It is hotter than a handbag of hot hen poop.
😄 😄 😄
What do you get when you cross a robot and a tractor?
A transfarmer.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so hairy that people run up to her and say “Chewbacca, can I get your autograph?”.
😄 😄 😄
My wife is on a tropical fruit diet, the house is full of the stuff!
It’s enough to make a mango crazy.
😄 😄 😄
What happens when developers ask a silly question?
They get a silly ANSI.
😄 😄 😄
What did the man tell his friends who asked for his secret to preparing the turkey for Thanksgiving?
“Easy, I tell the bird he is going to die.”
😄 😄 😄
I failed my python breeding class because of a late assignment.
My homework ate my dog.
😄 😄 😄
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat.
She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” and she pushes him back onto the seat.
A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again.
She is insulted again and refuses to let him up.
Finally, the man says, “Look, lady, you’ve got to let me get up. I’m two miles past my stop already.”
😄 😄 😄
Did you guys hear TikTok will probably get banned?
Wonder what sound clocks will make if that happens!
😄 😄 😄
Coach: “Your roommate and the captain of the team reported that you have many bad words for me in your sleep! So do you abuse me in your sleep!”
Football Player: “Coach, It is just not true!”
Coach: “What is not true, I trust the captain and I am asking this in front of him!”
Football player: “Coach, It is untrue that I was sleeping!”
😄 😄 😄
A man sitting at a bar after work shares with the bartender why he is looking so stressed, “I’m not sleeping well. I have nightmares about a monster under my bed, and I am too embarrassed to seek help.”
A patron nearby overhears this and introduces himself, “I overheard your story, and I am a psychiatrist. Maybe I can help. The first thing is you recognize these are only dreams, and that is obvious, so I should be able to help you in a few sessions. Here’s my card, give me a call.”
A few weeks pass and the same two are once again at the bar after work.
The psychiatrist says to the other guy, “Hi, how goes the nightmares? I never heard from you, so I hope you are doing okay.”
The other guy says, “Things are great, the bartender helped me.”
Psychiatrist, “The bartender helped you? You needed a trained professional to help you, what possibly could a bartender do that a psychiatrist couldn’t?”
The other guy says, “He told me to saw the legs off my bed.”
😄 😄 😄
I avoid bike trails after dark.
They are full of cycle paths.
😄 😄 😄
Yo mama’s so fat that even the Death Star orbited her before Endor.
😄 😄 😄
Chuck Norris can switch his motorcycle to four-wheel drive.
😄 😄 😄
What’s a Mexican’s favorite martial art?
Tae K-Juan Do.
😄 😄 😄
Doctor: “Your brain fell out after your accident, but we managed to put it back in.”
Me: “Thanks for reminding me.”
😄 😄 😄
My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again.
And I don’t know if I should tell him.
😄 😄 😄
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building.
Security stops him and says, “There are no firearms allowed in this building.”
😄 😄 😄
A guy sees his mother-in-law riding a bicycle.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To the cemetery,” she replies.
Guy: “And who is going to return the bike?”
😄 😄 😄
One day I’m going to open a furniture store named Sofa King.
That way I can make late night tv commercials and shout “Our prices are sofa king low!”.
😄 😄 😄
