
😄 😄 😄
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they’d break.
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