Why was the pizza ringing?
It had some bell peppers on it.
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Always a seasonal delight, today we will look at how to make a pumpkin roll:
Step 1. Get a pumpkin.
Step 2. Take your pumpkin to the top of a hill.
Step 3. Give it a little push.
Step 4. Enjoy.
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What would’ve been a better name for the lion instead of King of the Jungle?
Emperoar.
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Good morning!
The boss is out sick so I’m taking it upon myself to declare today a sick day for us all. Go back to bed!
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During a business meeting yesterday, a very nice guy asked me about my background.
So I told him about my family, education, career, dreams and goals.
Turns out he was asking what’s behind me on our Zoom call.
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I asked a programmer what his New Year’s resolution will be.
He answered, “640 x 480.”
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I went to a blues concert dressed in all black.
I guess I wasn’t feeling very blues-sympathetic.
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What do you call a lizard that hates Fortnite YouTubers?
An Ali-hater.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Peas.”
“Peas, who?”
“Peas tell me more knock knock jokes!”
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Why does Spider-Man have shaky hands?
He has Peter Parkinsons.
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The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.”
The kid replies, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
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I am so single. I went to Grand Canyon, alone.
I yelled “I love you” just to hear it said back to me.
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My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them.
I fulfilled her wish.
She’s dead and berried.
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Why was the blueberry muffin so sad?
It was feeling a little crumby.
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I met a witch at the restaurant the other day, guess what she ordered?
Spook-eti.
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Roses are red, violets are blue.
I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.
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What’s an HR professional’s favorite hobby?
Filing. They just love putting everyone in their place.
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How do you keep your jewelry from being stolen?
Leave it in a bass guitar case.
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How many Sith Lords does it take to change a light bulb?
None, because they prefer it a little on the dark side.
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Manager: “Sir, our employees are so habitual of working from home and can’t work in a normal office.”
“For a better environment, we have made the office look and facility like Home and ask them to come in their pajamas.”
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