When Mario collects coins with his cap in Super Mario Odissey...
You for sure know he is very cappytalistic.
😄 😄 😄
Babe, guess what would look good on you?
Me.
😄 😄 😄
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition.
The brunette came in first and the redhead second.
The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted.
After being revived with blankets and a drink she said, “I don’t want to complain, but I’m pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.”
😄 😄 😄
What’s Uranus’ favorite accessory?
A gas mask.
😄 😄 😄
What’s worse than having a big nose?
Having a big nose and tiny hands!
😄 😄 😄
The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
“Ma’am,” said the employee, “today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until Sunday.”
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition, “So that’s why no one was in church today...”
😄 😄 😄
I bought a chessboard cake from the baker’s today.
I took one bite and said, “It’s stale, mate.”
He seemed surprised and said, “No, mate.”
I handed it to him and said, “Check mate.”
😄 😄 😄
When it gets to January, I’m going to overthrow the Government!
It’ll be my New Year’s Revolution.
😄 😄 😄
How do people know Taylor Swift had a breakup?
Because she releases a whole album about it.
😄 😄 😄
What do they call a group of werewolves?
We’rewolves.
😄 😄 😄
You are my Soil-mate!
😄 😄 😄
The guy goes into a pub.
He orders 7 pints of beer. He drinks the first pint, the third pint, the 5th and the 7th pint, and gets up to leave.
The barman says, “Why are you not drinking the other three pints?”
He says, “Doctors orders.”
“What do you mean by that?” asks the barman.”
“I am on medication and my doctor said to me the odd pint is okay.”
😄 😄 😄
Alert, alert!
The most wonderful human on earth is about to wake up!
😄 😄 😄
Did you hear about the karate master who joined the military?
He saluted and nearly chopped off his own head.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so fat when she sat on the iPod she made the iPad!
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama so stupid she made an appointment with Dr Pepper.
😄 😄 😄
“Hey, are you familiar with Landon?”
“Landon who?”
“Slip, fall then landon DEEZ NUTS!”
😄 😄 😄
The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?
An emoji.
😄 😄 😄
After a month of dieting, I lost 30 days.
😄 😄 😄
