I asked Alexa what women want.
This thing has been talking for six hours.
😄 😄 😄
What holds the moon up?
Moon beams!
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What is every policeman’s favorite charity fundraiser?
Dollars to Donuts.
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Harry Styles needs to get into the insurance business.
He’s an expert at Style-gating.
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Patty was quietly minding her own business, eating her soup alone in her booth at a local eatery, when a voice startled her from behind.
It was the guy in the booth behind her.
“Not so loud!” he said.
“What?” she questioned, as she took another spoonful of soup.
“I said not so loud!” was his muffled reply.
Embarrassed at being told she was slurping her soup, she pushed away her bowl and started her grilled cheese sandwich.
“How was your day?” questioned the man from behind once again.
“Pretty good,” responded Patty, confused that this stranger would care.
“Did you pass the exam?” came the next question from behind.
“I don’t know, I didn’t get my grade yet,” replied a thoroughly bewildered Patty.
“I’ll have to call you back when I’m out of here”, came the voice from behind once again, “some nut job is answering every question I ask you!”
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Yo mama’s so fat Jabba the Hutt said “Hargh!”.
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You know what they say “Big shoes, big nose, big hands”?
Probably a clown.
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Good morning!
Come on, get up!
The day does not mess up by itself.
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What made the pig go to the kitchen?
Because he felt like bacon.
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Roland, an Englishman went to Spain on a fishing trip.
While there, Roland hired a Spanish guide to help him find the best fishing spots. Since Roland was learning Spanish, he asked the guide to speak to him in Spanish and to correct any mistakes of usage.
Together they were hiking on a mountain trail when a very large, purple and blue fly crossed their path.
The Englishmen pointed at the insect with his fishing rod, and announced, “Mira el mosca.”
The guide, sensing a teaching opportunity to teach Roland, replied, “No, senor, “la mosca”, es feminina.”
Roland looked at him in amazement, then back at the fly, and then said, “Good heavens... you must have incredibly good eyesight.”
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What did the egg say to the frying pan?
You crack me up.
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When we go to the beach with the kids, we use a really strong sunblock.
It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.
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A gamer dies and goes to hell.
After a week, the devil goes to God, “God! What crazy person have you sent me here? He destroyed all the cauldrons, killed all demons, is running like crazy everywhere and yelling ‘Where is the exit to LEVEL 2?!’.”
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As an archeologist, I organized a party with my friend to help me excavate the lower leg of a T-Rex fossil.
It’s going to be quite a shin dig.
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What sound do you hear when you drop a bomb on a cow?
Cowboom!
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What did the linguistics professor fail Geometry?
He was really bad a translating!
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Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn’t getting any hits.
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Why did the Smurfs kick Papa Smurf out of their village?
He was giving them all the blues.
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It’s hotter than a witch’s boiling pot during Halloween.
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My Ph.D. thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii.
To understand it all, I had to visit the ancient mooins.
😄 😄 😄
