What is blue and lies under a mushroom?
Smurf poop.
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You might be a barrel racer if:
· Your lucky shirt is held together with safety pins and duct tape.
· You take your own temperature and think 102 is normal...
· You can eat a taco on the way to a race and stay in the lines without dropping anything.
· Your husband says he has a backache and you head to the barn to get the Banamine and Bigel Oil.
· Your friend goes to borrow your hairbrush and has to pull horse hair out of it first.
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Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
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Why was the moth so unpopular?
He kept picking holes in everything.
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When I went out for a curry last week, I saw that the menu had about 20 different types of curry on it.
So I asked for a clean one.
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Did you hear that I won the Thanksgiving turkey cookoff?
You butterball-ieve it.
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A boy calls 911, “Hello? I need your help!”
The operator says, “Alright. What is it?”
The boy says, “Two girls are fighting over me!”
The operator asks, “So, what’s your emergency?”
The boy says, “The ugly one is winning.”
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If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been...
Mediogre.
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What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-a.
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You’re so dumb that you thought a quarterback was a refund.
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Why did the Java developer teach his young kids about single quotes?
Because they build character.
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What do you call a picture of a mushroom with no arms, legs or head?
A stalk photo.
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It’s hotter than a door knob in a barn blaze out here.
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How many social media marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s not about the change, it’s about engaging people in conversations about the light bulb change.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“July.”
“July, who?”
“July’d to me when you said you didn’t eat my ice cream!”
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A skunk fell into the river and stank to the bottom.
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Why is Apple offering a free case for all iPhone 6 buyers?
It doesn’t help with reception, but protects the iPhone when you throw it against the wall after dropping another call.
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Why are haircuts so cheap in Morocco?
Because they’ve got so many Berbers!
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Why doesn’t the word “mushroom” make a good computer password?
It’s not stroganoff.
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I recently heard about a study that said that all the so-called “brain foods” don’t actually help your brain at all. It’s all just pseudoscience.
Food for thought.
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