What’s Uranus’ favorite subject?
Gas-tronomy.
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What do you call a bear who lives in the Arctic and has extreme mood swings?
A bi-polar bear.
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What do you call a lazy kangaroo on Labor Day?
A pouch potato.
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You know you’re in Texas when you can say 110 degrees without fainting.
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My kids have recently been super obsessed with the moon and my wife is starting to get worried.
I told her not to worry, it’s only a phase.
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Why does Harry Styles keep splitting up with his girlfriends?
He’s got the X Factor.
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Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
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I ate a cactus today...
It had a sharp taste.
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What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?
Sushi roll.
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What is a beaver’s favorite rap artist?
Timber-land.
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How did the 30-year-old marathon runner celebrate their birthday?
By going the extra mile!
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Our computers went down at work today, so I had to play Solitaire with a real deck of cards.
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Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Robin.”
“Robin, who?”
“Robin’ you! So hand over your money!”
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My sister was diagnosed as color-blind.
The revelation really came out of the blue.
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A gun company has been criticised after bringing out a pistol covered in Lego.
The manufacturer says it’s perfectly safe, unless you step on it in bare feet.
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Why do aliens always spill their tea?
Because they have flying saucers!
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I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.
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What do you call a man who keeps vomiting?
Chuck.
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Wake up, you lazy!
I pray your day be profoundly fruitful.
I know it is very hard in your case, but at least try.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Ice cream.”
“Ice cream, who?”
“Ice cream if you don’t let me in!”
😄 😄 😄
