Yo sister so fat the only way she burns calories is when her food catches on fire.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Nicholas.”
“Nicholas, who?”
“Nicholas half as much as a dime.”
😄 😄 😄
My husband and I had a very happy twenty years.
After that, we met.
😄 😄 😄
I went to Dunkin’ Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box...
I’ve been banned for life from that shop.
😄 😄 😄
In a house full of caffeine addicts, they found their coffee maker broken this morning.
And now there’s trouble brewing.
😄 😄 😄
Your mama so short you can see her feet on her driver’s license.
😄 😄 😄
Knock! Knock!
“Who’s there?”
“Bacon.”
“Bacon, who?”
“Bacon a cake for your birthday.”
😄 😄 😄
I always like to keep a jar of peanut butter in the car when I travel on a busy freeway.
Just in case there’s a traffic jam.
😄 😄 😄
You got the whole world in your nose. How lucky are you.
😄 😄 😄
Why do people ignore filled donuts?
Because they are just full of themselves.
😄 😄 😄
Yo momma’s so big when she tripped in Mos Eisley she landed in Mos Espa.
😄 😄 😄
How do you remove the inherent bureaucracy that’s plaguing the donut industry?
Cut out the middle, man.
😄 😄 😄
The blue cheese thought he was the king.
But he was just a cheesy guy.
😄 😄 😄
Why did the chef join Pinterest?
Because they wanted to find the perfect recipe for pin-teresting meals!
😄 😄 😄
What did the ufo denier say when shown undeniable video proof of alien spaceships and was even told that one of those spaceships houses the leader of the universe?
“Which craft?”
😄 😄 😄
Retail job interview (2012).
“Where do you see yourself in 10 years?”
“You mean after the global pandemic or before the war?”
😄 😄 😄
On Monday morning, rolling out of bed is easy...
Getting up off the floor is another story.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between popcorn and pea soup?
Anyone can pop corn, but you can’t pee soup.
😄 😄 😄
Dean to the physics department:
“Why do I always have to give you guys so much money for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be more like the math department—all they need is pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper.”
😄 😄 😄
Which demon is the average YouTuber most afraid of?
Demonetization.
😄 😄 😄
