Why does August always get upset at the calendar?
Because it knows that summer is about to “fall” apart!
😄 😄 😄
I went to shop for a toaster. The sailsman showed me all the fancy features.
I said, “Wow, that’s cool!”
And he replied, “Sorry, ma’am, it can only warm.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the pineapple stop in the middle of the road?
Because he ran out of juice.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a red panda dentist?
A molar bear.
😄 😄 😄
I love summer in Canada!
It’s my favorite day of the year!
😄 😄 😄
The internet connection at my farm was really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a restaurant that predominantly uses garlic as an ingredient that caters to literary nerds?
Allicin Wonderland.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call a Chinese lobster?
A crust-asian.
😄 😄 😄
My roofing business is having a great promotion right now.
If you buy one roof, the next one is on the house.
😄 😄 😄
A man complains to his wife about not having anyone to play golf with.
His wife said, “Well what about your friend Clyde?”
The man replied, “Would you want to play with someone who cheats on his score and moves the ball when you aren’t looking?”
“No, I guess not,” replied his wife.
The man said, “Neither would Clyde.”
😄 😄 😄
What drink goes with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Nut-tea.
😄 😄 😄
My friend had mushrooms during the party.
Now he’s a fun-gi.
😄 😄 😄
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle?
A tire.
😄 😄 😄
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and the teacher was talking about life.
She asks him: “Little Johnny, what do you want your wife to be like?”
He: “Like the moon.”
The teacher: “That’s such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful”.
Little Johnny: “No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning.”
😄 😄 😄
Why did the astronaut break up with her boyfriend?
Because she needed some space.
😄 😄 😄
I tried to call Spider-Man, but he was busy browsing in the web.
😄 😄 😄
What do you call it when an elf takes a photo of himself?
Nothing! Elves don’t exist!
😄 😄 😄
Unfortunately, many mushroom puns are in spore taste.
😄 😄 😄
He was seeing the world through blue-tinted glasses.
😄 😄 😄
To the person who stole my lamp, my coffee and my parrot.
“I don’t know how you sleep at night.”
😄 😄 😄
