What do you call a detective electrician?
Sherlock Ohms.
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Yo mama’s so fat that she caused Kamino to flood when her water broke.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Disguise.”
“Disguise, who?”
“Disguise your boyfriend!”
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If you want to lie in your bed forever, then I might as well just buy you a coffin.
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Did you hear about the Wall Street investment banker who won $10 million in the lottery?
He’s so happy that he’s giving some serious thought to paying back his student loan.
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Spider-Man likes toy tops because they are always spinning.
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My nutritionist told me to only eat foods if I could pronounce their ingredients.
I gained a lot of weight after taking organic chemistry.
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Why can’t two ghosts make out?
They go right through each other.
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I asked Uranus about its love life.
And it replied, “It’s complicated, I’m in a gas-tly relationship.”
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Why did the flu go to the art exhibit?
It heard there was a lot of culture there.
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What kind of fish works in a hospital?
Nurse shark.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Mikey.”
“Mikey, who?”
“Mikey doesn’t work, can you let me in?”
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A salad was arrested for public indecency.
I guess it should’ve gotten dressed before leafing.
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Hey Baby, My Name Is Saul Goodman.
I guess you better call me.
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What does Spider-Man do when he gets angry?
He goes up the wall.
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You’re so fat you got stuck when you dove into the Grand Canyon.
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Shrek was furious when all the fairy tale creatures were forced onto his swamp.
It was Marsh Madness.
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How many tall people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to get a chair and the other one to call a short person for help.
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What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?
Sushi roll.
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Somewhere, in the universe, there is a world with no war, no hate, no hunger and no poverty.
And also no oxygen.
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