What do you call a pig thief?
A hamburglar.
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When working from home, for focus and mental health, it’s really important to NOT just wear your pajamas!
Wear yesterday’s clothes you grabbed off the floor.
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Why can’t Christmas trees knit?
Because they lose their needles.
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Pepito asks his teacher, “Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
The teacher tells him, “No, Pepito, of course not.”
Pepito responds, “That’s good because I didn’t do my homework.”
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Who knew I would be an organ donor so early in life?
I already gave my heart to you.
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What do you call an Indian doctor who likes telling dad jokes and give flu shots?
Pun-Jabby.
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I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning.
She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
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What’s SpongeBob’s worst personality trait?
He’s way too self-absorbent.
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Two men are in a balloon, and a strong wind blows them off course.
They see a man in a field, and one of them shouts down, “Where are we?”
The man looks up and shouts back, “You’re in a balloon!”
One of the guys in the balloon shouts down, “You’re obviously an economist!”
The man shouts back, “How can you tell?”
“Because what you said is absolutely true, and absolutely useless.”
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A physicist is watching a man who believes he can fly. Every time he goes up the steep hill, he jumps off and hurts himself.
The physicist watches this for 7 days.
On the 8th day, he goes to the man and says, “I don’t think you understand the gravity of the situation.”
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My mom said if I was awake playing Roblox, still she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboardhxhdhduhxbsfj...
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What is in 2020s calendar?
January, February, Lockdown, December.
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What is the Easter Bunny’s favourite color?
Egg white.
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Usually, when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear.
Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear.
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Last night I was but by a bloodsucker from the moon.
Damn lunatics!
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A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad. Her mother asks her what’s wrong.
She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”
Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”
The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”
Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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Would evil alternate-universe Spider-Man be a bad parallel parker?
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I’ve just started to read a horror novel in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.
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Why are people in wheelchairs always getting taken advantage of?
Because they’re easy to push around and never stand up for themselves.
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