I knew a pro gamer who started testing politics simulator games.
He was a pro-tester.
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A lion, a zebra, and a sloth walk into a gym.
The personal trainer approaches them and asks, “What are your fitness goals?”
The lion replies, “I want to improve my speed and agility for hunting.”
The zebra says, “I’d like to work on my endurance to outrun predators.”
The sloth sighs, “I just need to learn to hang in there.”
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An Indian chief is driving his Cadillac somewhere at Nevada. Suddenly his car gets broken.
He examines it, and reveals that a technician must be called. But the chief has only $4, and no credit card.
So he gathers some wood, makes a fire and signals his tribe with its smoke, “Hey, send somebody to my location with $500!”
The tribe accepts this signal, but to make sure in its meaning, signals back once again with the smoke, “OK, chief, but why so much?”
At this moment a ground test of nuclear bomb is being held on the test field nearby. A huge mushroom-like cloud of smoke rises into the sky.
The tribe signals, “OK, OK, chief, we just wondered, why to be so angry?”
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Why do birds fly south for the fall?
Because it’s quicker than walking.
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As long, you don’t have kids, your 30s are like your 20s, but with money.
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Why is Minecraft so popular with kids?
Because they love to hang out on corners.
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Have you heard of the band 999 Megabytes?
They’ve never had any gigs.
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I don’t know why the beautiful attendant at IKEA reported me to the police.
All I asked was “How much for one night stand?”.
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Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says, “It is awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn’t it?”
Other recruit replies, “Everyone must be watching the band.”
“There is no band on this ship.”
“No, I definitely heard the captain say “A band on ship!”.
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What is small, square and green?
A small green square.
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What do you call a crab that throws things?
A lobster.
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Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
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My pet parrot—Nickel—just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
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This Halloween, Gucci sold out all of their $500 scented candles.
Some people seem to have so many dollars but not enough scents.
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I’ve just bought a new pair of spider silk trousers.
They look great, but the flies keep getting stuck.
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What do dentists hand out at Halloween?
Candy. It’s good for business.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Oink oink.”
“Oink oink, who?”
“Make up your mind… Are you a pig or an owl?”
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Your mama so hot when Electra and Haspiel saw her, they burned to death.
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Pros of working from home:
· No pants
· Loud music.
Cons of working from home:
· You have to make your own coffee
· You talk to yourself too much.
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Good morning, workmate!
Being around you has inspired me... to quit as well as locate a new work!
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