Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
To get chocolate milk.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the astronaut bring a joke book to Uranus?
To break the space ice.
😄 😄 😄
Guess what the doctor just told me?
I need some sunshine so that’s why I got you to brighten my day.
😄 😄 😄
Why can’t astronauts eat popsicles?
In space, no one can hear the ice cream truck.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call an elevator filled with rational, intelligent people?
A lift.
😄 😄 😄
When I was a kid I could go to the store with only $5 and come home with bread, milk, hot dogs and my favorite candy.
You can’t do that these days...
Too many damned security cameras.
😄 😄 😄
Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
😄 😄 😄
Retail job interview (2012).
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“You mean after the global pandemic or before the war?”
😄 😄 😄
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
😄 😄 😄
I own a furniture store.
My job is sofa king cool.
😄 😄 😄
I go to the gym religiously.
About twice a year, around holidays.
😄 😄 😄
My wife has been mad at me lately because she says I need to get my priorities straight.
I told her we can talk about it after this episode of SpongeBob.
😄 😄 😄
Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.
The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor.
This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, “There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit.”
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, “Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?”
“It’s very simple,” replied the tailor, “The other tailor has two sons.”
😄 😄 😄
I have inner beauty.
And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.
😄 😄 😄
Warning!
Birthday donuts will make your clothes shrink!
😄 😄 😄
Why did the feminist fail algebra?
She couldn’t solve inequalities.
😄 😄 😄
A couple just had their first son.
The husband is half Irish and half Indian, the wife is half Chinese and half Italian. That’s a lot of heritage to inherit.
They talk about it and they discover they both wish to have their son named after THEIR heritage.
A terrible argument ensues, causing both of them a lot of anguish.
After a few days, they finally came to a decision that made both of them happy. They decided on the name: Ravi O’Lee.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Noah.”
“Noah, who?”
“Know a place I can hide from ghosts?!”
😄 😄 😄
I really wish someone would have told me how long this solar eclipse was going to take.
Don’t get me wrong, I had been enjoying watching it, but had I known it would still be going on for this long, I would have bought a pair of those fancy NASA glasses.
😄 😄 😄
What did the lettuce say to the ship?
ICEBERG!
😄 😄 😄
