How many viola players does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They can’t reach that high.
😄 😄 😄
My favorite character in the wizard of oz is the scarecrow.
I mean, come on, it’s a no-brainer!
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What do you get when you shave off a neckbeard’s neckbeard?
M’stache.
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From now on, I will avoid food that gives me diarrhea.
It’s a solid plan.
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Man: “Dude, my wife just crashed my Mustang!”
Friend: “OMG, is she okay?”
Man: “Well, she may need some buffering and a new coat of paint, but she should be alright.”
😄 😄 😄
What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?
Neck-romance-y.
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I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...
I’ve been banned for life from that shop.
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What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
😄 😄 😄
What did the underpaid data scientist say?
“I need arrays.”
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Turning off your Zoom camera is like getting food from a buffet at a party.
You want to do it, but you don’t want to be the first, and you definitely don’t want to be the only one.
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Why was the Egyptian boy confused?
Because his daddy was a mummy.
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I’d hate to be a dragon.
I’d get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles.
😄 😄 😄
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.
😄 😄 😄
What’s worse than having a big nose?
Having a big nose and tiny hands!
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To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You’re a bad person.
😄 😄 😄
What mountaintop is infamous for making climbers disappear?
Peak Aboo.
And which one gives them a flu?
Peak Achoo.
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Top 3 situations that require witnesses:
1. Crimes
2. Accidents
3. Marriages
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A student holds a gun to his English teacher, "Give me all your money or you’re geography!”
English teacher: “You mean history.”
Student: “Don’t change the subject!”
😄 😄 😄
Have you ever tried to buy tickets to the Taylor concert?
It isn’t so Swift.
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Your mama so hot her hugs give third-degree burns.
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