
In an interview, the Prime Minister is asked if he acknowledges Australiaβs aboriginal past.
Squeezing his brain, he tries to remember what he learned at school. But there is only darkness prior to Cook.
βYes,β he says finally, βI can confirm that Australia has a black history.β
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Your so ugly when you were born your mom said, βOh, what a treasure!β
And your dad said, βYeah, leβts bury it.β
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It is hotter than jalapenos and spice on rye.
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The Koreans were printing with movable type in 1403.
I was in 1402 and the noise kept me awake all night.
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Itβs so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
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You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.
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When Mark Zuckerberg made Facebook, he already had a friend request from Chuck Norris.
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What do you get when you cross Spider-Man with a flatbread?
Pita Parker.
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Whatβs a Pinterest userβs favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
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What do you call it when one chickpea murders another?
Hummus-cide.
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The Earth was flat until Chuck Norris looked in its direction.
Then it rolled up into a ball.
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My teacher always tells me to follow my dreams, but she wonβt let me sleep in class.
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The artist was great.
He could always draw a crowd.
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Knock! Knock!
βWho's there?β
βHo, ho.β
βHo ho, who?β
βYou know, your Santa impression could use a little work.β
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My friend told me he hated blue cheese because itβs literally just cheese with bacteria.
I told him to stop discriminating against other cultures.
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Johnny paid his way through college by waiting in a restaurant.
βWhatβs the usual tip?β asked a customer.
βWell,β said Johnny, βThis is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, Iβd be doing great.β
βIs that so?β growled the customer. βIn that case, hereβs twenty dollars.β
βThanks. Iβll put it in my college fund,β Johnny said.
βBy the way, what are you studying?β asked the customer.
βApplied psychology.β
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βElf.β
βElf, who?β
βElf me wrap this present!β
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You are so dumb you tried to alphabetize M&Ms.
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Knock! Knock!
βWhoβs there?β
βPossum.β
βPossum, who?β
βPossum gravy on my potatoes.β
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My crush told me, βCome over, no ones home.β
I went over... no one was home.
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