I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it.
I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore, which is understandable.
The bike was already retired.
😄 😄 😄
Why are Saudi Arabians clueless?
Because they live under Iraq.
😄 😄 😄
Pepito tells his mother from the shower, “Mom, the shampoo is over.”
Mother: “Well, Pepito, use mine then.”
Pepito: “Can’t.”
Mother: “Because?”
Pepito: “Because it says it’s for dry hair, and I already have it wet.”
😄 😄 😄
A guy walks into the doctor’s office.
A carrot stuck in one of his ears, a cucumber in the other ear, and a mushroom stuck in one nostril.
The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
😄 😄 😄
You’re so short that I can’t see you behind the last remaining pea on your plate.
😄 😄 😄
A preschooler is asked to write the first sentence every member of his family said.
When he got home, he saw his mom on the phone. He asked her to say a sentence, but she yelled, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!” So, he wrote that down.
He then came into the living room and saw his dad watching a soccer game. The team he was rooting for had just scored the winning goal, so he shouted, “Yes, yes, yes!” The kid wrote that down.
He came upstairs and was going to enter his sister’s room, but he heard her planning a sleepover. He heard her say, “I’m going to stay the night and leave in the morning.” The kid wrote that down.
Next, he watched his brother play with an action figure, and when he picked up Batman, he said, “Dun nu nu nu nu Batman!” That was also written down.
Finally, he saw his little brother reading a book out loud. The first sentence he heard was, “The king’s throne.”
The next day, the teacher said, “Please tell me the first sentence that you wrote down.”
The kid shouted, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!”
The teacher was shocked.
She replied angrily, “Do you want to see the principal?!”
The kid didn’t hear her, so he said, “Yes, yes, yes!”
When the kid got sent to the principal’s office, he still had the paper in his hand.
The principal saw it and asked what was written down on it.
The kid answered, “Shut up, I’m on the phone!”
The principal said, “Excuse me? Who do you think you are?”
The kid continued reading, “Dun nu nu nu nu Batman!”
The principal was very angry and asked with anger, “How long do you want to be here, punk?”
The kid still continued to read, “I’m going to stay the night and leave in the morning.”
Now the principal was fuming, “Is there anywhere special you want to go?!”
The kid replied, “The king’s throne.”
😄 😄 😄
What did the skydiver say in autumn?
I love the fall.
😄 😄 😄
Akpos’s wife was busy singing in the bedroom.
Akpos: “You know, my dear, when you sing like that, I just wish you were on a radio.
Wife: “Wow, honey. Am I that good?”
Akpos: “No, at least on a radio I can change the station.”
😄 😄 😄
I just walked past a man in shorts carrying a really long stick and I asked him, “Are you a pole vaulter?”
He said, “No, I’m German, how did you know my name was Walter?”
😄 😄 😄
What did the snowman say to the birthday girl?
Have an ice day!
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Pinterest user’s favorite type of weather?
Rainy, so they have an excuse to stay in and pin all day.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the best thing about Thanksgiving in Bulgaria?
Bulgaria is next to Turkey and Greece.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the atheist cross the road?
He thought there might be a street on the other side, but he wouldn’t believe it until he tested his hypothesis.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama is so short she doesn’t roll dice she pushes them.
😄 😄 😄
Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.
Because actions speak louder than words.
😄 😄 😄
What is Harry Potter’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
😄 😄 😄
Why is March through May the best time of the month to buy a mattress?
It’s when they are the most springy.
😄 😄 😄
So hot dog, we meat again.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call your co-workers in a boring and depressing workplace?
Melancolleague(s).
😄 😄 😄
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
😄 😄 😄
