Whenever I see a man with a beard, mustache and glasses, I think
“There’s a man who has taken every precaution to avoid people doodling on photographs of him.”
😄 😄 😄
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering.
The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get if you trip over a Pokémon?
A bulbous sore.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Art.”
“Art, who?”
“Art you going to a birthday party?”
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a claim that a guy could eat a foot long hot dog in two bites?
Hard to swallow.
😄 😄 😄
Being vegan is so easy that I literally just stare at the sun and I’m satisfied.
Thanks, photosynthesis.
😄 😄 😄
I threw away my can opener.
It was more of a can’t opener.
😄 😄 😄
Mauricio Pochettino and Erik Ten Hag have each been given advent calendars and need to be shown the door.
😄 😄 😄
The artist was great.
He could always draw a crowd.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Chinese lobster?
A crust-asian.
😄 😄 😄
Can’t see an end. I have no control and I don’t think there’s an escape. I don’t even have a home anymore.
Think it’s time for a new keyboard.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of the face.
😄 😄 😄
What did the shop owner say when he accidentally ordered too much chocolate and marshmallows?
We’ve got a rocky road ahead of us...
😄 😄 😄
Our local politician just opened a neighborhood pharmacy store.
He is now a piller of the community.
😄 😄 😄
In most cartoons I watched, characters were able to come back from near death by having water splashed on their face.
On a completely unrelated note, I am no longer allowed at funerals...
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the Pinterest user who tried to cook a recipe they found on the site?
Let’s just say they added a new pin to their recipe board “Order Takeout!”.
😄 😄 😄
A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
“Have you had any bites?” asked the second man.
“Yes, lots,” replied the first one, “but they were all mosquitoes.”
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Baby owl.”
“Baby owl, who?”
“Baby owl see you later.”
😄 😄 😄
Roses are red, violets are blue.
I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
😄 😄 😄
You can’t lose weight by talking about it.
You need to keep your mouth shut.
😄 😄 😄
