Where do birds meet for coffee?
In a Nest-cafe.
😄 😄 😄
Babies born March 31st are the easiest to prank on April Fools.
They were literally born yesterday.
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Chhattisgarh Minister: “The voters will get electric shock if they don’t vote/press the button for Congress.
Villagers: “At least, electricity will come under this pretext.”
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A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey.”
The horse said, “Nah, just beer, please. I just ate.”
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How do dogs make sandwiches?
With purebred.
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Dating me is like adopting a hungry kid.
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Next time someone complains about Millennials, remind them which generation linoleumed over all those beautiful hard-wood floors.
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TIL that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden.
Who the hell is going to let me know when it’s raining in Sweden?!
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I am sweating like a cactus in a greenhouse.
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“Hi, my name is Bob, and I’m an alcoholic.”
“Sir, this is Triple A, not Alcoholics Anonymous.”
“I know, I’m just trying to explain why my car is in a lake.”
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I heard The Joker just accidentally killed someone.
He was convicted of involuntary man’s laughter.
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What happened to the guy who stole a pun?
He needed to be pun-ished.
😄 😄 😄
Marriage is love.
Love is blind.
Marriage is an institution.
Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
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Akpos told his servant, “Go and water the plants.”
Servant: “It’s already raining.”
Akpos: “So what, take an umbrella and go!”
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What did the people call the bad hot dog stand?
The WURST!
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Why didn’t the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a boat in training?
An apprenticeship.
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“How’s the New Year’s resolution coming?” the bartender asks.
“Great, I went to the gym today and I already lost 10 pounds,” the guy replies. “Seriously, I have no idea where I misplaced those weights.”
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I hate early mornings, but I love waking you up.
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A bear, a wolf, and a moose fall into a trapping pit.
After a couple days with no food, the moose sees the wolf and bear whispering to each other.
The wolf turns to the moose and says, “Look, the bear and I are both carnivores. It’s been a couple days without food. You understand, right?”
The moose says, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But, listen before you kill and eat me, can I just ask for one last request? There is this birthmark under my tail that supposedly looks like a word, but I’ve never known what it says. Do you think you could take a look and tell me?”
The wolf says, “Of course.”
So the wolf and bear get close to the back of the moose and lift up his tail. Right at that moment, the moose gets up on his front legs and kicks both the wolf and bear in the chest.
The wolf is killed instantly. The bear is fatally wounded, and with his dying breath says, “I don’t even know why the hell I looked. I can’t even read.”
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