An engineering student designed a robot that would take his exams for him.
The other designed a robot that could cheat off the first robot.
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When the red panda got tired, it decided to take a koala-ty nap.
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An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy.
The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following, “Mr. Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of £1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to £1,100.”
The student said, “I see. The ethics question is ‘Do I tell the client?’”
“Wrong answer! The question is ‘Do I tell my partner?’”
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream every time I see a spider.”
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Did you know the first Mormon was actually Jamaican?
He had one wife but he wanted more, mon.
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I’m making a comic book about a superhero toilet.
“Billionaire Bidet, Crime Fighter by Night”
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Is your name Google?
Because you have everything I’m searching for.
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My grandpa told me, “You Millennials are too dependent on technology.”
So I plugged out his life support.
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You’re so fat that the only job interview question they ask is if you can fit through the door.
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Did you hear about the baseball player who can spot a fast-food restaurant from miles away?
He leads the league in Arby eyes.
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What do you call an extraterrestrial that speaks Portuguese?
A Brazalien.
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A Polish man calls 911.
Operator: “911, what’s your emergency?”
Pole: “Help! My wife is trying to kill me!”
Operator: “How do you know?”
Pole: “I checked her medicine cabinet and found ‘Polish Remover’!”
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Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?
It helps with division.
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Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn’y ache.
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What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?
A Tinder surprise.
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A bard walks up to a bored leprechaun. How many tunes should the bard play?
Fortunes.
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So a housewife is preparing Thanksgiving dinner when her husband comes in, and she asks, “Are you hungry, dear?”
And the turkey answers, “No, I’m stuffed.”
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Yeah, and what’s the weather like up there?
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“I did up.”
“I did up, who?”
“Eww, you did a poo?”
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You’re so short that Michelangelo could make a life-size sculpture of you with 1 can of Play-Doh.
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